Rock Paper Scissors

by Devon Monk

  “That sounds good. Really great.” I cleared my throat. “But the passes are pretty bad after the last freeze. Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure.”

  “Okay. Promise you’ll drive carefully and chain up.”

  “I will.”

  Another long pause where I listened to the inhale and exhale of his breathing. I strained to hear more of him, of what was around him. I could just make out the radio over the rumble of his truck engine. Another Christmas song, this one about peace on Earth, carried by the smooth chocolaty baritone of Bing Crosby mixed with Bowie’s caramel-sweet tenor.

  I wondered if he could hear my breathing too, wondered if he strained for more of me like I strained for more of him. Wondered if he could hear the diner around me as Nat King Cole’s buttered-rum vocals wished us all a Merry Christmas.

  “Delaney?” Ryder said.

  “Yes?”

  “There’s something important I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

  “Yes?”

  “Oooh,” Bathin said. “Here it comes. He loves you. Or he’s breaking up with you. Fifty-fifty chance here, no wrong answer.”

  I flipped him off. He grinned.

  “Something I should have said a long time ago,” Ryder said.

  “He’s finally gonna say it. Love? Hate?” Bathin pressed his palms together in prayer position and looked to the heavens. “Hold me, Jesus.”

  I glared at him. To Ryder I said, “Okay.”

  “I don’t know why it’s taken me so long.” Ryder paused. “But...”

  I held my breath. Waited. Everything in me tingled with a rush of excitement. The boy I’d had a crush on all my life, the man I’d fallen in love with, was finally going to say the three words I’d been waiting to hear.

  Maybe Jean was right. Christmas was romantic.

  “…tell Spud I miss him, okay?”

  Reality slammed back into place with the smell of grease, ketchup, and wet coats mixed with the overly-loud dinner crowd. A Christmas song I despised, sung by rodents who should not have gotten their own movie, much less a sequel, added to the noise.

  The demon across the table from me grinned like a fool and sighed happily, enjoying my emotional whiplash.

  “Spud,” I said in the most blasé tone I owned.

  “Spud.” Was that a hint of laughter in his voice? Was Ryder teasing me?

  “Your dog.”

  “Last I knew.”

  “Tell your dog, you miss him. Your dog.”

  “Yes. Because I do. Oh, and there’s one more thing.” Pause. Maybe for dramatic effect, maybe for navigating a tricky spot in whatever road he was driving. “Tell Spud that I love him.”

  Really? I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it. Was he pranking me? Had Jean called him behind my back and told him about our conversation?

  I knew Ryder loved me, because he’d proved it over and over again with his actions.

  But Jean had gotten that stupid “L” word stuck in my head and then Bathin had been all over it, and now I wanted to hear it, dammit. I wanted my Christmas romance.

  Bathin snorted.

  I scowled at him. “Stop reading my mind.”

  “Stop being so entertaining.”

  I imagined throwing him in a dungeon with a thousand hungry rats.

  “Promises, promises. And now I’m suddenly famished. I need pie.” He wandered off to sweet talk the waitress out of a free slice, something at which he was surprisingly adept.

  “Delaney?” Ryder’s voice brought me back to the conversation.

  There was no need for me to get upset about him teasing me. There was no reason for me to be annoyed that he was more emotionally open with his dog than with me.

  I could be calm. I could be happy that he was coming home in time for the holidays.

  Who needed the “L” word? Nobody. Who needed Christmas romance? Not me.

  Take that, Jean.

  Also? Two could play this game.

  “You’ll be glad to know I’ve already told Spud I love him more than you do. And guess who he believes? Me. I didn’t want to break it to you over the phone, but ever since I’ve been taking Spud on walks, feeding him bacon, bringing him a dragon to wrestle with, he’s made it pretty clear he loves me best now.”

  “A…did you say dragon?”

  “By the way, you’ll need new curtains. The dragon likes fabric. And there’s a strong possibility Spud won’t even recognize you by the time you get back. Why, just the other day he was staring at your picture and growling.”

  “Delaney.” He coughed to smother a laugh. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m just fine. I’m just great.”

  “Mmmm-hmm. You sound great.” His voice dropped into that sexy burr that made my mouth water. I bit the corner of my lip and waited for my stupid heart to stop fluttering for him. Waited for the butterflies in my stomach to get the message that there would be no takeoffs today. All flights were grounded.

  “Don’t,” I whispered.

  “Don’t what?” Sexy voice. Sexy man. I closed my eyes and could almost feel his arms wrapping around me, his body hard and heated against mine. I could almost feel his breath ghosting across my cheek to my lips, where he would pause, thumbs framing my mouth before he pressed a kiss exactly where he wanted it.

  How could I miss him so much when he’d only been gone for a couple months?

  Hearts were confusing.

  I might have made a little sound.

  “Don’t think I’m not missing you,” he rumbled. “I can’t sleep at night. You’re all I think about. And every time I hear your voice…I just want to turn the project over to some other company, pack it all up, and come home.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  Who knew one word could make everything seem better?

  I opened my eyes and stared at my cup while the Hula Hoop-obsessed rodents sang me back to the here and now.

  It was almost Christmas. Songs were playing, people were laughing. That lift of kindness and hope and nostalgia filled the air, thicker than the scents of cinnamon and peppermint. Bright lights blinked along the edges of windows and silvery snowflakes hung brightly from the ceiling.

  “I’ll be there,” he said. “Soon.” Promising me. Promising himself. “We’ll talk. Okay, Delaney? We’ll really talk. Because I have things to say to you. Important things I need you to know. About us. Things I’ve been thinking a lot about.”

  “Okay.” Even I heard how soft my voice had gone.

  He made a frustrated sound. “I need to say them when I can see your eyes. When I can feel your heartbeat.”

  “Okay.” He was coming home. That was good. That was enough. “I miss you like I miss the stars in the sky.”

  “Aw,” Bathin whispered as he settled down with half an apple pie. “Stars. How poetic. Most people only aim for the moon.”

  I reached across the table with my spoon and scooped all of the whipped cream off his pie.

  “Hey.”

  I stuffed the entire pile in my mouth and gave him a what-you-gonna-do-about-it look.

  “Baby.” Was all Ryder seemed able to get out. But it was enough.

  That word was love.

  “Hey.” I swallowed the sweet cream then took a quick sip of coffee. “There is a storm headed inland. It’s going to dump a lot of snow in the passes. Do you think you should wait until it blows through?”

  “No. I want to be home. I’ll be careful. I promise.”

  “Just…don’t push it if it looks too bad.”

  “I won’t.”

  “Call me before you leave. And make sure you have a full tank of gas.”

  “And cold weather gear, chains, water, granola bars and jerky. I’m only three hours away, Delaney, not trekking across Siberia.”

  “A hundred and ninety-one miles, Ryder. There are two mountain ranges between us.”

  “You think a couple mountain ranges could keep me from spending Christmas with you?”r />
  “If they’re going to throw a blizzard at your head? Maybe.”

  “Let them try. I’m still coming home. Blizzard or no blizzard.”

  “Okay.”

  “Delaney.” Soft, intimate. “I’ll be home for Christmas.”

  “Don’t you start quoting songs at me.”

  He chuckled, and just like that, things felt better again. Things felt right. “Jean’s right,” he said. “You have no Christmas spirit.”

  “Excuse me? You’re taking my sister’s side on this?”

  He laughed. “It’s okay. Not everyone gets into the season like Jean gets into well, everything.”

  “Right?” I said feeling vindicated. “It’s been Jingle Bells 24/7 since before Thanksgiving. Before Thanksgiving, Ryder.”

  “Totally rude of her.”

  “You know what I want for Christmas?” I asked. “Ear plugs. And therapy.”

  “Maybe if you’re a good girl, Santa will bring you both. Or you could just ask him. Are you sure Santa isn’t…around?”

  “Santa doesn’t live in Ordinary, Ryder,” I told him for the hundredth time. “I’m sure we are not the North Pole.”

  “It’s Mr. Kristofferson, isn’t it?”

  His guesses were getting better, and by better I meant total bull’s-eye. Man had good instincts. But I wasn’t going to let him off that easily.

  “If Santa lived here, don’t you think I’d tell you?”

  Bathin tsked at my lie.

  “I think you’d wait until Mr. Kristofferson saw me doing something naughty so he wouldn’t bring me any presents.”

  “You’ve put a lot of thought into this, haven’t you?”

  “I’ve had time to do a lot of thinking lately.”

  “Oh?”

  “About a lot of things.”

  “Naughty things?”

  “Always.”

  This was not the time or place for dirty talk. There was a family of six plowing through a full turkey dinner just one booth down, and everyone else in the diner had to be over ninety years old.

  Still, I tucked my head toward the window, cupped my phone, and pressed my face close to it trying to keep this on the down-low. “Tell me,” I breathed.

  “Did you just put on a ski mask?”

  “No.” I moved my hand. “What naughty things are you thinking?”

  An old man one table over grinned at me. He did that two-finger point-at-eye thing then point-at-me thing.

  I raised one eyebrow like I didn’t know what he was insinuating.

  He made a circle with his pointer finger and thumb then thrust his other index finger into the hole several times.

  Nope. No. I was not going to sit here and watch some old guy make dirty sex signals at me.

  “Like I bet you haven’t even gotten a Christmas tree yet,” Ryder rumbled. “Or decorated it. Or put up any Christmas lights. Shame, shame, Delaney.”

  This was naughty talk? A Christmas tree?

  “Lights are up and twinkling, Mr. Judgy McJudgerson.” I had put them up yesterday. Just a single string across the mantle above the fireplace. But still. That counted.

  “And the tree?”

  “Chopped, dropped, and propped in the living room. Covered in bows, bulbs, and balls.” That, was a complete lie.

  “Well.” He sounded impressed. “I stand corrected.”

  “Yes, you do. I have Christmas spirit oozing from the top of my nog to the bottom of my mistletoes.”

  “Tree and everything,” he said with a chuckle again. I liked the sound of it. “You know one of my favorite Christmas memories?”

  “No.”

  “When I was a kid, I would lie under the Christmas tree and stare up at the lights in the boughs.”

  “Okay?”

  The old guy shifted at his table so he was in my line of vision again. He jabbed his finger in and out of his ear.

  I did not want to know what kind of sex move he thought that was.

  “This year, I’m going to make a new memory,” Ryder said. “I’m going to lie you down under that tree, Delaney Reed.”

  The old man made even faster finger-in-ear motions. He looked alarmed.

  “And then I’m going to do to you, what I do with all the gifts I’ve been waiting too long for.”

  I didn’t make a sound, my heart pounding too hard to do anything but listen to his words.

  “I’m going to unwrap you slowly…”

  “Officer Reed!” the old guy shouted. “Turn off the button.” He shoved his finger through the “ok” sign he was making. I suddenly realized what all those dirty signals really meant.

  “…and when I have you there, shivering and bare beneath me…”

  “Speaker!” The old guy thrust his finger frantically in and out of his ear.

  “…I’m going to put my mouth…”

  “Wait!” I yelped and dropped the phone like it was made of bees. It clattered across the table and landed on the floor. Every person in the diner looked at me.

  Inexplicably, the one person who hadn’t heard my outburst—Ryder—was still talking. But by whatever luck was left to me, the speaker had clicked off while I was fumbling with the phone.

  There was a pause, just a second or two. Bathin was shaking with laughter. All eyes were on me, waiting to see how I was going to play this. I opened my mouth, closed it. Yeah, I had nothing. I waved, though it kind of looked like frantic jazz hands.

  Bathin bent in half to try to catch his breath.

  Jerk.

  The old guy nodded. “All right then. Let’s all get back to our nice quiet meals, folks.” He buckled down to his mashed potatoes and stuffing. That seemed to be the signal everyone was waiting for. They all turned back to their own meals too.

  Someone turned up the Christmas music. Extra loud.

  Bathin wiped the tears running down his stupid handsome demon face, but kept right on shaking with silent laughter. I hoped he silently asphyxiated.

  “Delaney?” Ryder asked from somewhere by my feet. I retrieved my phone.

  “Sorry. That’s, uh, great. Interesting stuff. We’ll have to follow up on it later. In private.”

  “What just happened?”

  I turned down the volume for good measure.

  “Nothing. Technical difficulties. It’s fine. All fine. Real fine. Just come home safe.” I said that with all my heart in my voice.

  “I will, baby,” he said just as thickly. “I promise. We’re going to break in that tree.”

  He ended the call. I stared at my phone. That was…well, that was slightly embarrassing, but also made me feel a lot better. The call had been more than I’d expected. A warm flush washed over my cheeks.

  Ryder Bailey was lonely and headed home. To me. Even though there was a storm in the way.

  I liked the sound of that.

  A little boy at the table of six was singing Jingle Bells and rhyming it with “my sister smells.” His sister punched him in the arm. He just laughed until ketchup dribbled down the side of his mouth.

  “Jingle Bells suck,” she shouted.

  Yes, yes they do, kid.

  But maybe not everything about Christmas sucked. Maybe Christmas and romance could go hand-in-hand like magic and life. Like twinkle lights and evergreen trees.

  I stood and grabbed my jacket from the back of my chair.

  “‘Away to the window, she flew like a flash,’” Bathin quoted, leaving most of the apple pie on the table. He had a habit of following me around now that he was in possession of my soul. I didn’t like it, but I wasn’t going to let it slow me down.

  “Where are you going?” he asked.

  “To find a Christmas tree.”

  Chapter Three

  The Safeway parking lot was the last place in town still selling Christmas trees. Once I got there, I found out why.

  “Delaney my darling. So good to see you!”

  I crossed my arms and glared at the man who was standing between the discount trees.

>   He was my height, darker skinned, brilliant-eyed, and his smile could light a coal mine. His spiky black hair was hidden beneath a hat knit with little Christmas trees and a deer armed with a gun, stalking a hunter.

  It had been a while since I’d seen my not-uncle, Crow, who was at the moment also the trickster god, Raven.

  “Raven,” I said.

  “Now, now,” he chided. “It hasn’t been that long. You can still call me Crow. Give Uncle Crow-Crow a hug, Del-Del.” He held his arms wide open and made come here motions with his hands.

  I sighed. What I should do is tell him to get out of Ordinary. Recently, he’d cheated with both holding and not holding his power, which broke the rules of Ordinary. That had gotten him kicked out of town for a year. His little rule breaking trick had also set into motion the events that resulted in Ryder pledging himself to the god of contracts, which I kind of hated.

  But he was my not-uncle, had known me my entire life, had been a friend of my father’s. I missed him. So I walked over and gave him a hug. He smelled of pitch and warm pine needles and the spicy scent that was all him.

  “You can’t be here,” I mumbled against his sweater. “You’re a god and have to stay a god until a year has gone by. No putting down your power and vacationing. It’s only been a few months since you left.”

  “Which is why I’m still a god. Raven. Trickster. Busy, busy time of year for a trickster god. So many New Year’s resolutions to see to. So many new leaves to not turn over. I just dropped by to see if you liked my gift.”

  “Gift?”

  “That’s not something you see every day,” Bathin said from behind me.

  Crow stilled and I could feel his power moving through him, surrounding him, surrounding me. It was familiar. Protective.

  But I didn’t need protecting from the demon. The demon was old news. I stepped back.

  “No fighting,” I told them both.

  “Wouldn’t dream of it,” Crow said. “You know I’m a lover not a fighter.” That was true of the Crow on vacation without his god power. But Raven the god? Yeah, there were stories written about just how vicious a fighter he was.

  “Black Feather,” Bathin said. “It’s been some time.”

  “Not long enough, Black Heart,” Crow replied. “How did you manage to slime up onto this shore?”