Historically Inaccurate

by Shay Bravo

  We stop walking, and I can’t see the lake house anymore, it blends so well with its surroundings. Ethan and I are standing in a little clearing with grass beginning to grow into wilderness; a few birds sing overhead.

  “It doesn’t make how we first met right.” When I look up at him, I grab a hold of his other hand, taking in the expression on his face.

  Ethan tilts his head to the side. “No, it doesn’t, but it feels like we were meant to meet. You make me happy, Soledad.”

  I wrap my arms around his neck, having to tiptoe a little, and hug him as tight as I can.

  “You do, too, even if I want to fight you sometimes.”

  “Just sometimes?”

  “A lot of times, but don’t you ruin this moment.” I can feel him let out a breath before kissing the top of my head.

  We continue walking up the trail, stopping every now and then to steal a kiss. The path becomes steeper, and sometimes he has to help me climb. Finally, we get to a high point that overlooks the lake, which shines triumphantly blue like the sky, shimmering reflections of the sun. The trees around it follow its contours perfectly. We are in the valley between two mountains, and they rise around us like gentle giants, stark shades of green trees and gray to blue rock reaching for the sky.

  I wish I could take a picture all of this, take my old camera out and capture this moment. When Mom left the country, I found it near impossible to go through my old pictures. They were little memories frozen in time that I refused to look at. They reminded me of an era that had been closed off to me. A hobby that brought me joy at one point no longer felt appealing when I became unhappy with my place in life. I couldn’t pick up my camera after that.

  However, as I walk through the vivid scenery, I feel oddly at peace with the thought of framing this moment up if I could.

  Maybe I can start again.

  “Holy shit, this is gorgeous.” Ethan is standing with a hand against the side of the mountain, not going anywhere near the edge, which is where I am currently standing. I almost forgot he was scared of heights until he tensed up at the sight. “Crazy how we’ll only get to see this once.”

  “Who knows?” I walk next to him; he wraps his right arm around me and pulls me close, and I rest my cheek against his collarbone. “Maybe the club will bring us back again next year.”

  “Maybe.” He kisses me, his lips soft against mine. It never occurred to me before how different people show affection, but every time Ethan kisses me, I feel nothing but warmth in my chest. It’s always so careful and caring. “I’m glad I’m here right now, with you.”

  “Me too.” I look up at him. “I really liked meeting your grandparents last week. You were right, they didn’t deserve what I did.”

  His lips pout as he breathes out. “My grandparents have always been involved with Westray. They raised me when things got complicated in my family without demonizing either of my parents, they’ve donated to the school and other charities, and they’re literally the coolest pair of eighty-year-olds out there.”

  “I know I’m a bad person for still doing it.”

  “I don’t think that’s the way to look at it. It was a dumb choice and I was so pissed when it happened, but look at where we are now. You’ve apologized many times, I think it’s time I accept your apology.”

  “You hadn’t accepted it yet?”

  “Acceptance comes in stages, sunshine.” He rests his head back on top of mine. “We’re good now, though.”

  “Good.”

  We stay on top of that lookout point for a while, seeing the sun high up in the sky as it marks the afternoon, and the clouds moving like slow boats in a sea of blue, the landscape becoming reminiscent of an expressionist painting, with different spurts of color mixing in. It makes me so happy to be here with him—no matter how we met, or where we go from here, right now it feels good to be in this moment.

  Going down is a lot harder than going up. More so because that’s when you realize the strain your limbs made while hiking and the climb starts catching up to you.

  Once we’re back on the dock, we see people gathering in the kitchen thanks to the glass walls.

  “You guys!” Scott says as we enter the kitchen. He’s holding about five boxes of pizza. “Homegirl Anna came through with lunch.”

  Anna, sitting on the kitchen counter and smiling, shrugs. “What can I say? I’m pretty awesome. It was a long drive but I made it back in time for a late lunch.”

  “Truly, the queen we deserve.” Ophelia laughs and opens one of the pizza boxes.

  As everyone sits around the kitchen island, passing plastic plates and pizza boxes, I look at Anna. She’s laughing along with the jokes, eating pizza, and acting like her normal self.

  Something feels off, though.

  Ethan looks at me with a smile on his face and squeezes my shoulder as he makes his way to the first pizza box, Scott already pulling out another bottle of iced tea from the fridge. Anna turns in my direction, hand holding a can of soda, and shoots me a wink.

  Maybe I’m overthinking things again.

  We have another Mario Kart contest later that night. Afterward, Alan tosses some hot dogs onto the grill and we all hang out and talk about our lives. The fire pit comes alive with our stories once more as the stars twinkle in the sky above our heads. The shadows of the woods around us appear less mysterious and more homely.

  After Scott describes all the ways he’s broken a large majority of his bones, we decide it’s time to head back inside. Once in the living room of the house, we settle down with some ice cream and Alan browses through some movies before choosing the first horror movie he can find. Xiu and Angela mention they’re not the biggest fans of the genre, so they head up to their room to watch TV on their own.

  Ethan and I sit on the edge of the large, C-shaped sofa, and I tuck my legs close to my body, resting my head against his chest as the movie starts.

  “This is nice,” he whispers, setting his cheek against the top of my head. “I’m glad I’m here with you.”

  “Me too.” The reality of this fact surprises me a little. Being in a room with people I used to think of as strangers, who have now become a bizarre group of friends, lying next to someone I can call my boyfriend is a simple but true form of happiness I wasn’t aware I had available before.

  I’m happy, and the moment I feel Ethan’s arm around me bring me closer to him, I know he is too. It’s as if the universe saw me running all this time and noticed the ache in my muscles, and for the first time has told me I can take a rest. It’s comforting and gentle, a sort of calm I didn’t know I needed and that, for a moment, allows me to breathe a little easier.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  The light that cuts through the white curtains at the lake house wakes me up the following morning. The room is cold, and when I turn to my side, I notice Ophelia has stolen most of the blanket we were sharing. She is still fast asleep, and I wrestle with the idea of going back to bed for another hour or so, but decide against it and instead sit up to stretch my arms.

  Anna’s side of the room is empty.

  I tiptoe out of the room, trying not to wake our still-slumbering roommate, and close the door behind me. Thankfully, the bathroom is empty.

  I take a bath to soothe my sore muscles from the hike yesterday. Also, when you have a crazy nice marble tub, you have to take a bath. There is an assortment of bath bombs on the sink of the bathroom with a note that says we can use them. The pile seems smaller than it was yesterday, so I’m sure some of the other girls also took advantage.

  While I’m soaking, I text my mom and dad that I’m okay and having fun. Then I watch some YouTube videos on my phone. Once the water turns lukewarm, I get out.

  I get dressed, and since I didn’t get my hair wet, I unbraid it and let the partially stiff waves down over my shoulders.

  Because it’s early in the mor
ning, and I’m assuming everyone is asleep, the best option is to watch Netflix in the living room. As I turn to the main hall that leads to the stairway down, I nearly bump into Carlos, who looks like he just saw a ghost.

  “Are you okay?”

  He doesn’t look at me.

  “Carlos.” I put a hand on his shoulder and he startles. “Are you okay?”

  “Sorry.” He runs a hand through his hair, slipping his phone into the pocket of his jeans. Clearly he’s been up longer than I have, which is mildly surprising considering how many times I’ve had to continually call him to get him up and ready for class.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.”

  “It’s not nothing. You think I don’t know you like the back of my hand?”

  He looks at me for a couple of seconds, then grabs my elbow and nearly sprints down the hall. I don’t ask questions. I’ve never seen him like this. Our steps intensify throughout the house as we make our way to the first floor. I wouldn’t be surprised if the other members wake up because of us.

  We arrive at the laundry room and once inside, he closes the door and speaks in a hushed tone.

  “Look, no one can know this yet because we’re still getting information. Someone spoke.”

  “What do you mean?” I whisper.

  “Someone talked about the club to the police. Names, phone numbers, everything.” Carlos swallows. “Someone on the board messaged Anna yesterday. There is a full-on police investigation of the club and its members. Of us.”

  The realization of what he’s saying falls over me like ice water or a punch to the stomach. Thoughts fly as my mind tries to find a way to properly make sentences.

  “Carlos, are you . . . joking?”

  “I wish I was.” He moves back to the door. “We’re told we need to go back to Westray as soon as possible, so after everyone has had breakfast she’s going to break the news to them. Anna is going to drop by the police station to make a statement because we don’t want them coming after every single member.”

  He keeps talking but I can’t hear.

  I can’t breathe.

  I put a hand against my chest as if that might help me make words. Carlos puts his hands on my shoulders; his mouth is moving but I don’t understand anything he is saying. The world feels unstable around us, like the floor is about to give out at any moment and the only thing that is tethering me to the now are his hands on me.

  When I was little, about six or seven, my family went out to the lake I took Ethan to, and while my dad and I were on a boat fishing, I slipped and fell into the water. I didn’t know how to swim then, and panicked. Every time I’d try to push up into the surface it felt like I was only dragging myself down. I was drowning, there was no way up or down, only the everlasting embrace of the water, until my father pulled me out.

  Right now, in the laundry room of the lake house, it feels almost like that. It’s like waking up all over again in that hospital room. Bad news being delivered all over again.

  I’m being investigated by the police.

  “My parents are going to kill me,” I choke out. “I’m going to get kicked out of school for this.”

  I don’t know how we end up on the floor, Carlos holding me close.

  “Sol, breathe, you’re going to be okay.”

  “Carlos, I’m going to go to jail.”

  “No, you’re not. We’re all going to be okay.”

  “And if I go to jail, what if they don’t accept my request to bring my mom back in the country. I’d have a record, I’d . . .” I trail off, the sudden terror of the thought of never seeing my mother again gripping me at the throat.

  After a minute or two, I manage to pull myself together. Carlos is going through this, too, and I’m not going to fall apart in front of him again. He’s seen enough of me falling apart over the last year, and I have to be there for him no matter what.

  “It’ll be okay,” I say, though my heart is still beating terribly against my rib cage.

  Maybe if I lie enough I will believe it.

  We leave the laundry room. Scott, Alan, Xiu, and Melina are in the living area; some have bowls of cereal on their lap, and they’re watching Jeopardy!.

  Scott perks up when we walk in.

  “These fools are getting the simplest questions wrong. You wanna join us?”

  “Yep,” Carlos says.

  “Sol, are you okay?” Xiu asks.

  The room still feels like it’s spinning a little and I don’t trust in myself to not say anything about what’s happening, so instead I think up the first excuse I can to get out of this situation.

  “I think the pizza didn’t sit well with me. I’m going for a walk to get some fresh air.” Carlos looks at me and I nod; he understands I don’t want to be around when the news finally drops.

  As soon as I am far enough from the house, I run. It’s hard not to trip on the twisting roots of the trees.

  I follow the same path Ethan and I used yesterday, but instead of climbing up, I continue along the lake. The water blurs until I have to stop and rest my hands on my knees.

  The sound of my blood rushing in my ears is the only thing I can hear aside from my desperate struggle to breathe. My hair sticks to the sweat on my face, and my skin is as hot as the stones baking in the sun.

  My legs feel weak, so I sit on one of the large roots by a tree overlooking the lake.

  I did this to myself.

  Everyone calls me Sol because I ask them to, because I always felt like my name is too sad. Soledad means loneliness in Spanish. It feels so fitting now.

  My phone vibrates more than once but I don’t bother to look at it. A black bird flies down and perches next to me. We gaze at the water, the currents carrying leaves and ducks by. The next moment, it flies away and I’m alone again.

  “It seems like I scared your bird friend,” Anna says, sitting in the bird’s spot. “Ethan was losing his mind looking for you. I told him I’d find you.”

  “I don’t understand,” I mumble, tears brimming in my eyes. “Why the hell are you so calm through all of this? You’re always on top of everything. You said nothing would happen and here we fucking are. I—”

  She doesn’t seem phased at all by my words, her eyes focused on the lake in front of us. I want to stand up and shake her, scream and demand that she do something with this stupid club she keeps praising.

  “Everyone responded differently to the news.” She extends her legs, her bright neon-blue shoes contrasting starkly with the ground. “Xiu and Angela shut down, Melina stormed to her room, Ethan got really angry, and then you have Scott, who said he was going to drop out anyway.”

  “Do you really not care?”

  “I care a lot, Sol—don’t think that because I’ve learned to handle my emotions better than most doesn’t mean that I don’t care what happens to me or other people. You have no idea what I’ve been through with this organization.”

  “Then why do you never say anything? Why the hiding information, why the stupid dares to get in?”

  “Why do fraternities haze the freshmen? Why do other organizations ask you for ridiculous amounts of money? Why did you or anyone else accept to doing that dare, Soledad?” The sound of the water fills in the void her words leave. “You wanted to be a part of something, you wanted to belong because anywhere else you felt inadequate. You think I don’t understand that? Do you know how hard it was for me to get here in the first place?

  “It’s tradition. The members have connections, we all benefit from knowing each other, there have been years of this, and no one’s said anything until now. It’s about who you know—how else do you think we’re here? What do you think we’re all doing except making connections that can help us get ahead later in life when it really matters? You want to be able to own a house like this one day? You made a sacrifice
, you put your neck on the line.

  “This isn’t Princeton or Columbia, Sol, it’s a small community college in a small town where nothing will change no matter how much time passes. To put your name out there you have to be brave enough to take risks.”

  “I can’t afford to take risks, though!”

  “You did! You did and so did I, and so did everyone. It’s not a death sentence. In fact, it’s hardly a jail sentence.”

  “I can’t even afford that! My life is on the line, my mother is on the line!”

  “Then why did you do it, Soledad?” she screams back, and for a moment I can’t hear the lake or the trees anymore, only the pounding of my own heart. “Why did you do it?”

  “I—” Different reasons come to mind. Carlos, my resumé, Mom encouraging me to join organizations, the flashy flyers, the fact it happened to be a club related to my major, but none ring true to me. Nothing but the void inside my rib cage feels true.

  “Figures.” She sighs.

  I want to yell and tell her she’s wrong, that somehow there’s something different about what I did to get here, but every time I start chasing that thought, I end up in the same place.

  “Are we all going to be expelled?” My voice sounds like sandpaper.

  Anna sighs. “Honestly, Sol, I’m not sure what’s going to happen. I’m going to call up the founder and see what’s going to happen next, possibly a hearing with the school. Then depending on what happens there, they might start charging different things, especially the criminal cases.” She turns to me, the mention alone knots my stomach over. “There’s no deaths or drug intake, surely there’s something that can be used as college kids doing stupid shit. Vandalism, breaking and entering, as well as some stealing is as far as we go. At the moment, the most we can do is head back to town.”