by Deanna Hall
Facing The Past
Mia
The next day, I sat at the traditional feast with my Great Uncle. To my horror, Beth, Charlie, Claire, and Dan had made the eleven-hour trip. They were seated close by, at a table with CJ, Peter, Chase, Paul, and Penny. I’d hoped none of them would come.
Charlie and Dan both spun me around, kissing me when they saw me. Claire hugged me, telling me how glad she was I was alright. Beth treated me as warmly as ever. Like nothing had changed. As if I hadn’t almost destroyed her son and nephew’s lives.
Dakota and his family were at the end of our table. The boys kept their distance, even though I felt their eyes on me through the whole event. I made a point of not making eye contact with any of them.
Just as we started the meal, a group of people showed up dressed in traditional Ute garb. A burly one-eyed, older, yet fierce-looking man, strode up to the table. The second I saw him, my blood ran cold, and I started to shake. Even in human form, I recognized the man who killed my family, leaving me to die.
“I guess you forgot my invitation to the meeting, Whitecloud. I will greet my granddaughter, then introduce her to my tribe. Her tribe.” Jackson demanded in no uncertain terms.
“Since you are not part of the alliance, you have no rights here, Jackson. You told us Miakoda was dead. However, Miakoda makes her own decision. If she wishes to greet your people, she may.”
Jackson gave me a hard stare. “Walk with me, granddaughter. I wish you to know your real family.” I swallowed hard, trying to speak; only fear and anger had me paralyzed.
Jackson laughed, “This is no spirit healer; she is just a scared girl. She was braver as a child. She fought for the life of her mother. Too bad, I’d had high hopes for her.” With a jerk of his head, he told his braves, “This was a wasted trip; we are leaving.”
This was the man who had ruined my life. Taken everything I loved away from me. Even Dakota in a roundabout way. He was still doing it without even trying. Suddenly, overcome with rage, I leaped up, flying across the table, shifting as I went. I knocked my grandfather face down in the dirt. He rolled over, staring at me in surprise as I snapped and growled in his face. I fully intended to rip out his throat.
My wolf was in complete control. All I felt was a need for his death. I felt hands pulling me back. I vaguely heard a voice. “Nuttah, don’t. You have every right to take your revenge, but this is not you. You are not a killer, even if it is justified.”
I looked back at him. I loved him; he was wise. I should listen to him. It took a bit of effort to regain my self-control. Once I did, I stepped off my grandfather, running for my great uncle’s teepee.
I heard my grandfather say, “Impressive, I have never seen one overcome so much fear, nor change that quickly. Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps Miakoda is strong after all. Summon her; I will present my tribe to her.”
“We do not summon Miakoda. She is her own person. Even at this tender age, she has spread much healing to the people here. She has earned her place of honor as our spirit healer.” My uncle told him.
CJ called out at the opening of the teepee, “Can I come in?” I whined my consent. “Are you alright?” He was carrying my clothes. When I changed back, CJ breath caught. He crossed to me, pulling me into his arms.
“Mi’amore, you are as beautiful as the first day I saw you at the river. How did you change like that? I’ve never seen anyone do that before. You’re not even tired.”
When I pulled away from him, he handed me my clothes, turning around without another word. I got redressed, leaving my hair down. “I have no clue. I was furious. It just happened. I thought about how he’d killed my parents. How all this, losing everyone I love over and over again, was his fault. The urge to kill him was overwhelming. My wolf took control.
I hope you know how much I love you, CJ. Sometimes, I wish we could go back in time to when I first met you and start over. Just you and me, just a boy and girl crazy about each other. You were all I ever wanted then.”
This time I didn’t fight him when he wrapped his arms around me. CJ said, “I know Mi’amore, me too. I’m done being selfish. I want you to be happy, Mia. I know you wouldn’t have chosen me. I betrayed your trust in me when I married and slept with Penny.
I can live with whoever you choose if you’d just forgive me and promise we’ll always be friends. I just want you in my life. Please don’t disappear again, Mia. I can live with anything except the worry and wonder. Not knowing if you’re alright. Even if you marry Dakota or Peter, we could talk regularly.”
I was surprised by his sincerity. I thought I’d remembered all there was to remember. I was wrong. I’d blocked out the strength of my love for CJ and Peter because of my love for Dakota, which was fresh in my mind.
Being in CJ’s arms brought the memory of our time together, crashing back. Every kiss, embrace, smile, even the moment we bonded and how incredible it felt, even though it shouldn’t have happened, hit me like a tidal wave. The depths of my love for him flooded through me. “Oh, CJ, this is all so hard.”
He ran his hand through my hair, kissing my forehead. “I know, Mia. I meant every word I said. No more fighting or jealously. Just think about it, OK?”
I held him tight for a minute. “I will, I promise.”
I walked out of my tent, head held high, with CJ at my side. Dakota and Peter had been waiting outside. Without a word, Dakota got on my other side, and Peter followed behind me. My three protectors.
I walked up, starring my grandfather in the face, defiantly. Well, I had to look up to look him in the eye, which somewhat took away from the effect, but at least he knew I wasn’t afraid of him. “You killed my family and left me to die. You are nothing to me. I will meet your pack because they are my mother’s people, then you will leave here and never come near me again. Next time I see you, I will kill you. Are we clear?”
“You are much braver than my daughter ever was. Perhaps if she had stood up for what she wanted, instead of running away, I would not have had to kill her and her mate. I am glad Chase talked me into sparing you after all.” Grandfather stated. His words made me so angry, CJ and Dakota had to hold me back until I regained my self-control.
Once I calmed down, I walked among and greeted his pack. Most of his warriors were strong, handsome, well-muscled men. I had no doubt they were fierce fighters, yet their spirits felt cruel and cold. They were too young to be among those who had killed my parents; nonetheless, I knew they would have followed my grandfather without question as the others had.
I was repulsed by all of them except one brave. Also extremely handsome, he was standing off by himself. I walked over to him even though my grandfather had turned back to the gathering, dismissing the boys' presence. The boy stared down at me with a look of, well, it felt like wonder. I felt my wolf leap into my mind. She liked this one. Don’t even think about it, I warned her. She had caused me enough problems already.
“Greetings, Miakoda. It gives me great honor that you would greet me.”
“I’m just Mia, no need to be formal. What’s your name?”
“I am Bodaway.”
“Why weren’t you with the other warriors I met?”
“I am not in favor with our Chief. I did not agree with his, ah, decision, to ah, come here.”
I sensed distress, deep pain, and turmoil in Bodaway. “Are you alright? Has my grandfather harmed you in some way?”
“I am well. I thank you for your concern.”
“Ok, but if you need help, tell me, I will do whatever I can to ease your suffering. You aren’t like the others. It was very nice to meet you.” When I pushed warmth and compassion to his spirit, his eyes widened. I could feel his surprise.
I smiled at him as I started to turn away. Bodaway whispered so quietly I could barely hear him. “Miakoda, be wary of your grandfather; he has plans for you.”
I gave the slightest of nods before I walked back to my grandfather. “I did as you asked. Most of your warrior’s spir
its are as cold and heartless as you. Now leave here. Never come near me again.” I demanded.
“As you wish, Granddaughter, blessings of the Great Spirit on you,” Jackson replied, without argument. It was way too easy. I felt Bodaway watching me as he and the others prepared to leave. I couldn’t help but glance his way, wondering what his warning meant?
I decided the only thing I could do was avoid my grandfather and his braves at all costs, which I intended to do anyway, then put it out of my head. I asked my great uncle if he would mind if I returned to the house. I was emotionally drained after my encounter with Jackson. Being around all of my friends and family was hard enough; this was too much.
As I started off, Peter caught up with me. “Hey, leaving already, Sunshine?”
“I’m kinda tired.”
Peter’s eyes started to water. “Is this really the last time I’m ever gonna see the Sun, Mia?”
“Peter, please don’t. This is difficult enough already.”
“I’m sorry, Mia. If I had just listened to you, none of this would have happened, would it? Would you really have come home and married me?”
“Peter, there is no point dredging up the past.”
“I just need to know. If I hadn’t screwed everything up fighting with CJ, would you have married me or gone back to CJ after his marriage was annulled?”
Gazing into Peter’s eyes, it was like a rerun of earlier with CJ, our time together replayed in my mind in full detail. Every smile, laugh, and kiss, including the incredible night we spent bonding and making love, filled me with overwhelming love for him.
I was wrong when I told Dakota, making love to my mate hadn’t made an impression. Being with Peter had been just as unbelievably spectacular as it had been with Dakota. That same depths of love I felt for CJ surged through me.
I couldn’t stand the pain in his eyes, so I looked away. “Yes, I would have married you. I loved you, Peter. I still do. When I saw you two tearing each other apart, I was so scared. I thought you’d kill each other, and it was my fault.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Mia, it was ours. I’m sorry about that. Sorrier than you’ll ever know. We would have had a good life if I hadn’t screwed things up. You need to stop blaming yourself for our mistakes.
Dakota’s a good man. I know you love him most. How could you not after what we put you through. He doesn’t deserve to lose you because we’re assholes. All I want is you to be happy. I’m still your best friend, aren’t I?”
I tried to swallow my tears. I was tired of crying. “You’ll always be the best friend I’ve ever had, Peter.”
Peter hugged me. “Don’t cry, Mia, you know I hate it when you cry. CJ and I let you down in a big way, and it almost cost you your life. Dakota saved you and gave you unconditional love. Marry Dakota, and be happy. If you’re happy, I’ll be happy. Just don’t disappear again. I don’t do well with my Sunshine gone.”
I held on tight, not wanting to let go. “CJ and I talked about this, Mia. We both feel the same way. It’s ok, really. Linda was right; we were so busy worrying about what we wanted; we didn’t stop to think about what you needed. We’ll be fine as long as you’re a part of our lives. Go find Dakota.” I felt his sincerity.
I kissed Peter passionately. “You’re wrong, you know. It’s true Miakoda loves Dakota most, only I’m not her. As screwed up as this is, I love you all.”
“Then let Miakoda have her happiness and go along for the ride.”
“That’s the thing; I can’t be happy knowing I’m hurting you. Or without you, for that matter. I’m so screwed up, Peter. You are truly better off without me.”
“No, Sunshine, I’m really not. I’m barely holding it together.”
“Oh, Peter, why did any of this have to happen?”
“It happened because CJ and I are assholes who can’t control our jealously or tempers. Find Dakota and be happy, Mia. For me. As long as your happy, we can live with it, I promise.”
“Too bad, I can’t. I love you all too much.”
“Mia, whatever you choose is fine with me and CJ as long as you’re happy, and you don’t disappear from our lives again. Just think about it, alright?”
“Alright, I’ll think about it.” After a quick kiss, Pete left.
Instead of going back to the teepee, I went for a walk in the woods to think. Could I do it? Could I be happy with Dakota, knowing how much CJ and Peter were hurting or knowing how much I loved them both? Damn, why did my life have to be so screwed up? The answer to that question had a name. It was Jackson. I should have killed him when I had the chance.
As I walked through the woods pondering the pros and cons of my situation, I was getting nowhere. Could I let myself be happy with Dakota? Would CJ and Peter really be able to accept that? Lost in my thoughts, I almost didn’t hear the twig snap behind me. Spinning around, I called out, “Whose there?”
I almost jumped out of my skin when Dakota stepped out of the darkness. “Miakoda? What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be wandering the woods alone.”
I stopped my approach. Dakota was so handsome. Just the sight of him made my pulse speed up. My spirit and wolf wanted to be wrapped in Dakota’s arms and have him ease our pain. I knew Dakota was the only one who could. He was my mate, after all.
Then it hit me. Dakota was my mate. My only mate. Despite my love for CJ and Peter, fate had cut the string that bound us together supernaturally. Was this what fate wanted? If so, why bring Peter and CJ back into my life. The answer came to me as clear as a bell. While Dakota was my destiny, CJ, Peter, and I needed to be in each other’s lives to be truly whole and happy.
With this revelation, another came. Without Dakota, I wouldn’t be able to survive. I needed Dakota like I needed the air to breathe. Every instinct I had drew me to him. Hell, I’d found my way right to him without realizing that was where I was headed to begin with.
I was suddenly scared to death. Could Dakota forgive me for leaving him? Staring at the ground, I wrung my hands. “I wanted to know, I mean Peter and CJ said... Great Spirit, this is hard.”
“I sense your fear, Mia, what are you afraid?”
“I have to ask you a question, and I’m afraid of your answer.”
Dakota frowned. “What question could you possibly need to ask me that might have an answer that would scare you?”
I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Ok, here goes. Dakota, will you marry me?”
Dakota stared at me like he couldn’t quite comprehend my words. “What did you say?”
“Kotah, I screwed up. I let my need to soothe injured souls control me. CJ and Peter will always be important to me, and part of me will always love them; only fate separated us for a reason. It doesn’t matter if I’m Miakoda or Mia, you’re my mate, and we belong together. You’re the one I need. You’re my mate, and I love you so much. Will you marry me, even though I made such a mess of things?”
Dakota had me in his arms in two strides. “Do you mean it? Are you sure?” Having his arms around me felt like heaven.
I beamed up at him. “Is that a yes? Because I’m very, very sure.”
“In that case, the answer is a definite yes.” The kiss we shared washed away the anguish from both our spirits.
A New Life
Dakota
Mia couldn’t see her spirit glow with happiness, but I could. I knew mine was glowing just as brightly. I led Mia to the group that had gathered to wait for us. As soon as we got close, I announced. “The wedding is back on.”
My mother grabbed Mia, hugging her while my dad slapped me on the back. “It’s about time, Son.” Before long, everybody was hugging. Mia’s girlfriends were all crying. I was surprised to see Penny holding hands with my cousin, Wansonee. She announced to Mia that she had found her mate bringing on more happy tears.
Chief Whitecloud was delighted. “Our Miakoda has returned to us, bringing great honor upon us by choosing her mate among us. It will give me enormous pleasure to marry you.
We will have the ceremony tomorrow as planned. Tonight, may the Great Spirit guard your path.”
I decided I wasn’t letting Mia out of my sight ever again. I’d come too close to losing her too many times already. Donnie was hugging Mia. “Donnie, I’ll really be your sister now. I’ll try to be the best sister ever, I promise.”
Donnie looked up at Mia, grinning. “You’re already the best sister, Miakoda.”
The ceremony was to take place at ten o’clock. I spent the night in the back of our truck with Mia in my arms, unwilling to let her go again, even for one night. The first thing the next morning, the girls took Mia off to get ready.
I went to my family’s teepee to change into a formal Sioux wedding outfit. I wore fringed hide pants, a matching long-sleeved beaded tunic, moccasins, and a single eagle feather dangling from my headband. Once ready, I paced back and forth at the front of the ceremonial circle waiting for Mia to show up. A small part of me was afraid she would panic and run.
The bleachers around the ceremonial grounds were filled. I think everyone who had attended the Powwow, even the tourists were there. I knew the crowd would make Mia uncomfortable. I was thinking maybe this wasn’t such a great idea.
I was still pacing when a hush fell over the crowd. CJ and Peter were leading Mia down the center of the ceremonial grounds on Cinnamon’s back. She was oblivious to the crowd because her eyes never left mine. When I looked into her eyes, I saw such love I could barely breathe. When a smile lit up her face, all my fears disappeared in an instant.
Mia’s grandmother’s dress was a traditional Sioux dress as well, with a heavily beaded v neck, sleeveless top that went to a full-length fringed skirt. Beaded bands with long fringes were strapped to each upper arms. She wore beaded moccasins and carried a bouquet of wildflowers.
Mia’s hair was pulled to one side. A braid blended in with her curls that fell down across her shoulder to her waist. She had a beaded headband with white feathers hanging in her hair. Despite her red hair, she looked like a beautiful Indian Princess from one of our legend.