Last Night I Sang to the Monster

by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

  After lunch, I’m going to leave school early. Rafael is going to pick me up and we’re going to the courthouse. Rafael, he’s going to adopt me. I guess the subject came up because I asked him if I could call him dad. I don’t know, but I have this thing inside me that needs to have a father. And Rafael has this thing inside him that needs to have a son. Yeah, I know I just turned nineteen, yeah, I know that. But I guess a part of me is still a boy. I used to wig out about that because I thought that I shouldn’t feel that way. But I do feel that way. So, I’m going with what I feel.

  I remember the day when I asked Rafael if I could call him dad. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have any words in him. Tears in his eyes meant Yes, you can call me dad. You know, my dad, he’s dead. And I loved him and I’ll always love him. He did the best he could.

  But I have Rafael now, and he really is my dad.

  I’ve decided that this is the good thing about God. He gives you second chances.

  So this afternoon, I’m going to get a new name. I’m not going to be Zachariah Johnson Gonzalez anymore. I’m going to be Zachariah de la Tierra.

  I am in love with my new name.

  I’m remembering the old Zach. I’m looking in the mirror at the new Zach. My eyes are hazel. Today they look green.

  I pick up my cell phone and decide to call Adam. I haven’t spoken to him for months. I press in his number and wait. His voice mail answers and I smile at the sound of his voice. I am leaving him a message. “Hey, Adam. It’s me, Zach. Remember the happiness scale? Today, I’ve reached a 10 on that scale. Wow! A 10! I woke up this morning and discovered God had written happy on my heart. Adam, I’m having a great day.”

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  LITTLE PIECES OF PAPER

  CONTENTS

  WHAT GOD WRITES ON YOUR HEART

  PERFECT

  WHY I DON’T BELIEVE IN CHANGE

  DREAMS AND THINGS I HATE

  THINGS I DON’T WANT TO KNOW

  SUMMER, WINTER, DREAMS

  WHAT DOES THE MONSTER WANT?

  THE MONSTERS OF NIGHT

  THE REASON I HATE WINTER

  WHEN RAFAEL STOPPED SINGING

  THE WAKING

  I HATE THEM FOR LOVING ME

  THE MONSTER OF GOODBYE

  THE LAST STORM

  THE WORD CHANGE ON MY HEART?