by Nikki Landis
When it was over, I lay there, not daring to move. Chet pulled out from my body, slapping my ass cheeks hard on both sides. His words were a slur, and I knew he’d been drinking most of the evening at the bar before he arrived home.
“Better get cleaned up. I’ll be back later and next time I want in that tight ass.”
His footsteps retreated and the door clicked shut.
I wasn’t sure how long I lay in my own blood and the mixture of our bodily fluids as they leaked onto the floor. Eventually, the familiar numbness I’d accumulated around my heart prompted me to move. I never cried anymore as I’d done in the beginning or begged him to stop, fighting tooth and nail only to be beaten so badly I could hardly move for hours afterward.
Those were the early first years of our marriage before I got pregnant with Noah. Things were worse then. He probably would have killed me a long time ago. When I found out I was having a baby I thought Chet would change. For a time, he did. The beatings stopped. The assaults were few. He was almost kind. I grew complacent and thought those dark days were in the past.
Two weeks after my son was born Chet stumbled into the bedroom and attacked me in my sleep. I woke to him inside me, so shocked that I began clawing at him with my nails in an effort to make him stop. His hands closed around my throat as he thrust hard and fast, pounding my body into the mattress as screams were choked off along with air to my lungs. The pain was so terrible that I passed out before he finished. That was probably merciful. Blood coated the sheets, my thighs, and my bottom the next morning.
I remembered feeling stunned and sickened at the thought my own husband raped me. My body shook with sobs as I slipped from the bed and crawled along the floor to the bathroom. My fingers wouldn’t obey my commands. Weakened, it took many long minutes to reach the tub. I sat in the shower and hoped the memories of what Chet had done could be washed down the drain. My fingers were pruney when I noticed I’d lost all track of time, but the stain of his assault remained.
No amount of water could wash away the truth.
I’d never let the word rape surface in my mind before that day in the warm water, my tears mixing with the blood as I winced at the bruises on my body. I’d refused to acknowledge that I was a victim. A part of me had held onto the hope that Chet loved me and Noah enough and he would never hurt me again.
Devastated, I knew I had to form a plan . . . and escape was the only option.
Cold tremors rippled across my damp skin as I blinked, opening my eyes, and breathing hard in an effort to block the memories that had easily surfaced in my dreams. I didn’t want to sink into depression or dissolve into tears. Chet wasn’t going to win. He didn’t get to reach out to me after all this time and try to snatch away the little bit of happiness that I’d finally found.
Determined to move on and shut him out, I headed into the bathroom to shower. It was early when I padded my way into the kitchen. The tree was twinkling merrily, and I brewed a fresh pot of coffee, sinking onto a chair at the table once it was ready. I needed a cup and a few minutes to wake up before I made breakfast for Noah. Yesterday was his last day of school before the holidays. I planned on wrapping presents and mixing dough so we could bake cookies later while he played and visited Jayce.
My thoughts drifted and I thought of the handsome silver fox biker and his promise to return tonight. Didn’t take a lot of effort to know that when he spoke of the next level that he meant sex and a possible relationship. When he flirted with me at the Urgent Care weeks ago, I never would have thought I’d grow to care for him as much as I did. It happened fast in a lot of ways but that just meant my heart was finally ready to allow a little love back in.
I was more than willing to give Jayce a chance.
“You sure about this, sugar?”
“Wanting you?” I breathed out, giving him a shy smile. “Yeah. I’m positive.”
“Fuck. That’s sexy as hell. I’ve been hoping for those words since the moment we met.”
Jayce lifted a hand and cradled my cheek. “Don’t be nervous, Bess.” His lips brushed mine in a feather soft caress. “I’m not going to move any faster than you’re ready for.”
I took him by the hand and led him upstairs, closing my door once we were inside. “It’s been a while,” I whispered, not completely telling the truth. The fact that I hadn’t ever had sex in a loving and passionate way didn’t deter me at all. I wanted to experience this. To know Jayce and explore what it was like to give myself freely.
“I’ll be gentle,” he promised, pulling me into his embrace. The soft pads of his fingers brushed along my neck and up over my face, tilting my head up as he dipped down to press his lips to mine. The result was an explosive kiss that seemed to be amplified by both of our emotions. Need burned deep inside my belly and I tugged on his leather as he slipped out of both his vest and his shirt.
Raw strength rippled beneath my fingertips as I explored his naked skin, leaning in to pepper kisses over the taut muscles and flesh. Jayce sucked in a ragged breath and reached for my hands, lifting them up before he removed my shirt and then my bra.
“Fuck. Those tits are perfection.”
His tongue flicked out and licked at my skin, sucking lightly before he nibbled on the peaks and drew them into his mouth. My back arched and I moaned, caught up in the sensations of pleasure that kept crashing over my body in little waves. Jayce reached for my jeans and unsnapped the top, tugging them down over my hips before he stood back and whistled.
“Damn, you’re perfection, little mama.”
Blushing, I helped him out of his pants too while admiring the impressive bulge he was hiding just out of view.
“Like what you see? It’s all for you,” he stated eagerly with a laugh. His underwear dropped to the ground while I did the same.
We both stood nude, gazing at one another with open hunger. Jayce moved in and claimed my mouth, his tongue thrusting inside, tangling with my own in a sultry dance before his teeth nipped at my bottom lip. One hand slid through my hair and held my head in place as he savagely deepened the kiss, taking what he wanted as I moaned and gripped his biceps.
If it was possible to melt into someone else, I think it would have happened. The connection we kept referring to was so tangible I could have reached out and touched it.
We ended up on the bed and Jayce kissed a pathway down my neck and over my jawline, pausing to stare into my eyes. “I need you, baby. I don’t think I can wait any longer to be inside you.”
“I feel the same way,” I assured him.
Resting between my thighs, his body grinded against mine and I felt his erection pressing against my leg. A part of me wanted to freak out and push him away but I wasn’t ruining what we were about to share. Jayce’s hand slid between my thighs and over my mound, dipping into the wetness that coated my pussy and proved I was ready for him. My hips moved all on their own and I knew he could sense that I wanted him with a desperation I could barely understand. A whine passed my lips as he touched my clit, pressing down with little circles on the nubbin.
Stroking his cock, he groaned. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful.”
I was going to smile but then he pushed the crown of his dick inside me, coating the head with a couple of shallow strokes, and then thrust in hard all the way to the base. He let me adjust to his girth and the feeling of fullness before his hips began to pump slowly, gliding in and out as the passion between us spiked higher.
“Damn. You feel so good. Fucking amazing,” he growled increasing the pace.
“Oh, God,” I hissed as he hit a perfect spot inside me, and I could feel how wet I was becoming. “Jayce.”
“That’s it, sugar. You call my name as much as you want.”
I blinked, gripping his arms as he thrust hard and deep. My entire body was caught up in a series of sensations that were new and pleasurable, so wonderful that tears filled my eyes and I blinked them back. Jayce pulled out and flipped me over, gripping my ass as he plunged in again.
His Bess.
I nearly choked on the emotion those words conjured. No one had ever claimed me with such need, desire, and lust as he did. Took me a second to realize he wasn’t moving.
“Why did you stop?”
“I’m staring at your ass,” he admitted, giving one cheek a light slap.
“What?” I screeched, feeling self-conscious.
He gripped my hips tight when I tried to move. “Hold on, sexy. Maybe the men you’ve met before me weren’t as open and honest. I’ll tell you anything you want to know when it comes to fucking and my cock in your tight pussy.”
Squirming, I could swear every inch of me from head to toe was blushing.
“First, a man likes a little jiggle. We don’t mind if your ass wiggles when we’re pounding you from behind. It’s sexy as hell. Most of us like to play around with that puckered hole too and have an urge to fuck that tight place almost as much as your pussy. It’s a dominance thing I’d wager. Got to fuck you in every hole we can. Possession and ownership, baby.”
I snorted but he kept talking.
“Not the way you’re thinking. It’s just a man feels good when he can get his woman off and fill her in every way. That’s why we like to sit back a little and watch our dick sliding in and out, watching you cream, and pumping you hard as fuck when we come. Something downright addicting to shooting your load and knowing it’s filled your woman. Just feels right. And no,” he added, “That ain’t for the average girl you fuck one time and can’t remember her name. It’s for the rare times you find one special enough that you connect and want to make her yours.”
He pumped his hips slowly, gliding in and out, and I could tell he was watching that thick cock of his pistoning in and out of me.
“Damn, you feel so good, Bess.”
A low moan escaped my throat. “Don’t stop.”
Keeping a steady pace, Jayce moved his body in perfect tandem with my own. It was hard to let him do that, to face the opposite direction when I’d been violated so many times the same way by Chet.
This was different.
I felt cherished, beautiful, wanted, and desired to the point that Jayce was healing me from my past, and he didn’t even know it. With every softly spoken word and gentle caress of his fingertips, he was proving to me that a man and a woman could have something special and pain wasn’t the result of sex. Jayce’s hand brushed along my spine and then slid across my ribcage, cupping a breast as he leaned down and caged me in.
Panic instantly clawed at my chest and I tried to push it down, but a whimper escaped my throat.
“Hey, what’s the matter?”
Jayce pulled out and I flipped over, opening my legs and arms wide. He sank back into me with a gentle thrust but didn’t move, resting on his elbows as our eyes met.
“Talk to me, pretty girl.”
“I don’t want to ruin the moment.” My teeth nibbled on my bottom lip and he leaned in, kissing me thoroughly before he pulled back.
“I don’t think that’s possible I’m so fuckin’ hard. We can discuss whatever you want. I’m not gonna judge you but I sure as hell need to move because being buried inside you is even better than I imagined.”
“Better than you imagined huh?” My lips twitched with a smile even with all the emotion churning within.
He cupped my cheek. “I see you. Hear me. I see you, Bess Parker. You’re not invisible to me. Not your past, your scars, or even the pain you try to run away from. I want to make you come as many times as I can but afterward, we’re talkin’. Alright?”
“Okay,” I exhaled on a whisper.
“I’m not afraid of the past. Yours or mine. We both have secrets. The two of us have lots of scars. Maybe that’s why we connect. Let me in, little mama.”
“I will.”
“Good.”
Jayce began to move, pulling out a few inches and then gliding back in, each time withdrawing a little further before his thrusts became harder and his movements faster. Something inside him seemed to be unleashed. The man’s control slipped, and he gripped my hand, intertwining our fingers as he clenched mine tight.
The headboard of my bed was banging against the wall with each stroke. Grunts and mews of pleasure left our lips. My body was responding to his and I felt that tight knot in my core build to the point that I knew I was about to explode. My thighs quivered and I let out a low wail as my body convulsed and tightened, clamping down on Jayce as my nails dug into his arms and I felt a gush of fluid as pure ecstasy filled my brain. Something unfurled deep inside and in that moment, I knew my heart belonged to the man who proved love was pleasure and not pain.
His roar of release filled the room and Jayce kept grinding against me for long seconds until we both shuddered, and our bodies were spent.
“Come here,” he rasped, withdrawing, and laying on his back, pulling me into his embrace. “I want to hold you.”
I didn’t know how he understood what I needed but he did. “Jayce?”
“Yeah, sugar?”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.”
His breath caught in his throat. “Me either, my Bess. Not for many long years.”
I rested over his heart, listening to the steady thumping of the beats as my eyes fluttered, and I had zero regrets.
I knew she had secrets.
I knew Bess was hiding something big from me, but I still wanted her anyway. Hell, I didn’t care what was in her past. This woman brightened my existence just by breathing. She was everything I didn’t know I wanted and desired.
Before the sun rose, I reluctantly sat up, covering her with a blanket so she didn’t get chilled. She blinked and reached for my hand as I gave it a squeeze. “I’m sorry I have to leave. I’ve got Church and a few things to handle today. It’s important.”
Disappointment flashed in her eyes, but she didn’t beg me to stay. Almost wished she did. “Okay.”
“Hey, I’m not running out of here, sugar. Club business is a priority and that’s something you’ll have to get used to. I won’t apologize for being who I am. You’re with a biker, honey lips.”
She gave me a sweet little smile. “I understand all that, Jayce. Promise.”
“Good.” I leaned down and captured her lips, sliding my hands over her ass and before I knew it, her body was draping mine and my dick was inside her.
So much for leaving right away.
I took her hard and fast, bringing her body to the brink of orgasm and then slowed down, pumping inside as she began to move her hips. Those perfect tits bounced in front of my face and I couldn’t resist licking and sucking on her perfect skin. It had been dark last night and so I never noticed the multiple faded scars and marks that tried to ruin what I knew was beautiful inside and out.
Rolling over, I clasped out hands together and realized I was making love to her and I had done the same last night. My brains scrambled to make sense of how fast I had fallen for Bess, but it didn’t matter. Nothing changed. I still wanted her. Needed her. Fuck, I was sure I’d be fucking her as often as I could.
Knowing that someone had hurt her was a torture that I found hard to endure. We climaxed together and then I brought her close, cradling her face. My thumb brushed her bottom lip, and I placed a tender kiss on her swollen lips.
“Tell me where all these scars came from.”
Her chest released a little sob and then tears filled her eyes. I knew it was bad when she choked out her answer, shocked to learn the trauma she endured.
“My ex beat me but that wasn’t the worst.”
My Reaper and I were instantly pissed. “Shit. Tell me.”
“He raped me, Jayce.” Her voice broke. “Over ten years.”
My body went completely still. Hate and rage mixed in my blood and I wanted to hurt this man who dared to harm a hair on her head. “Where is he? What’s his fuckin’ name?”
She shrugged.
“Not important. I left him and Noah and I are safe.”
Not good enough. “His name,” I growled.
“Chet Wilson.”
“From where?”
“Texas,” she whispered. “Don’t go after him, Jayce. He’s nothing to me now.”
That was a promise I couldn’t make. My Reaper was already prompting me to get the fuck out of here and find this man. He would find justice at my hands. No doubt about that.
“I can’t promise shit, my Bess.”
“He wasn’t always bad you know. When Chet and I started dating, he was sweet to me. Won me over and we married after only three months. I thought he was everything I ever dreamed of.”
“I’m sure you did.”
“He began drinking heavily soon after and that was when he flew into a blind rage. Wrecked the house. Hit me. At first it was just minimal physical violence. It escalated fast.”
“Shit,” he cursed.
“I was punished double when he had those fits of rage. The bruises, scratches, black eyes – they all had to be hidden. When Chet broke my arm, I had to lie to keep his secrets. No one was allowed to know about what happened inside our home.”
Jayce clutched my body tighter against him.
“We lived in a nightmare that no one had any idea was occurring. I was never allowed to go anywhere until I was healed. It was a cruelty all its own. Robbed of sunshine, fresh air, and limited freedom was another way Chet controlled my life. He never gave me more than a few weeks to recover between attacks. Sex was a degrading event to enforce my submission and prove his dominance. I didn’t understand it was rape. Not for a lot of years.” My voice broke. “When he attacked me two weeks after Noah’s birth, I passed out and woke up covered in blood. That’s when I knew I had to leave him.”
“Fuck.” Jayce lowered his forehead to mine. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I’m so sorry.”
“You didn’t do this. Chet did. It took me years to form a plan, but I finally got away. I’m just not sure I’ll ever feel completely free.”
“You will. We can escape our past, Bess. Both of us. All we have to do is let go and become lost in one another.” I kissed her and held her close, wishing I could erase all the bad shit that happened to her.