by Charity B.
Morgan’s blonde hair is tinged with her blood and she’s so far beyond crying or pleading. Both of her arms are broken, the part of her leg that’s no longer attached is lying on the floor and she’s covered in large gashes. If I’m honest with myself, I have become used to our playdates to the point they have taken on a normalcy.
This is not a normal playdate.
She knew something was up right away when we walked in empty handed. She was expecting her weekly food supply and anniversary gifts. As much as she grates my nerves, seeing the terror dawning on her face when her mind clicked together what was happening, was absolutely gut wrenching.
I don’t get sick this time and my mind has no problem accounting every little detail of what happens. This is yet another event that will haunt me until the day I walk with the reaper. The upbeat, happy music seeping from her radio is a morbid backdrop to her demise.
I keep thinking that Logan will finally finish her off, she’s barely hanging on anyway. Then he hands me a big knife and breathes out, “It’s time, Plaything.”
Maybe I jumped the gun on the getting sick thing because now it feels like I might.
“Logan I-I can’t.”
Even in the dim light I can see the rage in his eyes. “Did you just tell me no? I want you to remember this moment when I am slicing apart Tavin’s soft ivory flesh. In her agony I will make sure she knows it’s because of you.” Rolling his neck, he adds, “There are some new things I’ve been wanting to do to her anyway.”
FUCK!
This is it. I’m going to kill an innocent girl to protect another. Even though I’ve become somewhat numb to my playdates with Morgan, my feelings toward mine and Tavin’s haven’t really changed. It makes my heart physically ache to watch what he does to her and even though she takes the pain in stride, it’s the sexual part that takes an emotional toll on her. She doesn’t like to talk about it, and when she does, I can see it fractures her a little more every time.
She’s become my world, my universe. She’s so much more than a friend, I feel that we’re connected in some ethereal way, that we’re the same. She’s my purpose, my joy, the only thing beautiful left in my so-called existence. She is love.
She is my love.
I take the knife from Logan. I’m about to rip a person’s soul from their body for the first time in my twelve years on this earth, and it’s all for the girl with violet eyes.
Slow and steady steps clash with the high speed beating in my chest. Morgan can’t even hold herself in her kneel position any longer, so she’s lying on her back as I straddle her stomach. I’m shaking and sweating so terribly that I’m worried I will drop the knife. I don’t want to do this. I’m such a pussy, letting the tears fall as I raise the knife above my head.
The last thing I see in her eyes is horror.
“I’m sorry.”
I say it as if it means something. It doesn’t mean a damn thing because that’s when I bring the blade down as hard as I can into her chest.
I thought it would be difficult, yet the opposite happens as the steel slides into her with ease. She coughs up blood, sputtering it on my face.
The life slides out of her body the way a song fades out at the end.
I might as well have completely submerged myself in her blood. Even my hair is dripping with it. It’s actually quite stunning-the blood. It shines with the small amount of light in the room.
Like the crashing waves at the beach, the weight of what I just did knocks all of the air from my lungs.
I killed her. One less soul is on this earth and it’s because of me.
Morgan Bishop was a blonde, fifteen-year-old girl who was left to a mother with a heroin and gambling problem. Logan once told me that he bought her at a huge discount because she wasn’t even a virgin. Her mother had already rented her out by then. I always thought my situation with my dad was about as bad as it could get, until I met Tavin. Then I met Logan.
I hear his words echoing in my mind.
It can always get worse.
For a split second, I wonder if I did her a favor by finally taking her away from her nightmarish life. That’s copping out and I know it. My whole body shakes; I feel cold and hollow. I look into her empty blue eyes and see her body for what it is now. A shell. An empty case. Morgan isn’t here anymore. She’ll never be again and it was me that took her away.
A large hand is on my back and his slow voice praises, “You did well, Plaything.”
I want to scream. I want more than anything to pull this knife across my throat, but I could never leave Tavin alone with him.
We clean the tools, dispose of our clothes, shower and leave. I wait until we are back on the plane to ask him a question that’s been bugging me.
“Logan?” He licks the paper to roll a joint and nods at me. “Why do we just leave their bodies? I’ve seen enough TV to know that’s evidence.”
He doesn’t seem irritated by my question at all. He seems pleased by it in fact. “I have a man I pay very well to dispose of them safely and discreetly.” Apparently, cleaning up his corpses is not considered part of the fun, to this particular psychopath.
I’m in a bit of a haze. I feel different-not better and not necessarily worse, just different. We arrive back at the house quickly, and before I know it, we’re climbing up the creaky front steps.
I’m right behind Logan as we walk into the living room. Lacie’s sprawled across the La-Z-Boy with her legs open for everyone to see her nasty snatch.
“Thank Christ gonorrhea isn’t an airborne virus,” Logan snaps at her before turning to me. “I need to speak with Brian. Go to Lotus and I’ll be there in a moment.”
“Yes, Logan.” As I watch him disappear into the hall, I turn toward the basement. I glare at Lacie and realize this is the first time I’ve ever been alone with her.
“How do you live with yourself? Did you get like this over time or have you always been a selfish, diseased cunt?”
She sneers. “Get your little pecker downstairs like you were told.”
“You really feel nothing for her? You’re her mother for God’s sake! Do you know what he does to her?” By the look on her face she knows exactly what happens downstairs. “You really are a soulless whore, aren’t you?”
“You know nothing, you little shit. That bitch ruined my life and my body, and was she once grateful? No. I should have never had her in the first place.” I hate this woman with white hot rage. My ears feel like they are on fire when all I hear is the whooshing in my ears. I don’t respond as I go into the kitchen, get a knife, and quietly stand behind her.
Fuck this bitch.
Clutching a fistful of her hair, I jerk her head back, dig the blade into her neck, and whisper, “This is for my Love.”
It’s like slicing through Jell-O. Her skin separates and blood blossoms from the wound. She gurgles and I glance at her eyes. She’s still in there. Why won’t she die? I bring the knife into her stomach three more times until finally, she dwindles away into nothing.
Lacie Winters is dead. Good.
I killed Tavin’s mom… Oh shit.
Shit. Shit, shit, SHIT! I am so fucked! What was I thinking?! I just killed for the first time a couple of hours ago and now I’ve gone and done it again?
Oh my God. I think I’m a serial killer.
How many people do you have to murder to be considered a serial killer? Clutching at my throat, I drop to the floor, gasping for air.
I can’t breathe.
“Oh, fuck.” Logan says. I can’t see him since I’m behind the chair, so he must have heard me because within an instant he’s at eye level, crouching down in front of me. “Relax, Toben. Slow down. Don’t focus on getting oxygen, just on the action of inhaling.”
After a moment, my heart rate lowers allowing me to speak. I’m going to get a major beating for this. I just have to make sure Tav doesn’t get punished. She’ll never forgive me for this.
“Logan, I’m sorry, I don’t know what
happened, it was like I was on auto pilot! Please Logan, forgive me.”
“You won’t be punished, just calm down. I don’t want Lotus to know about this until I figure it out.”
I nod and he doesn’t even mention my lack of verbal response when he pulls out his phone.
“I have a situation… I need an extra set of street clothes for Toben and myself… Yes, now make it quick.”
He hangs up, standing to go into the kitchen, and returns with a black trash bag.
“Take off the clothes.” I obey him and once I am completely nude, I hand him my bloody shirt and jeans. “Go upstairs and shower so Lotus doesn’t see you like this.”
Two people. I have killed two people. One deserved it, and one didn’t. I wonder if they cancel each other out.
I watch as the blood that was just inside her mother washes down the drain. Tavin can’t ever know. I don’t know what we’re going to tell her. Whatever it is, it can’t be the truth.
I HATE WHEN TOBEN LEAVES to run errands. I have to be alone with myself. I look at my reflection and see what Logan sees.
My body is revolting. It’s nothing but scars decorated in fresh wounds. The burn on top of my forearm is the ugliest mark so far, so I’m hoping it won’t be that bad once it completely heals. I wasn’t doing things the way he liked, so he held the knife over the flame and pressed it against my arm. It sounded like water on a stove and the smell made my stomach queasy. The pain though…burning pain is the worst, I think. Even when he removed the knife, the pain didn’t go away at all and I screamed louder than I have in a long, long time.
Blowing my bangs out of my eyes, I reach down to put my clothes on, and notice my fingers are bleeding again. How do I keep doing that without even realizing it?
I decide to try to read one of the books Logan brought us, so I swing open the bathroom door and my face smacks into his stomach. Placing a hand to my back, he guides me into my room. I don’t see Toben…where is he? I fall to my knees to kneel, just as he yanks at my arm.
“We don’t have time, Lotus. Choose a toy that you want to bring. We’re leaving for a couple of days.”
We are leaving? I haven’t left the house in over two years! Wait…does ‘we’ mean just me and him?
“Where’s Toben?”
He hurries to my closet. “I said we don’t have time! I will remember your insubordination and you’ll endure twice the punishment if you don’t pick a fucking toy!” I’ve never seen him like this, he’s usually calm or angry. Right now, he seems worried.
I pick up my doll. She’s one of the most important things I own. Logan pulls clothes from the closet for me and Toben. I let out a big breath knowing Toben will be wherever we’re going.
Throwing the clothes into a paper bag, he snatches my hand and drags me up the stairs. He’s walking too fast for me to keep up so I keep tripping, and he doesn’t care, he just keeps pulling me.
The basement door swings open and I see Lacie sitting on the recliner. She must be on the nod. There’s so much red everywhere.
Wait…it’s blood…she’s covered in blood!
“Mommy!” I jerk my hand away from Logan to try to help her. In an instant, I can’t breathe as a large hand squeezes my neck.
He shakes me and I look up into his angry eyes. His voice is slow and steady when he reminds me, “She’s not your Goddamn mommy.” He releases my neck and I gulp down as much air as I can, coughing in the process. “We need to go.”
He picks me up and when I wrap my arm around his neck, I rest my chin on his shoulder. As he carries me out of my house, I let my tears wet my face and watch her empty body until he closes the front door behind us.
He shoves me into the back seat of a car and I smash into Toben. The loud slam of the door makes me jump. I’ve never ridden in a car before and I can’t even focus on it because all I can think about is what she looked like. I don’t know why I’m so sad. She didn’t love me and I’ve hardly even seen her in two years.
Toben holds my hand and as he looks at me, I can tell he is high on something. “Hello, Love.”
I still smile even though all I want to do is cry. “Love?”
“You are my Love.” He states it as the truest of facts.
He’s blurry through the moisture in my eyes. “She’s dead.”
It’s like someone erased all of his feelings. “I know.”
Logan gets in and we are silent as the car makes a noise and music starts playing.
The car feels funny, but I think it’s neat. Toben’s thumb rubs over mine as we hold hands and look out our own windows.
Logan’s slow voice fills the small space.
“We’re leaving town. Brian killed Lacie and I don’t want to be anywhere near this city in case he’s stupid enough to mention my name.”
Brian killed her? I’ve never even seen him hit her. Yes, he yelled at her all the time, I just don’t think I’ve ever seen him hurt her. Why would he kill her?
“You two can’t be there for obvious reasons.”
It feels like we are in the car for a long time when we drive inside of a building. We keep going in circles until we’re at the very top. We all climb out of the car and my eyes are working overtime. I can see the whole city from here! There are so many huge buildings and I feel like I’m standing in the sky. Logan pulls me by my hand and I grab Toben’s. He takes us to the metal doors at the edge of the roof that lead to a room smaller than my bathroom. All off a sudden, the room moves! My stomach drops right along with it and I’m so glad it only lasts for a few seconds. Once we get to the bottom, he hurries all of us into a black car.
Within a few short moments, we’re getting out of the car and standing in the biggest parking lot I have ever seen. There are no cars parked though, just planes, and they are huge!
“Come along, Playthings!” Logan screams over the engine as we climb onto the plane.
I’ve never seen one up close much less been in one! I wonder if Lacie had ever been on a plane…if she hadn’t, then she never will now.
We climb up the stairs and once we are inside, it’s so much more than I could ever have imagined.
Everything is colored in silver and cream. It seems to go on forever.
Toben grins. “It’s like the Tardis isn’t it? Bigger on the inside.”
I don’t know what a Tardis is, but Logan must know because he laughs. He’s clearly more himself now that we’re on the plane. “You two should go get some food, once we take off I want to play.”
The tears sting my eyes as I try to hold them back. “But…today isn’t our day.”
He squeezes my jaw and his fingers dig into my skin. “I don’t give a fuck. I will play with you whenever I see fit! Now go get some food.”
Eating with Toben gives me my last moments of peace for the next four hours. Logan is relentless and I’m so exhausted I can barely kneel. He doesn’t care, he just keeps going and going. He doesn’t cut me or do anything that will make me bleed because he doesn’t want to stain his plane. Since he isn’t doing a lot of physical damage, he tells Toben that he doesn’t need him and he can go watch a movie in the theater.
Toben’s face tells me that he doesn’t want to leave me alone with him, but what choice do we have? It’s not fair! The only movie that I have ever seen is the Wizard of Oz and that is because Logan gave it to me for my birthday. Toben and I have watched it a zillion times since then.
After what feels like years, he finally finishes and lights a cigarette, giving it to me to take a drag. Yuck! This is just as bad as I remember. I don’t want to make him mad though, so I smoke it every time he gives it to me. He makes me stay with him in the bed and eventually, he falls asleep.
I want to see the plane. I’ve never been on one and I doubt I ever will again. As quietly and carefully as I can, I lift his arm from my stomach. I slide out of the bed like a snake, snatch my doll off the table, and pick up my dress from the floor, as I crawl to the door. Daring a glance at him, I stand and look over m
y shoulder. His chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm and I release my breath.
The door is quiet, earning my gratitude. As soon as I’m out of the room, I throw my dress over my head and look for Toben.
Windows are everywhere and I feel my hand cover my mouth as I gasp at the view. It’s getting dark out, and the sky is the most beautiful it’s ever looked. Purple and blues are everywhere. I can see forever.
“Awesome, isn’t it?”
The grin that appears only for Toben makes its way across my face as I turn to him, “There’s so much out there.” His eyes take on a shine as he forces a smile and I know why. “You don’t think I’ll ever see any of it, do you?”
He adjusts his hat before shoving his hands in his pockets. “I don’t know, Tav.”
We explore as he shows me all of the rooms. The theater room has three rows of big, plushy, cream chairs and the biggest TV in the world. We watch a movie about a fish and I try not to cry when his mommy dies. Even though his parents love him, it still makes me think of mine.
“LOTUS!”
We both jump and look at each other. Toben’s eyes go wide before whispering, “Did you do something?”
We fall from the chairs into our kneeling positions. “I wasn’t supposed to leave.”
“Fuck.” Toben shakes his head.
Just then, Logan’s frame takes up the doorway. His shoulders heave in sync with his flaring nostrils. My eyes shift to his hand where he’s holding the cat o’ nine tails. As long as he doesn’t get too carried away, I won’t be a bloody mess.
He’s very angry, though.
In two steps, he’s in front of me and his fingers are lightly combing my hair. His voice is calm, and usually, that’s worse.
“What did I tell you, Lotus?”
“That you wanted me to stay with you while we were on the plane.”
His fingers trail to the nape of my neck and grabs a fist full of hair, using it to jerk my head back so I have to look up at him. “Then what the fuck are you doing in here?”
He isn’t fair. He was sleeping. Why did I need to be in there? He makes me so angry sometimes!