by Deanna Hall
“I think you have more power than you know, Nuttah. Like right now, you are driving me crazy with the desire to kiss you.”
I smiled. “What’s stopping you?” I asked. In two strides, Dakota had me in his arms. When his lips met mine, we were both so consumed by the flames we were lost to the world around us until Donnie spoke up.
“Damnit, Kotah, I can’t steal Miakoda back if you keep doing that.”
We broke apart, breathless and laughing. “Hey, little brother, you’ll find one you get to keep one day. Just not this one.”
Donnie sulked, kicking the dirt into a cloud of dust. “But that’s the one I wanted. Whatever. Can we go to the creek?”
“I have an idea; let’s pack a lunch. We can spend the afternoon there.” Dakota suggested. We went home to make lunch. Donnie lent me another pair of shorts and a tee-shirt to swim in. We rode to a large pond with a rope swing. Donnie jumped right in while Dakota spread out a blanket, and I set out the food.
I was sitting on the blanket when Donnie came running back, dripping wet. “Ready to get in?” Before I had a chance to answer, he scooped me up, ran to the bank, and jumped in the water.
I came up spitting and sputtering. “Donnie, you little…” I yelled then tackled him, dunking him under. Dakota was standing on the bank, laughing at me until I swam close enough to splash water at him. Donnie joined me. Soon Dakota was soaking wet, at which point he jumped in. We all continued to dunk each other in retaliation. We played in the water and swung off the rope swing for hours. Eventually, Donnie got out to get some food.
I started to follow when Dakota caught my hand, pulling me back in the water. I turned to splash him until I saw the smoky look of desire in his eyes that turned me to a trembling mass of need. I needed to feel his lips on mine. I craved the feel of his skin against my skin.
Dakota backed up deeper into the water. His long black hair, free of its usual braid, drifted behind him on the surface. Dakota’s rugged, wild appearance made my heart beat faster. He was wise and kind, yet his wolf was so much a part of him, making him fierce and intense at the same time. Though I had only seen it in a vision, my wolf was drawn to his like a moth to a flame. I waded into the water, reaching him in a couple of strokes.
I slipped into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist, tangling my fingers in his hair. His hands slid under my shirt, caressing my back as our lips met. I could feel his bulge against me as the intensity of the kiss grew. I ground against him.
“Geeze guys get a room or something,” Donnie called out from the bank. I pulled away, turning beat red. I suddenly remembered hearing that before. A vision of a handsome boy with blonde hair and a smile that filled me with joy came to mind. For a second, my heart hurt. I froze, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall.
Clearing the lump from my throat, I said, “Sorry, Donnie.” as I pulled away from Dakota and wadded back to shore silently.
Dakota grabbed my hand. “What’s wrong, Mia?”
“Don’t call me that. Mia died! I’m Miakoda Whitecloud.” I snapped.
Ignoring my attitude Dakota said, “OK, what’s wrong, Miakoda?” I turned to look at him. I could feel the concern radiating off him in droves.
I leaned up, kissing him. “I’m sorry, Kotah. Just a flash of a memory from someone else’s life.”
“Mia’s life?”
I looked away. “Yes, but I’m not her, Dakota. Remember when you were scared because I stopped breathing? I saw you from what seemed like a long distance. Mia’s spirit was leaving; there was nothing left here for her. When you called me back, I let Mia die and was reborn as the person I should have been all along when you begged me to stay. I’m the person you want as your mate. I don’t want her memories. They need to die with her. I know that doesn’t make sense; it’s just all I feel in her memories are pain.”
I could tell Dakota was still concerned. “If that’s what you want, we’ll let her die.”
I hugged him tightly. “Thank you.”
After we ate, we rode home to get ready for the celebration. We took turns showering. Dakota was last. I heard him swearing as the water turned cold. I felt a little bit guilty for taking such a long shower.
I put on a tank top and skirt Linda gave me. They were a little large. Linda was at least four or five inches taller than me. I tied the bottom of the t-shirt, that slipped over one shoulder, into a knot, making it a half top. The skirt that was knee length on Linda slipped down on my hips and went to my ankles.
After looking over my outfit, Linda said, “We’ll have to get you some clothes of your own. How about a shopping trip tomorrow?”
“Sounds great,” I answered with a grin.
Nobody had feet as small as mine, which left me going barefoot. I’d already decided I liked being barefoot, so it was no big deal. Dakota joked that now all he needed to do was get me pregnant, and I’d be right where he wanted me.
Linda was appalled at his crack. “This isn’t the old days when men dominated women, you know.”
“I was just joking, Mom; I’ll buy her some shoes.”
Linda smacked Dakota in the arm. “I raised you with more respect for women.” I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. I loved these people.
I left my hair down for a change, curls tumbling down my back. We drove to the Tribal meeting grounds in the family pickup truck. Dakota, Donovan, and I rode in the back. Dakota couldn’t seem to keep his hands off me. If he wasn’t holding my hand, he had his arm around me. I wasn’t complaining. I felt almost incomplete when we weren’t touching. I knew our connection was growing stronger by the minute.
As we rode down the road, I snuggled against Dakota. “I like your hair down; you look like a beautiful wildflower.” He told me.
“I’ll have to leave it down more often than. And I agree. I’ll show you how much when we get home.”
Dakota frowned. “You agree with what?”
“With what you said about wanting to sneak out to be alone when we get home,” I told him.
“Miakoda, I only thought that.”
Now I was frowning. “I heard you plan as day. You must not have realized you said it out loud.”
Dakota grinned. “I guess. Anyway, I’m glad you agree.”
The celebration was wonderful. There was authentic Sioux food and dancing. I met the tribe members, which included great aunts and uncles, aunts and uncles, and a bunch of cousins. Everyone treated me like I was some kind of long lost princess.
My great uncle presented me with a beautiful traditional hide skirt and tunic, complete with fringes, beadwork, and a pair of moccasins. “For you to wear at Powwow feast, Niece. You will have a place of honor at my side.”
Thanking him, I hugged him. My uncle hugged me back, smiling. I heard Donnie whispered, “Holy shit, I’ve never seen the Chief smile. I didn’t think he knew how.” We all laughed, even my uncle.
Dakota and Donnie joined in on the tribal dancing. I watched mesmerized. The fact that Dakota was shirtless, and all those muscles kept rippling when he danced, might have helped hold my attention.
When Dakota approached my uncle with his marriage proposal, my uncle was thrilled. “Your children will help make us strong again. I think during the Powwow would be a perfect time. The last day, perhaps. We will have a traditional Sioux wedding for all the tribes and packs to rejoice in before we part company. Despite Dakota hoping it would be sooner, you didn’t argue with the Chief, so the date was set.
We’d had a wonderful evening. It had been a long day. Since Dakota hadn’t slept since the night before and I hadn’t slept well with him gone, we fell asleep on the ride home, curled up together. We did manage to sneak off for a while, making out in the woods. When we got back, Dakota reluctantly went to sleep in his room after a long kiss good night.
Regardless of the fact, neither of us wanted to be apart, it didn’t seem right to set a bad example for Donnie. Sometime during the night, I woke up from another searching dream. Unable to
return to sleep, I decided to go for a run. I slipped out of the house and shifted. As I ran, I felt the spirit of a distant wolf howl in my mind. His howl was so full of agony; it tore at my heart. I started running in his direction.
I didn’t know or care where I was going; I just ran towards the sound in my mind. Into the forest, through a stream, up a deer path. Ignoring the branches that slapped my snout, I raced through the forest as fast as my legs would carry me.
I kept going until I came to a cliff. While I stared at the cliff, my mind was consumed by the pain I’d heard in the cries of the mysterious wolf. I could literally feel him pacing a few feet from the edge of a distant cliff similar to the one I’d come to. His thoughts broadcasted to me loud and clear.
He was contemplating how easy it would be to end all his pain in just one leap. It felt like his spirit had joined mine. He was in so much pain. It was devastating. I took a step towards the cliff, then another. I heard a voice in my head. “She’s gone. It’s my fault. I can’t continue anymore without her. A couple more steps, and this pain will end.”
I’d started to take a third step towards the cliff when Dakota jumped in front of me. “Don’t!” He shouted in his mind, shoving me back. “Back away from the edge of the cliff before you fall. Why are you out here?” His desperation, as he forced me away from the cliff, brought me back to myself.
I looked up at Dakota and blinked. “I don’t know? It was like someone possessed me. God, Dakota, the other wolf is in so much pain, he was thinking about jumping. I need to help him.” I reached out with my spirit, sending it across the vast distance to that mysterious wolf. “I can feel him with me. He needs help, or he’ll jump.”
Summoning all the hope, warmth, and comfort I could muster, I pushed it into the thought, “Don’t give up, you’re not alone.” I howled a long, desperate howl, willing him to feel and hear me across the distance. I hoped it would help that lost, lonely spirit I’d sensed out there.
As the realization of how close I’d come to the edge of that cliff hit me, I started shaking. Dakota nuzzled my snout. I laid down, resting my chin on my paw. “Is that what a spirit healer does? Feels someone’s pain and tries to take it away? Because that’s what I desperately wanted to do until it consumed me. I lost myself to his desperation.”
Dakota laid down next to me. “That’s why you need a mate to keep you from losing yourself. Why were you out here in the first place?”
“I had a bad dream and decided to go for a run. Then I heard a howl in my mind. That was it. Before I knew what I was doing, I was standing at the edge of the cliff.” I thought in answer.
“From now on, I’m not leaving you alone at night.” Stated firmly in my mind.
I licked his nose. “I love you, Kotah.”
“I love you too, Nuttah. Let’s go home.”
Holding Forever
Dakota
It was almost dawn when we got back to the house. I grabbed the blanket I kept in the back of my truck, and we went up to the hay lot. I was still shaken by how close I’d come too losing Miakoda. “I’m sorry I gave you such a scare.” She told me meekly.
“It wasn’t your fault, Nuttah. I think you're right; it has to be something to do with the whole spirit healer thing. Nonetheless, if it can take over you like that, we need to find a way to control it. I think we should talk to my mom about what happened.” Miakoda agreed.
Both exhausted, we managed to get a couple hours’ sleep before I had to get up and get ready to go to work. At breakfast, we told my folks what had happened. They were very concerned. It was decided Miakoda should not be left alone.
Mom suggested Miakoda come to work with her. “I could use an assistant, plus it would be the perfect opportunity for you to meet some of the tribe members. We can stop in town to get you some clothes of your own before we start my rounds.”
It was the perfect solution. Miakoda was very excited about having an opportunity to earn her keep, and I was relieved she wouldn’t be alone.
It was another long day. I had several ranches in need of my services. Miakoda was waiting on the porch steps when I drove in. She jumped up as I pulled in the driveway, throwing herself in my arms before I could even get out of the truck.
After kissing me, she told me, “Kotah, I had the most amazing day. I actually helped Mom. We delivered a baby. The mother was so scared. The baby was breach like the horse. I soothed the mother while your mom turned it around. The baby was fine. It was a beautiful little girl with a full head of dark hair.
Then there was an older man, Joseph Blackfeather. Your mom said he lost his wife and has been despondent for months. Barely eating, refusing to leave the house or see his children. She goes to give him vitamin shots and check on him weekly. His spirit was so broken; he wanted to die and be with his wife.
I held his hand while your mom gave him his shot. Out of the blue, he told me, “My wife was beautiful, like you.” I asked him to tell me about her. I held spirit in mine while he described his wife, showing me pictures of their family. He told me about the remarkable life they’d shared and about their children and grandchildren.
I told him, his wife would not want him to shut everyone out or let himself die. She would want him to enjoy his family for her until the Great Spirit brought him home, where she would be waiting. It was like the light returned to his eyes. He hugged me before calling his son. His family was on their way over when we left. Maybe I really can help people.”
“Nuttah, you have an amazing effect on everyone you meet,” I told her proudly.
We were walking into the house when Dad pulled up, hauling a trailer behind his truck. He backed it in alongside the house. “What do you think? Other than needing to be cleaned out, it's watertight and in good shape. There is a bedroom, kitchen, living room area, and a bathroom with a shower. It’s been in the impound lot for a couple of years. No one ever claimed it. I thought it would be a good start for the two of you. It’s all yours if you want it.”
Miakoda ran up to Dad hugging him, tears shimmering in her eyes. “It’s perfect. Thank you so much.” Dad grinned broadly.
Miakoda truly did make everybody’s life brighter. Donnie was jumping around, clapping and pumping the air. “Once you get married, I get my own room. Yes!” Everyone laughed. After supper, we all got to work cleaning out the trailer. We had it spic and span in no time.
Mom gave Mia some linens and towels. It was midnight by the time Mia was ready to move in. After everyone in the house was asleep, I snuck out to find Miakoda waiting for me. I had no intention of leaving her alone again.
We lay in the darkness, kissing, touching, and caressing. “Dakota, I don’t want to wait any longer for you to claim me,” Miakoda told me.
“Are you sure this is what you want? We’re talking about a life long commitment.”
“I’m sure. Like you said, marriage is only a formality. I want to be yours always.”
I wasn’t going to argue since trying to keep my wolf from claiming her against my will was getting to be quite a struggle. I pulled Miakoda’s t-shirt off and caressed her body. Miakoda made the most delicious little sounds every time I kissed her body, every part of which was perfect.
When I was running my fingers over her breasts, I felt an imperfection on her otherwise perfect, unmarred skin. There were only two things that could scar a werewolf, silver, and the bite of a mate. I froze.
“What’s wrong, Kotah?” Miakoda asked anxiously.
“You have a scar.”
“I do?” Miakoda sat up, turning on the light.
I sucked in my breath. The scare was a strange set of wolf teeth. I mean, it was a normal bite, except it was deeper, with more scar tissue. It almost looked like when you write something, then write over it to make it show up bolder and darker, almost like she’d been bitten twice in the same spot. Regardless of how the bite looked, it meant Miakoda already had a mate. She would never be mine after all.
“Kotah, the look on your face is scarin
g me.”
“Who gave you that bite?” I demanded too gruffly. I hadn’t meant to sound angry. I was just having a hard time controlling my emotions and staying calm.
“Bite, what bite? Why are you angry?” Miakoda asked in a trembling voice.
“The bite on your breast where your mate very clearly marked you. You must remember having a mate. Even if you forgot everything else, he’d be imprinted on you. You’d feel his presence no matter how far apart you are.”
Stumbling out of bed, I took a step closer to the door. If Miakoda had a mate, which she clearly did, I needed to end this now. I felt like the world was crashing in around me. Why would the Great Spirit bring her to me, only to take her away? Miakoda’s face was full of fear. Tears were starting to glisten in her eyes.
She pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them, clutching the sheet tightly to her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Despite trying to stay calm, I ended up shouting. “You already have a fucking mate. We can’t be together now or ever. I need to go.” I turned my back to her, heading out of the bedroom.
“Kotah, p-l-e-a-s-e! Not you, too, please. I can’t lose you, too.” Miakoda screamed before she began to sob. As much as part of me wanted to stay and comfort Miakoda, I was too distraught to handle this situation at the moment. Once outside, I leaned against the door, just trying to breathe. Eventually, I calmed down, and I realized I couldn’t leave Miakoda like this. Clearly, she didn’t remember having a mate, yet she knew she had lost someone because she had said not you, too.
My mind was a whirlwind of thoughts. Miakoda was very young to have already found her mate, especially considering how rarely it happened these days. Maybe the reason she hadn’t wanted to live was that her mate had died. That would make sense. Mates often follow each other into death.
Still, she was so young. Miakoda’s first change had been recent; she couldn’t have had a mate for long. He must be dead, or he would have found her by now. I knew if she were my mate, I would have. I realized something else. Maybe I could never be her mate, but it didn’t matter. I already loved Miakoda with all my heart. As much as I feared how this would turn out, I couldn’t just walk away from her.