by Deanna Hall
I went back inside to find her sobbing so hard she could bearly breathe. Gathering her in my arms, I tried to calm her sobs “Shhh, don’t cry, Nuttah. I’m sorry I upset you. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. We’ll figure this out.”
Miakoda didn’t say anything; she just clung to me for dear life. Silent tears continued to fall until she finally drifted off to sleep. Her dreams were worse than usual that night. She woke screaming several times.
At breakfast, Miakoda was very quiet and withdrawn. I guess I was too. Neither of us had said a word to each other since our confrontation. I hadn’t known what to say, so I’d just held her all night. I felt conflicted and confused. Was Miakoda ever going to be mine, or was I just kidding myself? How could this ever work if she was already bonded to someone else? What part could I play in her life?
No matter what happened, I would always be her second choice. If her memory came back, would I lose her for good, to the memory of her real mate? Could I live with that?
No longer the bright, smiling girl we’d come to know and love, Miakoda poked at her breakfast before excusing herself. “I’m not terribly hungry. If you don’t mind, I’ll go out to the trailer.”
After Miakoda left, my folks asked me what was wrong. I explained Miakoda had the mark of a mate. Dad reiterated what I’d already been thinking. “Kotah, if that girl had a living mate, he would have found her through the bond by now.”
“I know that, Dad. Only we both know the bond never goes away. Even if he died, she’d never bond with anyone else. Even if he’s dead, she’ll never bond to me. I was so sure she was meant to be my mate. It’s more than just love I feel for her; I know it deep inside me. I don’t understand how I can feel what I feel for her if we aren’t meant for each other?”
Mom spoke up. “That is not necessarily true, Kotah, at least not for a spirit healer. Spirit healers have a purpose among there people. As a result, they bond differently. They have an innate need to survive no matter what tragedy befalls them, in order to help others.
As a result, if death separates them from their mate or their mate doesn’t meet all their emotional needs, they have the ability to bond with another. Their spirit needs to be whole in order to do what they are meant to do. It’s instinct. In the past, many spirit healers had more than one mate at the same time. It is the reason polygamy is still legal in many tribes.”
“You’re saying you think I could be Miakoda’s mate even if she had another before me?” I asked.
“I am convinced you are meant for her, Kotah. I see how both your spirits glow and merge when you are together. You called her spirit back when it was leaving this world. Only a strong connection could do that. Today her spirit is dark and in pain again. Yours is as well. Talk to her, Dakota. Make sure she knows you love her.”
I hugged my mom. “Thanks, Mom. I will.”
After our talk, I went out to look for her only to find Miakoda had gone off somewhere without a word. Noticing footprints heading down the driveway, I immediately went after her, only to find her nowhere in sight. Even on foot she was fast. Following her scent, I found her sitting in the mountain top meadow I had taken her to.
Miakoda had made it all this way without me catching up. She sat in the middle of the wildflowers that had now started to bloom, absently petting a mountain lion cub while she wept. The lioness lay next to her, allowing Miakoda to bury her other hand in the lioness’ fur.
Miakoda looked so beautiful like belonged there in the wild. It was a spectacular image. I couldn’t resist the urge to click a picture on my phone while I stood at the edge of the clearing watching her.
Even with my ability to soothe animal spirits, I wasn’t sure the lioness would allow me to approach. I felt Miakoda’s spirit reach out to me before she spoke. “It’s all right, Kotah, she won’t hurt you.”
“That’s amazing. How do you do that?”
Miakoda shrugged. “I just reached out with my spirit, letting her know I am a friend.” I approached slowly, careful not to make any sudden movements.
“Can we talk?” I asked.
Miakoda wiped her tears away, fiercely, like she was embarrassed that I caught her crying. Straightening her spine, she looked off into the distance, as if focusing on something else would keep her tears at bay. I winced when I saw how torn and tattered her spirit was, despite the brave front she was displaying.
“I’d rather not. I don’t want to hear you say the words I heard in your mind last night. I can feel your spirit, Kotah. You were miserable last night and this morning, because of me. I never wanted to wound your beautiful spirit.
I won’t darken your door much longer. I just wanted to see this meadow one more time. I wanted to take this memory with me when I go. I would have come back long enough to say good-bye to your family. Though since you’re here, you can save me the trip back.”
Putting the lion cub down, Miakoda stood. Her voice trembled as she continued, “Please tell your parents thankyou for all they have done for me and hug Donnie for me. Tell him if I ever had a brother, I would want one just like him.
Thank you for saving me and making the past two weeks the best of my life. I hope you find the happiness you deserve.” Miakoda turned away from me before starting to walk towards the path down the mountain.
Stalking after her, I grabbed her arm. “Miakoda…”
Before I could say more the lioness roared at me as she moved between us. I let go, stepping back. Miakoda reached down, rubbing the lioness behind the ear like you would a dog. “It’s alright. He means me no harm. You may take your cub and go.” The lioness rubbed against her legs before walking away with her cub following.
I wasn’t sure what to say. I felt Miakoda’s need to run from me. To run from her own agony. Agony I was the source of. I had to fix this somehow. “Miakoda, I’m sorry…”
She stared at the ground while she fidgeted with the charm on her bracelet. Something she usually did when she awoke from her bad dreams, like it gave her strength and comfort. “Don’t, Dakota. Don’t say anything else. I feel you’re regret. This is my fault. It’s always my fault. I cause heartache where ever I go. That much, I remember.
I remember feeling terrible heartache. It consumed me and those around me until there was nothing else left to feel. For the record, I honestly don’t remember having a mate. I would have told you if I did. I knew last night it was over between us. Just let me go. I can’t bear hearing you say it.”
I tipped her chin up, forcing Miakoda to look in my eyes. I saw such unbearable devastation; I didn’t know how she could stand it. The realization that I’d put that look in her eyes almost destroyed me. I dropped to my knees, wrapping my arms around her waist.
Pulling her close, I rested my head on her chest, then begged her forgiveness. “I’m sorry, Miakoda. I overreacted because I was terrified of losing you. I can’t let you leave. I need you like I need the air to breathe. Can you forgive me for last night? I love you, mate, or no mate. Please, don’t leave me.”
Miakoda sucked in a breath as looked down at me. The sun and tears sparkling in her eyes brought out the gold flecks. She looked as wild as the lioness. “Are you sure, Dakota? I don’t want to hurt you more than I have already.”
“I’m the one who hurt you. I didn’t trust our feelings for each other. I was afraid what you felt for your mate would come back to you eventually, taking you from me. I was being an idiot. I know in my heart what we share is stronger than any hold the past has on you.”
Miakoda dropped to her knees, clinging to me. As I kissed her, the now-familiar fire burned through me. I had no doubt what I felt for her was more than just love. Miakoda was my future, my everything. Nothing would keep me from making her, my mate and wife.
With that one kiss, the bright, shining light returned to Miakoda’s spirit, chasing away the darkness. Knowing I had the power to wound or brighten her spirit that way made me realize just how much Miakoda loved me.
When the kiss finally end
ed, I asked, “Nuttah, do you love me?”
She smiled. “Body and soul.” The next thing I knew, we were tearing at each other’s clothes. Staring at her perfect body, I saw it was marred only by the scar from the arrow and the mate’s bite.
“You’re so beautiful, Miakoda; I thought this day would never come. I can’t believe you’re really, truly mine to keep.” I told her between kisses. Laying her down gently on our pile of clothes, I moved between her legs, kissing and licking her opening. When I gently bit down on her clit, Miakoda groaned. Putting her legs over my shoulders, I held her waist. I licked and sucked her lips and clit until she was squirming and moaning continuously.
I continued my ministrations until she was begging, “Please, Kotah, no more. Make me love to me.” Moving up to kiss her mouth, I lifted her hips again, positioning my rock-hard organ at her dripping, wet opening. As I started to enter her, I told her, “I love you, Miakoda.” Then I pushed my way inside.
She was so tight, even wet; it was a slow process. I was moaning as much as her as I felt her velvety skin slowly engulf me. Her legs gripped tightly around my waist. Unable to hold back any longer as the fire threatened to consume us, I pushed harder. Suddenly I was buried as deep inside her as I could be.
I felt our spirits and wolves merge, dancing through us. Encircling Miakoda’s tiny waist with my hands, I started pumping in and out of her. My wolf, who had invaded my conspicuousness, growled “Mine.” My hands had turned to claws that dug into Miakoda’s waist, and I knew my eyes had gone gold.
Miakoda held my shoulders as I slammed my shaft into her as hard as I could. My blood burned as our wolves wove around each other, doing a mating dance of their own, while the pressure building inside me demanded release.
Even though I knew my wolf was taking control of me, and I was being too rough, I was powerless to stop it. My wolf wanted to claim Miakoda as his, and there was no stopping him now. Not that I wanted to.
Time seemed to stop as I continued moving inside her. Miakoda would moan or cry out, her muscles tightening around me, whenever a small orgasm took her. That added pressure nearly drove me mad. Every part of me, hell, every thought was consumed by the exquisite feel of being joined to Miakoda.
Ultimately, the pressure built to the point of no return. I thrust as hard and deep as I could as we both exploded together with such force, my whole body shook. At the same instant that I felt my release began, I leaned down and bit Miakoda’s other breast, marking her as mine forever.
Miakoda screamed her pleasure. It was intense and overwhelmingly perfect as we were swept away by waves of pure ecstasy. Our wolves and spirits fully merged, completing the bonding. Even my wildest dreams hadn’t prepared me for the intensity of our climax.
I called out Miakoda’s name over and over, as my mind was swept away on a wave of passion. The power of my climax consumed me, making my whole body quake. My arms gave out, sending me crashing down on top of Miakoda. I managed to turn onto my back, pulling Miakoda with me, before crushing her. Clutching her against my chest, I panted breathlessly, “Nuttah, can you feel it? You are mine forever.”
“I can. It feels incredible. I love you so much, Kotah.” She told me. I just held her in my arms for a while, trying to catch my breath. Miakoda was pressed against my chest, clinging to me tightly as she continued to tremor around me. It took a while of just holding her before my strength finally came back enough for me to move a single muscle.
We were one spirit. I wished we could stay like this forever. Crossing her arms on my chest, then resting her chin on her hands, Miakoda gazed at me through thick eyelashes. There was so much love in her eyes, I was in awe of her.
“I never knew making love would be that intense,” I told her.
“It wasn’t like this with your other girlfriends?” Miakoda asked timidly.
I felt my face flush. “You were the first girl I ever actually had sex with.”
Miakoda’s head popped up as she stared into my eyes. “Seriously, I was your first.”
I grinned. “I wanted to wait for the right girl. Now that I found you, you’ll be my first, last, and all I ever want. What about you? I know this wasn’t your first time. Does it bring back any memories? Did I make the grade.” I asked, feeling more than a little awkward.
“Evidently, my supposed mate didn’t leave a lasting impression because I don’t remember him at all. I’m pretty sure if I ever experienced anything even remotely close to what we just shared, I’d remember. That was mind-blowingly spectacular. Do you think it will always feel this amazing?”
Feeling completely self-satisfied, thanks to Miakoda’s praise, I told her, “Only one way to find out, if you’re up for it, that is.”
Miakoda’s smile was radiant as she replied, “Anytime, anywhere.”
Great Spirit, I loved this girl. Leaning up, I kissed her. That was the end of our conversation for another good half hour. And yes, it was just as mind-blowingly sensational as the first time.
When we finished and were able to think clearly again, Miakoda commented, “As much as I never want to leave this spot or your arms, we should head home. Mom and Dad are probably worried sick.” I loved it when Miakoda called my folks Mom and Dad because it meant we were her family, and this was her home. Scooping her up into my arms, I carried her down the mountain.
When we reached the bottom, Miakoda lifted her head from my shoulder. “I can walk, you know.”
“I know, I’m just afraid if I let you go, you’ll disappear.”
Laying a hand against my cheek, Miakoda told me earnestly, “I’m yours for as long as you want me, Kotah.”
I smiled down at her, “Then forever it is.”
Knowing how close I’d come to losing Miakoda because of my own insecurity only made me appreciate her more. Not only would I never let her go again, I would never doubt her love for me, which burned like a beacon in her soul, feeding me it’s warmth.
Even though it should have been impossible, Miakoda and I had bonded. I knew, without a doubt, Miakoda was mine. I vowed never to cause her that kind of pain again. In a few weeks, Miakoda would not only be my mate; she’d be my wife. I would do my best to give her the happy life she deserved.
Bonded and Blessed
Dakota
By the time we walked back to the house, it was dinner time. Miakoda and I walked in hand in hand. She was glowing. From the grin I knew I was wearing, I suspected I probably was as well. My parents gave us a knowing look.
Miakoda apologized, “Mom, Dad, I’m sorry I ran off and kept Dakota away all day.”
Mom hugged Miakoda. “Sweetheart, there is no need to apologize. From the look on both of your faces, I’m guessing you worked out your differences. See, Kotah, I told you Miakoda was meant for you, regardless of what happened in her past.”
“You were right, Mom. Miakoda is my mate now.”
Miakoda blushed, which made my folks laugh. “Well, you are truly our daughter now, and I couldn’t be happier,” Dad told her, hugging her as well.
Tears welled up in Miakoda’s eyes. “I love you all so much. I’m the luckiest girl alive to have Kotah as a mate and you all as my family.”
“Even me?” Donnie asked.
“Especially you, little Brother,” Miakoda told him.
“Little Brother, I like that idea. Though I liked the idea of you being my girlfriend more.” That got us all laughing.
The Monday after our argument, Dad and I stayed home with Miakoda, waiting for the arrival of a D.A. that had requested a meeting with her. Miakoda couldn’t stop pacing. “Why would a D.A. from Texas want to fly up here to talk to me, Dad? Do you think I did something wrong? Maybe I broke the law there? Am I in some kind of trouble?”
Dad soothed, “Of course not. If that were the case, I would have known. Besides, they wouldn’t have sent a DA.”
“You’re right. I’m being silly. I just don’t understand why a DA would travel this far to talk to me.”
“We’ll
know soon enough, Sweetie. Meanwhile, try to relax. I promise nothing bad will come from this visit.”
Miakoda knew Dad was right. After hugging Dad, she attempted to relax. Toning down her level of stress helped me contain mine.
Finally, a rental car pulled into the driveway. We watched a woman in a business suit get out and walk up the steps. Dad opened the door before she reached it. Extending his hand, he said, “I’m Sheriff Adam Windsong; this is my son, Dakota, and his fiancé, Miakoda Whitecloud. Please come in. Would you like something to drink?”
Accepting Dad’s hand, with a pleasant smile, the woman answered, “I’m Maria Gonzales, from the Texas State District Attorney’s Office. A coffee, black, with one sugar would be very much appreciated after that long trip.”
“I’ll get it.” I offered after shaking her hand.
After shaking Miakoda’s hand, Maria handed her a manila envelope. “I know you don’t know me, Mia, however, I need your help.”
“It’s Miakoda. How can I help you?”
The women looked at Dad. “She really doesn’t remember anything?”
Miakoda interrupted, “I’m right here. I lost my memory, not my sense of hearing, and no, I don’t.”
“I’m sorry, Mia, I didn’t mean to be rude,” Maria replied.
“Miakoda!” Considering Miakoda was usually warm and kind to everyone, I knew she must really be stressed to snap at the DA like that.
“Sorry, Miakoda. Let me explain. About five years ago, you were living on the streets in Amarillo, Texas. You and some other girls had captured a man who beat one of the girls to death. The other three girls went into a foster home. You, however, had disappeared without a trace.
The girls disappeared from that foster home a few months ago. With their disappearance, the man who killed the other girl has been let out of jail, since there was no one to testify at his appeal. He’s a very dangerous man; we want him off the streets. Your friend Allison wasn’t the only girl he’s killed. Do you remember any of this?”