by Deanna Hall
Eventually, we made our way back to our clothes. Suddenly, I saw a blur of fur slam into Pete. It was CJ. They started fighting fiercely. I was afraid one of them would be seriously hurt. CJ had Pete pinned. Pete was snapping, desperately struggling to get free.
I leaped on CJ, pinning him to the ground, grabbing his ear in my teeth. “This stops now!” I demanded.
“He can’t have you. You’re mine.” CJ insisted, struggling to get at Pete.
“Penny is yours. I don’t belong to anyone but me. Pete, meet me back at the loft, please. I can’t stay here anymore.” Pete got up, shifted, pulled on his jeans, grabbed his shirt, and limped off. CJ had hurt him enough that the change hadn’t completely healed him.
I released CJ’s now bloody ear, stepping off him. “CJ, this has to stop. You’re getting married soon and having a kid. I can’t be around you anymore. It’s too hard for both of us. I should never have stayed here after everything went to hell.
Pete is my best friend, that’s all. You're burned into my very soul so deeply I’m not sure I’ll ever love anyone else the way I love you, not that it matters. I’m leaving tonight. I won’t be coming back. Please just leave me alone.” I turned, going into the bushes to change.
CJ came up behind me unexpectedly, wrapping his arms around me. I felt his desperation. I also felt my spirit leap for joy from his touch, as my heart beat faster. “Don’t go, Mi’amore. You’re all I think about. I can’t help myself. I don’t know how to control my jealously.
You were lying when you acted so angry with me. I realized it tonight when Penny told you we were getting married. The way you reacted, I knew you still loved me. I don’t belong with Penny; I’m your mate.” He kissed my neck, making my knees go weak. I leaned against him for support.
Closing my eyes, I took in a deep breath, trying to gather my strength. “It doesn’t matter how I feel, CJ. You’re getting married. Please let me go.” Instead, he turned me around, kissing me.
Flames of desire burst through me. I’d missed the feel of CJ holding me so much I could barely stand it. “You want me, Mia, I can feel it. Don’t leave me. Don’t go to Denver. We’ll leave here tonight. Start a new life somewhere far from here. If you leave, I won’t survive. It’s hard enough knowing your close, and I can’t do this.”
CJ kissed me again, lifting me up. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, lost in the moment. The press of his naked body against mine was like liquid lightning. He leaned me against a tree as the kiss deepened. It was a forceful, possessive, punishing kiss, which I returned eagerly.
My mind was lost in a haze of desire as one of CJ’s hands went around my waist, pulling me tighter against his stomach. I could feel his hardening shaft pressed between us. His other hand ran up my arm, across my shoulder, up my neck until he buried it in my hair, pressing my head closer to his lips.
His tongue forcefully worked inside my mouth like he was taking ownership of me. Every nerve ending in my body ignited. My body was screaming for a release from the pressure building inside me while my wolf was screaming, “Mine!”. I was lost to reason. My eyes closed. I was ready to let myself go. I wanted this, him so badly I was trembling with need.
Then, somewhere deep inside my mind, a little voice of reason said, “Baby, what about the baby?” It took every ounce of will power I had to whisper, “CJ, please don’t. This isn’t right.” The haze cleared a little from my brain. My voice became stronger. “I love you, CJ. I will always love you. Except it doesn’t matter. You have a child coming. A little human being who will need you. We both have to accept the way things are.”
“You want this as much as I want you, Mia, I can feel it.” His arm moved from the small of my back to under my bottom. He lifted me higher with his arm until his shaft pressed against my opening.
When he started to push his way inside me, I shrieked, “Don’t CJ, Please! Not now, not like this.” I started to cry. Looking in CJ’s eyes, I could see his eyes were golden and glowing. His beast had taken over. He was lost to reason.
With one violent thrust, CJ was inside me. He was so large it was painful. I felt something tear inside me. I screamed in pain as he forced his way to my core. At the same time, I felt his spirit and wolf slam into me, merging with mine. As CJ started pumping aggressively inside me, our spirits and wolves danced between us.
Within seconds my body betrayed me as the pain turned to ecstasy. All I could feel was a pleasure as CJ moved against a spot that sent waves of sensation through my entire body. I felt my muscles gripping his thick, long shaft.
I was trembling as the sensation built, exploding through me. I screamed again. Not from pain this time, from the overwhelmingly incredible sensation coursing through every nerve ending. I gripped tighter with my muscles, trying to hold onto the feeling.
CJ was moaning, “Oh God, Mia.” As CJ moved faster and faster, all could think about was the feel of him moving inside me. I could vaguely feel my back scraping harshly against the tree with every violent thrust, though it no longer hurt.
Small eruptions of pleasure kept bursting through me. My legs were wrapped tightly around CJ as I arched my back, allowing him to push as deep inside me as possible. My fingernails dug into his back with every orgasm. I knew I was drawing blood; I didn’t care. All I cared about was the gratification I felt from his shaft move in and out of me.
As we built to a frenzy, CJ leaned forward, taking my nipple in his mouth; he licked and sucked until I was taken by yet another orgasm. His K9’s, which had elongated, scraped against my super sensitive skin. When he bit down on the side of my breast, I screamed again. Pain radiated from the bite only to mix with the pleasure of him lapping at the blood he’d drawn.
With one last powerful thrust, CJ slammed himself as deep as he could go. He growled, “Mine” in a barely human voice. I cried out, echoing his words as the exquisite cascade of pleasure tore through my body, making every muscle clench down, stealing every coherent thought from my mind.
CJ fell to his knees, pulling me against him. I laid my head against his chest as tremors of pleasure continued to course through me. I could feel everything CJ could feel. His extreme pleasure, his possessiveness, his joy. I knew we were irrevocably bonded to each other. My wolf was very happy. She had bonded to her mate. I wrapped my arms around CJ, snuggling tighter against him.
As the tremors started to subside, my mind started working again. I knew the bond was real. My spirit felt like it had been completed. An emptiness I’d never even known had existed, felt like it had been filled. A sense of contentment settled over me as I rested in CJ’s arms. I was home, where I belonged. Breathing in his scent, my nostrils were filled with a spicy, earthy fragrance that was a mixture of the man and his wolf. I knew I was forever tied to CJ; he was mine.
As soon as the word mine came to me, reality came crashing with it. CJ wasn’t mine, and he never would be. Tears filled my closed eyes as the words resounded in my brain. CJ would never be mine, unless… I said a brief prayer that I would find what I needed to free CJ from Penny.
I managed to disengage myself from CJ. My legs wouldn’t even hold me up, leaving me kneeling in front of him, crying. I felt it when the sorrow hit CJ as his mind cleared enough for him to realize what he’d done.
“Oh God, Mia, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I forced myself on you. Oh, God.” He was rocking back and forth, hands gripping his hair like he wanted to rip it out while he repeated I’m so sorry, over and over.
When I took him in my arms, he hid his face against my shoulder. “It’s ok, CJ. I should have fought harder. Despite my protest, I wanted this as much as you did. I only tried to stop you because you don’t belong to me anymore.”
“Mia, I forced myself on you.”
I wiped away his tears. “Your spirit was crazed, out of control. Your wolf had taken over. You weren’t yourself. Besides, I enjoyed it as much as you did. I wanted you as much as you wanted me. I just wanted to wait until, well, it doesn’t matter. What matter
s is I love you, CJ.”
“I lost control Mia. My wolf just took over. He’s wanted you since we met.” I couldn’t help being a bit frustrated by the fact that if CJ had claimed me before, we would have been mated and married when Penny came back. She wouldn’t have been able to come between us. I couldn’t hide my flash of anger when I stated, “Maybe you shouldn’t have fought him so hard, to begin with.”
CJ arms tightened around me. “I love you, Mia. I love you so much. I hate myself for this. I hate myself more for the relief I feel over being bonded to you.”
“I feel the bond CJ. It feels incredible. It was all incredible. Only we can’t let it happen again. At least not until after the baby is born. If it’s not yours, we can be together.”
CJ lifted his head, looking in my eyes. “You’d still be with me after what I just did? You’ll wait for me?”
“I’ll wait as long as I need to, CJ. Just promise you’ll forgive yourself for this.”
CJ gave me a weak smile. “I’ll try. I love you, Mia.”
I sighed. There was no point in denying the truth, and avoiding the words wouldn’t change the facts. “I love you too, CJ.”
“Don’t go to Denver, Mia. I know if you do, I’ll lose you forever.”
“CJ, I’m not Penny. You’re not going to lose me to the big city. I have no desire to live in a city. It’s just for a weekend.”
“Why? Why is it so important for you to go to Denver? I won’t let you go to Denver with my cousin.” He growled, angrily. His words fed my own anger.
Letting go of him, I got to my feet. “I love you, CJ. Just because I said I would wait for you doesn’t mean you own me. I need to go to Denver. I will explain when I get home. You have to trust me.”
“I do trust you, Mia; it’s Peter I don’t trust.”
“Enough. I’m leaving, CJ.”
“Mia, please don’t leave.”
“I have to. We’re bonded, but you’re engaged to Penny. This should never have happened.” Pulling my clothes on quickly, I turned and ran.
I was rather surprised to find Pete was still waiting patiently when I got back. I was sobbing as I apologized profusely. “CJ and I have always butted heads; it’s no big deal.” He told me as he went to wrap his arms around me. I cried out a little when he connected with my back. When he pulled his hand away, it had blood on it. “What the hell did he do to you?” Peter demanded.
“Nothing! It’s nothing; it was an accident. I scraped my back on a tree. Please just drop it.”
“Show me!” Pete commanded. I lifted the back of my shirt, which was soaked with blood and sticking to the scrapes. I heard Peter suck in his breath. I could feel Peter’s anger, even though he kept it in check.
“Your whole back is a bloody mess, Mia. Are you too tired to shift again?”
Tired was an understatement; I was exhausted, physically, and emotionally. “I don’t think I have the strength right now.”
Pete nodded. “Let me clean this up.” He went into the bathroom and came out with a wet facecloth, gauze, ointment, and tape. Despite cleaning the scrapes gently, I still cried out. Guess those endorphins, Beth had told me about, had worn off because it hurt like heck. “Geeze Mia, your whole back is raw.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Fine,” Peter replied angrily. I flinched at the tone in his voice. I’d never seen Peter angry before. Peter was clearly not pleased by my insistence; it was nothing. He applied some of the ointment and gauze then taped it in place. “You’ll heal quickly, but it’s gonna be tender for a while.”
“Peter, it’s over. I don’t want to be the cause of you and CJ fighting anymore. Please don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you, Mia. But if CJ hurt you, he should be held accountable.”
“It was an accident. CJ wasn’t himself. He didn’t hurt me on purpose. Please let it go.”
“You mean like when he knocked you out?” I gave Peter a hard, unyielding stare. After glaring back at me for a moment, he finally conceded. “Whatever.”
“Peter, I need a favor.”
“Anything.”
“I can’t stay here. Could you take me to the campground at the State Park?”
“No.”
I was stunned. Raising my eyebrows, I repeated, “No?”
“No, but I’ll take you to my house.”
“I’m better off alone, Peter. I don’t want to start feeling like I have a home again only to have it go all wrong.”
Peter swore that would never happen. “I don’t have any long-lost girlfriends that will come along and screw things up. Besides, we’re just friends. If I can’t give my best friend a place to stay in a pinch, what kind of friend would I be? My dad will love having a girl around the house for a change.” Too tired to argue anymore, I reluctantly agreed.
Peter waited in silence while I got into some clean clothes. I had to throw my bloody shirt and underwear away. There was no salvaging them. I packed up the rest of my belongings, then Pete took me to his house.
He was right; Paul was very happy to have me there. He made me feel just as at home as Beth and Chase had. Paul even called them for me, explaining that CJ and I had had some sort of altercation, and I’d needed a break from him. While they weren’t happy I’d left, they were relieved I was staying with Paul and Pete.
The rest of the week went smoothly for the most part. I could feel the bond like a shadow inside me. It was a struggle dealing with the mad desire I had to be with CJ. Fortunately, I’d managed to avoid him completely. Except for being able to sense his unhappiness and frustration, even at a distance, it was easier being farther away from him.
I did my best to block out the constant ache I felt inside without CJ. The next two nights, Pete and I played video games, watched movies, and ran the forest together. Pete had woken me both nights from my nightmares. He’d held me until I drifted off to sleep again. He was almost as much comfort as CJ had been.
Denver
Mia
Suddenly it was Friday. We were all more than ready to head to Denver.
I saw CJ sitting in his truck in the school parking lot as we all piled in Charlie’s van for the trip. It took all I had not to run to him and throw myself in his arms.
As Pete climbed in, CJ came storming over. “All ready for your romantic weekend?”
“Excuse me, guys; I’ll be right back.” I led CJ back to his truck. “CJ, why did you come here?”
“I don’t want you to go. I’ll lose you forever if you go to Denver, I know it. Please, Mia, please don’t go. I know I have no right to ask after what I did. I’ve put you through so much already, but I can’t stand knowing you’re leaving with Peter.”
All I wanted to do was fall into his arms. I had to wrap my arms around myself to hold myself back. I felt an overwhelming desire to erase the pain I felt in him forever. Instead, I looked away. This trip could fix everything.
“CJ, you know darn well this isn’t a romantic weekend. You need to believe in me. There is nothing between Peter and me except friendship. I’ve made that clear to him. I have no intention of changing our friendship status. I’m living at his house now, and nothing has changed between us. Why would a weekend away with a group of friends change anything?”
CJ grumbled, “I’m not happy about that either. At least my Uncle Paul is there.”
“CJ, you're buried so deep in my soul now I could never be with someone else. I wish more than anything you were free to come with us. The bottom line, it’s just a weekend break. It’s hard being here knowing we can’t be together. I need to get away from here for a little bit. That’s all.” Well, that and some deep digging. I thought to myself.
“You promise?” It broke my heart hearing the defeat in CJ’s voice
I laid my hand against my cheek. “I promise. I’ll be back Monday.”
“I love you, Mia.”
I sighed deeply. “I love you, too. Have faith in me. This might prove to be a good thing
for us. Go home, CJ.”
∞ ∞ ∞
I was grateful for my new phone. I’d searched Penny on the long drive and found all her personal information on Facebook. Despite the updated status of being in a relationship, along with a picture of her kissing CJ looking all happy (thankfully, it was an old high school picture), it was the perfect source of information about Penny.
I knew she’d be vain enough to put it all out there for the world to see, along with an announcement of her engagement to CJ. Among all the daily updates of how wonderful her life was now that she was home with the only boy she’d ever loved, etcetera, etcetera, I found her full name and date of birth, which was what I needed most.
It took a little over five hours to get to the apartment. It became almost a physical pain as the miles grew between CJ and I. Still, as the miles rolled by, we all talked, laughed, and sang along with the radio. As usual, Pete kept everyone in stitches with his jokes and silly antics. I had a great time despite the ache in my heart. I’ll admit the hope of finding something that could end this nightmare helped my mood immensely.
Though the apartment was in a questionable part of town, it was pretty nice inside. The living room was large, with a smaller kitchen/dining room combo through an arch. It had a good-sized bedroom and bathroom down a small hallway. I suggested Dan and Claire take the bedroom since they were the only real couple.
Feigning a headache, I talked the others into going to get some groceries and snacks without me. I only felt a pinch of guilt for deceiving them. I didn’t like being dishonest; however, if I found what I was looking for, it would be worth it in the end.
Once they were gone, I made the best of the time by poking around the place. While I was hoping to find a diary, I should have known Penny wouldn’t be the type to keep one. Why keep a personal diary when you can showcase your whole life on Facebook?
I did find an appointment book. Each day had at least one or two appointments with different men’s names at night. Penny was a popular girl. I also found one with the name and the phone number of her doctor. The only appointment I could find was a month ago.