Falling For Ryan: Part Two

by Tracy Lorraine

  I just stare at him with an open mouth and wide eyes. Molly’s pregnant.

  “Mr. Evans?” he says, trying to bring me back to Earth.

  “She hasn’t been feeling well for a few weeks, but no, I didn’t know that. I’m pretty sure she didn’t know, either.” I think back to her drinking over the last few weeks. I know Molly well enough to know she wouldn’t do that if she knew.

  “Well, our tests show that she’s about nine weeks pregnant. I obviously don’t need to tell you that there is an increased risk of her miscarrying with what her body has been through, and still is going through, but I wanted to make you aware. We will scan her later to check everything, but the heartbeat is strong.”

  I slump back in the chair as I try to process everything.

  “I’ll leave you to your thoughts,” the doctor says. I watch him walk over to the nurse and say something, making her smile kindly at me and nod her head.

  I turn back to Molly. I hold her hand softly in one of mine and place my other gently on her stomach. Finding out that she’s pregnant should be one of the happiest moments of my life, but here I am, scared out of my mind.

  She ends up spending four days in intensive care. The longest four days of my life. Just like Hannah, the nurse, said, she’s a fighter. She’s making good progress, and the swelling has reduced massively. She’s almost out of danger, but they’ve kept her sedated longer than originally planned to give her body as long as possible to heal. I haven’t told anyone about the baby yet, because I want Molly to know before anyone else, but also because I’m scared that if I admit it, it’s not going to happen.

  I’m more desperate than ever for her to wake up, to see her eyes, to see her smile, to tell her I love her and to know that she can hear me. I’ve barely left her side. The farthest I’ve been is the toilets and the canteen when no one else was around to get something for me. The doctors and nurses have tried to send me home to get some rest along with all the Morrisons, my family, and our friends. They’ve all been here at some point over the last four days, even though they were only allowed in for a few minutes.

  I stand aside as the nurses finish off getting Molly settled in her new room. They managed to get her a side room, which will be nice and quiet, although I’m not sure if it’s for Molly or just so they don’t have to fight with me to leave because of the other patients she would be on the ward with.

  “Darling, please come home and have a shower and a good night’s sleep,” my mum says gently from the chair next to me. Now that Molly is in a room of her own and is getting stronger, they’ve let up on visitors.

  “I’m not leaving her. There’s a perfectly good shower there,” I nod my head to the adjoining bathroom. “If I want one.”

  “Baby, I don’t think it’s a case of you wanting one,” she says, squeezing my hand gently.

  Yes, I know how I look and how I must smell, but I’m not leaving Molly, especially now they’re reducing her sedation. She could wake up at any minute, and I want to be there when she opens her eyes.

  “Okay, well, when your dad gets back with some food for you, we’re going to head to yours. We’ll be back tomorrow, but ring if you need anything.”

  “I will, Mum. Thank you.”

  Susan and Pete rang my parents from the hospital the night Molly was brought in, and they drove straight down to be with us. They’ve been here ever since. Her brothers appeared a couple of hours after we did, looking panic-stricken. I managed to let them have some time with her. Abbi and Liv were here all weekend, but they both had to go back. They’ve promised they’ll be here if I need them. Molly might have the shittiest parents ever, but everyone else around her who loves her makes up for them.

  Not long after Mum and Dad leave, Susan walks in.

  “Ryan, I’m not taking no for an answer. Take this, and get in that bloody shower. When Molly wakes up, she does not want to be looking at such a mess. I promise I will knock if she so much as twitches, but please, for all our sakes, have a wash,” she demands, handing me a bag full of toiletries.

  “But…”

  “No buts. Get in there, now.”

  The next morning, I wake up with the same stiff neck as every time I wake up in this damn chair. I grab my phone to check the time, but what I see first makes me stop dead in my tracks. It’s the 15th of January. Shit. I look back up at Molly and wonder if this day is going to be cursed forever more.

  I spend the morning between nurses’ and doctors’ visits, talking to Molly about Hannah and about the things we did together. I try to keep it as light as possible, because I don’t think I can cope with any more misery, and I know that if Molly can hear me, she will feel the same.

  It’s just after lunchtime when the Morrisons appear. I stand and give them a hug before offering Susan my chair. I watch from the corner as they all say hello to Molly in the hope she can hear them. I listen to them explain what they’re doing tonight to celebrate Hannah’s memory, and they try to convince me to come, but I think they already know my answer. As harsh as it sounds, I need to focus on my future, and my future is still lying fast asleep on that bed.

  The Morrisons leave not long after, and the afternoon is a train of visitors. Jax sits with us for over an hour before Steven and Daniel show up after work, shortly followed by Shane and Chris, then finally Megan, after she’s put Oscar to bed. By the time she’s left, I’m completely exhausted.

  It’s just gone half past eight when I feel it. I had slightly dozed off, but I’m sure I didn’t imagine it. I sit myself up straighter and wait to see if it happens again.

  Five minutes later, it does. Molly gently squeezes my hand.

  I scoot my chair closer to her and patiently wait to see if anything else is going to happen. I lift her hand to my lips and pepper her knuckles with light kisses. “Come on, Molly. Come back to me, gorgeous,” I whisper between kisses.

  As I wait, the little squeezes of my hand get tighter until I eventually start to see her eyes flickering.

  Molly

  The voices slowly start to make sense to me at the same time the pounding in my head increases. Where am I?

  “Are you sure you won’t come? A good meal would really do you some good,” says a voice I recognise but can’t quite place.

  “You’re probably right, but I’m not leaving.”

  Ryan. Wherever I am, he’s here, so it must be okay, is the last thing I remember thinking before the blackness faded back in.

  “Has Abbi been back?” a male voice says.

  “No. She rings every day, but I haven’t seen her since she ran away from you on Sunday.”

  Ryan’s still here.

  “Hey, bro, how’s our girl doing?”

  That’s Daniel’s voice. I’d recognise it anywhere.

  “No change. They say that’s to be expected, though,” Ryan says. The sound of his voice makes my heart beat a little faster.

  Who are they talking about?

  “This waiting sucks,” Daniel says before everything fades again.

  It’s quiet. It’s the first time I’ve not heard anyone talking. Am I alone?

  It takes all my strength but I manage to move my fingers slightly and realise I’m not. He’s holding my hand.

  I fight the darkness claiming me this time. I need to see him. I manage to move my hand slightly again before I feel myself drift off, but only for a couple of minutes, I think, because my arm being moved wakes me. I feel his lips touch the back of my hand and, like always, tingles shoot up my arm. He’s here.

  “Come on, Molly. Come back to me,” he whispers.

  Come back? Where have I been?

  I try desperately hard to open my eyes, but they feel like they weigh a tonne. After a while, I give up and fade away again.

  I wake with a start and, this time, my eyes fly open. My heart is racing. The room is dark apart from the moonlight that is coming through the gaps in the blinds. I sweep my eyes around and it suddenly dawns on me that I’m in the hospital.


  Instantly, the memories of the accident hit me, a bit like the car did that night. I close my eyes and shake my head to try to rid myself of the image, but the pain that pierces my skull as I move is like nothing I have ever felt.

  I look down and see the cast that’s all the way up my right arm before the figure on the other side comes into view. Ryan is sat on a chair next to my bed, but he’s leaning forward and has his head resting on his hand that’s clinging onto mine. His other hand is resting gently on my stomach. He’s facing me and I can see his hair falling into his eyes. I desperately want to brush it out of the way. He’s much paler than usual. The rings around his eyes are dark, and it looks like he hasn’t shaved in days.

  I lick my lips and find my mouth is really dry. God, I need a drink. I swallow slowly before trying to speak.

  “Ry,” I whisper, my voice coming out rough and gravelly.

  I squeeze his hand in mine, say his name again, and watch as his eyes flicker. When they do open and see me, my breath catches at the pain reflected in them. It’s almost instantly gone, as what I think is hope appears when he realises I’m looking back at him.

  “Molly,” he whispers.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey. How are you?”

  “I’ve been better, you?”

  “A million times better, now that you’re awake.” He stands up and moves towards me so he can place his lips to mine. “Fuck, Molly, you have no idea how scary that was,” he says quietly, and I can feel his lips trembling against mine.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Hey, it’s not your fault. I need to tell the nurse you’re awake,” he says, going to move.

  “Not yet. Please would you just hold me?” I shift as much as I can to the side, so Ryan can squeeze on the bed next to me.

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You won’t.”

  We lay there for what feels like hours. There was a moment when I saw that car coming at me that I didn’t think I’d ever get to be in his arms again, and the thought of leaving him was far scarier than anything that could happen to me. I wonder if that was how Hannah felt at that moment.

  “Ry,” I whisper, because I’m not sure if he’s fallen asleep.

  “Yes, gorgeous?”

  “What’s the time and date?”

  “It’s…uh…eleven-thirty on the 15th of January. Why?” he asks.

  I don’t answer straight away because it takes me a few seconds to pull myself together. “Hannah. It’s exactly a year. Exactly a year ago that she died and I woke up.”

  Ryan doesn’t get a chance to comment, because a nurse pokes her head in to check on me. “Hey, what are you doing up there, mister?” she asks before her eyes widen slightly when she sees me looking back at her. “Molly, you’re awake.”

  “Sorry, I asked him up here,” I say as she makes her way to my side.

  “Don’t worry, love, I’d want him up next to me as well,” she says with a wink, making Ryan blush as he gets off the bed. “I’m Maggie. I’ve been looking after you on this ward. How are you feeling?”

  “Fine, apart from my head. And I need a drink.” Before she has a chance to do anything, Ryan is there next to me with a cup of water and a straw, apologising because he should have offered me some as soon as I woke up. Maggie disappears to find me some more painkillers, leaving us alone again.

  “Are you really okay?” Ryan asks, sitting himself back on the side of my bed.

  “My head is fucking killing me, but other than that I think I’m okay. I’m guessing I’ve broken my arm.”

  “I’ll leave out the details until you’re a bit stronger, but yeah, you’ve broken your arm and collarbone. You’ll be in a cast for a few weeks.”

  “Oh well…it could have been worse.”

  “Do not go there, Molly.” I watch tears fill his eyes and he looks away from me, lost in thought.

  “Hey, look at me. I’m here, and I’m mostly fine, I promise.”

  After Maggie reappears with painkillers, Ryan sneaks back up on my bed and we fall fast asleep. Apparently, even though I’ve been asleep for days, I still need more.

  The next thing we know, we’re being woken by a different nurse doing the morning medication round.

  “Good morning. Molly, it’s so good to see you awake,” she says cheerfully as she grabs my notes from the end of the bed. “The doctor is on his way to come and see you. He shouldn’t be long.”

  Only a few minutes after the nurse leaves, a doctor walks in. He explains everything to me about what I’ve been through, and when he explains how close I was to not being here right now, I feel awful about my comment to Ryan last night about how it could have been worse.

  The news now seems pretty positive, though. The swelling on my brain has reduced so much that they aren’t worried, and my arm just needs to be in a cast for six weeks, then I should be good as new. I will need some follow-up appointments to check everything, but I should be discharged in a few days, as long I stay stable.

  “Okay, well, unless you have any questions, I’ll go get the ultrasound now that you’re awake. I’m sure you’re dying to see.” Before I have a chance to say anything, he’s out of the room.

  “Uh…what was that about?”

  I watch Ryan’s face split into a huge smile before he says anything. “You know how you’ve been feeling a little off recently?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, it turns out there’s a reason for that.” I raise my eyebrows at him in question. “Molly…you’re pregnant.”

  “I’m…um…what?”

  “You’re pregnant.”

  I think back over the last few weeks, being sick, being tired, feeling bloated and having painful boobs. Yeah, I guess that would make sense.

  “I…um…when?” It may be true, but I’m stunned.

  “Well, they think you’re about nine or ten weeks, so I’m thinking it was my birthday.”

  “But I’m on the pill. How? I haven’t missed my period, so…”

  “You were sick when we were away.”

  “When did you work all this out?”

  “Molly, I’ve been sat here for days, waiting for you to wake up. I’ve had plenty of time to think.”

  “Sorry,” I whisper. “Are they sure it’s okay?”

  “They’ve scanned you a couple of times to check, and the heartbeat is really strong.”

  “Have you seen it?”

  “I refused to look until we could do it together. I’ve heard its heartbeat, though. It’s amazing.” I watch his eyes fill as he talks. I swear he hasn’t stopped smiling through this whole conversation.

  “I’m guessing you’re happy about this, even though it wasn’t planned?”

  “You’re kidding, right? I couldn’t be happier. We’re having a baby!”

  I can’t help but laugh at his excitement. He leans over to kiss me and places his hand on my belly. I cover his with mine as I smile against his lips.

  Three days later and I’m packed and ready to head home at last. It turns out I’m not a very good patient. I’m too independent to have to rely on people to look after me. I’m not under any illusion that it’s going to be any different when I get home, what with Ryan, his parents, the Morrisons, and our friends fussing around me.

  We told everyone about the baby the day after we had the scan. I needed a day to get used to the idea. To say it was a shock was an understatement. Everyone, as expected, was over the moon for us. I’m pretty sure both Susan and Karen have already started shopping for the new arrival, even though we still have months before it’s due.

  I managed to convince Ryan to go home to sleep now that I’m awake, which he did begrudgingly, but he does look better for it. He has still spent every waking moment here with me. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  To my surprise, Karen comes walking into my room a few minutes later with a huge smile on her face.

  “Are you ready to head home?” she asks, going to grab one of my bags.

>   “Uh…yeah. Sorry, but where’s Ryan?” I ask, trying not to sound too disappointed.

  “He’s had to go into work to sort something out to do with his time off. He’ll be back as soon as he can.”

  Karen drops my bag and comes over to give me a hug. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

  My heart brightens a bit when she pulls up outside our house and I see that Ryan’s car is here. At least I won’t have to sit and wait for him to come back. I watch as Karen takes my bags from the boot and places them in the hallway before coming back to help me out and into the house. She stands behind me as I climb the stairs in case I fall, but as soon as I’m at the top, she announces that she needs to head off and asks quickly if I’ll be okay. She takes me completely by surprise, so I give her my thanks for bringing me home and watch as she scurries out of the house.

  As I head over to the living room door, which is weirdly closed, I can’t help but think how strange it is that I can hear Ed Sheeran singing about loving until he’s seventy. I’m used to hearing Ryan’s indie rock filling the house. I push the thought aside and open the door to the room.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Ryan

  Every surface is covered in candles, their flames filling the room with a warm glow as the sun sets outside. I quickly press play on the iPod and triple-check that the little black box is still sitting on the coffee table where I left it.

  After a few minutes, I hear footsteps climbing the stairs, before my mum tells Molly that she’s got to leave. I let out a huge breath to try to calm my nerves before the door handle turns.

  Time seems to stand still as I wait for her to appear, but when she does, the look on her face takes my breath away. She still has purple and green bruises down one side of her face, and her arm is in the cast, but she looks as perfect as ever to me.