Love Me Again

by Melissa Crosby

  “I’ll try to come home early tonight. I’ve only got two surgeries scheduled,” Dave said.

  “You’re coming home early? Did your date cancel?” Jenna regretted it the moment it came out her mouth.

  “What?”

  “Kidding,” Jenna said. “I’m just kidding. We’ll see you when you get home tonight.”

  “Love you, babe.”

  Jenna put a hand to her stomach. Love you, babe? Love you? You’re planning on divorcing me, you lying slug hole! She wasn’t sure what to say.

  Chapter 2

  “I love you, too.” Jenna’s voice was flat. He heard it.

  Dave closed his eyes as he leaned back into his chair. Jenna’s hesitation didn’t escape him. He’d known her since she was 18. There wasn’t anything about her that he didn’t know.

  He could tell from her voice that something was wrong—that perhaps, she knew. She had clearly seen the papers he’d carelessly left behind. How could he have done such a stupid thing? Leaving those papers for Jenna to see was the absolute cherry on top that he needed in his life right now.

  How did it end up like this? It was never supposed to be like this!

  Dave put his head in his hands and let out an exasperated sigh. “How did it get so complicated?”

  He looked up at the wall decorated with his diplomas, state medical licenses, certificates, and medical achievements. He’d been so focused on reaching the top of the ladder, making sure that he gave his family everything he never had. It all seemed so trivial now. What an absolute waste of time.

  An image of Jenna’s face waltzed into his mind. His Jenna.

  Dave picked up the picture frame that sat on his desk. He traced her face with a finger. When did they change? Had she noticed it too? They’ve both been so busy—him at work and Jenna, running the household. They’d grown apart, and he only had himself to blame.

  I’m so tired of all of this! Dave grabbed his cellphone and tossed it on the table, as he watched it slip over the edge. He growled in frustration and got to his feet to pick it up.

  Dave looked at the clock—it was 8:50am. He looked at his diary. Two surgeries, three consults, and afternoon rotations. He grabbed his jacket off the coat rack and put it on.

  Stand tall, David, his mother’s voice echoed in his head. I don’t want my friends thinking my only son is a slob. You’re just like your father. It’s no surprise he didn’t take you with him when he abandoned me.

  Dave straightened his jacket and made his way to the wards.

  Chapter 3

  Mornings were always busy for Jenna—household chores, grocery shopping, yoga or a run, depending on the weather. But that morning... it was different. She climbed back in to bed, motionless. She wasn’t sure if it was her heart or her muscles that hurt. The heart is a muscle too though, isn’t it? So it was kinda the same thing.

  She stared up at the French chandelier above her bed and blinked only when her eyes began to sting. They were tight and scratchy, and yet the tears did nothing to moisten or soothe them. Funny. They’d chosen that very chandelier because it looked romantic with its antique wrought iron and white finish. The strands of clear glass beads and crystal droplets taunted her own tears.

  Jenna pulled the crisp white covers over her chest and laid her head onto the lavender-scented memory foam pillow that contoured around her. Perhaps they should have gotten a queen-sized bed instead of a super king. Would that have forced them to sleep closer to each other? Make love more often, maybe?

  What if he was having an affair? Jenna blinked and tears ran down the side of her eyes, into her ears. Surely Dave wouldn’t do that, would he? Jenna imagined all the women that Dave worked with, but no one seemed the type to mess with a married man. Was it someone from out of the county, maybe? “Arrrgh!” Jenna let out a growl as her thoughts tortured her.

  She grabbed another pillow and covered her face. “No, that’s not Dave!” Of course, it wasn’t. Dave was sweet—and gentle. He was kind. And they loved each other. Or at least she did.

  She must have done something for Dave to resort to divorce. What was it? Jenna climbed off the bed and stepped on the weighing scale in the bathroom. She weighed exactly the same as she did last week, and the week before that. No, wait. “What the—” Jenna narrowed her eyes to focus on the numbers on the scale. Two pounds over. She’d put on two pounds!

  The realization hit Jenna like a lightning bolt. 122 lbs.—that had to be it! She’d put on weight and had gotten fatter. That’s why Dave wanted a divorce! Maybe her mother was right. “For goodness’ sake, Jenna. Put that doughnut down. No one likes a fatty. And you really ought to put some make-up on. You look like you’ve just run through a tornado. You’ve got to look after yourself or you’ll end up having to look for another husband. Show your husband some respect,” her mother used to say. “I’m only telling you this because I’m your mother. No one else will ever tell you the truth.” Her mother’s voice bounced around her head. Self-deprecation quickly became the theme of the morning.

  Jenna’s cell phone beeped. She walked across the room to her bedside table and picked it up. It was a message from Charlotte.

  Are you coming by this morning? Amy’s coming to the cafe for a coffee. Hot chocolate for me, of course :)

  Charlotte and Amy were her best friends. She’d known Charlotte since they were kids and they’d been inseparable ever since. Amy joined their group later on when she moved to Willow Oaks about seven years ago.

  Jenna typed out a reply and hit send. Not today. Feeling under the weather.

  It didn’t take long for Charlotte to respond. What’s wrong?

  Just feeling poorly.

  Flu?

  Maybe. Jenna replied.

  And in a matter of seconds, Jenna’s cell phone rang. She smiled to herself when she saw Charlotte’s name pop up on the screen. And before she could say hello, Charlotte’s voice blasted through her phone speaker.

  “Okay, what’s wrong? The last time you were sick was when you were pregnant with Rory—and that was eight years ago! Are you pregnant?”

  Jenna managed a chuckle. “No, I’m not pregnant, silly.”

  “Well then, now I know there’s definitely something wrong. Have you been doing your yoga?”

  “Yes,” Jenna smiled as she replied.

  “And you’ve been drinking that weird green slush you make in the mornings?”

  “You sound like Dave,” Jenna teased.

  “Well, have you?”

  “I’m just not feeling very”—Jenna sighed—“uppity right now.”

  “So how about Amy and I come over?” Charlotte suggested.

  “Can we do it another time?” Jenna faked a cough.

  “Fine. But don’t think I’m not on to you. I can tell when something’s wrong—you know that, right?”

  “I know, I know... don’t worry. It’s just one of those days.”

  “And that’s all you’re going to get—one day. If you’re not up and out of the blues tomorrow, then I’m coming over and I’m gonna be all over you like molasses!”

  Jenna knew that Charlotte meant well, but this was different. What would she say to them? That Dave was secretly planning to divorce her? She couldn’t. Among the three of them, Jenna had been married the longest.

  Just last year, Charlotte married Amy’s brother and was now pregnant with twins. Amy and Sam married two years ago. She and Dave... they were supposed to be the dream couple—America’s sweethearts, who have tested the strength of time and distance. And now it felt as if the seams were finally coming apart.

  “I’ll be better tomorrow,” Jenna managed to say. “I promise.” She told Charlotte she’d see them in the morning and decided she needed to get out of bed and do something.

  She was never one to sit back idly and just let life happen. So instead, Jenna splashed some cold water on her puffy face.

  Jenna pulled her hair back in a high ponytail and headed to the laundry room, where she grabbed her cleaning
caddy; and, in true Jenna-style, went to town.

  Jenna pulled her cashmere sleeves up, put a cleaning apron on, and got busy. She scrubbed the toilets, washed and wiped the bathroom sinks until she could see her face reflected in the porcelain, dried the shower walls, and cleaned the tub that her children loved to soak and play in every night before bed.

  And when that was done, Jenna pulled the Hoover out from the cleaning closet and vacuumed like there was no tomorrow. Nobody needed to know that she had also waxed and polished all the wooden furniture around the house. Or that she’d dusted all the surfaces and picture frames that hung perfectly along the wall of the wide staircase—never mind that she’d only just done it earlier in the week.

  That morning, it was safe to say that everything in the Stewart home—from top to bottom—had been either scrubbed down, washed, dried, wiped, cleaned, vacuumed... or all of the above.

  As she sat looking into her mug of green tea, Jenna felt as distressed as the designer Ashwood country dining table that sat mightily in the middle of the kitchen. The house she had so carefully crafted all those years now seemed lonely and pitiful.

  Jenna wrapped her fingers around the warm mug. She closed her eyes for a moment. Right there—at that very moment—was when she realized her life was about to fall apart.

  JENNA PUT HER COAT on and grabbed her car keys from the ceramic bowl which sat atop the entrance hall table. She got into her car and fixed the rear-view mirror.

  Jenna glanced at the manila folder she’d tossed on the passenger seat and buckled herself up. “You want a divorce, Dave?” she muttered under her breath. “I’ll give you a divorce!” And with that, Jenna reversed out of the driveway and headed towards the County Hospital where Dave worked.

  As she turned left to take the exit ramp to the I-5N, Jenna leaned forward and pressed down hard on the accelerator—never mind that she’d run a red light. “How dare you leave those papers behind for me to find!” Jenna practiced what she would say to Dave when she stormed into his office.

  “Arrrgh!” Jenna growled. “What am I doing?” She pulled over to the left and indicated right, before making a swift U-turn.

  But as she drove past the boundary and through the same set of traffic lights, Jenna decided she needed to face it—head on. She was not going to get dumped! Not today. Not ever.

  Once again, she made a U-turn. Only this time she revved her engine and clocked 60mph as she neared the boundary line.

  Within minutes, Jenna spied the dreaded red and blue flashing lights in her rear-view mirror. The police car sounded its siren and the voice of Brad Knight, Willow Oaks Chief of Police, filled the air: “Jenna Stewart, pull over to the side of the road. I repeat, pull over to the side of the road.”

  Jenna cursed under her breath and slowed down to pull over.

  “Please remain in your vehicle,” Brad’s voice echoed through the megaphone.

  Jenna stayed in her seat and covered her face with her hands.

  The police chief knocked on her window, which Jenna opened. “Everything alright, Jenna?”

  “Yeah—sorry about that, Brad.” Jenna ran a hand over her hair and smoothed her pony tail.

  Chief Brad Knight bent down to face her. “Jen, I’ve already told you—you’ve gotta call me Chief when I’m in uniform.”

  Jenna smiled weakly. It was difficult to take him seriously, especially when she’d known him since they were both in nappies. They went to the same preschool, attended the same elementary, and high school. They were even in the same church youth groups and sang in the choir together. Jenna wrinkled her nose. “Sorry, Chief.”

  “What’s going on? You were driving like a madwoman back there. Speeding, illegal U-turns—twice!”

  “It’s just been a bad morning.” Jenna leaned back into the headrest.

  “If you’d gone past that boundary, you could have been pulled over by a State Trooper. Then what?” Brad shook his head. “I’m gonna have to give you a ticket.”

  “Fine—give me a ticket then.”

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” Brad took his sunglasses off. “Wanna talk about it?”

  Jenna and Brad had always had a good relationship. Growing up in Willow Oaks as kids, they all stuck together. A few tears escaped Jenna’s eyes.

  “Aw, Jen—that’s no good. What’s wrong?”

  Jenna reached for her bag and grabbed a tissue. “No, no, no. I’m fine.” She wiped the tip of her nose. “Thanks, Brad. You’re working.” Jenna blew her nose with so much force that a fully-fledged snort sounded along with it. Great! she thought. It wasn’t just her responsible driver training—she’d now also just managed to throw all the etiquette training she’d ever learned in Home-Ed out the window. Perfect. Jenna threw her hands up and banged it on the steering wheel. “And, sorry! I meant—Chief Knight.” Arrgh!!

  “You know... I don’t consider myself working—” Brad took his hat off—“if I haven’t got my hat on.” Brad walked around to the passenger side. He picked up the manila folder off the seat and set it on the dashboard. “Now tell me what’s bothering you?”

  Jenna let out a big sigh. “It’s just...” Jenna’s voice trailed off. “It’s nothing, Brad. Look, I’m sorry I was speeding.” She shook her head. “And I’m sorry for wasting your time. I’ll head back home—safe driving this time. I promise.”

  “Well, it sure don’t look like it’s nothing to me.” Brad shifted in his seat. “Everything alright with you and Dave?”

  “Why?” Jenna looked at him suspiciously. “What has he told you?”

  Brad raised his hands. “Nothing—I was just asking if you guys are okay.”

  “Has he told you anything?” Jenna heard her own voice rise.

  “Seriously, Jen—he hasn’t. I was just asking because it looks to me like you’re heading to County. I mean, I could be wrong. You could be driving to Portland or Timbuktu, for all I know.”

  “Then why did you ask?” Jenna gripped the steering wheel.

  “Jen, listen... it’s me. You know me.” Brad put a hand on her arm. “I’m not messing with you. I was honestly just asking if everything was okay.”

  Jenna sighed and rested her head on the wheel. “Sorry, Brad. I’m just tired. Just give me the ticket so I can go back home now.”

  “I’m gonna let you off this time.” Brad opened the door and put one foot out. “But let me at least guide you out of here. You can’t go and do another U-turn—or else I’ll really be forced to give you a ticket.”

  Jenna leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks, Brad.”

  When Jenna returned home, she got changed and went for a run. She needed to clear her head and think things through.

  It was just as well that the children both had sleepovers planned. Macy was staying over with Gracie, Amy’s stepdaughter. And Rory was spending the weekend with his grandma, Jenna’s mom. If there was one day that she wasn’t fit to be a parent, today was that day.

  THAT SAME NIGHT, JENNA sat at the kitchen table with the radio on, listening but not really. Celine Dion’s voice sang from behind the speakers. All By Myself. Jenna rolled her eyes.

  In front of her was a plate of untouched chicken curry and flat bread. How she managed to cook anything was beyond her. But then again, keeping busy kept her mind free. Across from her was Dave’s plate. As usual though, no Dave.

  She glanced up at the gold-trimmed clock on the ivory wall. The hairs on the back of her neck stood, as she wondered what the night would bring. He would be coming home soon.

  Jenna brought a spoonful of curry to her mouth, just as she heard the front door unlock and then open.

  It was Dave. Of course. Right when she had curry breath.

  Chapter 4

  “Hello?” Dave called out when he came through the front door. Despite the quiet atmosphere he’d arrived to, he knew that Jenna was home. Her car was outside and her keys were in the bowl on the hall table. He popped his own next to hers. He called out again. “I’m home...”
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br />   He followed the smell of curry into the kitchen, knowing that he probably wouldn’t be able to enjoy it tonight. What was it? Chicken? Beef? Jenna was a great cook. In fact, she was a great wife and mom. He was the slime ball.

  He walked into the kitchen and saw her. “There you are.” Dave went to give her a peck on the cheek. He loosened his tie and sat down across from her, as he pretended not to notice that Jenna had tensed up when he kissed her. “Where are the kids?”

  “Macy is with Gracie and Rory is with my mom. Just as it was planned last weekend.” There was no mistaking the irritation in her voice.

  “Sorry, I should have known that,” he said. “So, what’ve we got here?”—Dave unfolded his napkin and laid it on his lap—“Smells good!” He’d made an effort to sound excited about the meal. He had a sandwich before he left the hospital. But that was because he hadn’t had a chance to stop for lunch.

  “Curry.”

  Asked and answered, Dave thought. “Uh—how was your day?”

  Jenna stared at him. “Fantastic, Dave. I accidentally found out that my husband wants a divorce. And how was yours?” Her smile was practiced. The slight cock in her head as she asked how his day was felt like a challenge—one about to be thrown at him.

  Dave put his knife and fork down as he let out a slow breath. “We should talk.”

  “You think so?” Her bright blue eyes were dull, missing the shine that he had once fallen so crazily for.

  Sarcasm didn’t become her, but then again, what was he to expect? He’d hurt her and he knew it.

  Tears welled up in Jenna’s eyes. Dave knew then—there was no going back.