by Gina Manis
“We are here now. After Winter’s season, we will come to each and every one, I promise.”
“Well, at least you have come to the last one.” She says, looking scornfully at me still and then turns to Jenna with a softer face. “And how are you doing, my dear?”
“Jenna is doing much better, Mother,” I tell her, pulling Jenna into my arms. “Jenna, my mother, Linda.”
Jenna holds out her hand shyly, and my mother takes it. “It is nice to meet you, Jenna, finally. I am so happy to see you looking so much better now.”
Jenna signs, and I turn to tell mother what she said. “She says that your home is beautiful and that she looks forward to getting to know you.”
“Look at you talking now.” My mother breaks into a huge grin. “Maybe later you can show me how to do that.”
Jenna signs again. “She says she is still learning herself, but we can try.”
“Well then, Jenna, how about you come and help my daughters and me finish with the food so we can eat?” Mother asks, and Jenna nods her head. Mother looks back at me. “Why don’t you go help your brothers with all their kids.”
“Will do,” I say, watching Jenna go off with my mother. I sure hope today goes well for her. She seemed to handle the village well the last time we were there. And now she is signing, but only I know what she is saying. I am amazed at how fast we both have picked up on it. Once we learned the essential words, the rest seemed to fall right into place.
I still long to hear Jenna’s voice and am holding hope I will one day. It doesn’t matter so much to me anymore. Now that we can talk once more, it has made a vast difference for us.
I turn to my brothers, who are chasing around six small kids, all under the age of six themselves. My brother Alec has two wives, and between them, they had four kids. The others belong to my brother Ben and his wife. Charles was playing with them as Simon held their baby.
Watching them play with the little ones makes me turn back to Jenna. I wonder when we might have one.
Chapter Forty-Five
Jenna
I will admit, Aaron’s family is a loud bunch, just like Katy is. I wonder how he turned out to be so quiet. I help with cutting up some fruit as the other women talk and laugh. They say little to me but ask simple yes and no questions.
“Arrow is looking good,” one woman married to the brother Alec says. “Nice to see him again and not with… I’m sorry,” she says, looking down in shame at almost mentioning Darla.
Mother looks scornfully at her and then turns to me. “Jenna, I have heard about you laying out Darla in the village. Good for you, girl, but you need to realize that Darla will always be around, and she will say and do anything when it comes to Arrow. She is obsessed with him because he turned away from her. Don’t let her get to you. One day she will get what is coming.”
I nod at her, not liking to hear it from her as well. Aaron has already told me this, but he is mine now. I will not let Darla get to me anymore, but as for getting what she deserves, I just might have to be the one to make that happen.
The topic changes to the kids then, and I watch Aaron and his brothers playing hide and seek with the young ones. He seems so good with kids, and it makes me think of them for us. We were having sex now, and lots of it. By next summer, I could be with child if we keep this up.
I’ve never let myself think of becoming a mother before, but as we all sit down at the two tables with the kids in between parents, it makes my heart burn with a new desire for Aaron. A family of our own.
It was an excellent lunch, and I held Katy’s baby as he fell asleep in my arms. I hear Charles say it is about time they head home. I stand up and walk to him, and he looks at me surprised, but I just smile at him and hand the child over into his arms.
“Thank you, Jenna,” he says to me, and I nod.
“We should get back, too,” Aaron says to me, and I feel his arms circle around my middle. He whispers in my ear, “I like that Charles doesn’t scare you anymore. He is a sweet guy.”
I am trying, but I still wasn’t comfortable with other men. Giving Charles the baby, our arms brushed together, and my first instinct was to pull back. I don’t want to be that person, afraid to get close to others anymore. I want to try harder with Aaron’s family, and Katy’s husbands are in my life more than most. I need to try with them most of all.
“Jenna.” Aaron’s mother approaches and holds out my basket to me. “Here is some food for your dinner tonight. I put in a few extra pieces of that candy I saw that you liked.”
“Thank you,” I sign and take the basket. Aaron’s mother leans in and hugs me, and I realize for the first time that she may become like a mother to me one day. I remember little of my parents. Beth and Thomas had been the closest thing to parents, but they also were my siblings and friends. I let them be everything for me, not wanting to get close to others.
Solitude was something I always wanted when I lived at Star Kingdom. I left to find it, but I realize now how important having people in your life is. With Aaron, I am genuinely starting a new life now.
We head on home as the sun is setting, but we only have about a quarter-hour to go when we come upon a field of blue flowers we passed earlier. I stop to take in the sun's view, setting in the distance over the mountains. The trees are changing colors and are beautiful, all tied together over the rolling hills.
This is home to me now. I finally feel like I have a home where I can live and be free.
Aaron sits down in the flowers and removes his bow and arrows, and I join him as he pulls me into his arms. “The days are getting shorter. It won’t be long before this place will be covered in snow.”
I like the sound of that. I have never seen snow before. Aaron picks one flower and holds it up to me. “These are called bluebells. They will die soon but will come back in spring. They bloom from spring to fall in each cycle. Legend has it; if you make love in them, you will be blessed with a child.”
His mentioning of a child makes my heart beat faster. I had just been thinking of them today as I watched him run around his parents’ place. Aaron would be a brilliant father, and the thought of having his child warms my heart.
I have this urge to speak, even though I rarely try anymore. It is usually easy to whisper a word or two in the heat of our passion, but still no voice. Sign has become my new language, and I have embraced it.
“Jenna,” Aaron says as he turns to me. “When we started our journey here, I didn’t know where it would lead us. I had hopes, and I knew what I wanted, but they all depended on you. Moons have passed for us, and everything we have been through has brought us together. Now I have new hopes, and they also include you.”
He pulls out a ring from his pocket, and I realize what he is doing and gasp. “I want to have a family with you. I want to love and cherish you for the rest of my days. I am asking you now if you will have me for yours. Will you become my wife and marry me?”
I am so moved with emotions as he lays his heart out for me. Tears swim in my eyes as I think of how I ran away from this very thing moons ago, only to end up here now. Somehow, along the way with Aaron, I rejected my old ideas of marriage and children, of becoming close to anyone. I had Aaron with me, and he slowly but surely seeped into my heart. I can’t imagine a life without him in it now.
“Yes,” I say, unable to hold it in any longer. “Yes.”
“Jenna. You spoke,” he says, and I realize that I have. I used my voice, something that has been missing for too long. His hands run through my hair as he pulls my face closer to his. “Say something to me again.”
I am at a loss for words even now that I seem to have gotten my voice back. The only thing I can even think of saying is, “I love you, Aaron. I love you so much.”
He kisses me then, and it is the best kiss we have ever shared. I melt into his arms as he pulls me over into his lap. I don’t know how much time passes before he pulls back and caresses my cheek. �
�I have wanted to hear your voice for so long. To hear those perfect words on your lips when you do… I will never forget this moment.”
“There have been many things I have wanted to say to you, Aaron,” I confess to him. “I thought I would never be able to, and it is why I wanted us to learn sign. Because I needed to tell you.”
“What did you need to tell me?”
“Mostly, I need to thank you,” I say as the words begin to pour out of me. “For never giving up on me, for pushing me forward. Coming with me and protecting me. You have shown me how to live again, let my past go, and start a future. I never want to be apart from you. I love you more than anything.”
“I love you,” he says as he kisses me. “I will never leave you. We have a lifetime to show each other.”
“Yes, we do,” I agree, never having been this happy before.
“Jenna, there is something I still need to ask you,” he whispers. “It is about your dreams with Bran.”
I am surprised he mentions Bran since we haven’t spoken of him in a long time. “What?”
“I know you still dream of him,” he says, and pauses as he searches for the words. “I have heard you speak with him in your sleep. He has been a big part of you for a while now, and I just need to know how you feel about him.”
I haven’t dreamed of Bran in some time now, but I think of him still. “I don’t know how real my dreams are with him. He has been my friend, and he always seems right. Maybe it is just my thoughts he shows me, but he has helped me start over and in a good way. He encourages me to express my feelings and desires and has always wanted you and me to be together.”
He nods at me and smiles. “I’m sorry I ever made you feel bad about your dreams with him. I didn’t realize in the beginning how much he would help you.”
“I don’t see him as much as did,” I say sadly. “He is a gift to people like me.”
“Yes, he is,” Arrow agrees, and it makes me so happy that he does.
“Thank you for understanding, Aaron.”
“You’ve called me by my actual name several times now,” he says softly. “I have heard you whisper it when we have made love too. Why?”
“It is how I see you,” I say, shaking my head. “As Arrow, I saw your strength and protection. As Aaron, I see your softness and love. They are both important sides of who you are, but I feel that softer side of you now. I have thought of you as Aaron for some time.”
“Call me whatever you like,” he kisses me softly as he lowers me back into the bed of blue flowers, “Right now, I am going to make love to…Shit!”
Aaron springs up just as something comes flying over me and propels him off into a roll downhill.
“Aaron!” I shout, standing up and seeing for the first time it is a mountain lion, and it is on Aaron as he struggles to hold him back.
I reach for Aaron’s bow and pull an arrow from its sleeve and aim at the big cat, but it is fighting with Aaron, and I am afraid of hitting him. He cries out as the cat’s massive teeth sink into his shoulder, and I shoot.
The mountain lion lets out a loud cry as it stumbles off Aaron, and I reach for another arrow, but Aaron kills it with his knife as I aim.
I take off, running to him, “Oh, Aaron! Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he says, pulling me to him with his uninjured arm. “You shot him!”
“Look at you; you're bleeding now. We need to get you home.” I say, looking at the bite wound and seeing it bleeding badly. I reach down and rip the hem of my dress into a strip and try to tie it around his shoulder.
“Jenna, you shot the lion,” Aaron says again.
“Well, of course, I shot him! Isn’t that what you have been training me to do?” I am flustered at him for not moving, and pull him to stand so we can get home and I can take care of him.
“You didn’t hesitate.”
“Yes, I did,” I tell him. “I was afraid of hitting you.”
“No, you didn’t,” he says, smiling at me. “You knew my bow was there, and you picked it up and aimed and fired.”
“But I did hesitate,” I tell him. “Come on; we should get to the house.”
He wraps his hand behind my neck and pulls me closer to him. “But I was looking forward to making love to my soon to be wife in a bed of bluebells.”
I had been looking forward to it also, but now he was hurt, and we need to get home. “Aaron. You’re losing blood.”
“Flesh wound,” he says, smiling at me, and I roll my eyes.
“Will you please just come on, and I promise I will let you make love to me later.” Maybe that will persuade him.
“But it won’t be in the bluebells. I am a little eager to make a baby with you,” he tells me as he kisses my neck. He is turning me on, but I push it away.
“Ah, I have a feeling you are going to be impossible to live with in the coming cycles.”
“We will see about that, my little arrow,” he says as he finally comes with me. “I just might have to show you some of my tricks. In and out of bed.”
“Well, you are a wonderful teacher,” I say, teasing him now that we were heading home. “And who knows, I could already be with child for how much you like to teach.”
He laughs, and I can’t help but laugh too. I know deep in my heart, Aaron and I are going to be very happy together.
Chapter Forty-Six
Jenna
Two moons into winter.
“Aaron.” I snuggle back into his warm arms, feeling a draft in the air. The days and nights have turned cold, and I am still trying to get accustomed to them.
“I’m a little sad it is not my name in your breath,” Bran whispers as his hand runs across my stomach.
“Oh, Bran,” I smile and sit up in the bed, surprised to see him. I look around, and I don’t see the prairie or grass, but instead mine and Aaron’s home. I know I am dreaming, “Where have you been?”
I haven’t seen Bran in my dreams for a long time now, and it has saddened me. I am excited to see him again and curious about why he hasn’t been visiting me anymore.
“You called me tonight,” he says sadly. “I thought I would never see you again.”
“W-why?” I ask him.
“Because you haven’t needed me,” he whispers and looks away. “I hoped it would be different with you, but it is not. It makes me sad but happy also that you are better.”
“Bran, what are you saying?” I ask, touching his shoulder. “Are you… fading away from me?”
“It’s okay, love. I knew this would come,” he whispers as he touches my cheek. “You no longer need me in your dreams. The nightmare is gone. You can live in peace.”
“No.” I turn completely around to face him and sit on my knees. His exquisite features hold a look of sorrow that grips my heart. “How can you say that?”
He looks down between us and takes my hand in his, “You found the one. You don’t need my fantasies any longer. This is the way it is.”
“You’re leaving me?” I can’t believe it. Please say it isn’t true, Bran!
“Haven’t we not been dreaming of each other less often?” he asks me instead. “You rarely call me now.”
“But I need you,” I cry and squeeze his hand. “You promised me you would always be here.”
“And I will,” he assures me, touching my brow lovingly. “I will always be here when you call me. But you are healed now, and the need is less. You’ve found what you want, and it is a man like Arrow. I want you to soar in the skies and sing with him.”
“So, you will still come to me?” I ask again, needing to be assured he will. I love Arrow with everything inside me, but losing Bran feels wrong. He has been with me, helped me heal. I don’t want to give him up.
“When you call, I will come.” He nods, but I can see a sadness I haven’t seen before.
“Am I going to forget you because of my love for Arrow?” Please don’t be so. I have told Arrow many
things about my dreams with Bran, but not this deep connection I feel with him. I want to say it is love, but I am still unsure if he is just my subconscious speaking to me.
“I… I hope not.” His whisper sounds almost broken and frazzled.
“Oh, Bran.” I sob, understanding now that I could lose him. Bran is already slipping away from me, and I didn’t even realize it. “I don’t want to forget you.”
I throw myself into his arms, and he holds me close. I know I am bare to him, but I don’t care. It is the first time I have ever been, but realizing that I am losing him is too much.
“Then don’t,” he whispers, kissing the side of my face. “I don’t want you to forget me, either. It scares me you will. All the others do, but you are different for me.”
I pull back, not hiding my tears, and look at his face. “Why am I different, then? Is it a good thing?”
“If… if you truly love me… then I won't ever leave you,” he whispers. “And I desperately want to see you again. Because… I think for the first time… I have fallen in love.”
“Please, stay with me,” I beg him. I don’t care if he isn’t real anymore. He is real to me. “I love you too, Bran. I don’t want this to be the end.”
“We will see,” he says, looking down. “This isn’t about me. It is about you. I want you to be happy.”
“I am,” I tell him. “Arrow and you. You both make me happy.”
He smiles softly at me. I know our dreams are restricted to mainly just kissing, but I need him to kiss me like he never has before. So I can always remember him.
“Kiss me,” I whisper to him. “Kiss me for you and not for me.”
He chuckles softly as he grips the back of my neck and lines our faces up as we look into each other’s eyes. “No one has ever asked me to do that.”
“I do.” Touching his face as I move closer, I straddle his hips. I have never taken the lead with us before, but I do now. Something inside me needs to be with him in a fresh way. “Give me a piece of you, so I will never forget. I love you, Bran, and will always need you. I can’t let you just leave me like this.”