by Deanna Hall
I wanted to run away right then and there except I owed it to Big Chase and Beth to say good-bye. I could get through the night somehow. I thought about the song we danced to. CJ had felt so sincere when he sang along to it. I believed he’d meant every word.
I’d tell Big Chase and Beth I was leaving first thing in the morning; that way, I could get an early start. I’d go back to my original plan and head to Wyoming. I looked at the bed. The feel of CJ’s arms around me while I slept came to mind. I started crying again. I grabbed my sleeping bag and went out on the roof. Best get used to the hard surface again.
It was a long, miserable, sleepless night. I was up before dawn and got my chores done extra early. Beth found me playing with the kittens behind the barn. “Hey, sweetheart, how are you doing?” She asked.
“I’m fine. Look, good as new.” I lied.
Beth came and sat next to me on the grass. “CJ feels awful about what happened. He was looking for you this morning to apologize.” She explained.
“It wasn’t his fault. At least hitting me wasn’t. There was no reason for him to attack Peter, though; he was only sticking up for me when CJ wouldn’t leave me alone. Anyway, I don’t want to talk to him. I do need a word with you and Chase, though.” I replied sullenly.
“CJ feels horrible, Mia. He wants to explain, couldn’t you let him do that much. As a favor to me, maybe?” Beth pleaded.
“Fine, I’ll talk to him when he gets home, for you.” I guess I could leave just as easily tomorrow morning, I thought to myself. It wasn’t like I had any place I needed to be. “Beth, how did you know Big Chase was the guy for you?”
“Well, it was like the day got brighter whenever he walked in the room. My heart would beat faster. Whenever he’d kiss me, it was like he was possessing my very soul. It’s hard to explain yet being apart from him, even after all these years, almost physically hurts.” She explained. That was about what I figured since that’s how I felt about CJ. I started to cry again, even though I hadn’t wanted anyone to see.
Beth held me in her arms, rubbing my back. “It will be alright, Sweetheart, you’ll see. CJ loves you. You belong together.”
“How can that be true? He’s marrying someone else.” I sobbed.
“Penny is a manipulative shrew. I don’t want to speak for CJ since it’s his story to tell. All I can say is it’s not what you think. Talk to him.” Beth soothed. I nodded against her shoulder. I already loved these people. It was going to be very hard to leave them.
Evidently, the men had extra stuff to this morning because they didn’t make it home in time for Church. After Church, we set up for the afternoon picnic. When Chase and CJ rode in, it was almost time for lunch. CJ had a huge black eye. Clearly, he hadn’t bothered to shift. He also looked exhausted as he walked towards me. “I’m really sorry, Mia, I never meant…”
Before he could finish, we all turned at the sound of a car coming up the drive. It was a sporty, red, convertible. What else would a glitzy girl like Penny drive? Penny got out, walking over to CJ. After giving him a big kiss, she cooed, “Oh baby, what happened to your beautiful face?”
When she gently touched his eye, he jerked away from her. “What are you doing here, Penny? I told you, you made a mistake last night. You need to leave.” CJ told her curtly.
Leaning in, Penny whispered something in his ear so quietly, even with my enhanced hearing, I couldn’t pick it up. CJ went pale. I sensed his panic. Out loud, Penny said, “Let’s go for a drive so we can discuss our wedding plans.” Turning to the rest of us, giving us a finger wave, she added sweetly, “I hope you don’t mind if I steal him away for a while. Laters.”
CJ pulled away from her. “Give me a minute. I need a word with Mia.” Penny’s spirit felt selfish, angry, and just a bit fearful. Despite her sweet smile, I could feel her venom directed at me as she replied, “Of course, lover.” She sauntered away, getting in her car.
“Mia, I never meant to hurt you. I just got angry at Peter, and I wasn’t thinking clearly. I know that’s no excuse. I promised I’d protect you; then I was the one who hurt you. I’m going to get this straightened out. Please don’t give up on me; I love you. Only you. I have no intention of marrying Penny.”
I didn’t say anything; I was too choked up to speak. I just nodded as I watched him get in Penny’s car and drive away. I could see the concerned look on Chase’s face. It only added to my own.
CJ clearly wasn’t happy to see Penny. He’d gotten a very distressed look when she whispered to him. “I’m not sure what’s going on, Mia. I never liked that girl. She was always tying CJ up in knots. Did you know he bought her that car? She spent his money as fast as he could earn it. He has a trust fund he can’t collect on until he’s twenty-five or married. I’m sure she’d loved to get her hands on it. I know for a fact he no longer has feelings for her. She’s manipulating him somehow, or he wouldn’t have gone with her.” Chase told me.
I swallowed hard. “Maybe he just cares for her more than you thought only he’s afraid she’ll hurt him again.”
“I doubt that very much. You two belong together. I feel it in my bones. We’ll get this sorted out, Dearheart. I promise. Let’s go in and get ready for the picnic.” I felt sick to my stomach. All I wanted to do was run away from all the pain I felt, even though I knew running wouldn’t help. Also, I needed to know the truth. Chase and I went inside arm and arm.
Everybody had been awesome all day, trying to keep my spirits up. Charlie, Sara, Claire, and Dan never left my side. Pete and his dad came as usual. Pete might as well have been my shadow, the way he stuck to me, doing everything he could to lift my spirits.
I learned none of CJ’s friends could stand Penny. Claire and Sara both told me what a bitch Penny was in high school. How she’d always thought she was better than everyone else. I felt a little better knowing no one else like her, either.
After everyone went home, I was sitting on the porch swing, with Big Chase and Beth. We’d been sitting outside enjoying the fresh air while they all told me more about being a wolf.
It was only about forty-five degrees, yet I wasn’t the least bit cold. I found out, now that my body had adjusted to being a wolf, my normal body temperature was around a hundred degrees, give or take a degree. I learned I could change as often as my body would let me. They advised me not to ever run around alone.
Everyone had left by the time Penny drop CJ off. CJ made a point of not making eye contact with me as he walked up the steps asking his parents if he could talk to them alone. I guess he forgot about my enhanced hearing because, as soon as he got inside the foyer, he blurted out. “Penny’s pregnant, and she swears its mine. That’s why she came back. I don’t know what to do. I can’t stand the sight of her anymore. All I can think about is Mia. I love her. Hell, I need her. I was going to marry her and live happily ever after. Now, this.”
Chase calmly replied, “Son, that’s ridicules; you haven’t even seen the girl in almost a year.”
CJ’s voice was broken when he answered, “I saw her about two months ago. Remember when you made me take a vacation. Penny had been blowing up my phone for months, begging me to come see Denver and her apartment. After staying alone in the cabin for most of the week, I decided what the hell, maybe she was ready to come home.”
Beth exclaimed, “You went to Denver! Are you insane? Hadn’t that girl hurt you enough already?”
“I guess I’m a glutton for punishment. After a night of unprotected sex, it was the same old crap. She wanted me to stay; I wanted her to come home. I left the next morning vowing I’d learned my lesson. It was one night, just that one night and Penny swore she was on birth control. She says she had been on an antibiotic, and it messed with her pills.” CJ’s voice broke at the end. I could tell from the sound of his voice; it was all he could do not to break down.
“Oh, CJ, how awful.” His mom said.
“And incredibly stupid,” Chase added, tersely.
“Don’t you think I know
that, Dad,” CJ growled.
As tempers flared, Beth spoke up, “You don’t have to marry that girl just because she’s pregnant. We’ll support her and the child if it’s yours. After all, knowing Penny, I doubt she’s been celibate all those months.”
Big Chase interrupted, “Beth, you know as well as I do, if it’s CJ’s baby, then by pack law, he will have to marry the girl and raise the child with her. I’m sorry, Son, that child would be a full-blooded werewolf and will need the guidance of both parents. Before you jump the gun, you should make sure Penny isn’t lying. I wouldn’t put it past that one to use you as a scapegoat when she found herself in trouble.”
“How do I do that?” CJ asked.
“I don’t know; I suppose you can get a DNA test after the child is born. In the meantime, you ought to talk with Mia. She deserves to hear this from you.” Chase told him. I was surprised by the anger in Big Chase’s voice towards CJ.
I wanted to hide. I didn’t want to hear what CJ had to say, except I’d promised Beth I’d listen. I was sitting on the porch swing when CJ came out. He sat down next to me. His face and spirit were full of pain. “I um, I’m sorry for hitting you, Mia. I never meant…” He looked completely miserable. For the first time, I saw him as young and as scared of life as me.
I took his hand. “CJ, you don’t have to say anything else. I know you didn’t mean to hit me. It was my own fault. I also heard everything you told your parents. I think you all forgot I can hear as well as you now. There isn’t anything else you need to tell me. It’s over between us. I understand.”
I was choking up; tears were filling my eyes. “I’m really tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night. You know how it is around the ranch, I have to get up early to get my chores done before school. I’m going to bed. Good night CJ.” I got up, heading for the barn.
The anguish in CJ broke my heart when he called out, “Mia, please wait.” I turned back, swiping at my tears, not wanting him to see them and feel worse than he already did. CJ crossed over to me, wiping away a tear that had escaped. “I don’t know what to do, Mia. This isn’t how it was supposed to be. I can’t marry Penny; I don’t love her. I love…”
I put a finger to his lips. I couldn’t hide the fact that my hands were shaking, so I didn’t try. “Don’t say it ever again, CJ. I won’t be able to let you go if you say the words again. You’re going to be a father. That supersedes anything we have between us, even this mate thing.
What we shared was amazing. It was the best time of my life. It was more than I ever expected to have. I’ll spend the rest of my life cherishing what we shared.” The tears were falling freely now. Turning, I ran for the barn. I saw CJ bury his face in his hands as I shut the door. I leaned against the door and cried my heart out.
I got up extra early Monday, after crying myself to sleep on the roof, again. The last thing I felt like doing was going to school. Dying maybe, running away possibly, instead, I got up and got ready for school.
I was just pulling on my boots when someone banged on the door. It couldn’t be Pete; he wasn’t due for another hour and a half. I had animals to feed before I left.
I opened the door to find CJ standing there. Before I could say a word, he blurted out. “Mia, run away with me, right now. Anywhere you want to go, as long as it’s far from here. We’ll be lone wolves. I don’t care about the pack, or it’s laws. I don’t care about anything but you. Please!” he begged.
I felt my heart pounding. Could we? I realized I didn’t care where I was as long as it was with CJ. I threw myself into his arms. I swear I could feel our hearts pounding in time with each other.
I was about to say yes when my brain caught up with my heart. I forced myself to push out of CJ’s arms. “What about your son or daughter? Do you want them to grow up without you and your guidance?”
“Damnit, Mia, don’t be reasonable. I just want to be with you no matter what. I can’t live without you. The last two days have been a living hell.” CJ insisted.
“Right now, you want only me. I get that you don’t love Penny anymore. Except your child is innocent of all this. I lost everything when I lost my parents. You can’t ask me to take a child’s parents from them. You owe it to your baby to be there for him or her. I know the kind of person you are, CJ. You would hate yourself for abandoning your child. It would eventually destroy you.”
CJ pulled me back into his arms, burying his face in my hair, as he cried. I just held him. After a while, he pulled back. “I guess I should go.” He looked and felt as defeated, broken, and tired as I did.
I decided I was done crying. What was the point? My tears, no matter how earnest, wouldn’t change anything. No matter how many tears I shed, Penny would still be pregnant, and I’d still lost CJ to her. I put on some makeup to cover my puffy eyes before going down to do my chores. After I finished, I was sitting on the porch, waiting for Peter to pick me up.
Beth came out sitting down next to me. “I see you talked CJ out of running away?”
“How did you know?” I asked in surprise.
“I know, my son. The thing is Penny is a manipulative girl. I wouldn’t put it past her to have gotten herself in trouble in the big city than run back to CJ, knowing he would do the right thing. I could wring that girl's neck.
It breaks my heart to see my son and you this unhappy. I feel helpless. Part of me wishes you had run away together. Neither of you will ever find true happiness without each other.”
“I wanted to say yes. I almost did. I just couldn’t let CJ abandon his child. I know it will be as hard for him to see me every day as it is for me to see him. I appreciate everything you and Big Chase have done for me, but I think I need to leave.” I admitted.
“No Mia! This is your home now. We aren’t going to let you run off and be alone again. Besides, CJ would feel worse if he didn’t know you were safe. Trust me. Even if you and CJ are never together. You’re our daughter now. We don’t want to lose you. We won’t let Penny drive you away.”
I was conflicted. Despite how hard it would be to face CJ every day, I didn’t want to give up these people who already meant everything to me. I reluctantly agreed to stay.
“I know it’s a lot to ask of you, Mia, but I have one more request.”
“Beth, I’d do anything for you.”
“I don’t trust Penny. Would you wait until we know for sure if the baby is CJ’s before you give up on him?”
I answered honestly, “I would wait for the rest of my life if I thought CJ would be mine someday. I love him and you.” I told Beth as I hugged her.
Giving me a tight squeeze and pat on my back, she replied, “I love you, too, Sweetheart. So does Big Chase.”
Pete pulled up as we sat talking. After giving Beth one more quick hug, I left for school. “Good morning, Sunshine.”
“Morning,” I answered sullenly as I stared out the window.
After a long silence, Peter asked, “Are you ok?”
“I’m fine.” I wished people would stop asking me that. I hated lying; then again, I hated their pity more.
“Are you trying to convince me or yourself? If it’s me, it’s not working. I guess he’s going to do it then. Give you up for the Queen Bee. What an idiot. I thought for sure he was marking his territory Saturday night. I can’t say I’m not happy you’re going to be on the market, though.”
I could see Pete’s grin reflected in the window. I just continued to stare out at nothing. The lump was back in my throat, making me not trust my voice. Somehow I managed to get through that day, then the next and the next.
∞ ∞ ∞
As the weeks went by, Penny was at the ranch more often than not. Since I refused to let her know her presence got to me, I talked to her amicably. Meanwhile, I got on great with all the ranch hands and had a lot of fun with the kids. I’d even babysit for the various families from time to time. School was going great. I was all caught up with my classes, had aced my exams, and was scheduled to graduate in a few w
eeks.
CJ’s friends were pretty much ignoring him since Penny was dominating all his free time. Despite being CJ’s best friends Charlie and Dan had become very protective of me. None of them were Penny fans either.
When seeing CJ and Penny together got too hard, I would change and go for a run. The freedom I felt in wolf form gave me the strength to face another day. Ironically, I never considered going wild to ease my pain. Despite what had happened, I couldn’t do that to CJ. Sometimes, thanks to my new friends and family, I almost felt normal and happy, even with the endless ache in my heart and soul.
I had made lots of friends at school, Pete being my closet with Claire, Sara, close seconds. I spent all of my free time with them, Charlie and Dan. I even went on some sorta dates with Pete and Charlie. Nothing serious. We went to the movies a lot.
I loved the movies; I could get lost in someone else’s life for a while, allowing myself to forget the emptiness I felt inside. Charlie brought me to my first concert. It was a country feast. We had a blast. Music had changed a lot since I was twelve. I liked the new country best.
Claire and Dan were getting married on July 7th, a month after graduation. When Claire asked me to be her Maid of Honor, I was thrilled. Except for the nagging hole in my heart CJ had left and feeling his pain as much as my own; life was great.
The biggest downside was seeing how CJ had changed from a warm, happy, guy to a sad, quiet shadow that followed Penny around despondently. Though we barely talked to each other, the longing looks he gave me whenever our eyes met broke my heart.
I really needed to move. I was sure having to face me day after day was just as difficult for CJ as it was for me. At this point, moving seemed like the best solution for everyone. If I stayed in town, maybe Big Chase and Beth would understand. With tourist season starting soon, finding a job should be pretty easy, even though I didn’t have any experience at, well, anything. I’d have to sell the being a fast learner aspect of my personality.