by Gina Manis
“No, he won’t,” I say, looking up at her. “Jared is Malcolm Starlight’s son and cannot be touched. He will never stop.”
“Thomas is going to take care of it,” she says, trying to reassure me.
“He can’t! Thomas may have sway with the commoners, but he can’t stand against the elite. He is just going to get banished or killed like the others,” I tell her, looking at Arrow. “Jared is going to come after you, Arrow.”
“The alley was dark. Jared may not have recognized me,” Arrow says in his deep voice. “I haven’t dealt with him before. Anyway, he won’t be bothering you for a while.”
Beth sits a bowl of soup in front of me, “Try to eat something. I will prepare you a bath before bed.”
I turn to the soup, and my hand is shaking as I take the spoon she offers. She leaves us alone at the table, going into the washroom. “You should learn some defense, Jenna.”
His voice doesn’t grate at me as most men's do. At least not anymore. “Women are not allowed to learn to fight.”
He is quiet for a moment before saying, “Someone might not always be around to help.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I drop my spoon and look him in the eyes—something I rarely do—and I see a yearning in them I don’t understand. I also see pity, and that angers me. I hate when people look at me like that. “Stop looking at me like that.”
His face tightens as he looks away. “Thomas should show you. If not, I am willing.”
“What good would it do?” I ask him. “I am too small to fight Jared off. He is twice my size.”
“You are small, but there are things,” he says, looking back at me. “Maybe it won’t matter as much once you marry next cycle and have a man to protect you.”
I haven’t thought of that in a while, and the thought of Jared being an elite frightened me. His persistence has now changed and is becoming violent. How far would he take it? The idea of having to marry him made my blood turn cold.
“No way is that going to happen,” I tell Arrow. “I don’t want a husband.”
“It is the law here,” he mumbles, looking down. “I know you have been hurt, but the council will not care.”
“I will not marry!” I shout, throwing the bowl of soup across the kitchen, my chair falling behind me as I get up. “I will never allow a man to touch me ever again. Never!”
“Jennie.” Thomas comes into the house then, and the screen door shuts behind him with a bang. I jump and turn to him, and the tears fall. I ran into his enormous arms and let it all go then. The only man I trust and ever would. “I was so worried about you.”
“I hate him.” I cry into his chest. “I hate them all. I can’t stay here anymore. I want to leave.”
“Shh.” He rocks me in his arms.
“I will take my leave,” Arrow says as he moves to the door.
“Arrow, thank you for everything,” Thomas says to him.
“Arrow,” I get his attention, needing to thank him also. It was him who saved me tonight, and though I just yelled at him for bringing up the new law, I couldn’t let him leave without saying it. “Thank you.”
He looks at me with pity in his eyes again before nodding and turning away to leave. I hate that look once more but say nothing. I’m used to it, but I hated it more from him, and I don’t know why. Maybe because he is always around.
“Your bath is ready, sweetie,” My sister says, touching my arm. “Let me help you prepare for bed.”
I nod at her as I pull away from Thomas. He has always been my rock, where my sister was soft and caring. She helps with my bath, but I will never feel clean. I know this feeling too well from the past. Beth gives me something to drink to help me sleep and then tucks me into my bed. I cry in my pillow until sleep finally finds me.
I woke up the next morning and knew what I had to do. I spent the day going around and gathering the things I needed to leave. I even went into the markets where I haven’t been in cycles. The past shadows were everywhere, but I braved them, keeping away from the back area where the stores laid.
I told Beth last night I was leaving in the morning, but not to tell Thomas. He will be mad when he returns and finds that I am gone, but I can’t say goodbye to him. He wouldn’t let me go anyway, and I had to leave. I at least wrote him a note telling him where I intend to go, so maybe he will find some peace in that. I give it to Beth now.
“For Thomas,” I tell her, and she takes it. “Tell him I’m sorry, I couldn’t say goodbye.”
She hugs me close. “You don’t have to do this now.”
“Yes, I do.” I pull away and reach for my bags. I walk into the living space and kitchen where Beth’s kids are still having breakfast. Tommie is the oldest at ten, and Shea is seven. Marie, the baby, just turned two and I think I will miss her the most. If I ever see her again, she won’t remember me.
I hug them all, giving them each a kiss, “You all take care of your mother and listen to her. I will… see you all again one day when you’re all big and strong.”
“Where are you going, Jenna?” Tommie asks me.
“I am going on an adventure,” I tell him, smiling. “To the Wind Realm up in the mountains. I will make a home there, and one day, you can come to visit me.”
“You promise?” Shea asks, her enormous eyes tell me she will be just as caring as her mother one day.
“Have I ever broken a promise?” I ask, and she shakes her head. I hope I see my family again but know if I do, it will be a long time. “Okay, then. You both be good and take care of Marie.”
“We will,” Tommie says sadly as he returns to his seat.
“I love you, auntie,” Shea says, hugging me one more time.
“I love you too, butter.” I raise and look to Beth one more time. “I will try to get word to you once I am settled.”
“You better,” she says, and I turn to the door. I don’t look back as I walk away. Leaving them is the hardest thing, but I have to do this.
Chapter Two
Jenna
I did it. I made it out of the kingdom through a back exit that few people know about. I only know of them because I heard Thomas speaking with a man named Ryan, who had asked for his help in taking people out. I am good at hiding from people without them ever knowing I was there. One blessing of being small, but about the only one.
People have never been prisoners of Star Kingdom, but there are special laws on females now since the sickness. The sickness has been gone for almost eight cycles now, but women's shortage has become more apparent. A new generation is coming of age to marry, and I can’t be a part of it.
Most of the young women my age don’t mind marrying two men. They annoy me with all their love chatter, as it just gives me chills to think about. I am just glad to be out as I spin around the open desert. Not much is here, unlike the crowded streets of Star Kingdom. No more dodging people and men or getting up early or doing something late just to avoid most of the crowds.
I have a map and a compass I purchased from the markets the other day. I know Mountainside is about two hundred leagues across the desert due east. There is an underground river that will break from the ground somewhere along the way. I can follow that once I find it, as it flows from that point from Mountainside.
I’m glad I always stayed up to date on my schoolwork and studied all the kingdoms' geography. In the back of my mind, I always knew I would leave one day. The Star Kingdom stopped being my home a long time ago. Beth’s family was the only reason I stayed.
I saved every penny I had ever earned for this day. I worked in the kitchens from the age of fifteen, not only in the kitchens but also any job. I watched children, delivered packages, cleaned houses, even cooked a few meals for families. Beth and Thomas never asked me for anything I earned, and so I managed to save a few hundred coins over the cycles.
I plan to find a homestead and make it my own. I have heard that cabins have been abandoned throughout th
e cycles by others because mountain life isn’t for everyone who has tried. I am going to make it work and welcome the idea of solitude in my life. Star Kingdom didn’t allow that with homes close together and so many people.
Now, I am free of all that. I can feel a weight already coming off my shoulders and smile. Never again will I have to look at men or hear their voices. To smell them in crowds or look at their ugly faces. Sure, there will be times I will have to, but not to have to face those fears every day and feel them so powerfully will be a blessing.
More than anything, I hope the nightmares will end, and I no longer have to fear them every night. Most of all, no more Jared and him finding ways to touch me. Just thinking of him reminds me of my past.
I can’t move, but I can feel the pain in my body. I am barely breathing and don’t know why I continue to do so when I just want to die.
“What should we do with the body, Papa?”
“Cover her with the dress,” the man says. “Someone will find her at daybreak. There will be an uproar once they find her dead, so we can’t leave right off, or they could suspect us. As soon as I think it is safe, we will.”
“Did we have to kill her?” One of them asks, but I don’t move as I feel the dress thrown over me.
“You don’t leave prey alive, son,” the man says. “If you want to fuck one like that, you never leave them alive. Now let’s get out of here and keep your heads down. It wouldn’t do for someone to see us.”
I laid there on the cold dirt ground, feeling the bugs crawl over my body and thinking how they reminded me of being touched by them. I couldn’t even move to get them off, and finally, I passed out.
I woke two days later in my bed, still hurting, but at least I could move. Thomas was beside my bed, resting his head on the edge of it. It scared me seeing him at first, and I jumped out of bed, hugging the wall.
“Jenna, it's okay,” he said, sitting up but not leaving me. I can see he has been crying and know those tears were for me. Thomas was like my brother, and I know he would never hurt me like that.
I reach my hand out to him, and as he takes it, I collapse into his arms and cry. He holds me close in his lap like a child. I don’t know how long before Beth shows up, and she walks over to us and hugs me, too.
A few days later, Thomas came to me again and told me to get up and dress. I did, but as he led me out the door, I pulled back. I had this overwhelming fear of leaving the house.
“Jenna, it has been five days, and I know you are still healing, but I need to know who the bastard is,” he tells me, and I shake my head no, not able to talk still. I didn’t want to see them again; I couldn’t. “He thinks you are dead, and it is the way we have kept it. Tomorrow, the gates are being opened again, and if he is a traveler, his pack will leave. He can do this again, Jenna. To someone else. Think of that. She might not be as lucky as you with her life.”
I didn’t see myself as lucky, but I couldn’t bear another woman going through that. Finally, I followed him. He kept me close by his side and in his arms and wouldn’t let anyone near me. Beth joined us on my other side, along with half a dozen men behind us.
Walking into the markets again was the hardest thing. I had to stop for a moment, and Beth bends slightly to my height and speaks. “You can do this, Jenna. I will take you home, I promise as soon as you show us.”
I was only fourteen at the time. We move in, and I look around for my attackers but don’t see them anywhere. I turn into Thomas, not wanting to do this anymore, and that is when I see the older man.
As I try to step back, my heart races, but Thomas holds me in check as I begin to cry. “Is that him? Show me, Jenna, and I will let you leave.”
I raise my shaking hand and point to the older man and then his two sons beside him.
“Oh no, Thomas,” Beth says in a broken voice. “It was all of them.”
Thomas bends down in front of me, blocking my view of them. “Jenna, was it… all three of them?”
I nod my head and look away. “Take her home, Beth. We will deal with them.”
“Be careful, Thomas.”
I didn’t see Thomas again for two days, but he told me I would never see those men again when he came home. I never asked what happened to them, and I didn’t care, but I knew deep down they were dead.
I look ahead of me and at my compass, making sure I am still going the right way. I don’t dare look back from where I came. It will be a long time before I return to the Star Kingdom, if ever. I spoke to the children to comfort them, but I couldn’t see ever going back. Maybe one day, they could come to me.
If I keep moving fast enough, I should be on the outskirts of Mountainside within the week. I double up my pace, ready to see it. What would the mountains look like, the animals? I knew there were dangers, but I’m not scared. I have several excellent knives for protection. I also bought seeds from the markets for planting my own garden that I have studied from a book I brought with me. I will learn to fend for myself and grow food or die trying.
Mountainside also has a village, and I will have to go there first. I will have to ask around to find someplace in the area where I can settle. There will be supplies to buy for my new home. Any place would be better than Star Kingdom.
As the day goes by and the night comes on, so does the cold. There is nothing to start a fire with, so I lie down under my blanket in the sand. I look up at the bright moon and stars in the sky and smile. Here, in the middle of nowhere, I can see them so clearly. I always liked the stars but could never see them like this within the kingdom. They were simply beautiful, and I counted them until my eyes grew heavy.
I am up early the next morning and eat some jerky as I walk again. Today, I will have to find the river and water. I have just enough for today, so I pick a steady pace and move on.
My mind wanders, thinking of the elements and their powers. In the Star Kingdom, there were plenty of Fire elements and a fair amount of Wind elements but no Water or Earth. Earth element is a power I wish I had because it would be cool to grow my food. But I am eighteen now, and I have inherited no powers. I am simply a human and will have to find my own way in life. Still, it would be awesome.
Thomas is a Wind element, and I always enjoyed watching him use his powers. He wasn’t one of the most powerful in the kingdom; therefore he ran the mines instead of becoming a warrior. Many Wind elements were warriors because the Fire king liked to have their powers adding to his. Thomas would never have been a great warrior, though. He was too gentle and kind in nature.
The day wears on and grows hot as the sun rises above me. I am glad that I didn’t wear a dress but opted to wear pants and a light shirt with a hat for my journey. In fact, none of the clothes I bought were feminine wear, but instead all boy clothes. Dresses didn’t seem like the right fit for the lifestyle I am choosing. Besides, it most likely is better if I appear as a boy from a distance.
Maybe I should cut my hair as well. It isn’t like my looks matter to me. Beth and Thomas always said I was pretty, but they are family. When I look in the mirror, all I see is some sad girl looking back at me. I don’t want to be that anymore, so cutting my hair seems like a good idea. A fresh start once I find my new home.
I hope I can find a place. Something small that I can heat in the wintertime. All I need is a bed and a place to cook. Anything else I need, I can find in the future. It is going to be hard; I know. Most likely, I will go hungry, will be cold, maybe even get sick. All that can mean death, but again, I don’t care. I am free.
As night comes on again, I look around as I save the last bit of water I have for in the morning. The river is nowhere in sight still, and that worries me. I have to find water tomorrow, I think as I lay down under my blanket and sleep.
“Finish up, Pop! We want to dip our cocks, too.”
“Shut up, boy, and wait your turn.” The man on top of me shouts. I feel like I am being torn in two, the pain so unbearable.
�
�No,” I cry, realizing for the first time that the other two are going to do this to me.
He slaps me hard across the face, making my head jerk to the side. The side of my face is already throbbing and on fire from him hitting me multiple times. “I told you to be quiet, girl.”
I can’t help but cry as I am being held down. My dress is ripped open in the front, and my skirts are tangled around my waist. I can’t even fight him as the other two have my arms pinned to the ground.
The man above me groans and becomes still as he presses down hard and I can’t breathe. He pulls himself off me, but I don’t look at him. I wish I couldn’t hear him. “That is how you fuck boys. Lon, you first since you’re the eldest.”
“Aw, come on, Pop, Lon always gets to go first at everything.”
“You got to pick her now shut your whining,” Lon says, and I watch as he moves and pulls my legs apart again. “Damn, Pa. The blood.”
“Virgin's blood boy,” The older man chuckles. “Your cock will slide right in. Now mount her and plant a seed.”
I try kicking at him, but it is little use as he positions himself above me. The older man covers my mouth with his filthy hand, and I scream into it as the other one presses down on me.
“No!” I shout into the night as I sit up, breathing hard. I rock myself, pressing my knees into my chest. “It is just a dream. Just a stupid dream.”
I am soaking wet and shivering in the cold desert night and pull my blanket tighter around me as I rock. I no longer cry from the dreams, but they do leave me shaking from their memories. All I want to do is forget them. I would do anything to stop the recall of them every other night.
Chapter Three
Jenna
I see an oasis in front of me, still at least a league away, and know there must be water there. I don’t run because I am already tired of walking a good part of the day without water. The sun is high above, and it is so hot my head would fry if not for my hat. I can’t wait until I find its water source. I am going to jump in, drink as much as I like, and wash the sweat from my hot and tired body.