by Deanna Hall
“Perhaps, perhaps not. If I win, I have two requests.”
“I’m listening.”
“The violence among our own has gone on long enough. We may have the spirits and souls of wolves, yet we are not animals. We do not grow strong as a pack or tribe by killing each other. Sparing is one thing, but if I win, the killing stops.”
“And your other request?”
“The women of this tribe will be granted the respect I will earn for them with this fight. Anyone breaking that rule will be punished severely.”
My grandfather nodded his consent. “If you win this fight, you will earn respect for all our women. Both requests are granted.”
“Father, you can’t be serious. Miakoda will be hurt, perhaps killed. I cannot allow this.” Bodie demanded.
“I am the Chief here. Miakoda’s challenge will be allowed.”
Nashoba looked from me to Jackson. “If I hurt you, our Chief or your mate will kill me. Just punish me and get it over with.”
“No, they won’t. It is a fair challenge. The only way I will earn your respect is by fighting for it.” I declared.
Nashoba glared at me. “We don’t fight women. Especially a slip of a girl never trained to fight. I refuse your challenge.”
“I know how to fight. If you are afraid to fight me, then you will be banished.” I told him.
Nashoba looked outraged. “You can’t do that woman; you have no authority over me.”
I looked to my Grandfather, who practically glowed with pride. “Her word is mine, fight, or leave.”
Nashoba was practically red with rage as he changed to wolf form, stalking towards me. Bodie started to change until Jackson, who had anticipated his reaction, summoned four braves to hold him back.
I had seen Nashoba fight enough to know what to expect; he was powerful and strong but slow. I jumped at him, changing in midair. I was getting good at that. As I flew by him, I bit his shoulder, drawing blood, then raced away. He yelped, spinning around. I was on the other side of the arena before he even finished turning.
I dragged out the fight. I wanted to inflict pain on Nashoba for helping to steal me away from the Dakota. Nashoba never even landed so much as a nip while he was bleeding from more bites than I could count. I was way too quick for him. He was tiring while I was still going strong. I taunted him with things like, “What’s the matter can’t catch me or come on little puppy, is that all you’ve got?”
As he got angrier, he got clumsier. The fight went on for a couple of hours just the way I wanted it too. While Nashoba could hardly move, he’d lost so much blood, I danced around him, nipping, biting, and falling back. I heard Bodie’s call out. “Awensa, let it end. Nash has gotten the point.”
Nashoba was making yet another useless lunge for me when I leap over him. Dragging his leg out from under him, I took him to the ground. He didn’t get up. I stalked around him slowly before putting my teeth around his throat. I thought, “It is done, Nashoba, never again will you harm another pack member or lay an unwanted hand on a woman. The next time you do, your blood will drain out on the ground, and you will die. Are we clear?”
“You are our Chief’s blood, though he does not have your mercy. I am sorry for my behavior. I will never underestimate you again.” He thought back. I released his throat, letting him limp away.
I changed, standing before the pack naked and unashamed with nothing other than my long hair covering my intimate parts. “I will not tolerate any more violence among our pack. You may spar and fight, but no more will we kill or hurt our own. Anyone found hurting another, including a spouse, will be banished from our pack. I’m sorry, my grandfather’s pack. Bodaway will enforce this rule. We do not grow strong by being cruel; we grow strong by protecting and loving our own.”
Everyone clapped and cheered. Makala was jumping up and down, cheering as loud as the rest of the pack.
To my surprise, my grandfather declared, “My granddaughter is wise. Henceforth she and my son will both enforce the laws of our pack. I chose to have her become my second Beta.”
As far as I knew, it was unheard of to have more than one Beta. Then again, my grandfather always did make his own rules. With a nod of acknowledgment to Grandfather, I grabbed my clothes before walking over to Bodie. “Let’s go home.” He followed me quietly.
I didn’t take the time to put my clothes on. I felt it would detract from my display of authority if I were struggling to zip up my shorts. I was just glad our house was close to the meeting grounds. I headed straight for the bedroom. I started pulling on my pants when I felt arms encircle me.
Bodie kissed my neck, then asked, “Are you sure you want to put those on?”
I turned in his arms, pressing against him. “You’re not mad at me?”
“I was outraged. Now I am very proud. How did you learn to fight like that?”
“I used to wrestle bears. Even a few wild wolves.” I explained
“Really?” Bodie’s eyes were wide with surprise.
“I had to have some friends when I lived alone in the woods all that time.”
We shared a very fulfilling shower. Bodie was a little rougher than usual. I understood why, when I felt his fear and desperation.
When we came out, Bodie wrapped his arms around me, pressing his face into my neck. I felt wetness against my skin, and I realized he was crying. “Great Spirit, Mia, I am so sorry. I did not mean to be so aggressive. I felt like I had to possess you. I do not know what came over me. I have never feared anything in my life, yet I feared Nash would kill you. I thought I would never get to hold you again.”
Bodie’s spirit was so filled with pain and fear; my spirit went out to him. I realized Bodie’s spirit was even more broken by my grandfather's abuse then mine was. At least I had been free of him until now. I couldn’t imagine how horrible it must have been to be raised by such a monster.
I was stroking Bodie’s hair and back. “Bodie, I have too much to live for to throw away my life carelessly. I would not have challenged Nashoba if I thought he could win.”
“You mean like getting back to Dakota?” Bodie asked in a quiet voice.
“I won’t lie; that is my top priority. I will never stop trying to find my way home to Dakota, my family, and friends. But you are becoming a reason to live as well. You have given me amity, where I never thought to find any.”
“I know it is wrong; nonetheless, I love you, Mia,” Bodie whispered before his lips took mine. He lifted me into his arms, carrying me to the bed. This time we made love slow and easy. We exploded with the same intensity as always. Accompanied by the guilt, I always felt from finding comfort and pleasure in Bodie’s arms.
Afterward, we lay in each other’s arms exploring each other’s bodies with our hands and mouths, memorizing every part. I noticed long scars on Bodie’s back, like whip marks. “How can you have scars? All mine disappeared when I shifted the first time, except this one from the hunter’s arrow and my mates' bites.” I showed him the one on my side.
Bodie answered nonchalantly as he traced my scars with his fingertip, sending chills through me. “When my father wanted me to learn a particularly important lesson, he used his silver-lined belt, laced with Wolfsbane. He said the scars would remind me not to make the same mistake again.”
“Bodie, I’m sorry you had such a hard life. I really hate that man for what he did to you.”
“Um, Mia, your parents were murdered in front of you by Jackson. You were left alone for years. Now you were taken from everyone you love, including a bonded mate, and made a prisoner here. I am pretty sure your suffering is worse than anything I experienced.”
“Right, because all that is more traumatic than having to fight and kill your friends. Or being raised by the man who caused your parent’s death.”
Bodie sighed heavily. “We are quite a pair, Miakoda. We can share horror stories when we run out of things to talk about.”
“Bodie, I can’t promise I’ll be here forever. If the cha
nce ever comes to get home to Dakota, I will take it. However, I want you to know while I’m here, I’m going to do everything I can to show you what it is to be happy. And I swear on my life I will never leave you here alone. If I go, you’ll go with me.”
Bodie gave me a sad smile. “I believe you, Awensa. You are a truly extraordinary person.” We made love one more time. One thing I could say for Bodie, he had stamina.
I hated myself for taking comfort in Bodie’s arms, yet it was the only way I could find the strength to get through each day. The next day I cried in Makala’s arms. Beating myself up for allowing myself to accept Bodie’s comfort.
Makala never criticized me. Instead, she held me and said, “Mia, I think it’s a wolf or spirit healer thing. You need him to be strong. If it weren’t for your strength, I would have given up hope. Besides, Jackson would do something bad to us if you stopped having sex with his son. Bodie is a good guy. This could have turned out much worse. Take the comfort Bodie has to offer; you’ve earned that much.”
“I’m so sorry you’re stuck here with me. That you were torn away from Charlie, but honestly, I think if you weren’t here, I would give up hope.”
“Then I’m glad I’m here. I thought my life, as short as I expected it to be, would be nothing but sex, beatings, and drugs. I never dreamed of having a real-life and love. Even this is a better life than I had. All this has taught me there is always hope, even in the darkest hour. If not for missing Charlie desperately, I could be content here. Besides, I love you. If my being here helps you get through this, I am glad to be here. I will have enough hope for both of us.”
One day I asked Bodie about the eagle feathers he and Dakota wore in their hair. I had seen a few of the older boys and men in the tribe wearing them as well. He explained it was a rite of passage. Only the bravest warriors wore them. They had to get the eagle feathers from the nest of an eagle.
The closest nest was in a tree, high on a cliff. The warrior had to climb the cliff to get to the tree, as that was the only way to reach the nest. “They are a sign of courage. Only the bravest come back with their prize.”
When I told Bodie I wanted to try, he stated, “No, I cannot allow it. It is too dangerous. Most fail, some have died trying. I will not risk you on something so foolish.”
Hands on my hips, I glared at him. “No? You didn’t seriously just tell me you won’t allow me to do something? Just because I’m trapped here doesn’t mean you don’t get to boss me around. I respect your opinion, but you are not my keeper. If you won’t take me, I will find someone who will.”
Bodie realized his mistake the minute the words left his mouth. Unlike the other women of this tribe, who had been browbeaten their whole lives into doing precisely what they were told, I would not tolerate being ordered about by a male. Not even Bodie. Knowing there would be no way to dissuade me now, he brought me to the cliff.
It was a long hike up to the cliff. It was about a hundred and fifty feet high and fairly sheer. Bodie tried to talk me into using rock-climbing gear. Since he hadn’t, I refused. Besides, I’d done my share of climbing. Despite it being quite a challenging rock face, I made it easily. I loved the climb. It was a real adrenalin rush.
The tree that held the nest was a barren, gnarly old tree that was easy to scale up. When I got to the nest, I was rewarded, not only by three perfect feathers but the sight of four baby bald eagles.
The mother flew by with a warning cry. When I sent her the knowledge that I meant to harm, she landed on my arm. I lifted her into her nest then climbed down. Despite being worried, Bodie was very proud of me. My grandfather was, as well.
As time went by, I learned fighting wasn’t Bodie’s only skill. He loved music. He was an excellent musician and had a fantastic voice. Every night he got out his old beat-up guitar and played for Makala and me under the stars.
Bodie played one song called Wanted. He said it explained it was how he felt about me. The first time he sang it for me, I cried. “Mia, I did not mean to make you cry.” exclaimed in alarm.
“I’m sorry. That song is beautiful. I know you mean it. This is all completely messed up. I love Dakota so much. He saved my life several times. He’s my world. I…”
Bodie pulled me into his arms. “It is alright, Miakoda, I do not expect you to feel the same way. I just wanted you to know how I feel about you.”
I started to cry harder. “That’s the thing, Bodie. I do have feelings for you. More than I ever intended to have. How did I let this happen?”
“Your spirit recognized mine, Mia. I do not think you had a choice.”
“Tell that to Dakota when you meet him. I doubt he’ll agree. He already had to struggle with sharing my affection for two other boys. I was even bonded to them. I’ve betrayed him. Not just physically, emotionally. He would have forgiven me for the sex, I think. I doubt he’ll be able to forgive me caring about you.”
“If he loves you as much as I do, he will understand. Who was this other mate? I saw the bite and wondered.”
“There were two. Grandfather would have been thrilled. The first was CJ McCree, my first love.” I ended up telling him the whole, miserable story. I told him about CJ, Penny, even Peter. Every sordid detail.
Bodie was stunned. “Great Spirit, Mia. You have suffered so much heartache. Things would have been different if Chase had not betrayed you. You would never have suffered all this.”
“Yeah, well, Jackson is the root of all of it. Someday I will make him pay.”
Bodie gave Makala and me both horses. Mine was named was Morning Star. She was a buckskin. I missed Cinnamon, but Star was lovely. We rode our horses every day. Bodie had a brown and black, paint, stallion named Chance. Makala’s was a white and tan paint named Cloud. Bodie had caught and trained them himself. We visited with different members of the tribe each day as we rode around the countryside.
I was allowed to roam anywhere on the res I wanted except the village where the general store, Tribal Police, and clinic were, on the main road. Despite this reservation rarely receiving outside visitors, Jackson wouldn’t let me go anywhere I might be recognized by an outsider.
Most of the tribe lived close to the ceremonial grounds. Even though the reservation covered a vast area of land, a lot of it was too mountainous and to live on. Despite being on stunning lands, like so many others, this was an impoverished tribe. They made the best of their lives by hunting, fishing, farming, and running small ranches with various livestock. Goats, donkeys, and chickens wandered freely.
The people were not happy, though. Jackson had crushed their spirits with his iron-clad rules. Many families had lost loved ones because of him. I did what I could to lift those damaged spirits and repair what damage he’d done.
I was growing fond of the people here. I think they felt the same. Makala and I often baked goodies to bring to the children. Bodie and I would hunt, bringing the meat from our forays to those who needed it.
As much as I hated to admit it, with Bodie and Makala’s help, I was having a positive effect on the tribe. With Bodie’s help, I was able to prevent the loss of any of the youths in the clan during their first change, as I had with Makala.
Since the day I’d kicked his ass, Nash and his gang treated us with respect when we crossed paths. They even started helping us provide for some of the needier families. The people were becoming happier and working together to improve conditions on the res.
At my suggestion, some of the men, including Nashoba and gang, started work crews that helped repair houses. Assisting the families who didn’t have an able body man to help them became our number one priority.
Remembering the picnics we’d had on the Sioux Reservation, I suggest we start having them. Jackson agreed. A month after my arrival, we started having a tribal picnic on Sundays. Most of the families in the area came. We ate and played games. We had contests of warrior skills, never letting them get out of hand.
We even had rodeo events. Bodie and many of the other boys rode bu
lls. It was scary and exciting watching him. Bodie was crazy good at it. I was getting very good at barrel racing as well.
Some of the other young people joined us by our fire one night. The boys played guitar as well, so we had a singalong. April and Jimmy Longshadow and April’s boyfriend, Joey Songbird, became good friends. We started taking our nightly run together as wolves.
When my anger at Jackson or my sense of loss threatened to drown me, I found comfort in Bodies' arms. It happened much too often, though Bodie couldn’t seem to get enough of me. Despite desperately missing Dakota, I was beginning to believe I would never see him again.
Every time I lay in Bodie’s arms after making love, images of Dakota filled my mind, along with immense guilt. Regardless of how much I hated myself for it, I knew if it weren’t for Bodie, the darkness would have consumed me like it almost did when I lost my parents.
Makala found comfort in Bodie and my friendship as well. When she cried for Charlie, we held her, doing our best to let her know she was loved. She insisted this life was much better than the one she’d had. While she just missed Charlie terribly, she was content with the rest of our life here. Unlike me, Makala remained optimistic. She insisted we would return home one day. Meanwhile, the more I found refuge in Bodie’s arms, the more I dreaded and longed for that day.
One afternoon Bodie and I were sitting on a porch visiting one of the elderly tribe members when a little girl, maybe four years old, if that came running to us. She was crying hysterically, saying her daddy was killing her mommy. We followed her back to her home to find a large, drunk man beating his wife. A baby was wailing in a back room. The woman was curled in a ball, on the floor bleeding, while the man kicked her repeatedly.
I became enraged. The anger I’d felt at Jackson, all the happiness I’d found and lost, hit me like a storm in my soul. Before Bodie could intervene, I was on the guy. I leaped across the floor, kicking the man in the face, knocking him on his ass. Standing there with my feet spread, hands fisted, I roared, “So, you enjoy beating helpless women. How about one that’s not so helpless.”