Goddess Choice

by A Lonergan

  Chapter 1

  I didn’t know how long I had been sitting staring out of the blank window of the shed we were cooped up in but I was starting to itch. The itch was deep too.

  I was itching to get out. I was itching to train. I was itching to find Crawley. Itching to go back to Apollo’s prison to help the rest of the monsters there. I was itching to get away from the tribe that had been protecting me for the last month. We had been hopping from town to town with no direction for the last few weeks, at least that was what Cristoff had us believe.

  Cristoff gave me a curious glance from across the room. I still had a hard time meeting his eyes. I still didn’t know what kind of monster he was but every once in awhile the sun would hit him and I’d get a brief moment of truth.

  He had been using glamour around us for this whole time and I wasn’t exactly sure why. I knew he was powerful, oh that was for sure but I had a burning in my soul to know just how much. After we had ditched the bus that long night, Cora had explained to me that many creatures were able to use glamour and the only way you would know was if they let their control slip or if they wanted you to see just what they were.

  Cristoff tended to let his control slip when the sun was hitting him just right. It had been a rough month since Darya had died and I knew that he didn’t trust me. I caught him staring at me with an odd look more times than not.

  Cora sat beside me and handed me a brown paper bag. She messed with a chain hanging around her neck and I was surprised that I had just noticed it. Cristoff had probably given it to her. Something that I wasn’t surprised about at all.

  She had been taking better care of me than I had been lately. I reached my hand into the bag and felt the soft bread waiting for me in the bottom. My mouth started to water immediately. It had been too long since I had had something good to eat.

  Cristoff always got us something to eat and it was usually beef jerky or packs of gum but my rations were always smaller than everyone else’s. I was guessing that those were the easiest items to steal. I knew I wasn’t going to be any good at it and just let myself starve till Cora started to give me her rations.

  “How did you find bread?” I shoved the paper bag back at the mermaid leaning against the wall beside me.

  Cristoff’s voice boomed across the small building, “Better question is: why do you think it’s okay to give my presents to other people? Murders.” I could see Cristoff’s face changing under his anger. His face was pale white with little red scales spreading over his forehead and his eyes were yellow.

  Mermaid?

  Maybe, I couldn’t tell for sure. Cora couldn’t glamour herself like that and I was pretty sure she wanted to, so she didn’t have to hide constantly. Cristoff had to be a powerful mermaid or a mutt. I chuckled to myself, mutt monster. I immediately sobered when I saw his glamour slam back into place.

  Oops.

  I let out a huff of air. I shouldn’t have even thought of the stupid man, he probably thought I was laughing at his true face. Just what I needed, more anger from the most powerful man in the group. I didn’t need to be singled out any more than I already was.

  I shook my head and turned away from Cora. I knew Cristoff had a soft spot for her but I didn’t want to know anything else about it. I had my own business I needed to handle up on and I didn’t need to rely on people that didn’t like me and didn’t want to help me. Hades, I didn’t need to rely on anyone at all. The only thing I could think about was finding Crawley. He was the only thing pushing me to stay alive.

  Crawley had come into my life for a short time and had royally gotten on my nerves. But when he was gone and I thought he had died: I started to miss him and appreciate him more. I started to see that our relationship had been starting to leave the platonic side, little by little, no matter how much I had tried to deny it.

  I put my head down and made my way to my cot. I knew we were close to a city but I wasn’t exactly sure which one and Cristoff had kept me out of the loop pretty well. We had been traveling for weeks as it was. Cristoff didn’t stop, it was like he didn’t need to sleep or eat and I wondered again just how powerful he was. It almost frightened me but it also fueled my fire.

  I didn’t need to make eye contact with any of the other creatures around me. They would have seen the gears turning behind my eyes.

  I needed to leave and should have done it the night Darya died.

  I awoke suddenly to the sound of quick whispering; it was really aggressive whispering, loud enough for me to make out just about everything they were saying.

  “She isn’t going to leave.” Cristoff was not whispering at all at this point. He must have not cared anymore.

  “Ssshe needsss to find what ssshe iss searching for. You know ssssomething is different with her. We all sssee it and you don’t help. It wasssn’t her fault that Jericho wanted her.” Cora sounded like she was slowly moving away.

  There was a scoff. “She is too valuable to us. How is she even going to survive in the real world anyhow? Have you seen how much weight she has lost in the last month, not to mention: she doesn’t have any money? She looks homeless.”

  “Sssshe is homelessss! We have all lost weight, Crissss. We are all homelessss too!” There was a pause and their voices got more distant, “We can’t live thisss way. I won’t live thisss way.” I was proud of her for her sudden backbone. She needed to stand up to that idiot, anyhow.

  “I don’t care, Cora. Apollo wants her, which makes her valuable for us. We can always use her to our advantage. You didn’t hear what Jericho said before I killed him. She’s so much more valuable than anyone would have ever imagined.”

  “Do you really think a god would bargain with usss?”

  “I have to try something! I need to get you back to your parents then find my mother, it’s the only way. Poseidon will not protect me and I can’t bring that wrath to your people!”

  “You will not travel to the Underworld alone, it is impossible.”

  I didn’t want to hear anymore. It all made sense now; they weren’t letting me travel with them to keep me safe. They were holding me prisoner for when Apollo came for them because Jericho was dead. I was their bargaining tool. I had released them from that damn prison and this was how they repaid me. I shook my head against the sweater scrunched up under my head and closed my eyes.

  ***

  I slid my body down the stucco building and closed my eyes. It had been a long enough hike to the city. Probably a few miles but I had no way of keeping track. My lungs burned and my feet ached. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t stopped. I couldn’t believe how out of shape I was. It didn’t help that I had been starving for months.

  I rested my head on my folded arms. I knew I stunk and my hair was hanging limp and damp looking. It had been so long since I had a shower. It had been so long since I had anything, to be honest.

  I scratched at my wrists under the thick sweatshirt that Cristoff had snagged for me a few days prior. My wrists had healed and where there had been thick bands of gold covering my wrists, they had now faded to little thin lines. They looked like really tight gold bracelets. I was wondering if it had been a gift from Artemis. I wondered if she had taken away more gold so that I wouldn’t catch too much attention for them when I went out in public.

  Either way I was grateful for the blood that ran through my veins and the goddess that was always watching over me even though she had agreed not to.

  She was breaking the rules and I was almost certain; she wouldn’t be able to get away with it. Apollo would punish her. The gods had rules to abide by too.

  I could feel the snow starting to seep through my pants but I didn’t care. I didn’t have anywhere else to go. My head fell back and knocked against the wall. My eyes searched the large buildings around me; despair started to set into my bones. There was no way I was going to get help here. I looked homeless and I smelled homeless. Hades, I was homeless. How had it gotten to this point? There was nowhere for me to go and I just needed
to find Crawley. He always had an answer for everything, even if he was a smart ass about it.

  I clasped my hands in my lap and looked around the empty street. It was close to sunset and then the cold would really set in. My teeth had just started to chatter even though I had been in the cold all day. I was sure adrenaline had something to do with that. I had noticed that the centaur had watched me escape and was waiting for him to rat on me.

  He hardly ever slept and I had been worried about that since I had started to make my plans to leave. He had watched me with sad eyes though I knew he didn’t trust me anymore than the rest of them did.

  I missed Cora already but I knew there was no life for a mermaid out of the sea. I didn’t know her story and I didn’t know how long she would be able to live out of the water but I was sure her time on land was coming to a fast halt. I had noticed a week ago that her legs shook with every step she took and that her hands had started to lose their scales. Where her eyes had been vibrant before; they no longer were. She was losing her shine.

  My breath puffed out in front of my face as I pushed myself up from the dirty snow. When the sun went down, the monsters came out. It didn’t matter if they were mortal or not. That was something that Cristoff had drilled into our heads. That was why he was the only one allowed to scout after dark. Not that he let me scout anyway or do anything else, really.

  I shoved my hands into the pockets on my jeans and kept my head down. I didn’t need to draw any attention to myself. Cristoff would be looking for me. He was possessive and I was his prize. I was the powerful pawn.

  I heard a scuffle behind me but I kept walking. I didn’t need to stop; there was no reason to. The sky was getting darker and darker and I didn’t know how I was going to find somewhere to stay. Maybe finding the city hadn’t been the best idea. I clenched my jaw. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought it through.

  Yes, I knew how to protect myself but I didn’t know if it would help if I ran into a more powerful monster. For a brief moment I wished I had asked Cora about the monsters and where they resided. I shook my head; there was no point in drowning my thoughts in regret. It would just depress me and I needed to keep a level head with all of this.

  “The magic in your blood sings to the building you once lived in. Don’t be afraid to use the powers that lie dormant inside of you.” The soft voice wrapped it’s self around my body. I stopped abruptly and quickly turned around. There was no one around, the street was empty.

  I hadn’t had a vision or new memory surface since Crawley had gotten in touch with me. I still wondered how he had done it. I looked around frantically and started to walk again, this time a little bit faster than before. I needed to find some type of shelter. I rounded a corner and stared at an empty church. I went around the side of it and tested the back door. It was stuck. I rattled the doorknob but tried not to make any more noise. I didn’t need to know if someone or something had found a way inside before I had.

  I pushed myself into the small building, forcing the door open. It crashed against the dirt-covered floor and dust rose around me. I tried to muffle my coughing but it was no use. If someone was here, they now knew I was anyway.

  Oh well.

  There was nowhere else I could go and I honestly just didn’t care anymore. I needed some type of rest. I didn’t need to explore and I didn’t need to check my surroundings. I was tired of running and I was tired of fighting. Maybe they were all wrong about me. I wasn’t something great at all. I was just some scared girl in a huge world with no direction. Jericho had been wrong.

  I threw myself down onto a pew near the back door that was lying on the floor. It squeaked when my body made contact with it but I no longer cared.

  Maybe I was supposed to die like all the others. Maybe the Underworld wasn’t as bad as everyone thought. I turned my face into the musty smelling fabric and let the depression coat my mind. It just didn’t matter anymore.

  Chapter 2

  “Jessa, sweet, strong Jessa…” A familiar voice wrapped around my mind. “It is in your blood. You found him once. You can find him again. It is in your blood and the portals will call to you.”

  I sat up on the pew quickly. So quickly that it rocked back and I crashed down with it. I stayed there on my back staring up at the hole in the ceiling. Small flecks of light were starting to poke through and my body ached. I went to push myself up from the pile of rotting wood but something pierced my hand. I hissed between my teeth and watched blood pool around the debris in my palm

  I pulled at the wood but it wouldn’t budge. The bleeding wasn’t going to stop any time soon either. I pulled the over sized sweatshirt over my hand and pushed myself off of the pile of debris and dust.

  The sun was shining brightly through the stain glass window at the front of the building. It gave the church a creepy glow of red and blue. Curiosity was nagging at my mind and I knew I couldn’t be the only one in this building. The odds of that were slim and if I was the only one; I was extremely weirded out by it. I was in a big city and big cities typically had more than their fair share of homeless.

  I poked my head down a small hallway behind the stage and found a staircase. It was dark and scary looking but there hadn’t been any actual adventure in my life lately besides Cristoff. Everything inside of me was screaming to not go up the stairs but I shrugged it off. Curiosity may have killed the cat but the cat did have nine lives. I chuckled at the thought.

  I shrugged to myself. I felt like I was going crazy. I shook my head against a bout of dizziness.

  Maybe it would take the pressure off of Apollo to kill me. I had proven that I could take care of myself anyway, when I had killed Gemma, Apollo’s daughter.

  I made it up the first few steps when my head started to swim again. I braced the wall and felt my body start to tip sideways. I gripped the railing tightly as my body started to sag into the wall.

  I closed my eyes tightly and wondered if the wood had been poisoned in some way. I wondered if Cristoff had cursed me. My legs lost the fight.

  Was this another test from Apollo?

  One minute I was leaning against the wall for support and the next minute there was a suction noise and I was floating. I let out a yelp and colors swirled around me. I closed my eyes tightly and wondered if this was how Alice had felt when she had fallen down the rabbit hole.

  My head smacked something hard and I rolled to my side to vomit. It was mostly dry heaving but it still felt horrible. Thick bile coated my tongue and throat. It made me retch again. Either I had just traveled through a portal or I was very sick. Or crazy, or both sick and crazy.

  “Jessa?”

  I blinked and blinked some more. There was no way I was in my right mind. Something had happened to me in the old church. Something must have happened to me and now I was just losing my mind.

  “Jessa? Are you alright? You don’t look so good!” The voice was right above me but my eyes wouldn’t focus. The voice kept talking but I couldn’t hear it now. Something was wrong with me. I was dreaming. I was sick. I was something but there was no way this was reality. “Jessa? I don’t care what you say, I’m bringing you to Shaskia!” Strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me up from the hard ground I had smacked my head on.

  I closed my eyes tightly and tried to open them slowly, thinking I would see something different. But I didn’t see anything different. I was still staring at Keenan.

  He wasn’t looking at me. He had thick stubble on his face and dark bags under his eyes. I threw my weak arms around his neck. My body was shaking but I didn’t care, I was probably in shock.

  “Please, tell me this isn’t a dream!” Tears were now spilling from my eyes. He tightened his grip around me and threaded his fingers through my hair. When he pulled away I could see that his eyes were shining with unshed tears too.

  “I have to get you to Shaskia. This isn’t a dream.” He brushed my heavy hair away from my eyes and continued to walk down the hallway and then down the stairs.
r />   “No, I think I’m fine now. I went through a portal and didn’t know it.”

  Keenan paused at the bottom of the stairs and loosened his grip on me. His face unreadable all of a sudden. “Do you think you can stand by yourself?”

  I shrugged my shoulders and he slid me down his body slowly, giving me enough time to adjust to the change. My legs shook underneath me but I knew I was going to be fine.

  I had somehow found my way back. The thought itself had me in shock. I had found my way back, I had found my home again.

  Keenan grabbed my hand and led me to the small love seat in the corner of the living room. His brown eyes searched my body. “You look terrible.” His voice was soft and sad and I knew I probably looked worse than terrible. “Where have you been?”

  I shrugged my shoulders, unable to form words. There was so much I needed to tell him but I didn’t know where to even start.

  Was there even a right place to start?

  “You don’t smell too good either.” He chuckled and covered his nose. I tried to give him a small smile but I knew it didn’t meet my eyes. I was so tired. I was so emotionally and physically tired. I didn’t know if I could make it much longer. My eyelids drooped slightly.

  “A shower would do you some good. It might help you feel better.”

  I nodded my head and looked at the stairs with worried eyes. I didn’t think there was going to be anyway I was going to make it up them.

  It was like Keenan read my mind. He held his hand out to me. “Come on, I have something I need to show you anyway.”

  I gave him a confused look. “You aren’t afraid that I’m not who I say I am?”

  “Nope. I can feel it. I can feel that it is you. Though, I am curious about the time we have missed together. I’m curious about the change I feel inside of you, as well.”