The Last Day

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The Last Day Page 14

by A B Turner


  “Oh my darling, I am so so sorry,” he said sadly, “I feel totally responsible.”

  “You shouldn’t,” I assured him, “You told Cal, what you would have told anyone else.”

  I heard him sigh and I could picture him in my mind, his face etched with guilt, as he was clearly hellbent on taking all the responsibility for the whole mess, but that was wrong and I wanted to make sure he knew.

  “It was my fault, Cyrus, mine and mine alone, you were right, it’s impossible to split professional and personal,” I replied.

  “Do you know where he is now?” he asked anxiously, just hearing that tone made me want to lie, to say Cal was safely home and everything was fine, but I couldn’t, he was my friend and deserved better.

  “No, at least I didn’t yesterday, I think I might call Louise now and see if there’s any sign of him back home.”

  Cyrus insisted I let him know as soon as there was any news, before saying he would see me soon and to take very good care of myself,

  “We will sort this out,” he said firmly, obviously as much to himself as to me.

  “Yes we will, thank you Cyrus.”

  As promised as soon as I’d hung up, I called Louise, before I even had a chance to say anything, she spoke first,

  “I tried to call you yesterday,” she began impatiently, “Is there something wrong with your phone?”

  After assuring her the phone was fine, I told her what had happened, at first, it seemed strange she didn’t seem entirely surprised but then, mid-sentence, I realised she must have seen Cal.

  “Is he okay?” I asked, “Please Lou, I need to know.”

  “He’s okay, I saw him this morning with Jim, they were going fishing, I think he said,” she replied, those few simple words made it feel as if a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. Just to know he was safe was everything, maybe we might even talk in a few days, but when I said this to Louise, she sounded doubtful,

  “I don’t know, maybe.”

  I heard her doubt, but this was Cal and nobody knew him better than me, we had argued a hundred times, but it never lasted, it hadn’t in the past and it wasn’t going to this time – I just wouldn’t let that happen. Suddenly I didn’t want to talk about him anymore, it felt, even though we had been friends forever, it felt disloyal to say anything else, so I changed the subject,

  “How are things with Dylan?”

  My change of topic worked and I listened as she talked about how they were planning on moving in together soon, how when she qualified as a nurse, she would be earning enough to start saving and how amazing he made her feel.

  “I know I’ve always been the less adventurous one, but he makes me feel more than I ever thought possible, do you know what I mean?” she asked, sounding almost exactly like when we were kids and I loved her for it.

  “I think I do,” I replied, allowing my mind to temporarily leave Cal and recall my night with Nick. Louise obviously heard something in my voice that piqued her curiosity,

  “Oh really? Is there someone special?” she asked, “as your best friend, I should be the first to know, that’s the law, you know.”

  Despite everything, I couldn’t help but laugh,

  “We are adults now, that argument doesn’t work anymore,” I chuckled.

  “Like hell it doesn’t?” she joked back, “That’s a lifetime thing, anyway, don’t change the subject, who did you mean?”

  I knew she wasn’t going to let this go, so I settled down and explained about Nick, how amazing our night had been and how I wished it didn’t have to be a one night stand, like so many times, when I said my thoughts aloud, it just seemed to make them even more real – like they now existed in the world and not just in my head. When I’d finished talking, all I heard from her was a low,

  “Wow,” after several seconds of silence, when perhaps she was trying to construct some kind of more meaningful response, she finally spoke again,

  “As he’s married, it’s probably best it’s been left as it is now, although I understand, it must be difficult for you,” she hesitated, “to find that with someone you can’t have, I’m so sorry.”

  “It is, what it is, he didn’t lie or pretend anything, so I suppose that’s something, although I would be the liar, if I said, I wish things were different,” again, it felt like I was giving my thoughts a voice, and it was a voice I hadn’t really wanted to acknowledge. Suddenly it was time for Louise to change the subject,

  “Why don’t you come home? I know you’ve made a life there, but if you came back, you would be away from this whole Nick situation, it would be a whole lot easier to sort things out with Cal and we would see each other more.”

  The sheer intensity and speed of her words nearly knocked me back, as I struggled to keep up, she ran ahead with the idea, talking about buying a place, getting a local job and she even said something about it being a healthier lifestyle there. When she finally paused to breathe, I had caught up and was able to reply,

  “Louise, everything you’ve said is probably true, but you’re forgetting why I left in the first place, that’s still there..” I protested.

  “You mean your mother?” she asked incredulously, “She’s the reason? You can’t be serious, so much time has passed since then, you can’t still feel the same way about her, surely!”

  “It’s not just her..” I answered, feeling pressured and not really understanding why, “I left that place, that life to find something better, and I have Louise, I know you don’t think so, but for the most part, this life is so far removed from anything there for me and I can’t go back, I just can’t.”

  I knew my words were not what she wanted to hear, and I didn’t want to hurt her, but they were the truth – despite what happened with Cal, despite my hopeless situation with Nick – it was better. But I knew I had to say more, so before Louise had a chance, I explained more,

  “Lou, when we came to the city together, you said yourself, I belonged here and you, there, neither place is better than the other, it’s just you have to find where you somehow fit, where life makes sense, where doors feel open to you and, for me, that’s here.”

  I heard her sigh,

  “I know you’re right and I know I’m being selfish because I would love you to come back, I miss having my best friend,” she said wistfully.

  “You don’t have to miss me, at all,” I insisted, “We are always best friends, wherever we are, and that really is the law,” I smiled.

  She giggled,

  “True enough, anyway, I’d better get moving, I need to be at the hospital soon, are you sure you’re going to be alright?”

  “I’ll be okay, Lou, nothing that a long shower, some coffee and going to work won’t fix, now that I know Cal is safe.”

  As always, we ended the conversation with the firm promise to call each other more often, as soon as we’d said goodbye, I called Cyrus and told him I’d be at the gallery within the hour, he still sounded worried but was clearly relieved. After showering and two strong coffees, I dressed and walked out into the street, I paused and just absorbed the now-bustling atmosphere, as always, every sight and sound seemed to energise every part of me, even though to anyone else, there was nothing but the low murmuring roar of heavy traffic and a million hurried footsteps. As I started the walk to work, I thought about my earlier conversation with Louise, it had been true when I said I belonged here in the city, despite what Mum had said, it was possible to leave the past, in the past, I had done it and there was no way, I would allow it back.

  FINAL DAYS

  Chapter Eight

  As I checked my reflection in the mirror, one last time, I tried to convince myself, I had somehow managed to cover up the effects of all those long hours I’d been working at the gallery. Despite all the careful application of make-up, those dark circles under my eyes were still visible and there was no mistaking, I looked plain weary. But I knew I was far from being the only one, I’d noticed Caroline appeared to be even smaller and more
anxious, I’d seen Jack struggle to stifle a yawn more than once – even Cyrus had been increasingly irritable then instantly apologetic for several weeks. So we had all been relieved to learn, the gallery owners had decided to close for a week and allow for some refurbishment work to be done.

  “Does this mean we have some time off?” Jack had asked hopefully, Cyrus nodded,

  “Yes, dear boy, and with pay too.”

  There was a collective sigh of relief,

  “What will you do with the time?” he asked them both, they glanced at each other,

  “Sleep,” they replied in unison, Cyrus smiled,

  “I couldn’t agree more, the social world will have to manage without me for at least a few days, as I cannot possibly be seen out, looking like this anymore,” he said, while checking his reflection in the glass doors, “God, I look like a corpse and not one of the good ones.”

  I smiled at that remark, as I was now looking at myself in my childhood bedroom mirror, it was pretty clear, I wasn’t looking too marvellous either, but thankfully, the focus wouldn’t be on me tonight – no this celebration was all about Louise and Dylan. I sat back on my bed, opened my bag and found the invitation to their engagement party, I had been thrilled to receive it even though, I did feel a slight twinge of jealousy, as I was nowhere near finding someone myself, but that was my choice. After my night with Nick, I hadn’t met anyone else, well, that wasn’t entirely true, I’d met several people- even spent the night with a few of them- but I hadn’t called them afterwards. It wasn’t even them, not one had been anything but considerate and fun, but they weren’t him and no amount of anything could change them. Perhaps I was destined to be alone, which was a thought I knew I had to accept because Nick was married, and as we had agreed, all that time ago, there could never be a future together. I had even seen him with his wife, Cyrus and I had gone to see some awful play because a friend of his had a minor role. As we had been edging through the small crowd to our seats, I had noticed them on the other side of the auditorium. He had his hand resting softly on her hip as they talked to another couple, as I watched, I saw her laugh and he smiled broadly at her before pulling her closer to him.

  “Don’t kiss her,” I whispered to myself, “Please don’t.”

  Cyrus spun round,

  “Don’t want darling?”

  His interruption forced me somehow regain some level of control,

  “Don’t get me lost,” I replied brightly, Cyrus shook his head impatiently as he peered at our tickets again,

  “It’s not easy to see where the hell we are supposed to be sitting,” he said with a definite tone of slight despair, “The writing on here is so small and who thought deep purple was a good idea?”

  When we finally sat down, I glanced across at Nick, he and his wife were now seated and just before the house lights dimmed, I saw him lean across and kiss her, I immediately turned away. Looking back, the play really had no chance of entertaining me, as my thoughts were filled with Nick, I knew it was pointless to even think about him, but it was impossible, knowing he was so close to me and there was nothing I could do. I had tried to hate him, I’d tried to convince myself he had somehow ‘used’ me, I even tried to remind myself I was far from being the only woman he had spent the night with who wasn’t his wife. But hard as it was to accept, I knew the truth, he had been honest with me, right from the start and I just had to hope, with time, he wouldn’t feature in my head so much. But as I sat on my bed, at least two years later, getting ready for the party, even though Nick wasn’t on my mind every day any more, he had never really left completely. I stood up and looked again in the mirror, I could almost see him standing next to me, I wondered if he would hold me as he had his wife, perhaps kiss me gently on my cheek and tell me I looked amazing. For a brief moment, I felt myself actually believing I could feel him, but then a knock at my door quickly brought me back to reality.

  “You’re a fool,” I said to myself quietly, before calling out, “Who is it?”

  The door swung open, Cal was standing there,

  “Who else would it be?” he asked, “Are you ready?”

  I smiled, picked up the carefully wrapped engagement present from my bedside table, before glancing around the room to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything.

  “Come on, we’ll be late,” Cal complained, before walking along the landing and down the stairs, I switched off my bedroom light and quickly followed him. When we reached the kitchen, it was pretty obvious Mum wasn’t there, but Cal explained, she had already called to say, she would see us there, as she was still at work. I was about to make some sarcastic comment about her absence, but I refrained, I didn’t want to do anything to upset Cal. After the disastrous day at the gallery, when his artwork had been turned down, it had taken some months for us to be even talking again, so I had no desire to fall out with him. The silence between us had been nothing less than awful, so many times I had reached for the phone and then not called, either because I hadn’t been sure what to say or been frightened he would still be angry and not want to talk at all. Thankfully, just when I was giving up all hope, late one night, he had called me,

  “Hello.” he began tentatively, “It’s me, Cal.”

  The tide of relief I felt when I heard his voice was almost overwhelming, but, for some ridiculous unknown reason, I tried, at first, to sound cool,

  “Hello Cal, how are you?”

  My reaction clearly threw him slightly, as he hesitated before speaking again,

  “I’m okay..I..just wondered how you were,” he stammered, even though a part of me wanted to rant about how worried I’d been about him, what a jerk he was at the gallery and what had he been thinking by just disappearing, I said none of those things. What was the point? It was all in the past now, what mattered, was him calling which meant me having my brother back.

  “I’m alright,” I answered, “So what’s happening with you?”

  After a shaky start, we talked for over an hour, he told me about how he had got a job at the store, which he hated but at least he had some money of his own, he talked about the animals and even a little bit about Mum.

  “She’s not so bad now, she even cooks occasionally, although she’s not as good as you at cheese toasties.”

  I laughed,

  “Ah well, she hasn’t made as many as I have, “I paused, not entirely sure it was a good idea to mention his artwork, but when I did, I was pleasantly surprised by his reaction,

  “Cyrus was right,” Cal replied firmly, “What I brought that day wasn’t good enough, but I’ve been working more and I like my new stuff better.”

  “I’m so happy about that,” I replied happily, “I was worried you might not carry on.”

  “I was too,” he answered, “I left it for a while but then just found myself drawing again.”

  “Good, because you’re talented,” I said, I could picture him smiling at the compliment and it felt good to be able just to talk honestly with him again and to know he was so much better. Strangely, even though I’d only been back home for a couple of days, I hadn’t been able to ignore, their relationship really did seem to have changed, just as Cal had said, she seemed far more affectionate with him than I could ever remember. Whether it had come about as a result of his work being turned down or she’d just realised he needed her support, but whatever had prompted this change, it was good for him. When we stepped outside the house, it was still early evening, the sun hadn’t quite set and the air was filled with the heavy scent of the summer flowers in the field. As we strolled down the lane, the only sound was our shoes crunching on the light gravel, it felt like a world away from my beloved city but, for once, I was able just to enjoy the walk. When we reached the corner, a voice called out,

  “Hey hold on you two,” we turned around and saw Uncle Jim half-running towards the gate, we both gasped, as for the first time, he was wearing a suit and tie, although his omnipresent battered hat still rested on his head. As he reached us, I could
hear him breathing heavily,

  “Did you forget Cal?” he asked between gasps, “I said I’d walk down with you.”

  Cal chuckled,

  “Oh that’s right, sorry.”

  Jim rolled his eyes,

  “This boy would forget his head if it wasn’t screwed on,” he replied ruffling Cal’s hair, “In fact, we’re lucky he remembered to get dressed.”

  Cal scowled yet both Jim and I laughed,

  “I know what you mean,” I added, “I used to have to dress him, I was worried I might still have to make sure his shoes were on the right feet.”

  “You’re both so funny,” snapped Cal grumpily, Jim smiled at him, his bright eyes filled with undeniable warmth,

  “Only joking, buddy, you know how much I rely on you to help me out these days,” he turned to me, “I’m not getting any younger, Chicky.”

  I was about to reply when Cal spoke,

  “You’ll never get old,” he said decisively, “I won’t let you.”

  I saw Uncle Jim smile and as we started to walk, I did wonder what would happen if anything did happen to him, he was like a father to Cal and there was no doubt, it would be devastating for my little brother. But, I quickly pushed that kind of sombre thought far away from my mind, tonight was about being together and celebrating this engagement. When we reached the top of Louise’s road, we could hear the sound of lively chatter and music, long before we arrived. As we walked down her road, we could see the lights which had been strung through the trees in her front yard, people were all over the grass and sitting on the porch, talking and laughing. The whole street was filled with the pure joy of the occasion, even as we reached the open front door, more guests were arriving behind us, all carrying gifts and dressed in their best clothes.

  “I’m going to find Louise,” I said to Cal and Jim, “You two okay?”

  Before I’d heard their answer, I started to edge through the crowded rooms, glancing left and right, hoping to catch a glimpse of my best friend. It wasn’t until I somehow ended up in the kitchen, I finally saw her, she looked so radiant and beautiful, I caught my breath. Her dress was the deepest blue and it showed her trim figure to perfection, her hair tumbled in loose curls over her shoulders and as she laughed, her smile literally beamed. She seemed a million miles away from the little shy girl who had been my friend forever, if she had once been a caterpillar, she was undeniably a gorgeous butterfly now. I was well aware I was staring, but weirdly, for years, she’d always been Lou to me, we were eternally those kids who had shared everything – yet here she was, a beautiful woman and it was like I was really seeing her as an adult for the first time. Suddenly our eyes met and we quickly threaded our way through the partygoers and into each other’s arms,

 

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