by Gina Manis
She has made a little effort in learning defense, but I wonder if it is more to pass the daylight hours. I haven’t pushed her to pick up my bow again after last time. Until she allows me to get closer, there is little reason to. I know it is a battle for her and don’t push, hoping that she will eventually come to me. We have even discussed it, somewhat awkwardly.
The truth is, I don’t like the idea of being so close to her myself. It takes control on my part to teach her, and it is wearing thin being around her so much. She watches me in my motions and then copies me. She follows my instructions easily and is very good at it. She is stronger than she looks and for a human.
It is said that an element is fated to love one special person. Jenna is that for me, but she has been hurt so brutally that she can’t see past it. One day, I hope she will.
When Thomas asked me to wait for her to leave, I jumped at the chance. I could stay in that hell for a while longer if it meant I could be with her. But now that we are away and together, I want so much more than she can give. Everything is rushing to the surface for me now, talking with her each day, her scent filling the air around me, the soft smile she shares with me more every day.
Returning home has been on my mind for a long time. I have missed the people and the mountains. At the Star Kingdom, I could never show my true powers as an Element. Nor could I fly. I am a guardian and one of the last I know of. I went to the Star Kingdom to learn more about what it meant as the guardians' legends came from there. What I found was the king's twisted ideas of using any element to his advantage.
Taking off my shirt, I lay it down on a rock and open my wings out. Tonight, I took to the sky as I haven’t done it for so long. I raise them high and take off, gaining height as I climb higher in the sky.
I have missed this. The wind feels so good flowing through my wings. I would love to share something with Jenna, but I’m not sure if I ever will. She refuses to have anything physical to do with me, and I don’t blame her. Not after what happened to her as a kid.
I didn’t know her then and wasn’t around when it happened. It tears at my gut what she must have been through. Seeing Jared attack her, I wanted to crush him, and I would have if I thought I could get away with it. The king would have set out his mind readers if someone in his court came up dead. I would have been found out and most likely discovered his prison and never been able to leave with her. I am lucky the alley was dark, and he never got a close look at me.
I fly for some time before I turn to head back. It is getting late, and Jenna most likely is already in bed. Watching her sleep is almost painful. I want to crawl in that bed and just hold her, but know I can’t. It doesn’t upset me that she fears men, but it upsets me that she fears me.
I fly lower, coming in so I can land by the river, and I see her slight frame waiting near my shirt. I don’t know how she will take seeing me like this, but it is too late to hide now. I land on the ground a few feet from her.
She stands and looks at me, her eyes roaming over my wings and body. I see the surprise and a little shock at discovering what I am. Only Thomas knew who I was, and it is because I turned to him for help.
“You’re a guardian?” she asks after some time. I leave my wings out for her to see them. The way she admires them gives me a sense of pride.
“Only Thomas and now you know from Star Kingdom. I would like to keep it that way.” She walks closer to me, and I try to stay relaxed as her eyes roam over me. She has never looked at me like this before, with interest, and I like it. “Why are you out here?”
She looks up at me and then away. “I um… I followed you. Not that I was prying into your business…”
“Just tell me, Jenna,” I can’t help but smile at her stuttering. She is nervous, and I know she must be shy being caught checking me out. Most women liked what they saw and offered me plenty of nights in their beds, but I never took them up on it. I haven’t been with a woman since I left Mountainside. My past had its own hidden secrets and one day, I will have to tell Jenna about them.
“I think I am ready,” She says, looking down at the ground. I know what she means, and that she is ready to take her defense to the next level. We agreed that when she felt ready, she would come to me. I swallow, thinking of her touch and being closer to me. I need to stay calm and not show any of my attraction for her.
“Show me you're ready,” I say, trying to hide the emotion in my voice.
She takes a few steps forward but doesn’t look at me but my wings. “Can I… touch your wings?”
“Anywhere,” I whisper, not meaning to, but I do. Jenna reaches to the right and hesitates before finally gliding her fingers into my wings. They are sensitive to the touch, but I have had no one besides myself do this. I close my eyes and steel myself for more of the exquisite pleasure of soft vibrations from her touch.
“They are beautiful,” she says as her fingers run down the tops of their structure. It feels like she is touching my arm or leg. Not a too sensitive area, but I feel every stroke.
“They are,” I agree and open my eyes to look at her. “But they are not the man, Jenna.”
“They are a part of you,” she whispers. She moves to the side and explores my right-wing more, running both her hands down it. I resist the urge to touch her or pull away. She needs time still, and if she wants to start with my wings, I will let her. “I like them. They are so soft,” she says as I watch her touch her face to them.
She steps around me, and I watch her from the side as her hands caress their backsides. Her hand travels inwards toward my back and the base of my wings. Her touch becomes more intense the closer she gets to the center. It is only when her hands make contact with my spine that I can’t take it anymore. My body convulses with pleasure, and my wings flare out as I drop to my knees. She just touched one of the most sensitive parts of my entire body. With my wings out, the area is explosive with nerve endings that register her soft touch as an erotic sensation, hardening my body instantly.
“I’m sorry!” She exclaims behind me, but I can’t look at her. I didn’t realize how sensitive the area was until her touch. She comes back in front of me and kneels, as I am breathing hard to get myself under control. All I can think about is that she is too close. “Did I hurt you?”
“No,” I am quick to assure her when I see the concern in her eyes. She doesn’t see the desire she has caused and I am grateful for it. Her fear may return, and I want her to get past it. “I’ve never been touched there before, and it was surprising to me how sensitive it was. I am fine.”
“Oh.”
I hurry to say, “How about we focus on the man and not the wings.” Anywhere other than there, besides maybe my pants, but I seriously doubt she will go there.
Her hand lightly touches my shoulder, but she pulls it back just as suddenly. She needs to do this, and we both stare at each other. I hold out my hand, offering it. She looks at it and reaches forward, touching the tips of my fingers with hers and slowly sliding them up to my palm. After a moment, I close my hand around hers and cradle it. “You don’t have to be frightened of me, Jenna.”
She looks up at me, and I see a tear run down her cheek. I want to wipe it away, but I dare not. “I trust you, Arrow, but this is still hard.”
“I know it is,” I tell her softly. “We can stop if you want to.”
“No,” she says without hesitating. “I’ve started this, and I can’t stop now.”
She touches my other hand then, and I take it within mine, holding them briefly and then releasing them. I watch as she closes her eyes, letting her hands move up my wrist and arms. She shifts a little closer to me, but I don’t move. Her hands run all the way up to my shoulders.
“You’re so strong,” she whispers, not opening her eyes. “Powerful.”
I say nothing as her hands travel along my neck before moving back down my arms. It takes everything I have not to make a move to touch her.
“In order fo
r you to teach me, you will have to touch me, too,” she says, looking up at me, and I want to melt in her eyes.
“I… I don’t think it is time for that yet,” I say. It wouldn’t do for me to touch her with how hard my body is right now for her.
She looks down at my chest and places her hand over my heart, “Do you… desire me?”
“Jenna,” I can’t believe she asked me that. Here I am trying everything in my power not to show her and scare her away, and she just comes out and asks.
“Don’t answer that. I’m not ready to know.” She pulls back, getting up as she does. I can see her pulling away and it scares me she might not try again.
“I don’t.” I lie to her, needing her more than ever to not give up. I stand up and look at her. “I’m sorry I am looking at you this way, but… you touched my core. It’s an extremely sensitive area, and I didn’t know how much so until you did. You can touch me anywhere, but don’t touch me there again.”
She nods shyly, taking my explanation. I back away from her to pull my wings in and grab up my shirt, putting it on, trying to make this as platonic as possible. “I think that is enough for tonight. Do you think we might try a little hand to hand tomorrow?”
She nods again but looks down. I don’t want her to forget the progress she has made tonight and hold out my hand to her. “Walk back with me.”
She hesitates but slides her hand slowly into mine. I am relieved that she does. It is a sign of progress and we were finally making it. I hold her hand as we walk back, cherishing the innocent touch of her. In the soft gesture, I start to feel hope return for us. We are going to take this slow and steady. Even if it kills me.
Chapter Thirteen
Jenna
I wake in the small building outside of Brit and Rufus’s home where Arrow and I have been sleeping, but he is not here. I get up and dress quickly before opening the door to go outside and look for Arrow. He is nowhere around and I head to the house to see if Brit has anything for me to eat. Rufus is there also, and I smile at him.
“Your man left early this morning before we even got up,” Brit tells me as she sits down a bowl of porridge in front of me. “I figure he is setting some traps, as they are missing from the porch. He is a big help around here, and so are you, my dear. I know we are both going to miss you when you’re gone.”
“I’m going to miss you, too,” I say politely, knowing that Arrow and I intend to leave in two days.
“Rufus and I have an old sled behind the building you’re staying in. We think you should take it with you. I have been gathering up some old blankets and such I think you can use for your place. Let me show you one.”
She moves to the corner of the room and pulls out a beautiful handmade quilt out for me to see. “This I made long ago for my daughter. It was to be her marriage quilt, but she passed away a few cycles before she was old enough to wed.”
“Oh, Brit. Are you sure you want to part with something so precious?” I ask as I join her and touch it.
“We have never used it, and it is just going to waste. I much prefer to give it to someone who is starting out in life. You and Arrow have been a small blessing to us, and it will be nice for you both to take it.”
“But Arrow and I are not together like that,” I remind her.
“Not now, but I have a feeling about you two,” she says, folding it back up. “I see how he looks at you. He is almost drowning in love. You, on the other hand, keep him at a distance. I don’t know why, as I see you look for him often.”
“I do not,” I say, and she laughs. “I’m just wondering where he is, that’s all.”
“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. Finish your food, and you can pull out that old sled, and we can clean it up. I don’t want all this to get dirty from the old thing.”
“Pay little mind to Brit. She fancies herself somewhat of a matchmaker,” Rufus tells me from his chair.
“You hush up, old man. If it weren’t for me, you would still be without a wife,” she tells him. “All you ever did was fiddle with your contraptions.”
They go on, but I think about what Brit said about Arrow. She had to be wrong, as we fight often and he can be annoying even though he is kind, too. Bran has mentioned Arrow to me in my dreams, but mostly I shrug it off. I still don’t like the idea of anything more with any man, and that includes Arrow. He may be better than most but it was still hard to even touch him.
Last night, I had seen the desire in his eyes, but I had touched him in the wrong place. I did panic at first, but he acted like it wasn’t too much of a bother. Thomas always said men have urges and that they were bound to look at me from time to time. Desire isn’t love, but neither of them are emotions I feel comfortable with.
I help clean up the sled a while later, and Brit helps me add some supplies she offers on to it. I have never used a sled before, but she said they are common in the mountains. At least I am learning how to pack one, and I am amazed at how much she is able to strap on it.
“That should be plenty to get you settled into your new place.”
“Thank you, Brit. It is so kind of you to offer these things.”
She looks past me, and I turn to see Arrow coming upon us. He stops and asks, “What is all this?”
“It is for your new home,” Brit says with a wide smile as she moves to the house. “I need to go check on Rufus and see if he needs anything. I tell you now, I spoil that old man, but I can’t seem to help myself.”
I look back to Arrow, but he doesn’t look at me. Instead, he seems to look at anything but me. “Are you ready to do some training?”
“Now?” I ask, surprised. “But, I’m not ready…”
I had just asked him last night, and here I am already turning away from the idea again. What is wrong with me?
“To what?” he asks with a sigh.
“I’m sorry, Arrow.” I look away in shame that I am so weak and unsure. “Last night was… I thought I was ready, but…”
“I won’t touch you,” he tells me as he walks to the building and drops his bag there. “We will just keep doing what we have been.”
He doesn’t wait for me but walks down towards the river and motions for me to follow. I sigh and do until we come to a small clearing, and he stops, taking off his shirt and throwing it down.
He stands in front of me but faces the other way, spreading his legs wide along with his arms. I follow his movements, letting myself move with him. For someone so big, Arrow is very graceful in his movements. Where I sometimes lose my balance, he is always so sure and perfect in his.
I mimic him as he raises his hands in the air, inhaling air and exhaling as we lower them. He moves into unique positions and they get harder as I try to follow suit. It is all becoming easier as we have done this several times now, but I still am prone to losing my position. I do find it relaxing and like that I am feeling stronger each day. Arrow stops and turns to me, tells me to keep going.
“Square your shoulders a little more. Keep your back straight as you bend forward,” he says as he watches me. I glance at him but see his stern look as he studies me. “Keep control of your body. Feel the burn in your muscles and let yourself stretch. You’ve done good for today. Come up slowly and you can stop.”
I come up, leaving my arms in the air and drop them as I turn to Arrow. Our eyes meet for a moment before he looks away. I know it is because of last night, and I am sorry for telling him I am ready, when now I am not.
“I know something is on your mind.” I watch him as I continue, “Why don’t you just say it so we can move on.”
“There is nothing to say,” he says and steps away from me toward the house. “When you are ready to learn to fight, you will come to me. We have time.”
“I thought I was ready,” I tell him, disappointed in myself because I wasn’t. “What happened to me before, Arrow... I sometimes wonder if I will ever be able to heal from it.”
“Not ever
y man is like that,” he says, slipping on his shirt. “I don’t like that you put me in the same category as them.”
“I don’t. It’s just… I can’t seem to let it go.”
He turns and looks at me. “I want to teach you to fight and defend yourself so that it will never happen again. I can’t do that until you trust me.”
“I am trying,” I tell him.
“I am sorry if I seem too direct in this matter and if I push you too hard. To some extent, I think you need me to or you won’t try at all. If I am to be your teacher, there will be times you may fear me. That is where trusting me has to come in. Until you trust me, we can’t move forward,” he says, being blunt with his feelings.
I nod, knowing he is right. “I think I am getting there. I mean, last night was…okay. That was the first time I have held a man's hand since…”
I was about to say Cole. I shudder at the thought of saying his name.
“Since when?” He asks and I shake my head. I can’t tell him what happened. I don’t want to go there in my mind. “Aren’t your… dreams with him helping?”
I tense as he mentions Bran again. We haven’t spoken of him in some time, but I can see now Bran has never been far from his mind. He still has questions and I do, too. Still, I feel the need to tell him something. “Bran gives me peace from my nightmares, but he doesn’t take away the memories.”
He says nothing but moves to walk around me. I feel we can’t leave it like this.
“Will you stop this and look at me?” I step in front of him and block his path. “What do you want from me?”
He looks at me, but I see pity in his eyes. “I can’t take what happened to you away. I don’t know how to help you but apparently, he can. I feel helpless in that and all I know is how to fight. I can make you into a fighter so that it won’t happen again.”
“I want that, too.”
“You push me away, though, and until you can trust me, I can’t even do that.,” he tells me, and I know he is right. “I can never understand what happened that made you turn so completely away from others. He may be taking your nightmares away but I am the one who can protect you.”