Evalene's Number

by Bethany Atazadeh

Evalene opened her mouth, struggling to form the right words. “What are you going to do?”

  He turned his focus back to her. “I’m going to obey.” And he smiled confidently, as if he expected to have ten thousand more men instead of the opposite.

  How could he have more conviction in this one moment than Evalene had ever had in her entire life? She found herself wanting to believe that he could do it. That maybe God really did promise them a victory. It just made her wish even more that she was brave enough to join them.

  Was this how her mother had felt? Evalene wanted to be more like Pearl, but instead, she favored her father and his inability to act or stand up for himself. She regretted judging him so harshly.

  Jeremiah took a deep breath, pulling her out of her musings. “I need to go talk to the council immediately. We have to make a decision tonight.” Always so direct. He stood.

  Clearing her throat, Evalene wished she had time to talk to him more. She had so many questions. “Aren’t you afraid?”

  Jeremiah took her question seriously, not answering right away. He stared into the fire, shifting his feet as he did. Though it brought him closer to Evalene, she still felt safe. Somewhere in the last few days, she’d decided to trust him.

  “If you think about it,” he finally answered, “I would only be afraid if I didn’t believe that God was with us.”

  “But you do.”

  She heard a hint of a smile in his voice as Jeremiah agreed. “Yes.”

  “How?”

  Again, he took her seriously, not just throwing out a nice-sounding answer, but considering her question. “You know how back home all the priests talk about how faith is a feeling?”

  Evalene thought of the way Numbers came to priests as impressions, a feeling from God that they could sense. “Mmmhmm.”

  “That never made sense to me. Especially when my parents died. If faith was a feeling, then it would disappear whenever bad things – whenever life – happened. Whenever you needed it most.” His voice was low, full of emotion. “It wasn’t until I met a wise woman a few years ago that I realized faith is the exact opposite.”

  “What do you mean?” Evalene frowned in confusion, distracted by the mention of a woman. Did he mean Mae? He would’ve said her name if he’d meant her. Maybe he had a girlfriend back in Eden? Was that the reason he chose to fight?

  Jeremiah sat back down, angling to face her. “Well, who gave you your Number?”

  “God did.” Evalene repeated the answer she’d heard her whole life.

  “Well, that’s what they tell you. But who actually did your tattoo?”

  “One of the priests...”

  “Right. And you decided, because everyone else did, that it was from God.” Jeremiah’s gaze was intense. Evalene didn’t know what to say.

  “So, let me ask you this: what do you think is your Number?” Jeremiah continued as the fire flickered.

  “You know what it is.” Evalene felt herself shrink at the reminder of how little she was worth.

  But Jeremiah shook his head. “I know what your tattoo says, but what do you think your Number is?”

  “It doesn’t matter what I think it is,” her voice cracked. “I’m a twenty-nine.”

  His voice was gentle. “Are you? Or did you decide that was your Number because everyone else said it was?” Jeremiah pointed to her neck, where the tattoo lay underneath the blue scarf. “You’re still choosing to believe that Number is yours. That people have Numbers at all.”

  “But it’s who I am,” she whispered, tears filling her eyes.

  “We’re not even in Eden anymore.” Passion filled his voice. “Numbers don’t exist here. Don’t you see? You’re making a choice to believe that it’s who you are.” He lowered his voice, trying to be quiet for the sake of those sleeping nearby. “It’s the same way for faith.”

  Maybe because it was so late or maybe it was her emotions getting in the way, but she didn’t understand. “What do you mean?”

  “I’m saying believing you have a Number is a choice, and so is faith in God.”

  A choice?

  Had the priests back home ever said anything like that? Not one came to mind. The idea of him choosing to believe in God – no, more than that – choosing to believe that God cared enough to fight for him, mystified her.

  “I’m sorry I need to go call an emergency council meeting,” Jeremiah said, moving away from the fire. “But we can talk more tomorrow if you’d like?”

  Evalene nodded, wanting to hear more, wanting to spend more time with him, wanting to believe that the dream would come true so she could come with him. But she only said, “I understand. Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight,” he replied, turning and disappearing into the darkness. Evalene sat alone at the fire staring in the direction he’d gone and fighting the urge to chase after him. The more she tried not to think about the revolution, the more she thought of home, of her father, and Violet, and Fleur, and even Daeva, still living in the world that she’d fled. She tried to remember the library job, to tell herself she would enjoy it, that she could find a way to move past her Number. Without joining this fight. But all she could think about was doing exactly that.

  28

  Day Three: The Announcement

  THE NEXT MORNING, THEY stood in line for the second breakfast shift. The line stretched all the way around the cook tent, making a full circle. Olive, Evalene, and Grandma Mae were all the way in the back, only a few feet from where the front of the line started. Normally the breakfast rush was staggered, creating a smooth flow of people, but today they’d closed the tent doors so that everyone would gather.

  A rusty blue pickup truck created a makeshift stage in front of the cook tent. Evalene had noticed the antique before, with its cement blocks in place of wheels, but now they’d added speakers and a sound system attached to a nearby generator. Jeremiah and a few others, who Evalene guessed to be council members stood in the bed of the truck. They looked ready to give a speech, and Evalene’s nerves tingled in anticipation.

  “Welcome everyone,” Jeremiah spoke into the microphone. “We have an announcement for you all.” He began by introducing himself for the benefit of those on the opposite side of the tent who couldn’t see him.

  As he described Mae’s dream, Evalene barely listened. Instead, she heard his words the night before. Faith is a choice.

  He kept it short and simple, telling everyone who had second thoughts to stay on the island. Standing there in a camp full of thousands of people, with no doubt in her mind that most of them were scared out of their minds, Evalene wondered what they thought of the dream. She studied the people around her. Everyone reminded her of her mother. The woman who held her little daughter’s hand tightly. The man a few groups ahead who wore ragged clothing and had a thick, gray beard just like the low-Number homeless man Pearl used to give money to once a week. All were here to fight. But would they stay?

  Murmurs came from all around them in line. As Jeremiah finished speaking, the buzz grew louder. Luc stood on the side, frowning. Had he voted against the dream? Maybe he didn’t believe in it? But when he stepped up to speak next, he was his usual confident self. “One way or another, we are going to win this battle against the Number system!” People in line cheered at that. “No matter what happens, we will fight for justice!”

  Luc stepped back, and another man took his place at the microphone. “My name is Adri,” he introduced himself as a council member, just like Jeremiah and Luc, “and we want to encourage all of you to think about your decision over the next day and determine what is right for you. If you are dealing with second thoughts, then by all means, stay behind.”

  A few people broke from the line to leave right then and there. Most stayed, but who could say whether or not they just wanted breakfast before taking their leave?

  “I’m not afraid,” Olive declared, scowling at those around them and staring them down. Though it was the first the girl was hearing of the dream, she immediately
knew what she believed.

  But Mae frowned at Olive. “You’re not going. You’re needed here.” Now that Evalene knew the history behind Olive’s birth, she was amazed they’d allowed her off the island at all, even if it was only for the low risk submarine missions.

  Evalene felt conflicted. In Eden, she’d always been focused on herself. First as an assumed high Number, ignorant of the rest of the world, then later on as a low Number, focused on survival and making it safely through each day. But how selfish was that, to only think of herself? The desire to join the revolution stirred in her again. She was eligible since she didn’t feel afraid, although that was likely just because the decision wasn’t made yet. But how could she let go of her freedom and the opportunity to work in a library? To find out if she was better than a Number 29? Or maybe that was exactly why she needed to join them. Because unless she stood up to the Number system, she would always wonder if they were right about who she was.

  Even in the midst of the crowd’s anxiety, Jeremiah’s voice was sure as he stepped up to the microphone again. “Whatever you decide, we will meet at the harbor immediately after the breakfast shifts end tomorrow morning. Please pray over your decision, and do what you think is best.”

  He stepped down from the truck bed, and a silence reigned briefly as everyone processed the news, but a hum of voices grew louder and louder as people began discussing the announcement. The kitchen tent flaps swung open. Breakfast began. The noise of the crowd swelled until it was hard to hear each other.

  When Mae left to go speak with the council again, she raised her voice to be heard over the crowd. “Meet me at the exit in fifteen minutes.” The girls nodded, picking up toast for breakfast so they could take it to go, making their way back to their tent where it was quieter.

  “Can you imagine?” Olive said, unaware that the dream was all Evalene had been able to think about since the night before. “I don’t think that many people will leave, do you?”

  Evalene considered it for a moment. “I’m not sure,” she admitted. “It’s not an easy decision. It might mean torture, or even death... Why do you want to go so badly?”

  “Why do people always ask me that?” Olive snapped, surprising Evalene. “I want to help, to make a difference! I wasn’t born to have tests run on me, to just be special genetically. I want to fight for what’s right and make a real difference!”

  They reached their tent, and Evalene sat on her bed while Olive threw her clothes into her suitcase angrily. “I would be on that boat tomorrow, but Grandma Mae says I can’t go.” Evalene watched her wide-eyed. She’d never witnessed Olive upset before. “Luc and the captain and everyone else respects Grandma too much to let me.”

  Olive sighed. She shook her head and changed the subject abruptly. “I need to give you your dress back.” She began to remove the layers of the blue clothing disguise she’d borrowed from Evalene again.

  “Do you want to trade permanently?” Evalene offered hopefully. She didn’t want the reminder of her old life.

  Olive agreed instantly. “I would love to, thank you! It’s my favorite.” She pulled out the first dress Evalene had borrowed and fallen in love with. “You can have this one, I know how much you liked it.” Evalene smiled as she accepted it, laying the dress on her cot. She eyed Olive’s little brown bag full of clothes. Evalene didn’t even own a suitcase. Just one more thing to buy, if she stayed. But she was having trouble imagining her life here past tomorrow.

  She and Olive made their way to the camp exit. The dirt and gravel path leading away from the camp was surrounded by tall green grass on either side, and the wide-open blue sky added to the feeling of freedom. How could Evalene give this up? She wanted to talk to Olive about it, but she couldn’t find the words.

  Before she could, they’d reached the exit, where Mae stood waiting. “Grandma, can I please stay?” Olive begged one more time. “It’s only one more day. What if they need extra help? What if I’m supposed to join them and fight?”

  Grandma Mae placed a comforting hand on her granddaughter’s shoulder. “That’s not an option, and you know it. Now come, you’ve already said your goodbyes to your young man. The rest is in God’s hands.”

  Olive gasped. “Grandma Mae!”

  Mae just chuckled. “You think I didn’t notice?”

  Evalene felt a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Olive swung around and hugged Evalene. She didn’t release her until Evalene hugged her back. Once she did let go, Grandma Mae surprised Evalene by embracing her as well.

  Evalene stepped back and cleared her throat. “How far is your farm?”

  “Oh, it’s about an hour and a half walk down this road,” Olive said. “It’d be a lot less if we drove. But the truck broke down again and Grandma refuses to buy a new car.”

  Mae shook her head. “No need to waste money when we can fix what we have. I just haven’t had time yet.” She smiled at Evalene. “May God bless whatever you choose to do. I’ll go on ahead and let you two say your goodbyes.” She nodded to Evalene, raising a stern brow at Olive. “Don’t be long.”

  Evalene stood rooted to the ground, watching Mae leave. Would she ever see her and Olive again? Especially if she made the foolish choice she was considering? She wanted to ask Olive more about the revolution, but instead she just said, “Do you come to town often?”

  Olive shrugged. “Well, we do when we sell crops and milk, and I have weekly appointments. I could come visit you each week... once you decide where you’re staying?”

  “Well...” Evalene hesitated, she couldn’t believe the words on her lips, but if there was anyone she could talk to, it was Olive. “I’m not sure yet, but... I might go with Jeremiah.”

  “No way!” Olive squealed in excitement. “I wish I could go with you!”

  “It’s not a vacation.” Evalene crossed her arms, hugging herself at the thought of going back. She might not feel afraid at that exact moment, but she wasn’t excited either. “Haven’t you ever been to Eden?”

  “No...” Olive tempered her enthusiasm. “I know it’s serious. It’s just... I really do want to help.”

  “Yeah,” Evalene murmured, “I guess I do too.”

  Olive glanced down the road, where her grandmother was growing smaller in the distance. “This is horrible. I mean, I’m glad you want to go... but I guess I won’t see you in Hofyn after all...” She hugged Evalene again, sniffing. “Goodbye, Evie. I’ll swing by the tent next week just in case you do stay.”

  “Okay,” Evalene said, sad to see her go. “Bye, Olive.” She added, “I’m glad I met you.” And she meant it.

  Watching Olive jog to catch up to her grandmother, Evalene felt aimless, unsure of the future. As much as she wanted to stay for that library job, it didn’t feel right. Not only was it not guaranteed, but she might never see her father again. And if she stayed, she would always know she could’ve helped and didn’t. But most of all, if she joined the revolution and fought against the Number system then maybe, just maybe, she might finally, truly escape this Number. Because it had followed her to Hofyn. And she desperately wanted to believe Jeremiah that it wasn’t real.

  It’s a choice. She wasn’t sure how she felt about God, but she had faith in a man named Jeremiah. She could choose to follow him. Maybe they could win. Somehow she couldn’t picture herself on the island past tomorrow. She made her decision. It felt good to take control of her life. Evalene felt surprised that instead of fear, she felt excitement, hope. She turned to go back into camp. Why wait until tomorrow morning? She wanted to tell Jeremiah now!

  Half jogging through the sand, she reached the camp out of breath. The line was dwindling at the breakfast tent. The third shift was almost over. That meant he’d already given his final speech. Probably had been over for a while now.

  Evalene wasn’t sure where his tent was located. He’d always come to find her. But she thought she could find the council tent. Traveling down row after row, she rehearsed how she would tell him as she went.r />
  She was about to give up when she heard Jeremiah’s voice. Listening intently, she tried to detect where it was coming from. Narrowing in on it, she came up on the council tent from the back, but hesitated. If they were in the middle of a meeting, she didn’t want to intrude.

  Luc’s loud voice reached her easily. “Jer, at least consider it. The people need a leader to take the Number One’s place. Someone to look up to until everything settles down.”

  Intrigued, Evalene bit her lip at eavesdropping, but she stayed put. She even crept a little closer.

  “No,” said Jeremiah’s quieter voice, “we need a democracy. If I accept a leadership position, even temporarily, the country will fall right back into its old ways. Nothing will change. All our work would be for nothing!”

  No one else spoke. Was it just the two of them? Luc’s voice was confident, persuasive. “But what better way to change their worldview than to give them a low Number leader? To prove to them that a low Number is just as capable of leadership?”

  Who was Luc was talking about? She started backing away. This sounded like a secret. But Luc’s voice carried. “Imagine, Jer! A Number 28 in charge of the whole country! It has to be you!

  She froze.

  Had he just called Jeremiah, the captain, a Number 28? That didn’t make any sense...

  But Jeremiah didn’t correct Luc. Evalene held her breath, waiting for him to argue, but nothing. She stepped up to the edge of the tent, pressing her ear up to the fabric.

  She heard a sigh, and Jeremiah finally spoke. “Luc, you know higher Numbers wouldn’t respect my leadership. Even low Numbers, as indoctrinated as they are, may not want change. They might even be swayed into thinking I’m not fit to lead. The people need a council of leaders that they elect from all areas of life. Our fight is fragile enough without my adding more doubt to people’s minds.”

  Evalene’s lungs froze and she couldn’t breathe. Her mind raced. She must have heard wrong. Jeremiah couldn’t be a Number 28. A low Number. She ripped her face away from the tent, backing away in shock.