Unspoken Words

by K. M. Golland

  “Damn it.” I slammed my palms on the counter then stood back, raising my hands in apology before resting them on my head and gripping my hair. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I just—I just need to see my son.”

  “Hey,” Ellie said, her voice soothing. She placed her hand on my shoulder and peered into my eyes. “Is everything okay?” She was breathless and red-cheeked, and she looked absolutely gorgeous.

  I calmed down, instantly.

  Before I could answer, the curtain to cubicle eight opened and a nurse exited. I craned my neck to see Max lying on a bed, his arm in a sling, elevated and resting on a pillow. A white blanket covered his tiny, fragile body, and my heart shattered.

  “Maxey,” I called out, rushing over to him.

  His groggy eyes lifted. “Daddy.”

  “Thank God you made it before the X-ray. What took you so long?” Lilah snapped. “He’s been asking for y—” She shifted her gaze to just over my shoulder, her eyes widening. “Ellie?”

  “Hello, Lilah,” Ellie said from behind, voice clipped.

  I looked back, finding Ellie clutching her handbag, her red cheeks from moments ago now ghost-like. My gut tightened, and four years of guilt burned within.

  “Wh—Wh—” Lilah blinked a couple of times.

  “How is he?” I asked, wanting to bring all focus back to Max.

  “He’s uh … ” Lilah blinked some more then managed to concentrate. “He’s had a mild sedative. They suspect a closed fracture. There was no open wound. We’re just waiting to be taken to X-ray.” Her dark eyes drifted back to Ellie and held there. “What’s she doing here?” she whispered.

  I ignored her question and sat on Max’s bed. His head was warm under my touch, his skin slightly damp. “Hey, buddy. What happened?”

  “I fell off da slide.”

  “You fell? How’d you fall?”

  “He didn’t fall. He was pushed,” Lilah stated.

  I turned to face her. “Pushed?”

  “Yeah, by that little arsehole, Billy. The one who keeps throwing toys at him.”

  “Is that true?” I asked Max. This was the first time I’d heard of this Billy kid and his bullying.

  He nodded and cried out a little, his face crumpling in pain.

  “Where is the damn doctor?” Lilah snapped. “This is ridiculous. We’ve been waiting for an X-ray for nearly half an hour.”

  Max cried out again, and my whole body tensed. “Calm down, Lilah. You losing your shit isn’t helping.”

  “How can I not lose my shit? Our son was attacked. And if that’s not bad enough, we’ve been shoved in this curtain-covered dungeon while these idiot doctors and nurses prance around like a bunch of ballerinas.”

  Max started crying in earnest, something he always did when Lilah was on one of her tirades.

  “This is bullshit! I’m finding a doctor.” She pushed past Ellie, their shoulders brushing, Ellie stumbling just slightly. “Sorry,” she offered, her apology half-arsed.

  My gut tightened again, my head spinning. Being in this hospital was no less torturous than if I were in Hell. My son was in pain, Ellie and Lilah were face to face, and death and sickness hovered from all corners, suffocating and crushing.

  “Breathe,” Ellie said, her hand coming to rest on my shoulder again. She gave it a light squeeze and then stepped back, her touch as selfless and reassuring as an angel’s.

  “Thanks,” I choked out and then did as she said, sucking in a large breath and exhaling. I repeated the motion, calming just enough to be strong for my son. “It’s okay, buddy.” I stroked his head. “It’ll all be over soon.”

  He sobbed and it no less broke my heart.

  “Daddy’s here. How ‘bout we sing our sore tummy song? Maybe that will help.”

  My tough little soldier nodded, so I sang the song I’d ad-libbed in a moment of single-dad panic.

  Pain, pain, go away.

  You’re not the boss,

  I want to play.

  Pain, pain, stay away.

  Don’t come back.

  Hip hip hooray.

  Okay, so it wasn’t my finest work, but Max dug it, and it always seemed to help.

  “Better?” I asked.

  He nodded, but I could tell he was over it all.

  “Not long now. I promise.”

  Max sniffled then whispered, “Daddy who’s dat lady?” He peeked over my arm and looked at Ellie.

  I smiled. “That’s Ellie McEllie Head.”

  She let out a laugh and gave Max a small wave. He smiled back but then screwed up his little nose at me. “Dat’s a funny name.”

  “That’s because she’s a funny lady.”

  Ellie winked at him just as Lilah yanked the curtain open and re-entered the cubicle. “Finally. They’re about to prep him for X-ray.” She turned her head toward Ellie, her nose scrunched and sympathetic-like but not, because Lilah didn’t have a sympathetic bone in her body. “You might as well leave. We could be a while.”

  Ellie opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by a short, wimpy-looking, Doogie Howser type dude standing on the threshold of the cubicle, feet apart like a scarecrow, his arms outstretched and holding the curtains wide apart.

  “I’m Doctor Dexter,” he announced. “Max? Which one of you is my patient Max?” He looked at Ellie and playfully raised his eyebrows. “You?”

  She shook her head and shuffled back to give us space.

  I smiled. A dorky doctor was better than a pretentious one.

  “How about you? Or you?” He nodded toward Lilah then at me.

  We both shook our heads and moved out of his way.

  “Then it must be you.” Doctor Dork bent down and lowered his voice. “Did you try to be a superhero?”

  Max shook his head but then decided to play along, nodding, his damp, red eyes now alight with a hint of excitement.

  “Which one? Superman?”

  “No. Batman.”

  Doctor Dexter smacked himself in the head. “Well then, that explains it. Batman can’t fly for very long, can he?”

  Max giggled. “No.”

  “I tell you what. Would you like to go to the bat cave and have a special photo taken of your arm?”

  His small body grew rigid.

  “It won’t hurt,” the dorky doctor added. “It’s just a super cool camera that can see through your skin to your bones. A bit like Superman’s X-ray vision.”

  “It won’t hurt?” Max asked.

  “Nope. Won’t hurt one bit.”

  “Okay.”

  “Excellent! Right, Mum and Dad can come with us.” Doctor Dexter unlocked the brakes on the hospital trolley bed with his foot, his eyes flicking from me to Ellie and Lilah then back again.

  “That’s us.” Lilah raised her hand as if she was in fucking school. “Me and him,” she added, moving closer to my side.

  Ellie stepped back to let us pass.

  “We shouldn’t be long,” I reassured her, following the bed, my hand in Max’s. “Maybe grab yourself a coffee or something?”

  She nodded, waved, and mouthed ‘good luck’ then she was gone as we turned the corner en route to Radiology.

  “Na na na na na na na na. BATMAN!” Dr Dexter sang.

  Lilah rolled her eyes, but Max giggled, and the weight of a ton of elephants lifted from my chest.

  “Here we go. This is my secret hideout.” We stopped outside the radiological department. “Are you ready to enter?” he asked Max while rubbing his hands together.

  Max nodded.

  “Good. This won’t take long at all, but I will have to ask Mum and Dad to wait outside. Bat cave rules.”

  “Sure.” I pried my hand from Max’s grip. “We’ll be right here, okay?”

  “Don’t go anywhere.”

  I chuckled. “We won’t.”

  “Promise,” Lilah added.

  Still chanting, “Na na na na na na na na. BATMAN!” Doctor Dexter wheeled Max away until it was just Lilah and me standing an
d staring at the door they disappeared behind, the grey barrier still swinging on its hinges.

  “Oh my God! Our baby!” Lilah launched herself into my arms, hugging me tightly. “What are we going to do?”

  Unlatching her talons and freeing myself from her melodramatic and completely out of the ordinary display, I released her arms and took a seat on a chair in the waiting area. “What the hell was that?”

  “What?”

  I pointed at her. “That? The hugging and shit. We don’t hug, Lilah. We haven’t hugged in years.”

  “I was scared, Connor. I mean, I am scared. That’s our little boy in there.” She sniffed and subtlety wiped the tip of her nose then sat beside me.

  I sighed. “He’ll be fine. Dr Dexter has it under control.”

  “I hope so. Dr Dexter is an idiot.” She picked up a magazine and started flicking through it, the snap of paper grating my nerves. “Soooo … that was quite a surprise seeing Ellie. How did that come about?”

  “We’re working on my album together.” My response was deliberately short and sweet. I wasn’t in Lilah’s business, and I sure as shit didn’t need her in mine. We had one thing in common: Max.

  Her page flicking stopped, and she looked up at me. “Your album? She’s helping you?”

  “Yeah. She’s a professional lyricist.”

  “Oh.” She turned another page, this time slower. “So has she moved back to Melbourne then?”

  “No, not yet.”

  “Yet? So she’s planning to?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe. The album will take several months, at the very least, to complete.”

  Lilah put down the magazine. “I bet you’re thrilled she’s back.”

  I almost laughed at her obvious sarcasm but didn’t. I’d matured, and I no longer played her games or fell into the webs she spun. But I was respectful; she’s the mother of my child, after all.

  “Of course I’m thrilled.”

  “Well, you do realise you’re gonna have to help me out more with Max, especially now that his arm might be broken. I can’t afford to take time off work.”

  I closed my eyes momentarily and stretched my neck from side to side, more worried about how Max was doing and if Ellie had found a nice place to sit and drink coffee while she waited. Being here could not be easy for her.

  “Don’t worry, we’ll sort something out,” I said, yawning.

  “You better. My job isn’t as ‘relaxed’ as yours.”

  I stared at her. “Relaxed? You think what I do is relaxed?”

  She swished her talons. “You know what I mean.”

  Clenching and releasing my hand by my side, I chose to focus on a promotional poster on the wall opposite instead, warning that pregnant women should not be exposed to radiation. Maybe Mrs Perez was exposed when she was pregnant with Lilah and Tristan. That would explain a lot.

  Scrubbing my face with my hands, I stood up and walked to the other side of the waiting area, needing to create as much distance from Lilah as I could. She was like wasabi; green and curious, and after one small bite you were ready to incinerate and never touch the stuff again.

  I wasn’t a fan of wasabi, and I’d learned my lesson after the first burn.

  The grey doors swung open, and Doctor Dexter and Max came through.

  “It’s broked,” Max said, holding up his X-ray film like a trophy.

  I took it from him and scrutinised the black, white, and grey mess. “Whoa! I can see that.” I actually couldn’t.

  Lilah snatched it from me and held it up to the light, squinting. “How bad? Will he need surgery?”

  “No. It’s only a minor fracture that should reset once immobile in a cast for a few weeks.”

  “Good!” She smiled.

  “So that’s where we’re off to now.” Dr Dexter manoeuvred the bed. “To see nurse Jackie and get a super cool cast moulded.”

  “Doctor Dexter said I be like Ironman.”

  “Sure will. But no flying, right?”

  “Right.”

  “Good. Let’s go.”

  We spent the next hour getting a plaster cast fitted, and by the time we walked out of the ER department to the café waiting area, my stomach was churning with guilt for having abandoned Ellie for so long.

  “I can’t see her,” I muttered under my breath, scanning nearby sofas in the foyer.

  “Who’s Daddy looking for, Mummy?”

  Lilah hugged Max to her side. “Nobody, baby.”

  I glared at her—Ellie was anything but nobody.

  “Is it Ellie McEllie Head? I liked dat lady. She pretty like Supergirl.”

  I watched Lilah’s nostrils flare and it made me smile. “She’s very pretty, isn’t she?” I said to my son, winking as I pulled out my phone to text Ellie.

  Connor: I’m so sorry. We’re finished now. Where are you?

  My phone chimed instantly, regret prickling my face as I read her response.

  Ellie: I left. Caught a taxi. I hope Max is okay. Talk soon.

  “Shit!” I huffed, scratching my head.

  “Bad word, Daddy.”

  “Yes, I know, buddy. I’ll sit in the naughty corner when I get home, okay?”

  “Okay. Free minutes.”

  “Yes. Three minutes.”

  “Bad news?” Lilah drawled, hoisting Max onto her hip. She was smiling behind her attempted pout, and I knew she knew Ellie had left.

  “It’s fine. Come on, I’ll walk you to your car.” I slipped my phone back into my pocket and held my arms out to Max. He carefully climbed onto me, his plaster cast a dangerous weapon as it near collided with my head. “Easy.”

  Lilah huffed. “He can’t go to kindergarten tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, I can see that.”

  “And I can’t stay home from work. John is working on a high profile case. We have back-to-back meetings all day.”

  “Okay. I hear you. I’ll take care of it.”

  “In that case, he may as well go home with you and I’ll pick him up tomorrow.” She turned to Max. “Will you be a big boy and stay with Daddy tonight?”

  He nodded and reached for Lilah, wrapping his arms around her. “Love you, Mummy.”

  She draped Max’s backpack over my shoulder and kissed his cheek. “I love you, too, sweetheart. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I didn’t argue or object. There was no point. And if I were to be completely honest, I’d rather him be with me tonight than with her.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Ellie

  For the second morning in a row, the message alert tone of my phone woke me up. And just like the previous morning, I fumbled for the ghastly device and opened the offending message.

  Connor: Rise and shine. I’ll be there in fifteen. Twenty if you’re lucky.

  Groaning, I flopped back onto my pillow and rubbed my hands over my face. After seeing him with Lilah and Max at the hospital the night before, I realised I’d only get in the way if Connor and I spent any more time together outside of work, and I didn’t want that. It wasn’t why I was here. We needed to keep things professional, to set boundaries and stick to them. Becoming close again just wasn’t an option. It would only end in more heartache, and that wasn’t good for either of us, or for the album.

  Rubbing my eyes a second time, I stabbed out a quick reply and pressed send.

  Ellie: Thanks for the offer, but I’m driving myself today.

  Placing my phone back down, I dragged myself out of bed and proceeded to the bathroom, enjoying a quick shower—cap on, hair dry—before dressing for the day, still opting for corporate wear and heels. I would continue to send the ‘work relationship’ message to Connor despite the laid back environment we worked in.

  Swiping up my phone from the bed and grabbing my handbag and notebook, I noticed he’d responded so opened the text as I exited my room.

  Connor: Already outside your door.

  “What? Nooooo,” I whined, voice lowered. With any luck, Mum, Dad, and Chris had already left for
the day and Connor’s knock had gone unanswered.

  Tip-toeing along the hallway, I nearly jumped out of my skin when Chris shouted, “YOU GOT ME,” followed by what sounded like a zombie death gurgle.

  “What are you doi—” I asked as I entered the living room, stopping mid-sentence when I found my brother sprawled out on the sofa like a starfish, his eyes peeking open, Max standing over him with a plaster-covered arm held out like a weapon. “Oh … hi.”

  Max turned the weapon on me. “Hands up, Ellie McEllie Head,” he demanded.

  My jaw fell open, but I did what anyone else in my position would do and threw my hands above my head. “Don’t shoot.”

  He shot me anyway.

  Connor swooped him off his feet and suspended him in the air, his innocent giggles hard to ignore. “Are you ready?” he asked me, dipping his son upside down before bringing him upright again.

  “You don’t have to pick me up every morning. I can borrow Mum or Dad’s car and drive myself.”

  “That’s just stupid, and a waste of fuel. Plus, carpooling with you makes my trip so much more interesting.”

  I raised my brow. “Interesting?”

  “Yes.”

  “How so?”

  Max reached out and touched my hair, his little fingers sliding through the blonde strands. I froze, his touch unexpected. It almost felt intimate, as if Max was approving of me in some way or another.

  “What’s he doing?” I mouthed, my eyes darting from Max to Connor.

  “Playing with your hair.”

  “Why?”

  Connor shrugged. “Because he likes it?”

  “Maybe he thinks you’re Big Bird,” Chris piped in, still sprawled on the couch.

  I glared at him. “Dead people don’t talk.”

  Max let go of my hair and fired his plaster arm-gun at Chris again, sounding a, “Pow, pow.”

  We laughed.

  “I hope you don’t mind,” Connor said, “but we have an apprentice helping us out today.”