Gabriel’s visit felt like grit I couldn’t wipe away from my skin. Rainey had always been comforted by him, and it made sense now, if she was his daughter. He took care of her, guided her through the unwieldy task of looking after me. Rainey had been everything to me—confidante, guide, and lover.
And I was going to lose her.
“Did you come straight from the gym?” she asked when she got in the car. She adjusted her tote bag full of her favorite stones and spell books on her lap and put her travel mug in the drink holder. I jumped when her hand landed on my clammy skin. “Holly, what’s wrong?”
I had no idea how to tell her this. Gabriel’s gravelly voice rolled through my head like thunder. I had to be honest. “Gabriel came to visit.”
“Oh.” She couldn’t hide her disappointment. It felt as cheap now as it did at the time.
“I wanted to bring him to you, but he said the message was for me.”
The corner of her lip quivered upward in a smile. “They always are.”
Then the next part would be no surprise. “He sent you to look after me.” I held my breath, waiting for her answer.
“I know.” She relaxed. Gabriel didn’t have the same effect on her as he did on me. I understood. Cash Logan, on paper, was a terrible man. He killed people. But he was my dad. A piece of him flourished inside me.
“You knew he was your father?” I had expected to drop a bomb on her. She never mentioned him in that capacity. “How?” I learned more about Rainey in one day than I had in the last two centuries.
Her expression brightened. Rainey belonged to something bigger than herself. It was a relief and a curse. “I have no proof. I’ve tried to give him a face so many times. I pretended I was his daughter, and I believed I was special to him. He came to me when I didn’t know what to do or how to fix things. You and Lucille used to fight so much, and I couldn’t stop it. He helped me. He taught me how to keep the visions to myself when other people wouldn’t understand them. But he knew you did. And when we came here, he started talking to me more. It helped with business, but that wasn’t what he cared about. He was concerned that you were slipping into darkness.”
“That was exactly how he described it.” It should’ve comforted me that their stories lined up perfectly. I could lay one on top of the other. “Darkness. He said you were the light.”
“Is that how you see me?” she asked. Like father, like daughter.
“If by light, you mean everything, then yes, that’s how I see you.” I could practically feel her slipping away. I hit the button that locked all the car doors. “He also said that you weren’t meant to stay with me so long.”
She sighed, shifting her gaze from me to the windshield. I parked outside the storefront in the strip mall that housed her psychic shop. Her lips moved like she wasn’t sure what to say. “No. I wasn’t. He told me that Vegas would bring me heartache, and that it was my opportunity to start my own journey. I stayed because I wanted to. And even when I tried to leave, I couldn’t.”
I reached for her. I’d never been so relieved in my life when she didn’t flinch under my touch. The only thing I wished for was a spark. “I needed you.”
She picked up my fingers one at a time, letting them fall back on her thigh. “Did you ever think that maybe I needed you, too?”
I melted. It was better than I love you. Words didn’t necessarily have meaning, but actions did. “But I’m such a fuck up.”
“No, you’re not. You know what you want and you go after it, no matter what it takes. You’re not afraid to make mistakes. That’s what holds me back. You’re fearless. You burst into flames and travel through time and you don’t take no for an answer. I’m so boring, and I always play it safe. Although it seems like that was what I was meant for.” She leaned into to kiss me, but stopped. “You’re everything I wish I could be.” Each word caressed my lips. It was better than a kiss.
But I welcomed the kiss that followed it. Time didn’t matter, and I had no idea how long we’d been in the parking lot. It had been dusk when Rainey came out of work, and full dark had fallen.
We had to get home. I wallowed in darkness, but it was the time of day we couldn’t control. And soon a kiss would no longer be enough. “I never want you to leave me.”
“I won’t.”
This time, it was Rainey making a promise she couldn’t keep.
WE WENT STRAIGHT TO bed. It wasn’t discussed, and there was hardly any foreplay. I’d forever feel guilty that Gabriel’s first and second contact had been with me. It shouldn’t have been that way—he should’ve come for Rainey. She needed to take back what I stole from her. Tonight, there was no hesitation in her touch, and each kiss delivered an urgent message. It was a culmination of so many things. Her kisses had urgency, and her touch wasn’t timid. She’d grown bolder since we got back together. In her absence, she learned exactly what she wanted. It couldn’t come from any book or spell. It only came from the heart.
Rainey’s light couldn’t be captured in a bottle, but I needed to bathe myself in it. But its effect was only temporary. I craved darkness as well. Rainey gave me balance. I was greedy. No one needed her more than I did. Gabriel would have to pry her away from me, kicking and screaming and if I was lucky—fully engulfed. She writhed in the tangle of sheets, catching her breath in a dewy afterglow. I trailed kisses along her arm, her shoulder, until I reached her lips. I couldn’t get enough. I would paint the most complete picture of this night that I possibly could, in case there was ever a day that she wasn’t there when I reached out for her. I’d travel back in time and relive this night over and over, and find a way to make her stay.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Rainey could barely get the words out between kisses. She giggled as she squirmed, but she didn’t put up a convincing fight. I loved the way her body moved under mine. Her full breasts and the curve of her belly caressed my hard skin. She was everything I wasn’t. Everything I couldn’t be.
“I’ll chain you to the bed if you even try.” I never thought about the end before because it wasn’t part of the deal. Gabriel was supposed to be bearer of good news. He expected me to crawl out of the muck that was my life and make good decisions because he showed me what would happen if I didn’t. But that wasn’t how I rolled.
“I like that idea.” She slid to the edge of the bed and I looped the sheet around her arm and tugged her back. She shrieked when we made contact, but her giggles couldn’t conceal her yawn. “I’m exhausted. Let’s take a nap and whoever wakes up first can surprise the other one.”
“Deal.” I gave her a chance to settle, her curls tangled and unruly spread out of the pillow, and the sheet concealed the silhouette of her body. Warmth greeted me when I pulled it back and put my head on her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around me. Rainey wasn’t going anywhere. It didn’t matter what entity tried to rip us apart, we were stronger than all of it.
I jumped when the phone rang. My eyelids were too heavy to open, and I ignored it. Once the ringtone faded, it started again.
“Make it stop,” Rainey growled, pulling a pillow over her head. “By any means necessary.”
“I have to turn the light on.” The phone was either in my purse or my sweatshirt pocket. I hoped the screen would illuminate the dark room, but luck wasn’t something I was familiar with. I flipped the switch. That hurt. “Sorry.”
It wasn’t even midnight, but close enough. At that hour, no one who had seen sunlight in the last few months would have anything urgent to tell me. My heart hadn’t stopped pounding from being ripped out of a sound sleep. The phone rang again. “You’d think they’d leave a message.”
“I’m not getting out of this bed,” Rainey declared. She sat up and the sheet fell away from her bare chest. We locked gazes as I dug through my bag. I’d have her put a spell on my phone to keep it from drifting to the bottom of my purse when I needed it most.
It was a local number. No big surprise that I didn’t recognize it, I didn’t keep any vampir
es on speed dial. “Hello?”
“Hey.” It was Blade. “What are you up to?”
That was awfully casual for someone who’d called me at least five times in a row. “Sleeping.”
“With me.” Rainey collapsed on the pillow, pulled the sheet, then picked her head up. “Come back to bed, Holly,” she said loudly.
“Okay, so I take it you’re busy.” Blade groaned. “I wanted to talk to you about what happened the other night.”
So much had happened the other night, it was hard to pinpoint what concerned him. The fire, Rachel’s spell, my job offer, and I wasn’t naïve enough to consider that was all. Vampires had access to more layers of the universe than I did.
“Then talk.”
“Can I meet you someplace?” He gave me a chance to answer but I didn’t. He was unbelievable—a ruthless, bloodthirsty vampire mixed with an awkward friend with benefits. “Remember the first night we went out to that park? Something like that. Away from all the bullshit.”
Blade was in trouble. I looked back at Rainey, who had her head propped up in her hand, waiting for me to get off the phone and come back to her.
“It’s not a good night.” I wasn’t foolish enough to think I could avoid him forever. I created this problem by springing him out of jail. It was my responsibility to deal with it.
He laughed. “It will never be a good night. But the sooner I talk to you, the sooner you can take care of the problem.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
NIGHTS LIKE THIS WERE why the higher powers insisted I needed a babysitter.
Rainey glared at me as I got dressed. “I mean it. I’m not going with you. If you go by yourself, Blade will put a spell on you and the next thing you know, you’ll be on that stage, covered in nothing but your own blood.”
“We’re not meeting at Embrace. We’re headed to one of the coffee shops at Circus Circus.” I barely set foot in that hotel since I lost my fire. It was time to see how the world moved on without me, especially as I choreographed my new routine. I had a chance to fix my mistakes, and this time, I wouldn’t let them forget me.
Only months before, my name had been on that marquee. When I was able to travel again, I’d go back to the day I lost it all. I’d lay as a pile of ash in Rainey’s bed to see if anyone had mourned for me like they did for Tristan. I needed to see the city transform, when Cirque Macabre was replaced with a new hope for the future.
Rainey slipped out of bed and came over to me. She was usually shy about her naked body, but not tonight. She stood in front of me, offering all she had. Protection. Light. Everything that made me feel safe and loved. “Please don’t go. You’re scaring me.”
“I’m scaring me, too.” I zipped my boot. I should’ve kissed her, but she’d change my mind with one sigh against my lips and the soft curl of her fingers into my hair. I’d give in. I had yet to look in the mirror, but I could guarantee I looked like hell and smelled like sex. One of them I’d fix, but the other would remain. Rainey was coming with me, one way or another. “I want to get this over with. Blade—“
“I know.” She threw up her arms and walked away from me. “There’s nothing I can do to make you resist him.”
“That’s not it.” I sat next to her on the bed, untangling my hair with my fingers to keep my hands off her. “It’s the fire. I have to figure out why I ignite when he’s around. Every time I’ve seen him since he’s been out of jail, you’ve been with me. It doesn’t happen when it’s just me and you.”
“It happened last night.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “Believe what you want, but I saw it.”
“And it happened again today.” I smiled at her shock. “At least I think it did. Another little spark while I practiced my routine.”
“Problem solved. Come back to bed. Screw him.” Rainey’s eyes widened. “Actually, I take that last part back.”
“I won’t.” I laughed. “The sooner I figure out what causes the reaction, the sooner I don’t need him anymore. Plus, I need to get him out of the picture before we have a camera crew attached to our hip.”
Gabriel’s words echoed in my head. If I lost my darkness, would I also lose my light? I walked a tightrope between the two.
“Ugh. Don’t remind me.” Rainey frowned, but she kissed me anyway. It was long and slow and full of all the things she didn’t want to talk about. I wished I could tell her she had nothing to worry about, at least from me. “You can’t push him to do what you want him to, Holly. If there’s fire between the two of you, it has to happen naturally.”
Nobody cared that I wore sunglasses after dark in Vegas. We were all hiding from something. My knees knocked together as I walked through the halls of Circus Circus. Nothing had changed but the faces that passed by me. Nobody recognized me. As much as it hurt, it was also a relief. I couldn’t tear my gaze away from the sign for the show that was in the Cirque Nuevo Theater, formerly known as Theater Macabre. It was a basic sexy review. Singing and titties—the old Las Vegas standby. Safe and profitable.
I expected to feel the same fireflies in the pit of my belly when I walked into the building, but there was nothing. My life as I knew it was gone.
Blade was always on time. If I could put anything in the positive column for him, besides being sexy as hell, funny when he didn’t mean to be, and a pretty amazing kisser, it was that he didn’t play games. I couldn’t say that about any other vampire. I could lie and say it was the only reason I kept coming back to him. His positive tally was longer than I wanted to admit, but his negative column made it look anemic.
He took my hands in his and kissed my cheek. “What’s with the shades?” he asked.
I pushed them up on my head. “I haven’t been on the casino floor since the show closed.”
“Is this place full of bad memories? You surprised me by suggesting it.”
“It’s familiar. Neutral.” Even though everything I knew had been stripped away from it and thrown in a garbage can. “I didn’t know if anyone would recognize me.”
“I like it here. It’s changed since Cirque Macabre closed, but it’s always stayed true to itself. Not trying to be something it wasn’t. Your show made sense here. I miss watching you dance.”
He was so close to me, and heat rolled between us. It wasn’t my fire. It didn’t belong to me at all. “You’ll have a chance to see me again soon.”
Earlier that evening, I’d received an email from Tristan’s camp wanting to set up a photo shoot. My face would be plastered all over the city once again—where it belonged—before the TV show started.
Blade and I had vowed to set the city on fire. Unfortunately that meant different things to each of us.
His face lit up as we entered the restaurant. I’d never seen him in such bright light. He’d been stuck in the shadows for his entire afterlife. His skin was flushed with someone else’s blood. “It’s gonna be a hell of a show,” he said.
“I know.”
“And it will be the biggest mistake of your life.” Blade didn’t wait for the hostess to walk away before he dropped that bomb. Red flickered in his eyes, not long enough for anyone to see it but me.
I gripped the table. “If you think you can bully me into changing my mind, you can’t.” I didn’t mention the contract. He wouldn’t care about anything like that. And he hated rules. “I want nothing to do with what’s happening at Embrace.”
A waitress offered us coffee. Blade accepted, and I asked for tea.
He swirled a spoon in the steaming mug, but he never brought it to his lips. “You’re Cash’s daughter. I’m not sure you have a soul to sell. But you do have a conscience. What did you give that bitch to be a part of this show?”
“Nothing.” I wouldn’t defend the terms. Besides the TV show, I still considered it a pretty sweet deal. I grinned at him as I steeped my tea. “Except I was asked not to associate with you.”
It wasn’t a request and he knew it. Blade leaned forward, either amused, pissed, or flattered he’d been
named as a hard limit. His blue eyes sparkled. I broke the first and only rule of the contract, and Blade liked that. “How’s that working out for you?”
“So far, so good.” I couldn’t contain my laugh. “Don’t screw this up for me. I want to perform again.”
More than I wanted almost anything else.
I shouldn’t have given him any ammunition. “I don’t have to. I’ll sit back and watch it implode. You’ll crawl out of the wreckage and come straight to me. It puts me in a pretty good position.”
“Don’t be an ass.” I rolled my eyes.
He chuckled. “I’m not. They’re playing you for a fool. Callie intended for me to rot in jail, and her plan worked quite nicely until you came along and fucked it up. How did you convince them to work with you after that? You’ve already undermined the almighty Mistress.”
He was still grinning, but his jokes weren’t funny. I led myself into my own jail cell, and it was only a matter of time before Callie locked me up and threw away the key. I doubted Blade would come to my rescue.
Rainey would. And here I was, having coffee with a man that she despised. Everyone hated Blade but me. I had no idea how I saw him so differently than everyone else.
That wasn’t true. It was the fire. The obsession we both had to tattoo our names into the sky. To live on our own terms.
“We tricked her. Rainey cast the same spell she used on the guards to get you out of jail. It didn’t work as well at Sin City Vampire Club, though.”
He put the spoon down and pushed the mug out of the way so there was nothing between us. “I’m not following you. You tricked her and she made you a part of Tristan’s new show? Don’t worry, I don’t care enough that he’s not dead to ruin the surprise. What I’m trying to figure out is what’s in it for her?”
The new show wasn’t the only surprise. I wasn’t ready to share my biggest bargaining chip in my contract—that I witnessed the murders of Tristan’s bandmates. “We came to an agreement.”
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