Semiramis The Vessel

by Maya Daniels

  “It’s not anger I feel, no. What you see as anger is actually grief. That’s what I feel!” I tell them. “I’m grieving for the little girl I was that simply wanted to be loved by those who were supposed to love and protect her but didn’t.

  “The girl who looked through windows at other families and wished with all her heart she could feel that, only once. That she would not be the freak and abomination, but just a girl. I grieve for the young woman, too. The one who had dreams and hopes that were crashed because some entity decided that she has a destiny and she has no say in that matter. A grief for my sisters who don’t have the option to live life like they deserve, to be happy, to have families of their own instead of living each day with the chance it may be their last.

  “A grief for you, too, mother. That in all your planning you turned your noble cause into a twisted version of what it should be. While protecting the Divine Feminine, you lost the sight of protecting the Masculine, too. Or did you not see the masculine hurting? Should we place them in one bag, all of them and crush them? But most of all, what you call anger is grief for the humanity that I’ve been losing more and more each day since all this started. You can call it anger and keep planning how to run my life. What the hell, I never had a say in it anyway. The only thing I have and none of you can take away from me is my grief and I’m going to hold on to it till my last breath. All those things I just listed are worth that much to me!”

  With those parting words, I turn around and head for the kitchen. The silence is deafening in the house, and I feel I can literally hear the Earth breathing a sigh. For once they all did the right thing by me. They stayed silent and didn’t follow me. I need time for myself. Grabbing as many chocolates as I can carry, I open the door and walk outside. I can feel the call of the lake from here. It’s like the water can feel my pain and is calling me to take me in her embrace. That is one call I’m more than happy to answer. Surprisingly, I reach the lake and no one has come out to see where I’m going. Lately I’ve been feeling the other elements getting stronger with their connection to me, but water will always be me. I’m nothing without it.

  Dropping the chocolates on the ground, I shrug off my shirt and jeans, kicking off my shoes and taking my socks off, without taking my eyes off the surface of the water. The air is chilly but luckily there is no wind. I don’t like cold but at the moment I need to be in the water. In my bra and panties, I slowly start wading through the shallow part and as soon as it reaches my thighs, I dive in.

  I might have imagined it, but it sounded like the water breathed a sigh of relief when I fully connected with it. I felt instantly better as my body fully submerged in the lake. The pressure of it around me felt like a balm, and closing my eyes, I surrendered to it. I felt the healing the water was doing to me, and I allowed it. Nothing feels more rightly than this.

  Unbidden, an image of Lucifer’s face pops in my mind. His face when I woke up next to him. A sharp ping stabs my heart at his actions earlier. He didn’t say the words but he didn’t deny them, either. He doesn’t see me as an equal. He sees me as an object, just like everyone else does, one that he can claim and protect simply because no one touches anything that belongs to the mighty Lucifer. Another sharp pain stabs my heart, and I strengthen my resolve. I will not let him into my heart, even if I have to fight myself on this. He almost broke down the walls I built around it. It’s better this way. I will not be an option to anyone. I deserve to be a choice and to be chosen every second of every day. The sad part about it is that I don’t believe I’ll live long enough for anyone to have the chance to choose me. I feel in my bones that my path will be finished sooner then I think. At that thought the water ripples around me like it’s distressed by my musings. Twisting around, I look to see if something else is with me here and that’s when I see it. A tiny bright light at the bottom is twinkling, calling me closer. I don’t deny its call. Kicking my feet as hard as I can, I dive deeper in the lake, stretching my arm towards it. As my fingers barely connect with it, a sonic boom of energy slams into my body, flinging me out of the lake and dropping me on the ground next to it like a rock. I don’t feel pain at all. I feel like I can crush this planet and the rest of the realms with barely a thought. My brands start pulsing like they have a heartbeat of their own. The apple on my wrist, the pentagram on my palm and my birthmark in a shape of a tree on my spine. As they pulse, they start glowing like miniature suns. The light dances all around me and on the surface of the lake like some playful spirit. I stare at it, mesmerized, and I notice the water is rippling as if the light is playing with it, too. It feels like something clicks inside me, getting into a place where it was broken until now. Warmth spreads inside me, and closing my eyes, I tilt my head back and lift my arms at my sides as if waiting to embrace the light, too.

  A sharp intake of breath makes me jump and jerk around. Everyone finally came to see where I am. I guess they didn’t expect a light show. Oh well, at least they can enjoy its beauty.

  “I think I got another gift,” I tell them nonchalantly as if I glow like a Christmas tree.

  19

  Lucifer…

  All the anger and fear drain from me at Alexia’s words and the raw pain in her eyes. I do not think she allowed us see it on purpose. With each word she spoke, the ruby around my neck grew hotter and pulsed as if warning me of danger. I stood, gobsmacked, not saying a word to stop her. I could not say anything. Everything she said was truth. How did I let this happen? How did I let myself turn into this being that I cannot recognize? Somewhere along the way, I started treating her like some possession that I must selfishly guard, just like the rest of the aces up my sleeve that I have in this game of life we all play.

  I tried to make her see she belongs with me and in doing so, pushed her further away than she was when I watched her from afar. She is so strong. It is easy to forget the ever-present bravado is her defense mechanism – her way of contending with the fates and the turmoil they have brought into her lives. She shows no weakness, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel it. Looking at her going through hellfire with determination and dedication made me blind to her humanity. When she said she is losing it, something died inside me. It cannot be. No matter what she is and who she is, her humanity is what makes her Alexia. I will do everything in my power to ensure she doesn’t lose herself. Well…I will do it from now on, since I was a blinded stubborn fool until now.

  Looking around, I see the rest are having their own internal conversations just like I am. The stranger thing is seeing the horror on Inanna’s face caused by Alexia’s words. I can relate to that. So used to dealing with manipulations and struggles for power, we forget that none of that matters to the witch. Out of everyone here, I believe she is the only one who wants nothing at the end of this road. Well, the other witches don’t want anything, either. Their problem is that they’re as stubborn as she is. In their desire to protect Alexia, they don’t realize that they’re making it harder for her at times.

  “Well, we fucked up royally, all of us.” Faith spoke the words as if she plucked them from my mind.

  “It’s not over yet,” Meda says softly, tears brimming in her eyes.

  At her words, Inanna jerks her head towards Meda, eyes widening as if she’s too afraid to hear what else is to come. If I were a better male, I would admit fear crawled up my spine. Since I refuse to admit that to myself, we shall move past that fact.

  “There’s more?” Jezzinta says faintly, and I cannot blame her.

  My legs give out from under me and I plop down where I’m standing, not caring that Inanna can see my weakness. She’s not faring any better at the moment. It looks like she’s about to collapse as well. One by one, everyone sits down, all lost to their own thoughts.

  “I must fix this!”

  I don’t know why I spoke. I do not need help from anyone. I shall figure this out on my own. For some reason, I felt compelled to speak.

  “There is nothing to fix, Lucifer. Don’t you see that
?” Remi tells me solemnly.

  “Of course there is. I must make her see that I do not think of her as an object but as my equal!”

  Can’t they see it?

  “Therein is the problem, angel,” Inanna says sadly. “We’ve all been trying to resolve this, resolve her, and…we’ve screwed it up royally, as Faith so eloquently pointed out.”

  “What do you mean, it’s not over yet, Meda? There is more of this?” Ignoring the goddess, I turn towards the spirit elemental. She has been very quiet after her last vision but I never paid much attention to that until now.

  “Since she came into the dark wizard’s realm, she has been able to shield her mind from me. I thought it was because I had been drained by the evil magic of that place and it would go back to normal after we get home. It didn’t. She trained with you, yes, but I think she got more powerful from Azalea’s gift, Lilith’s sacrifice, and the merge with Inanna. All that combined should’ve made her go insane—so much power. Plus, her soul is living outside her body. Yet here she is, not even aware of it. She has been even more subdued since we got back. At first I thought it was because she was tired from the search, the fight and the stress that came with it. Now… I’m not so sure. I feel something is brewing, I just don’t know what it is. And after tonight, I feel she is walking away from love, unconditional love to be precise. Whatever it is that is changing her, I think it’s pulling her apart on the inside. I only wish I could’ve known sooner, but I didn’t pay attention because I’m so used to being inside people’s heads and there are so many of us here now. It’s a mistake that I hope won’t cost us greatly,” she finishes with a sob, and my gut clenches.

  “No words of wisdom, old woman?” I turn on Daisy.

  She always seems to be one step ahead of us when it comes to Alexia. Maybe she can point us in the right direction now. I feel like the hope of fixing this is getting more slippery by the second.

  “No. I have no words of wisdom, angel, but I have faith,” she says with determination shining in her eyes. I’m taken aback.

  “What can Faith do?” At this point I’ll take any suggestion into consideration just to remove that pain from Alexia’s eyes.

  “Not Faith. I said I have faith in Alexia. I believe in her with all that I am. That girl will not succumb or give up. I will bet my life on that. She may be hurt, and we all deserved to see the pain she hides so well. No matter what is pulling her inside or outside, she will fight it tooth and nail and come out on top with the same beautiful soul that she’s always had. Margaret believed in it enough to give her life to protect her. I will do no less!” With those last words she starts to get up but a tremor in the ground and air knocks her over and she crumples onto her side.

  “Alexia!” I roar and bolt out of the room as fast as I can. No matter how fast I move, everyone else is running right alongside me. Even Daisy.

  Like a magnet pulls, I feel where she is and head straight for the lake. Of course she will go in the water to calm herself. It’s as much part of her as the body she has. As we near it, a blinding light stops us, making us shield our eyes. I panic, gathering my power around me to fight whatever or whoever is standing between me and Alexia. But the light ebbs, and my eyes adjust so I’m able to see. A gasp from the witches sounds like a loud boom to my ears and the vision in front of me turns around to face us.

  Alexia looks like she is made out of water entirely and slowly her body returns to flesh. She stands in her undergarments, her wet hair sticking to her shoulders, and she glows with light like an angel. The scene reflects on the water of the lake like nothing I have ever seen in my very long life. Her blue eyes glow brightly, too, shimmering like entire oceans, rivers and lakes have gathered in them, staring at us with wisdom beyond my comprehension. The glow around her twinkles like diamonds and her energy slams into me like a punch to my gut.

  “I think I got another gift,” she says softly, lifting her arms towards us to show us the brands that she received in Tomorith’s realm pulsing with purplish red light like they are alive.

  Her voice is different, too. It’s more sultry, huskier, and it pulls me in like a siren song. I would die an eternal death just to hear her speak. From the corner of my eye, I see everyone is affected by it, their bodies swaying towards her like they can’t help themselves. Then those eyes turn on me and our eyes lock. My soul burns inside me and hers pulses around my neck. It’s happening! My fears are coming true and she is not aware of the gravity of this situation. Worst of all, I can’t tell her. The air is sucked from my lungs and I drop to my knees in front of her.

  “Forgive me, my love.” The words slip through my lips and I bow my head, ashamed of ever having done anything to hurt her.

  20

  Alexia…

  Not many things shock me these days. I mean, hello? I’m glowing! Having Lucifer on his knees in front of me is one. Second is him calling me his love. Something cracks inside my chest. It’s almost audible how my walls crumble and turn to dust while I helplessly watch it happen. So much for my resolve, huh?

  “Say what, now?” I ask dumbly, still high on whatever just happened in the lake.

  “Forgive me…for everything,” he mumbles, not lifting his head, his hair falling over his face so I can’t see him.

  Everything around me disappeared when he dropped to his knees, but now I’m very aware of everyone looking at me with glazed eyes. Only Inanna’s gaze is sharp and calculating.

  “You know what’s going on?” I ask her.

  “You are coming into your own, love. I believe the integration of all the powers and gifts takes some time and you had a bit of help with that just now. You obviously have many looking out for you. It is not a mistake to say you are the gift of the sea,” she says cryptically, and I glare at her.

  “I thought I was clear. If you won’t speak clearly and only the truth, do not give me half-assed cryptic shit,” I snap and I feel a wave of energy burst from my chest like a warning.

  “Don’t act like a child throwing a tantrum. I’m not your enemy.” Her eyes narrow on me.

  “The way things are going, that is yet to be confirmed.” Okay, fine. I know I’m being irrational, but I can’t help it. Everyone talks a lot without saying a thing, don’t you think? The crunching of gravel brings me out of my internal dialogue and I see someone approaching. A few someone’s, to be exact. As they get closer, I realize it’s Philip, Will and Archie. As they get closer still, I see them slowing down, looking at me wide-eyed with their mouths hanging open. No one but me and Inanna is paying them attention. Well, almost no one else. Lucifer is up, shielding me with his body from their view so I have to crane my neck to look around him.

  “Turn around before I end your existence!” he roars at them, and I take a step away from him.

  What the hell? Oh! I forgot I’m almost naked, standing here like a statue. I feel heat warm my face as I start turning in a circle like a cat chasing her tail to find my clothes. After snatching them up, I start pulling them on and it snaps everyone out of their trance. They all become animated at once, turning on Inanna and asking questions. I’m grateful they leave me out of it. I’m still bewildered by everything that happened the last half an hour or so.

  “We weren’t checking her out, Lucifer. She was glowing,” Philip says evenly, pointing towards me as if we don’t know who was playing a Christmas tree among us. I’m assuming he is trying to calm the angel down. Not that I blame him. Lucifer’s body is practically vibrating with aggression.

  “It’s fine; I’m dressed now,” I tell him, placing my hand on his back and feeling a jolt go from my hand to him and back. I gasp. He growls. Everyone else turns to stare at us.

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Jez throws her hands in the air with a huff. “Can we talk first and you two eye-fuck each other later?”

  That breaks the tension a little, and we all chuckle halfheartedly. Well, not Lucifer, no. He is still staring at me as if he wants to drill a hole in my head. Like any smart woma
n, I ignore him.

  “Can we please go inside and talk about what just happened? It’s getting chilly here and I need answers, not riddles.” I ask all of them.

  “Yeah,” Remi mumbles and starts walking back towards the house, grabbing Philip by the hand as she reaches him.

  One by one, everyone follows her. I take one step, passing Lucifer, but he grabs my wrist, halting my movement. I look at him, one eyebrow up in question.

  “I meant what I said. I am sorry for not being able to tell you everything I know. I’m afraid for the first time in my entire existence that if I do, I will be powerless to keep you safe,” he says solemnly.

  “I think I was clear enough that I don’t need you to protect me. Do I need your help? Yes, I most definitely do. But that is all.”

  “Even if what I say changes everything, and not just you but your sisters, are placed in even greater danger?” He glares at me.

  Well, when he puts it that way. Do I really have to know? Maybe not. Do I want to know? Hell, yes, I do. As he so nicely informed me not too long ago, it’s all about choices and if we can live with the ones we make. That makes me press my lips in a thin line to physically stop myself from asking anything. Jerkily, I nod my head in affirmation. “It’s okay, Lucifer. I don’t hold it against you. Well, not anymore,” I tell him on a sigh.

  He has a point. It’s not that I don’t know it, I’m just tired of going blind into crazy situations that threaten our lives. But it is what it is. We take the cards we’re dealt and bluff our way to the finish line. With a deep breath, I take his hand, lace our fingers and start pulling him so we follow the others. I think he is surprised by my action, but only for a second, because he squeezes my hand gently and follows me on the path.