For Love or Music

by Isabella Harron

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  Wade led Emily by the hand away from the barn towards the bunkhouse, pulling her in close to wrap his arms around her body as they watched the sky turn to pink then orange as the sun lowered behind the hills in the distance. The dark blue rose around them with only a few stars to light their path. Wade kissed her neck as he held her close, realizing that in the course of the afternoon, he no longer saw himself as Lincoln Wade, country star. Here in this place, with Emily, he was once again, himself, Wade Owens. The decision on the tip of his tongue, the arguments, the worry, and the fight that was no longer worth his time. He decided right now with Emily because when he proposed again for the very last time in his life, it was the name Owens, his family name that he would offer. His plans to notify his attorney, ready to sign, meeting Lacey's demands, preserving the two most essential parts he held to his heart. Owen’s family farm will forever remain, and Emily will be his future.

  He was ready. Emily's gentle touch of her fingers to his cheek, returned his attention to her and the decision that had plagued him for weeks now settled could wait until Monday. Wade no longer would expect calls from the attorney with more extreme demands. He would sign, quickly, kissing the money goodbye. His inner peace held in higher regard then the millions he would willingly release. Wade took the awesome day, as a sign of what is most important in his life.

  "These Texas sunsets are beautiful." His words held a double meaning for the girl who rocked his world.

  "We have the best sunsets." She sighed, full of content.

  "Emily, I am from a small town. Bakersfield, North Carolina. It is not that different from Mason. My mother and sisters live on the family farm that has been in our family for five generations." Pausing, Wade anticipated her response, happily surprised when he heard Emily's words.

  "That is amazing to be able to pass down the legacy of land to the next generation." Cautiously she asked. "Do you plan on settling down there and raising a family?" He had been thinking long and hard about that question himself, for the past week.

  "No, I have given it quite a bit of thought, and I want to find my own place to set up roots." Gently he turned her in his arms. "What about you? Do you think you would ever consider marrying again or having another child or two?" Her unreadable expression did little to deter him from expressing his intent in words. "I know about your daughter Katie; she is what fourteen?"

  "Yes." Wade had not had the pleasure of meeting Emily's daughter. He left the diner each day before the high school released and from what he had overheard from Meghan, their three daughters all played after school sports.

  "Emily, would another baby interest you?" She froze on the word baby, beginning to shake. "Em. Are you cold? You are trembling." Shaking her head in denial, she started to panic. "You know you can tell me anything. You know that, right?" Wade tipped her chin until their eyes met in the fading light. "Did I say something wrong?"

  "No. I am a crazy person.” She stammered over her words, making little sense to the man standing in the dark, feeling nervous that he could lose the perfect woman he found. “It wasn't from what you said. It is a good conversation because of my age; I guess I never thought about having more children." Wade tilted his head in confusion. "Sorry. I know I must not be making much sense. I have not dated since I lost Joe, my husband. I hadn't given dating much thought before I met you. I had always resigned myself to the fate that Katie would grow up and leave home for college, and I would be alone except for Meghan." His confusion increased.

  "You haven't been with a man since your husband died? Emily, hasn't it been ten years?" He asked. Emily teared up, as fat tears dripped down her cheeks.

  "Nope, you are the one and only." She inhaled a deep breath, she continued. "I have something I need to tell you that I realized when you said, babies." Emily frowned. "Wade, I am not on birth control and in the barn, we didn't um you know." Emily rushed through the confession, ready to accept complete responsibility for her lack of judgment.

  Wade searched the sky until his eyes rested on the small sliver of the moon and the stars popping out against the black of the night. Mesmerized by the scene unfolding, he felt small compared to the vast universe. Never considering himself to be an overly religious man, Wade believed in God and understood fate had more to do with some people's lives. But this had never been the case for him until now. He felt ready to expose his soul.

  "Honey, I have never been a big believer in fate. I am more of you are the one to control your future, kind of guy. I wasn't even planning on coming to Texas. All of this, meeting you, well I believe it was all planned. If we did make a baby tonight then, well I would be the happiest man on earth.

  "I have to know Wade would you stay if we are because I can't raise another child on my own." Her voice quivered as she spoke, reaching the depth of his heart. "I know it was my fault you tried to stop and get a condom. I don't know what came over me. I needed you."

  "Ssh. There is no blame here. If it is meant to be it will happen and to answer your question yes. I would never want to be anywhere, but here with you.

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  Emily smiled, as Wade began tickling her sides, lifting her in his arms carrying her into the bunkhouse. "Wade, we need to wait for more protection." Shutting the door behind him, not breaking stride until his knees bumped the double bed, lowering his prize to the center of the bed. Brushing aside the loose strands of hair from her face, he whispered.

  "No need to wait. We agreed; we would welcome a baby." Emily nodded with slow movements. "Yes. Miss Emily, I promise I will be there every step of the way as both husband and father." She pulled him to her, taking his lips against hers, as fear shot through her coursing through the stream of doubt. Full of questions, from how could it feel like this? Incredible when they had known each other for such a short time. Wade made love to her, gentle and slow, with a raw passion that reached much further, and when they finished an unspoken promise drifted in the air surrounding them as she drifted off to sleep muttering.

  "This bed makes it even better." That night, Emily's dreams held something more than of pain and loss; instead, she envisioned a life full of promise and happiness. She dreamed of a little boy about two years old, with a cowboy shirt and tiny Wranglers. He was walking next to Wade holding his small hand as they walked down a dirt path.

  Wade laid awake for quite a while after Emily's soft snores, broke the night, keeping the loneliness at bay. At one point, he noticed her lips split into a sweet smile in her sleep. He could not help but wonder what she saw in her dreams. He reflected on everything he had yearned to become, something that he wasn't. With Emily, he felt complete, his true self. Fear churned deep within his stomach. His old life needed the door closed before his new life could begin. When sleep finally claimed him, he knew that tomorrow was the day to start his new life with Emily.

  Chapter 10

  Emily awoke the next morning, requiring several minutes for her to place exactly where she was and who arm was laying across her belly, her very naked body. Panic, her first thought when she remembered each moment of the fantastic evening. The beautiful things that Wade had whispered to her as he held her close, a small part of her worried. "What if it was all a line? What if he leaves?" She shut down the fear when she heard.

  "Stop worrying woman and kiss me." Wade pulled her closer if that was a possibility, proceeding to smother her neck with butterfly kisses.

  "I will not. I have morning breath." Leaning over, inhaling.

  "Darling, that is not morning breath, and if that is the worst you got, you will never get rid of me."

  "You promise?"

  "I promise. But I do need to take care of the horses. Do we have a free Sunday, or do I need to rush you back?" Emily felt the stress of the unknown flee her body.

  "I can do a free Sunday. I am going to take a shower. You go take care of your chores, and then I will make you breakfast." Emily pulled out from under his hold, rising from the bed to walk stark naked towards the bathroom. F
or the first time she did not worry about him seeing her, the real her, the couple of dimples on the back of her thighs that no matter how much she exercised, they refused to disappear. She ignored the small stretch marks on her lower abdomen. "Well if I am pregnant, then all those crunches were a waste of time." Smiling, she soaped her belly full of visions of a new possibility of what the future might hold.

  Joe had not been home with her first pregnancy Meghan took over as her labor coach. After Katie was born due to his deployment, Joe rarely saw her naked. His overseas tours lasted so long; he was gone a much higher percentage of their marriage then when he was home. Still saddened by her loss, and yet the future appeared to brighten to believe she could have at thirty-nine what she missed so much of in her twenties.

  Emily walked into the barn thirty-minutes later hearing Wade singing as he let the last horse out of the stall. She stood off to the side in the shadows of the door, watching and listening. His beautiful voice sounds familiar, and yet the words he sang sparked no memory, nor the melody. She ignored the nagging little feeling that felt out of place, as he finished the song and she stepped out into the light of the barn. Wade led her to the two horses he had saddled and ready.

  After a quick breakfast and several hours later after a ride through the countryside, they brushed the horses down and stowing their gear. Wade reached around for her. "You ride well, Miss Morris."

  "Thank you, Mr. Owens." Leaning down to her, his lips inches from hers, Emily expecting another mind-blowing kiss and maybe taking it further as they had done out by the pond when they stopped their ride to allow the horses to drink. Disappointment mounting when instead of kissing her, he asked.

  "Have you thought about telling Katie about me?" Surprised, having not expected him to take an interest in meeting her daughter so soon.

  Wade was quiet the next morning on the way to the diner. Emily had borrowed one of his t-shirts to wear with her jeans to work, after spending two unbelievable nights with him. She brushed her hair, with the half-hearted attempt to appear presentable not like a woman who had mind-altering unprotected sex for the past two days. In her defense, she rationalized they did manage to use safe practices for the first eight hours. She was the mother of a teenage daughter, Emily had to set a good example, worrying how she might explain this situation to her daughter when her mind kept drifting back to waking up in his arms for the past two mornings. She expected to mourn that loss in the morning when she awoke alone at home.

  Emily kept feeling as if Wade had something to say she could only hope he did not regret their time together. When they neared the outskirts of town, he pulled over suddenly. "Is everything okay?" He didn't respond to the question. Emily expected the worse, here it comes, all my dreams ending in an instance.

  Turning towards her, Wade reaches across the seat to hold her hand. "Em, there is nothing wrong. I love you. I didn't think it was possible. I have never been so certain of anything in my life. I do not regret one minute of this weekend. So, get that crazy idea out of your head. Okay?" Emily nodded as he continued. "There are a couple of things that I have not been open about." Now her heart began to pound.

  "My legal name is Lincoln Wade Owens. My dad was a legend around our hometown. I was never a star athlete I was more into rodeo and writing music." There he started the conversation, too chicken to proceed further.

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  He waited for a spark of recognition when none came only the slight shift of her brows lifted as he continued. He could do this, now all of it at one time while she is still happy with dreams of the future. He wished he could talk to Troy, or even Bill, his new friend from town. Wade felt confident Bill would know how to handle the situation. Emily waited patiently for the other shoe to drop when he began to speak again. "In school, I always went by Wade Owens to make my own trail. I grew tired of people comparing me to my dad. When my dad died, I was fifteen, and I became the man of the farm. We were barely making ends meet. My dad didn't have life insurance or much savings. Through all his good, he did have some faults." Taking a deep breath, finding it difficult to talk about his life before he turned eighteen. There were only a handful of people who knew the entire story, and now one of them is Emily.

  "I went to work at the town diner as a cook, the money I made bought what food we needed that we could not afford to buy. My sisters helped my mom work in the fields after school. We did everything we could to keep the land. I left the day after graduation, determined to make a good living. I was fortunate to start a good career fairly quickly."

  He hesitated, with the belief Emily would catch on, her sweet smile and eyes filled with love for him, shifted as he continued. "This was the only way that I knew to hold onto the farm. I lived as cheaply as I could ever since sending everything else, I made back to my mom. The farm is flourishing, making a decent profit every year. Both of my sisters are married now, and their husbands have dedicated their lives to expanding the operation." Wade took a deep breath. " I feel bad that I had to leave, but at the time I saw no other option." Emily leaned over and kissed his cheek.

  "How lonely for you." Wade drifted into the depths of her eyes, in all his years since the day he walked away no one has ever been concerned for his feelings even now twelve years later.

  "So, the reason I am telling you all of this is after I left North Carolina I did take my dad's name. Most people know me as Lincoln. I have always felt as I were a fraud using his name. It was never me. I feel like me; when you call me Wade." Emily smiled, warming his body and forcing the cold steel of fear from deep within.

  "Well, Lincoln Wade Owens, you are my Wade, but what about if we have a son, can we call him Lincoln after your dad?" He felt the unfamiliar burn hit the back of his eyes right before the water filled his eyes, causing him to wipe them away. He knew at that moment that fate had not made a mess, he belonged with Emily, and she had proved why she was and will always be his woman. For the second time since the weekend began since he filed for divorce, ready to make the necessary changes.

  #

  Emily was all smiles as she walked into the diner. Meghan anxiously awaited to learn about what had to be a romantic weekend after not hearing from her even once, which for Emily is unusual. Meghan had never lied to her children or Emily's daughter, taking it upon herself to approach the difficult subject of her mother dating. Meghan was pleasantly surprised when Katie grew excited at the prospects that her mother found someone to share her time. It seems at fourteen, Katie worries about her mother growing older alone.

  Meghan felt confident it all would all work out. Katie is a smart, caring girl. Meghan watched Emily and Wade through the lunch hour rush. He would swat her bottom when he thought no one was watching. He held her hand for the briefest of moments, when she handed him an order, leaving Meghan to feel a bit jealous. It wasn't that she was unhappy with her life with Mark, but more of knowing, that feeling of new love would never happen again. Meghan sighed.

  Emily approached her daughter's table, along with Meghan's girls, all three engrossed in one of the celebrity magazines. "What are you three doing? Neither heard her. "Is this how you three are expecting to spend your one day off without practice?" Katie rolled her eyes.

  "Mom, this is important."

  "Okay, what do you girls want today?"

  Mallory, Meghan's oldest answered. "Three cheeseburgers, rings, and shakes, chocolate." Her eyes darted towards her partners in crime for an agreement. Katie murmured a yes, consumed with the magazine. "Just think you, and Mom won't have to feed us tonight," Mallory added.

  Katie put down the magazine. "Mom, Mallory is right. It saves you time. And then you can tell me all about your date this weekend." Emily stuttered.

  "How. How?"

  "Auntie Meg told me. Mom, I am okay. It is time. What are you going to do when I go off to college?" She rose from the table to hug her mother. "Really Momma it is okay. Can I meet him?" With hesitation, Emily muttered.

  "Yes. Come here." Emily walked into the kitch
en. Wade was thankful he had left his ball cap on his head, pulling the brim down a little lower. He had watched as Mother and daughter headed his way, getting the feeling that Katie was okay with her mother dating. "I only hope she doesn't figure out who I am until I can tell Emily myself."

  Wade wiped his hands on a cloth as Emily told him the girl's order.

  "Wade, this is my daughter Katie. And Katie this is Wade Owens." Emily held her breath; wondering what would happen next. Wade greets Katie with an outstretched hand.

  "Pleased to meet you, Katie." Shaking his hand, he could not help but smile as he watched her tilt her head to the right then the left not realizing Meghan and her daughters were standing behind her. Katie releases his hand to place her hands on her hips; he noticed, and he half expected her to give him hell when she replicated the move, he had seen her mother do many times.

  "You don't mind me asking, exactly how old are you?" Katie wrinkled her freckled nose up towards him. Emily attempted to cover a choking cough, thinking poor Wade and his new position in the hot seat. She could not deny she is proud of her daughter.

  "Well mam, that is a reasonable question. I do not mind you asking my birthday is in a couple of months. I will be thirty." Wade waited for an explosion at any minute.

  "You know my mother is old. Right? She is thirty-nine." It was nearer an exclamation of the fact. Emily began to object.

  "Now wait." Wade quickly came to her defense.

  "Yes, Katie, there is a ten-year age difference. But with all due respect, thirty-nine is not old. The older you get, the less you feel the age difference." Wade shifted his weight, not unhappy about the question. Katie broke the silence.

  "What are your intentions towards my mother?" Biting down the smile before answering the question.