A Child's Gift

by Linda Warren

  With a resolve that was as strong as he was supposed to be, he packed Dusty’s things in a carryall. He left his boots and hat. He wouldn’t need them where he was going. And then he loaded Dusty into his car seat and drove to the courthouse. Ana wiped away tears all the way and he was powerless to ease her pain. He was powerless to ease his own.

  At the courthouse, he got out and unbuckled Dusty’s seat belt. He had no idea what he was going to say. This was goodbye forever and words mixed with the bile in his throat.

  “Hey, buddy,” he said as he lifted the boy out of his car seat. “Remember how we were waiting for your mommy to get well?”

  Dusty nodded.

  “She’s all better...and she’s here to take you with her.”

  Dusty didn’t say anything, just twisted his hands nervously.

  Ana reached up and kissed him, stroking his hair. “Good...bye... I love you.”

  “Why you crying?” Dusty wanted to know.

  There were no good answers they could give him so Rico walked toward Darlene and Ms. Henshaw who were standing in front of the courthouse. Of medium height with blond hair, Darlene Miller was thin—painfully thin. He couldn’t see her eyes because she wore sunglasses.

  He squatted on the lawn and pointed to Darlene. “There’s your mother.”

  Dusty stood, but he made no move to go toward her.

  Darlene ran to them. “Hey, baby, it’s Mommy.” She grabbed his hands. “Look at you. You’ve gotten so tall and big.”

  “I’m like Rico,” Dusty replied.

  “Yes, well.” She lifted Dusty into her arms and Rico noticed her hands shook. She was nervous. “Now you’re going to live with Mommy. I have an apartment and a job and we’re going to live together. Isn’t that wonderful?”

  “Can Rico and Ana come with us?”

  “No, baby, Rico stays here.”

  “No!” Dusty shouted. “I stay with Rico.” Dusty tried to get down, but Darlene held on to him.

  “Let’s go,” Ms. Henshaw said. She glanced at Rico, but he had nothing to say to the woman.

  “Rico! Rico!” Dusty cried all the way to the car. “Rico, come get me! Come get me!” He fought as they put them in the car seat and he was banging on the window as they drove away.

  Rico stood frozen in place with Dusty’s words ringing in his ears. He would hear that frantic voice for the rest of his life. He drew a heavy breath and marched to his truck, shutting down his emotions.

  Egan and Wyatt called his name, but he ignored them. He got in his truck and Ana slid into the passenger seat, tears streaming down her face. He ignored that, too. There was no way to go back and there was no way to go forward. He was back in that cell waiting to be released, waiting for freedom, but this time the freedom from the pain would take more courage than he could muster.

  They say that strong men don’t cry and not one tear had left his eyes. Maybe they were right.

  * * *

  ANA WIPED AWAY tears and fought for a measure of control. They’d lost their baby, but they could get through this. She just had to reach Rico.

  “Rico...”

  “I don’t want to talk,” he said shortly and with each mile she could feel him moving away from her, shutting her out.

  When they reached the bunkhouse, he went inside and she slowly followed. He sat in his chair, hunched forward, his forearms resting on his thighs and his hands clasped between his knees. He stared at his hands.

  “Rico, we need to talk.”

  “No, we don’t.”

  She took a deep breath and tried again. “We can get through this together.”

  “No, we can’t.”

  “How can you say that?”

  He stood up, anger in every line of his body. “I came into that bakery for two years—” he held up two fingers “—and you never took one step to take our relationship further. You were afraid of what your mother would say about you talking to an ex-con, so I came in early so she wouldn’t see me. Two years, Anamarie, and nothing. Then Dusty comes onto the scene and suddenly I’m more attractive. You come and stay here in the bunkhouse with me, defying your mother. It was never about me. Or us. It was always about Dusty and your need for a child.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “It is!” he shouted. “And the sooner you realize that, the better it will be.”

  “Rico—” Her voice cracked and she had to stop.

  Rico drew a ragged breath. “Our relationship was all about Dusty. Now that he’s gone we have nothing left. It’s over. Pack your things and leave.”

  He walked past her and out the door.

  Trembling from head to toe, she tried to stop the tears, but gave up. Nothing mattered anymore. Rico wasn’t going to believe her. She’d lost her baby and she’d lost Rico. How did she find her way back from that?

  The sound of a car penetrated her numb mind and Rachel rushed into the house.

  “Are you okay?” Rachel asked.

  Ana shook her head. “I’ll never be the same again.”

  Egan stood behind Rachel. “Where’s Rico?”

  “He went toward the barn.”

  Egan hurried out and Rachel said, “Sit down and let’s talk.”

  Ana shook her head again. “I don’t need to talk. I just need to be alone. Please leave.” She didn’t need words of solace. What she needed was her baby and no one could give her that.

  “Anamarie...”

  “Please, Rachel, let me grieve in peace.”

  Rachel hesitated and then said, “Okay, but if you need anything, just call.”

  Ana closed the door and went to her bedroom. Getting her suitcase out of the closet, she drew a hot tear-soaked breath and started to pack her clothes. And then she went to the refrigerator and took down the drawing Dusty had drawn of them. She placed it carefully in the suitcase so as not to crush it.

  The teddy bear Rico had won for her at the carnival was on the bed and she tucked it under her arm. She couldn’t leave it behind. It had a lot of good memories and she would need those in the days ahead.

  She stopped in Dusty’s doorway and a sob rose up in her throat. His cowboy boots were at the foot of the bed and his hat lay on the bed. She remembered the day he’d gotten them and how excited he’d been. Her precious baby. The only baby she would ever have. Now she had to go on. Without Rico. Without Dusty. Somewhere inside she would find the strength to do that. She just didn’t know when that would happen.

  After closing Dusty’s door, she looked around at the place where she’d found love and happiness; cooking with Dusty in the kitchen, sitting in Rico’s lap, talking, laughing and kissing until she couldn’t think. And just like a puff of smoke it was all gone. But the memories remained. Wonderful memories she would treasure forever.

  She got in her car and drove away, refusing to look back at everything she would never have again.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  “RICO!” EGAN SHOUTED, but Rico kept walking. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, not even Egan.

  He whistled for his horse, Brown Patch, a brown-and-white paint that Quincy had given him. The horse galloped toward the barn and Rico quickly put a bridle on her and slid on bareback. He didn’t have time for a saddle.

  “Rico—”

  He kneed the horse and they flew out of the barn, leaving Egan behind. They flew over fences and through pastures of round bales of hay and square bales of hay. On they went through herds of cattle that hurried to get out of their way. That’s when he realized that Patch was breathing heavily.

  Pulling her up, he slid from her back to the grass and stared up at the bright noonday sun. It was blinding and he blinked several times to shut it out. But like the pain it was right there. They’d taken his kid. They’d taken Dusty away from him. A tear slipped from his eyes and then another and he made no move to wipe
them away. Soon sobs racked his body and he turned onto his side and curled into a ball, letting the grief take its toll.

  Afterward, he got up and tied the reins on Patch’s neck. He slapped her on the rump. “Go home, girl. Go home.” Then he took out his phone and dropped it in the grass, not even looking at the many messages on it. Staring at the blue horizon, he started walking. Heavy woods and scrub brush didn’t slow him down. He walked until he could no longer see then he fell down into a bed of leaves and tried to sleep. But Dusty’s words kept pounding in his ears.

  Rico, come get me! Rico, Rico, Rico...

  He got up and started walking again, feeling his way around trees. Finally his knees gave way and he sank down beside a big oak tree. The darkness of the night trapped him in his own private hell. He was in a place where no one would ever find him and that’s exactly where he wanted to be. Nowhere. Away from the Rebels and away from people who wanted to comfort him. He didn’t need comfort. He needed his kid back. And he had to find a way to let go on his own.

  It could prove to be the hardest thing he would ever have to do.

  * * *

  ANAMARIE WENT HOME and stuffed her wedding dress into the closet. She then lay on her bed and stared at the ceiling fan making endless circles. Her insides churned and she fought the nausea rising in her. Tears burned her eyes and she desperately needed someone to hold her, to comfort her. Not someone. Just Rico. But he was locked inside himself—a place she couldn’t reach.

  She tried not to think about Dusty, but his little voice screaming for Rico would be with her for a long time. Pushing it away, she turned onto her side and thought about Rico. He’d said their relationship was based on Dusty. She would never believe that. She’d been crazy about Rico for a long time, but she was afraid to take the relationship further. Of course, it had a lot to do with her mother and her mother’s power over her.

  After Greg, she’d hidden behind her mother’s protection. It was safe, secure. She never wanted to be hurt like that again so she avoided men and she avoided living. Her life was the bakery just like everyone had said. She’d worked long hours so she wouldn’t have to think about her dismal life. Then she started talking to Rico and he came back and came back. It excited her that he had taken an interest in her when no one else had.

  So why hadn’t she taken the first step? Fear of rejection was her immediate answer. Dusty gave her a way to get around that. She opened up her heart and went with her feelings to get closer to Rico. Their relationship wasn’t just about Dusty and someday Rico would believe that. It would take time for both of them to get over losing Dusty. She was good at waiting.

  A knock sounded at her door and she groaned. She got up and went to answer it. Angie and Rachel stood on the doorstep.

  “Hey, sis. We thought we would visit for a while.”

  Anamarie shook her head. “No, I’m not in the mood to visit. Please. I just want to be alone.”

  “Sis...”

  “Thanks. I’ll talk to y’all later.” She closed the door and made it almost to her bedroom when another knock sounded.

  She marched back and yanked open the door. “I’m...” Her voice trailed away as she saw her mother and dad standing there.

  “Can we come in?” her mother asked.

  No! But she stepped aside and let them in. She had to face her mother’s scorn so she might as well do it now.

  Her mother sat on the blue tweed sofa with her purse in her lap.

  “We heard what happened,” her mother said. “How could they take that little boy? I know how much you loved him.”

  Ana was speechless. It wasn’t like her mother to be kind and conciliatory.

  “Wyatt should have done something to stop it,” her mother went on.

  “The judge ordered Dusty to be returned to his mother,” Ana stated flatly. “There was nothing Wyatt could do.”

  Her mother looked around. “Is that man here with you?”

  She bit her lip. “No. And his name is Rico.”

  “Why not?” her mother wanted to know.

  She searched for words to explain in a way that her mother would understand. There weren’t any so she went with the truth. “Rico is taking this hard and he asked me to leave.”

  Her mother jumped up, sliding the strap of her purse up her arm. “How dare he! After all you did for him.”

  Her dad got to his feet. “Doris, I think you’ve said enough. Let’s go home.”

  “I’m not through, Willard.”

  “You’re through.” Her dad took her mother’s arm and tugged her toward the door.

  “Anamarie, please come home. Just come home,” her mother called over her shoulder. “We’ll get through this just like we did before.”

  “I’m not coming home. I have a house and this is where I’m going to stay. I’m not eighteen years old anymore and I don’t need my mother to baby me.”

  “You don’t need to be alone.”

  “That’s exactly what I need. And for the record I still love Rico and I believe he still loves me. We’re both hurting and trying to find ways to deal with life after Dusty. I’ll be fine. It’ll just take time.”

  “Come back to the bakery. That’s where you belong.”

  Ana shook her head. “I’m not coming back to the bakery.”

  “You can’t just sit here and grieve.”

  “She can do whatever she pleases,” her father said. “I think she’s old enough and strong enough to handle whatever life gives her.”

  “Willard, you never support me when we deal with our children.”

  “Go figure.” Her father opened the door and had to pull her mother through it.

  Ana went back to her bedroom and changed into an old T-shirt. Curling up in the bed, she clutched the teddy bear Rico had won for her. Tonight she wouldn’t give Dusty his bath and watch him play in the bubbles. She wouldn’t wrap him in a big towel and carry him to his bedroom and help with his pajamas. She wouldn’t hear screeching as he would run and jump into Rico’s lap. Their laughter tonight would be silent. She was alone again and that’s when the tears came, so many she couldn’t stop them.

  She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knew someone was pounding on her front door. Slipping out of bed, she realized it was completely dark outside. She hurried to the front door to find Rachel there.

  “I’m sorry to bother you,” Rachel said, holding her phone in her hand. She had Mickey in her other arm. “But I thought you’d like to know that Rico is missing. And I brought Mickey because I don’t want my boys to get too attached to him. I’m not sure what Rico’s plans are for him.” Rachel placed the dog on the porch and he ran to Ana, barking.

  She picked him up and cuddled him, but her mind was on one thing. “Missing? What do you mean? Isn’t he at the ranch?”

  “No.” Rachel glanced at her phone. “May I come in?”

  Anamarie opened the door wider and they sat on the sofa. By Rachel’s nervousness she knew something was really wrong.

  “What happened?” she asked.

  “Rico rode off on his horse and Egan couldn’t stop him. Later, the horse came back without Rico. The Rebels have shut down hay season and they are all searching for him. They found his phone miles from the house.”

  Anamarie tried not to overreact, tried not to let her fears get the best of her. She knew deep inside that Rico wouldn’t hurt himself. He was too strong. “He’s just hurt and doesn’t want to speak to anyone. He’s hiding and grieving and he has to do that alone. We just have to give him time.”

  Rachel laid her phone on the sofa and kept staring at it. “I’m just worried about Egan.”

  “Why?”

  Rachel blinked away a tear. “He and Rico have a special connection and Egan wants to help him like Rico helped Egan, but Rico keeps shutting him out.”

  “That’s R
ico. He’s built this wall of protection around himself to keep anyone from getting too close. It’s all connected to his past and the pain he had to go through. He let down his guard and allowed Dusty in and he allowed me in and we thought we would be together always. That ended abruptly and Rico isn’t dealing with it very well. Egan just has to be patient. I have to be patient.”

  Mickey jumped into her lap and she stroked him, feeling a closeness to Dusty. Tears welled in her eyes again.

  “But you’ll get back together and you’ll have your own family. Please tell me that.” Rachel seemed to need reassurance.

  Anamarie shook her head. “No. I’ll never have a child.” And for the first time she told another person besides Rico about what had happened to her as a teenager.

  “Oh, Anamarie, I’m so sorry.” Rachel threw her arms around Anamarie’s neck and hugged her. Mickey yelped and jumped to the floor. “Angie has never mentioned any of this.”

  She drew back. “It’s a Wiznowski family secret. Somehow that made me tainted in my mother’s eyes and she didn’t want anyone to know that her daughter couldn’t have children.”

  “That’s terrible.”

  “Yeah. It made me feel hopeless.”

  “But Rico made you feel otherwise?” Rachel asked.

  A smile dented her sad expression. “Yes.” And so much more. She took a deep breath. “When Dusty first came in to the bakery, I tried to keep my distance because I knew if I let my heart get involved, I would get hurt. Dusty was such a precious little boy and there was no way I could not get involved with him. He became our little boy. And it gave me a chance to get closer to Rico, something I was afraid to do on my own. Now Rico and I don’t know how to move forward without him.”

  “But you will,” Rachel insisted. “I’ve never seen Rico as happy as he was with you.”

  Anamarie played with the hem of her T-shirt. “He said our relationship was based on Dusty.”

  “Was it?” Rachel asked softly.

  Ana raised her head and tears threatened again. “No. I’ll never believe that.”

  Rachel’s phone buzzed and she immediately grabbed it and talked for a minute to Egan. “The others are stopping for the night, but Egan is continuing on. He says he’s not stopping until he finds Rico.” Rachel stood. “I better go. I left the boys at my dad’s so Justin wouldn’t hear that Rico’s missing. I don’t know how to tell Justin about Rico or that his dad won’t be coming home tonight.”