Found And Lost

by Deanna Hall

  Miakoda looked horrified. “No, I’m so sorry. I wish I did.”

  I looked at my dad desperately. I didn’t want Miakoda dragged through the pain of her past. Dad spoke up, “I don’t see how Miakoda can possibly help?”

  “Apparently she can’t. It was a slim chance at best. Still, I had to try.” Handing Miakoda her card, the D.A. continued, “Mia…koda, if anything comes back to you, please, contact me. We’ve been trying to put Snake away for good for years; only he always gets off because the witnesses to his crimes all disappear.

  At any rate, I brought you your legal documents. You were in the news yourself for a long time after your parents were killed and you vanished. I’m glad you’re doing well, anyway. You seem happy.”

  Miakoda smiled and squeezed my hand. “I’m very happy. I’m sorry you had to make this long trip for nothing. I wish I could help. I promise if anything comes to me, I’ll call you. I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

  That was my brave Nuttah, I could sense she was scared to death just talking to this woman, yet she was willing to walk into hell to help someone else.

  After the D.A. left, Miakoda looked at the papers the woman had given her. She had a copy of her birth certificate, emancipation papers, a Colorado State ID, her high school transcripts, and a diploma from Pagosa Springs High School. “Wow, I graduated high school without even being there.”

  I looked over her transcripts. “Nuttah, look at your test scores. Look at the classes you aced, calculus III, Biology II, all college prep. You could go to any college with these scores. We could take classes together.”

  Miakoda’s eyes lit up. “I’d love to be a Vet. Maybe someday we could open our own practice together. We could offer our services to everyone on the res.”

  “Sounds like a plan to me.”

  Mom and Dad didn’t even make a fuss like I’d expected they would when I told them I was moving into the trailer with Miakoda. I guess now that we were mated, which, in truth, was a much stronger bond than any human marriage, my folks considered us a couple who belonged together. Donnie was thrilled to get our room to himself. Making it a win, win for everybody.

  Miakoda and I spent every minute we could get alone exploring each other’s bodies, trying different positions, all while learning what brought each other the most pleasure. We had the best time planning our future, making love every morning, night, and every other chance we got in-between. Hell, Miakoda’s slightest touch drove me made with need for her, and apparently, from her response to my touch, she felt the same way.

  No matter how, when, or where we found ourselves making love, it was always with the same outstanding results as that first time. Honestly, I kept expecting this wild need we had for each other to wane a little. At least to the point where one kiss didn’t drive me mad with longing for her. It never did; in fact, now that we were mated, it seemed like things between us were that much more intense. I had a feeling that would never change. Life couldn’t get much better than it was.

  Since Sunday was the only day of the week we all had off of work, we had a picnic at the creek. Chief Whitecloud and the rest of Miakoda’s family came at her invitation. We had a wonderful day with her extended family. The picnic was such a success we started having them every Sunday.

  Some of the teens on the res had formed a band and played for us while we sang and danced around the bonfire on Sunday nights. One day they played the song The Fighter. Miakoda loved it so much it became our song. We played it and sang it to each other frequently, while dancing around like we were acting it out. It was a blast, and we got crazy good at it.

  Miakoda also kept her promise to her uncle, going by to see him at least twice a week for lunch. We always had a good visit and enjoyed listening to the stories the chief would tell her about her father and other family members.

  Since Miakoda continued to assist my mother, she’d started inviting the people she became acquainted with on the job to join us for the weekly picnic. Each week the crowd got bigger until it became a tribe wide event. Miakoda would have everyone playing games, laughing, and having a wonderful time.

  She was loved by the kids and adults alike. People I had known all my life seemed friendlier, happier then I’d ever known them to be. Mom said it was because Miakoda was healing the spirits of them all with her love and warmth.

  The next few months were the best of my life. We settled into a routine. Miakoda helped my mom with her rounds each day while I worked at the ranches. Mom said Miakoda had become an integral part of her practice. She brought so much joy and peace to everyone she met. I was very proud of her.

  Before supper, we’d go for a ride, usually to our meadow, where we’d watch the sunset together before we’d head home for dinner. At night we’d play board games with the family. Miakoda and Donnie would fight and argue like a couple of kids. Most nights, we’d shift for a quick run before bed, after which we spent hours lost in each other.

  Miakoda had even applied to the school I was attending. Though she was a late applicant, the college was thrilled at the prospect of having her. She was offered a full scholarship. I found us an inexpensive, efficiency apartment just off-campus. We’d have just enough time after our wedding to take a week for a honeymoon before we started school. Needless to say, we were completely content with our lives.

  Even Miakoda’s bad dreams had decreased. Once I explained about the death of her parents, the wolf attack dream seemed quelled by my presence. She would still have the one about searching for two wolves: a tan one and a gray one. Those seemed to haunt her.

  They haunted me too. I was terrified one of them was the one who gave Miakoda the charm bracelet and the bite. I was afraid even bonded I would lose her if she ever found or remembered him.

  The summer flew by. To my relief, the Powwow was starting in a few days. In one week, Miakoda would be my wife. I couldn’t wait for that day to come. I was convinced once we were married, the wolves in her dream would no longer be a threat.

  Miakoda’s uncle had presented Miakoda with a wedding dress. It had belonged to her grandmother. Miakoda cried like a baby, hugging her uncle and telling him how much she loved him.

  I’d never seen the chief’s spirit glow as it did from her words. Miakoda had become as integral a part of his life as she was mine.

  The Powwow

  Peter

  The packs alliance meeting was to be held at the big Powwow on the Sioux Reservation in Wyoming this year. I had no desire to attend. I had no desire to bother getting out of bed in the morning since Mia died. My Sunshine had left me in a dark place I couldn’t seem to drag myself out of.

  Even though I had survived losing my mother, I wasn’t sure I had the strength to survive losing Mia as well. I was pretty much hanging on by a thread for my father, Penny, and CJ’s sakes. My father and Penny kept me close and busy.

  CJ was even worse off than me. His guilt was immense. Worse than mine, even, and that was saying a lot when all I could think about was how Mia’s death was my fault. If I’d just let her deal with CJ or stopped when she threatened to leave, she’d be with me right now.

  CJ’s folks already had him on constant suicide watch. I’d heard his sorrowful howl during one of my sleepless nights and found him pacing at the edge of a cliff. To be honest, when I found him, I wasn’t sure if I’d wanted to stop him from taking that leap or follow him over the edge. He’d backed away from it on his own just as I arrived. He swore Mia’s spirit had reached out to him somehow. He said he could feel her sending him her love and warmth, telling him not to give up.

  I couldn’t help wondering if Mia loved him enough to comfort him from the next life. If she did, would she still have a place in her heart for me when we joined her one day? For a second, I thought about getting there first. If I hadn’t promised Mia I’d be there for Penny, I might have taken that leap.

  Since that awful day, Penny’s presence just agitated CJ, so Dad and I had Penny move in with us after the annulment. I was trying
hard to keep my promise to Mia to be there for Penny. Mia would have wanted me to. It was the only thing that kept me going day after day.

  Penny felt terribly guilty. Mia’s forgiveness and compassion had changed her. She wasn’t a self-centered bitch anymore. We’d actually become good friends. I gave her the support she needed, while she and the baby gave me a reason to keep living.

  CJ was such a mess, Uncle Chase was afraid to leave CJ home alone. Thus leaving it up to my dad to replace him at the Powwow. Since Dad wouldn’t let me stay home without him, despite my assurances I wouldn’t do anything stupid while he was gone, I ended up here at the Powwow.

  I looked around the rows of teepees and demonstrations set up in a chaotic mess that covered acres, as each tribe showed off their heritage. We’d been here two days, and Penny was having the time of her life.

  Outside of an alliance meeting the night we arrived, we were just killing time. Dad was off with some of the Alphas and Betas, meaning Penny was responsible for keeping me occupied. She was dragging me through display after display picking out things for the baby.

  She also wanted to find an outfit for the big wedding everyone was talking about that was coming up Sunday. One of the Sioux Braves was marrying the Chief’s niece. It would be a traditional Sioux ceremony, and all everyone was talking about.

  Staring off in the distance, I was thinking how much Mia would have loved this. Knowing she was half Sioux, she would have been eager to learn everything she could about her people. Everything was always so new and exciting to her.

  I smiled, remembering Mia getting mad at me for beating her at Call of Duty. She’d thrown the controller down on the couch, stomping her foot like a child, accusing me of cheating. She had gotten even madder when I laughed at her until we were both laughing.

  As I started to turn back to Penny, I caught a glimpse of copper, glinting in the sun. Looking in that direction, I found myself staring at the back of a girl with a long copper, red braid. I’d never seen anyone else with quite that bright, sparkling shade of red hair before Mia. She was just Mia’s size, as well. My wolf and spirit, which had both felt dead since Mia had left this world, sprang to life.

  The girl was disappearing around a teepee. “I’ll be right back, Penny,” I called out before I followed her. I knew I was acting crazy. Mia was gone, yet I couldn’t help myself. The girl's hair was about the same length, heck she even moved like Mia. I caught up to her calling out, “Mia?”

  When the girl spun around, my mouth dropped open. I found myself staring into Mia’s beautiful green eyes. My heart stopped beating for a second. Frowning, she asked, “Do you know me?” Her eyes held no recognition as she gazed at me.

  I took a step closer. “Not funny, Mia, we’ve been going crazy since you disappeared. We thought… we thought you died.” When I started to reach out to her, Mia jumped out of my reach, looking scared.

  “Please stay back; I don’t know you.” Mia’s frowned deepened. “Though I feel like I should. Did I know you from Arizona?” I realized Mia had no clue who I was.

  Penny caught up just then. “Pete, you know your dad will kill me if I let you out... Mia?” As soon as Penny spotted Mia, she had her in a bear hug. “Oh my God, Mia, where the hell have you been. Everyone said you were dead. I’ve missed you so much.” Mia just stood there stiffly until Penny let go. “What’s the matter? You said you forgave me?”

  Mia took a step back. “I, I…”

  Before she could finish a guy, I recognized as the Sioux Beta’s son, Dakota, came running towards us. “Miakoda, what’s wrong.” He asked as he pulled her to him. She clung to him for dear life. My wolf was ready to attack. I took a deep breath, pushing him down. That’s how I’d lost Mia in the first place. I wasn’t about to make that mistake again.

  “Nothing, Kotah, I mean, these people know me, I guess.”

  Penny put her hands on her hips and said accusingly, “What do you mean these people. We’re your family. Who’s he, and why did he call you Miakoda? Your name is Mia.

  What the hell are you even doing here, anyway? I know you were upset with the guys. Lord knows they deserved it for acting like a couple of rabid wolves, but you promised Beth you’d call in a few days, and you never did. Everyone’s been going out of their freaking minds thinking you were dead.

  The guys buried the hatchet. They promised no more fighting, no matter who you chose. It’s time you came home. Everyone’s been miserable without. CJ’s tried to kill himself several times already. Peter would probably do the same if he weren’t trying so hard to honor your wishes by taking care of me. He’s been great, by the way. I’d be lost without him.”

  Dakota answered just as accusingly, “Miakoda doesn’t remember anything from her past. We found her almost dead at the bottom of a waterfall months ago. She had wolfbane soaked arrow sticking out of her side.”

  Right where we’d tracked her to. I knew she was alive, even if our connection had somehow been severed. We should have looked harder, I thought to myself. Sure we’d check with the local police and hospitals, but we never thought to check with the tribal police. Everyone except me thought Mia was dead, so they didn’t go the extra mile in our search.

  “Oh, Mia, I’m so sorry,” Penny cried out, hugging her again.

  I had to swallow down the lump that was forming in my throat. “Mia, look at me, please, you know me. You said you loved me. I’m your best friend. We were going to get married, remember?” I pleaded.

  Penny stated, “Once we get you home with your family and the pack, it will all come back to you, I’m sure.”

  Mia’s grip on Dakota tightened. “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about. I am with my family. Chief Whitecloud is my great uncle. My father was from this tribe. Dakota is my mate and fiancé. We are getting married on Sunday. I’m sorry, if we had something in the past, I don’t remember it or you.”

  I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. “Mia, just try. Life has been empty without you. You were what made getting up every day something to look forward to.”

  Mia’s face softened as compassion replaced her fear of us. “I really am sorry. I wish I remembered. Pete, was that what she said your name is?” I nodded, unable to utter another word thanks to the lump in my throat. “I’m so sorry this is causing you such pain. I wish I could help you.” It was like I could feel her spirit reaching out to comfort me. I wanted to wrap myself in the warmth I felt in it.

  Mia turned to Penny. “May the Great Spirit bless your child, um, sorry I didn’t catch your name.”

  Penny started crying. “Penny. Mia, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”

  Mia hugged Penny. “Don’t cry, Penny. Your daughter has a beautiful spirit like yours. She will bring you much joy. You’ll be a good Mom. I can feel it, so stop worrying. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my mother is waiting on these healthy baby pamphlets. I have to get back and help her at our booth. Here take one; it has lots of great information in it.”

  What Mia said was killing me. She’d forgotten her old life and us completely. Not that I could blame her. She’d been through so much already, and all CJ and I had done was make her life worse. “Sunshine, wait. Please.”

  Mia turned back to me quickly, frowning again. “What did you call me?”

  “Sunshine, I always call you that. That’s what you are, Mia, my sunshine. Without you, the world is a very dark, lonely place.”

  Her eyes searched my face. I was sure for a second I saw a spark of recognition. “I, I remember...”

  “What, Mia, what do you remember?” She shook her head, griping Dakota tighter. “I’m sorry it’s gone. I really need to get back.”

  I could see she was getting nervous. I was afraid to press for more, then again, CJ had been going out of his mind with grief and guilt. I knew if I told him Mia was alive he wouldn’t believe me.

  “Look, the guy, Penny mentioned, CJ, he’s been going as crazy me since you took off. He thinks you’re dead. Just let me call him s
o he can hear your voice. Just to let him know you’re alive. That’s all I ask.”

  Mia frowned at me. “Why should he care if you and I were about to marry as you claim?”

  “It’s a very long story. The bottom line is you’re CJ’shis bonded mate.” I could see the confusion on her face. I also saw Dakota stiffen.

  “None of this makes any sense. Why would I marry someone else if this CJ was my mate?”

  “I know it doesn’t make sense; only you’re my bonded mate as well. As I said, it’s a very long story. CJ was married to Penny. I’d be more than happy to go somewhere and tell you the whole story.”

  I saw fear fill her eyes. Her hand touched the charm on her bracelet; I noticed she was still wearing. Clearly, she hadn’t forgotten us completely. “You’re still wearing the bracelet CJ gave you after your first shift. CJ’s in pain, Mia. Maybe worse than me because he’s given up. Penny and the baby have given me a reason to keep going, but CJ is completely lost.

  He blames himself for your death. You left because you thought you were tearing apart our family. You never could stand to see anyone in pain. I just want him to know you’re alive. He says your spirit reached out to him one night when he was about to jump off a cliff. You told him not to give up. That’s all that’s kept him with us.”

  Mia looked up at Dakota. “He must have been the wolf I heard that night.”

  Dakota held her tighter. “Yeah, and you almost followed him over that cliff. If I hadn’t found you, again, you really would have died.”

  Mia smiled up at him with such love I wanted to rip his throat out. “But you did find me. Both times. It can’t hurt to give him this one small comfort, can it?” I could see the fear in Dakota’s eyes. He knew we were a threat to his happiness. I could tell he was scared to death of losing Mia.

  I understood precisely how he felt. I was rather surprised when he nodded his approval. I had to give him credit for that. I’m not sure I would have been as brave. I quickly dialed CJ’s number. “What?” A dull voice answered.