Found And Lost

by Deanna Hall

  “God, Mia. You’re drunk out of your mind.” Peter stated.

  “Are you sssure cuz I’ve neverrr been drunk before?” I asked just before I passed out.

  Picking UP The Pieces

  Mia

  When I opened my eyes, the sun was shining through the window. I was stretched out on the couch. I noticed I was only wearing my bra and jeans with a blanket covering me.

  Pete was sleeping in the chair next to the couch. Charlie was curled up in a sleeping bag with Sara on the floor. From their bare shoulders peeking out, I was pretty sure they were naked.

  I got up quietly, searching the floor for my shirt. Spotting it hanging on a lampshade, I pulled it on before heading to the kitchen for a drink of water. I expected my head to hurt or something; thankfully, it didn’t. Only my heart ached.

  I didn’t remember much after my conversation with Beth, except for everybody dancing and having fun while I died inside. I grabbed some clean clothes from my duffle bag, then took a shower.

  I was trying to decide what I was going to do now that CJ was married. I wanted to die. I was pretty sure dying would be the only thing that could ease the pain I felt in my heart. CJ owned my very soul and had thrown it away like it was worthless.

  As worthless as me. Heck, even Jackson thought I was worthless. Not even worth killing or keeping. I don’t know why I’d been afraid of him finding me. It wasn’t that he couldn’t find me, it was that he hadn’t bothered. I wasn’t worth his time.

  All I had left now was my friends and running in the forest. Would they disappear as quickly as CJ had once they got to know me and realized what a waste of space I was?

  No, I had to stop thinking like that. My friends cared about me. Besides, I wasn’t a quitter. I hadn’t curled into a ball and died when I lost my parents like I wanted to. I survived because I’d promised my mother I would. There was no way I would renege on that promise now.

  I wondered briefly how Penny could not love the beauty that was Pagosa Springs, from the Mountains to the people. Toweling my hair dry, I walked out to find Dan, Charlie, and Pete looking at me accusingly.

  “What?” I asked defensively.

  “Why didn’t you tell us about Penny right away?” Dan demanded.

  “About Penny?” I asked, not exactly sure what they were asking.

  “You know about her being a hooker and the baby she’s blackmailing CJ with,” Charlie stated gruffly.

  “Because I don’t have any proof it’s not his baby, yet.” I frowned. How did you find out?”

  “You told us when you were ah, um, ah, drunk.” Pete stuttered, looking away.

  “What are you talking about? The last thing I remember…”

  A flash of a memory of me sliding up the front of Pete came back. I finished with, “Oh, Crap!” I felt my cheeks go red. “Sorry, guess I had a little too much to drink.”

  “You might say that you almost ruined CJ and Charlie's friendship,” Dan said accusingly.

  I laughed harshly. “I almost ruined their friendship, really? CJ is married. Why would what I do or who I do it with matter? That’s too funny, Dan. First, CJ ripped my heart out then shredded it, but we wouldn’t want to upset poor CJ, would we?”

  Dan ignored my outburst. “That Steve guy confirmed it. What more proof do you need? We should just call and tell him.”

  I plunked myself down in the kitchen chair. Pulling my knees up, I wrapped my arms around them. “I tried that last night. He was away on his honeymoon. Guess he planned on being too preoccupied to need his phone because he left it home, and I got Beth instead.

  Just because Penny was hooking doesn’t mean the baby isn’t CJ’s. We need to know when the last time he had sex with her was, besides last night, that is, and when she started hooking. I was going to call her doctor on Tuesday. If I pretend to be Penny, I can get her due date.

  Beth said they got married last night before they went up to some hunting cabin for the week…” Try as I might, I couldn’t get the next words out or stop the onslaught of tears from starting up again.

  All three of the guys stood there looking helpless while Claire came over, putting her arms around me. “I know it hurts, Mia, just let it all out. These big lunkheads don’t understand what happened last night, but I do. It’s ok. Sara and I are here for you. Us girls will stick together.”

  I pulled myself together a little and whispered, “Thanks Claire, you’re the best.” Speaking louder, I said, “The bottom line is, do you want CJ stuck married to Penny knowing she slept with men for a living while he waits to find out if the baby is his. If we can’t prove it, then he’d be miserable for nothing.”

  Dan told me, “Mia, you don’t get it. He’s miserable anyway. Whether you understand it or not, you’re his intended mate. He can’t be happy knowing that and not being able to be with you. It’s physically impossible. Obviously, given your behavior last night, you’re hurting pretty bad yourself.”

  Pete and Charlie looked at him in surprise. Pete said, “Mate? Is that why he’s been such a dick lately. Geezus, if I’d known, I wouldn’t have encroached.”

  Charlie asked, “Mia, did you know? Did you two already, you know, bond.”

  Even with my tears falling, I felt my cheeks warm. “That’s not anybody else’s business. Besides, it doesn’t matter; it’s over. He’s married.”

  “That kind of connection is never over. If you bonded, our best buddy could become suicidal over losing you, so yeah, it is our business.” Charlie snapped at me.

  “It is kinda important to know, Mia. His family would need to watch him closely.” Peter added gently.

  Claire glared at him. “CJ is the one who gave up on Mia to go off and get married to that conniving bitch. Even if Mia doesn’t understand it, this is harder on her. If I lost Dan, I’d go crazy.”

  Finally, I lost it. I screamed, “We bonded, alright. The night he ...I wasn’t strong enough…things just got out of hand. He’s seared into my soul like a cancer that can’t be removed. Even if this miserable pain I feel inside lasts forever, he’ll never be mine.

  You wanna know why I don’t just kill myself and end this pain. Do you? Because I promised my dying mother I survive and because I can’t hurt CJ that way. He’s lost so much in his life; I can’t cause him any more pain. Pretty funny, huh?

  You’re so worried about him? Well, I think you can stop since he’s off on his honeymoon, fucking his new wife. That doesn’t sound suicidal to me. But hey, we all have to protect poor CJ, right? Meanwhile, all I want to do is go off somewhere and cease to exist. That’s what your werewolf mate thing means to me.” I ran into the bathroom, slamming the door.

  Pete knocked on the door about an hour later. “Hey, are you coming out of there sometime soon? There’s only one bathroom here.” I knew he was trying to lighten the mood. I ignored him. I was huddled up in the corner in the shower, fully dressed with the water running down on me to wash away my tears.

  I’d sat there, gripping the wolf charm dangling from my wrist. So many nights since Penny had returned, I’d clung to that charm like it was some sort of talisman. It had brought me hope. Hope that in the end, this would all work itself out. That my wolf would indeed walk through life at CJ’s side.

  Now it only reminded me of what I’d lost. I wanted to rip it from my wrist and toss it out the window, only I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wasn’t even crying anymore; I didn’t have any tears left. They’d run out like the hot water.

  Peter knocked again. “Sunshine, are you alright? Please let me in.”

  I said flatly, “It’sss not llllocked.”

  When Pete saw me, he grabbed a towel. Pulling me out of the shower he wrapped me in it. I was purple and shivering. “I ssssshould have stttayed a wolfff when I wwwwanted to. I let Bbbbig Cccchase talk me out of it bbbbecause of wwwhat he said it would ddddo to CJ.

  Meanwhile, poor CJ is off bopping his new wwwife wwwwhile I die iiinside. I wwwwish I was never bbbborn.” I said through chatter
ing teeth.

  “Don’t say that, Sunshine. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” Pete told me as he picked me up. He carried me into the bedroom. Sara, who was waiting outside the door, ran to get me some dry clothes.

  Pete sat down with me on his lap, holding me close. “I’m sorry, Mia, I didn’t know. I used to date Penny until CJ won her away from me. Even though I’m six months younger than her, she didn’t seem to care until she took an interest in CJ.

  I thought this was the same old rivalry again. I thought CJ wanted you because I did another one up on me. My dad is his dad’s second in command. I love my cousin, but we’ve always had a rocky relationship with a lot of competition and jealously. I would never have gotten involved with you if I’d known you were his mate.”

  The thought of not having Peter in my life made me shudder. “Then, I would be truly and completely alone again. A lone wolf. Funny, that’s exactly what I wanted to begin with. Now all you people have made me care about you. Are you going to leave me too, Peter?”

  “Never, I might not be your mate, but I’ll always be your best friend.”

  I laid my head against his strong shoulder. “Same here.” I was still shivering a little when Sara came back with my clothes and shooed Pete out. When I came out, I told Dan and Claire, “Sorry, guys, I got the bed wet.” Everyone started laughing, easing the tension away. Charlie and Dan apologized for being insensitive assholes.

  CJ might have destroyed my heart, yet I had friends that I knew truly cared about me. That was more than I’d had the past four years. Maybe it was time to focus on the good things in my life.

  Being no stranger to pain and heartbreak, I decided to suck it up and try to count my blessings. As difficult as that was to do, I did my best to push the pain into the back of my mind and lock it away instead of letting it eat me alive. It was time to focus on surviving this setback.

  We walked around the city that day. The gang was doing anything they could think of to keep me busy. We ate lunch in a fancy restaurant then we decided to go to the club that night. The three of us girls rummaged through Penny’s closet to find some suitable clothes. It was full of sexy stuff. Guess she figured she wouldn’t need it in Pagosa Springs. I ended up wearing a very, very short, red, leather skirt with a matching corset top.

  The top pushed me up a little more than I’d liked, exposing a bit too much cleavage. Though Penny was taller than me, I was curvier. I couldn’t even imagine how short the skirt must have been on her. I also found some red stiletto heels with an ankle strap. Being a little big, they were doable. Claire and Sara had to teach me how to walk in them, though. I pulled my hair into a high ponytail, letting my curls fall down my back and around my shoulders.

  Sara and Claire found similar outfits but had to wear their own shoes since neither of them had my small feet. After Sara expertly applied our makeup, we were ready to go. I have to say we looked good. One blonde, one brunette, and one redhead, we came in all flavors, I joked.

  When we walked out of the bedroom, the look on the boy’s faces was priceless. They almost refused to take us out in public until we convinced them they’d be the envy of all the guys there.

  When we arrived at the Beta Club, the line was extremely long. As we waited, one of the line bouncer guys came up and escorted us to the front. “Ladies as beautiful as you three shouldn’t have to wait in line,” He told us. It was a nice boost to our self-esteem.

  Penny was right; this place was awesome. The scent in the place revealed a large number of werewolves mixed in with the crowd. I had a pretty good idea why the called it the Beta Club. My ID worked beautifully; I was even able to order drinks without a hassle.

  Pete and I found a table and ordered a round of drinks while the others went to dance. It was wall to wall people, loud music, and flashing lights. An excellent environment to get your mind off your troubles.

  When I spotted the guy Penny had described as her boss, behind the bar, I went over to talk to him though I wasn’t sure why I was bothering. “Hey, are you Dallas?”

  He looked me up and down like a snake sizing up a mouse. “Sure am, gorgeous, what can I do for you?”

  “My friend Penny said you might give me a job here if I decide to move to Denver.”

  “Name your start date, jobs yours. What did you have in mind cocktail waitress, dancer, or escort?”

  “Penny said escort is where the good money. Did it take Penny long to make money at it?” I asked.

  “Naw, with her looks, she was in the do-re-mi in a month. Darn shame she found out she was knocked up so soon after she started working for the big bucks. She was only two months into her job as a professional escort when she found out.”

  “She only worked at it a couple of months and was making good money?”

  I didn’t have to pretend to be shocked. “Couple grand a week. She didn’t know she was pregnant until after she started. When I offered to pay for an abortion, she refused. I hated losing her. Now you could probably double what she makes. I’d only give a beauty like you, the high-class clients. You’re on the pill, I hope?” He asked jokingly.

  I couldn’t help wondering what an abortion was as I nodded, “Of course. Are you sure some person from work didn’t ah, get her pregnant? That would really suck.”

  “Took her to the doc’s myself when she missed her period for the second straight month in a row. She was already a month pregnant then, so no way. When do you want to start, sorry didn’t catch your name?”

  “Mia. I’ll be in touch. I need to save up some money for the move.”

  “Girl, here’s my card. If you decide you wanna relocate to Denver, I’ll front you a couple of grand to get you started. You and I will both make a fortune. I’d consider it a sound investment. Call me.”

  I felt sick. CJ had said he’d been to visit her around two months ago. Unless there was another guy she dated in-between Steve and her new “job,” the baby was probably CJ’s. Not that it mattered much now that he’d married her. I tucked the card in my top. “Thanks, Dallas, I’ll be in touch.” When pigs fly, I thought to myself.

  I went back to the table, chugged down my drink then somebody else’s. I noticed Pete was unusually quiet. I sensed his distress. Reaching across the table, I took his hand. “What’s wrong, Pete?”

  “You! You look amazing, by the way. Then you always do, whether you’re being a country girl or big city girl, you always stand out in a crowd.”

  I blushed. “I think as my bestie, you might be a little prejudice but thank you. So why are you sad, and why am I the problem?”

  Pete put his other hand over mine. “I should stay away from you. I didn’t know you were CJ’s mate. Eventually, this mess with CJ and Penny will be cleared up, and you two will get your happy ending. Now that you have the goods on Penny, it will be sooner rather than later. Only I can’t stay away because I’m in love with you.”

  I stared at Peter, dumbfounded. I didn’t know what to say. Pete was warm, funny, kindhearted, and selfless. Even now, just being around him helped fill some of the void CJ had created in my soul. I loved spending time with him. I realized I was depending on him way too much.

  Goodness, what a mess. “Pete, I…”

  “Don’t say you’re sorry, Mia, it’s not your fault. You don’t get to pick your mate. Let’s go dance. Besides, they’re playing our song. Perfect timing.”

  “We have a song?”

  The DJ was playing “You and Me” as Pete led me onto the dance floor. He stared into my eyes. “We do now.” He answered as he started to sing along with the song. “Cause there’s you and me and all the people, and I don’t know why I can’t keep my eyes off of you.”

  I knew I was hurting Pete. I should stay away from him only he was the rock I was clinging to in order to keep from being swept away by the storm of emotions raging inside me. The thought of losing both he and CJ was more than I could handle.

  “For what it’s worth, I would never have let you go if I w
as CJ. I would have told Penny to go to hell.”

  “Pete, this situation is completely unfair to you. You spend all your free time with me. You should put space between us. Maybe start seeing other girls or something.”

  “Is that what you want, Mia.” Peter sounded almost as panicked as I felt.

  “Honestly, I know I should stay away from you rather than hurt you more; only I’m afraid if I let you go too, I’ll lose my mind. I’m sorry. I’m being selfish. I should be stronger; it’s just I…”

  Pete pulled me closer. “It’s ok, Mia; I’m here for you no matter what. It’s my choice, and this is exactly where I wanna be.” I laid my head on his shoulder. Closing my eyes, I blocked out everything except how good it felt to be held in his arms. I was feeling almost content and at peace. Pete’s head was resting on the top of mine as we slowly danced.

  All of a sudden, I stiffened. My bond to CJ, which I was getting better at ignoring, flared to life like he was close. Real close. My wolf was straining at the surface, wanting to draw me to him. Pete looked down at me. “What’s wrong?”

  Nightmare In The Making

  Mia

  Ilooked past Peter to our table. Dan, Claire, and Sara were sitting there chatting with someone. Upon closer examination, I found myself looking into CJ’s warm, blue eyes. “You’ve got to be kidding. What are they doing here? I so don’t want to see him. Let’s just ignore them. Maybe they’ll go away.” I muttered.

  After glancing at our table, Pete looked down and smiled at me. “You got it, Sunshine.” Holding me a little tighter, we went back to our dance.

  Eventually, the song ended, then, just my luck, the band took a break. Unfortunately, as much as I would have like to, we couldn’t stall forever. It was time to go back to the table. “Well, that didn’t work,” I muttered.