Love Struck

by McKenna Rogue

  The orgasm startled me as I tried to arch up against him, wanting more and less all at the same time. My pussy clenched around nothing. I wanted to feel him inside of me. He continued his full out assault against my pussy, driving me right into another orgasm. I gripped the sheets and screamed his name as I came again.

  “Gerard,” I whined when he wouldn’t stop.

  “Fuck, I really like watching you come.”

  I fell back to the bed as he released my legs.

  “What the hell was that?” I said breathlessly. “That’s not how orgasms feel.”

  His brow furrowed. “It is when the guy knows how to treat your body.” Gerard knelt between my spread legs. “Want me to show you again?”

  “No,” I said breathlessly.

  “What do you want?”

  “I want…”

  My fucking phone went off. It was Nick’s ringtone.

  “Ignore it.”

  I was tired of ignoring it. He clearly wasn’t just going to go away. He was going to keep coming after me. I couldn’t figure out why, but if I could confirm for him that it was truly over, then Gerard and I could really move forward.

  It wasn’t just because clearly sex was going to be amazing with him, but for the first time in my life, I didn’t feel like I was lacking, that I wasn’t good enough, that he didn’t think I was sexy enough. Being with Gerard felt amazing. And I wanted Nick to get the fuck out.

  “I can’t,” I said.

  Gerard’s expression hardened. “It’s him, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah, but I…”

  “Don’t answer it.”

  “I have to.”

  Gerard crawled off the bed and grabbed his shirt. “Fine.” He grabbed a couple of things and stormed out of the room.

  “Gerard, wait, that’s not…”

  The door slammed behind him.

  I got up and put on my pajamas, not wanting to get back into the dress Gerard took me out of and I found my phone.

  What was I doing? Why would I let Gerard walk out thinking I wanted to talk to Nick more than I wanted to be with him?

  I sat down on the edge of the bed and thought about everything. The last few days, the last few years. I couldn’t be with Gerard. He was a man of the world. He was never around. We talked plenty, but clearly, we weren’t even honest with each other all of the time.

  I loved Gerard with all my heart, but I didn’t want to lose him because of sex. What happened when he left for his next photoshoot and was gone for weeks or months? Would it be fair to either one of us?

  My voicemail chimed and I looked down to see that Nick left me a message.

  I put it on speaker and listened.

  “Cora, please call me back. You have to hear me out. I’m a jerk. I’m an ass. I shouldn’t have been so cold. There’s so much I want to tell you. I want to be with you. I miss you. Please tell me it’s not too late and you haven’t slept with that guy. Please tell me I can make it up to you.”

  The plea in his voice. Did Nick really feel so bad about what happened between us?

  Nick was stable, he had a good job, he was in Jubilee Falls. Nick and I made a lot of sense. Things weren’t perfect, but nothing was ever perfect. Even if they felt that way with Gerard. It was an illusion. It was Mexico.

  I didn’t know what I was going to do and without Gerard here…

  I pulled the blankets over me and wished I wasn’t so stupid, so careless, so completely out of my league where Gerard was concerned. It was the right thing to do, to let him go.

  15

  Gerard

  Had she really chosen that asshat over me?

  We had fought before, but I never worried that we’d make it through stronger than ever.

  But that was before Cora considered taking his phone call while we were in the middle of finally moving forward. And now, I didn’t know what any of it meant.

  I thought she’d wanted the kiss. She came out of the bathroom fighting mad, and everything she was saying sounded like she’d wanted me to kiss her as badly as I wanted to. I’d fought my desires all day, and when she said those things, I thought she’d wanted me.

  I refused to be second to that asshat who wasn’t good enough for her in the first place. I was fucking pissed. How the hell did we end up here? She finally realized there was more to us than friendship. Or had she? Was she just looking for something to mend her broken heart and the man she really wanted called and interrupted before things went too far?

  What the fuck had I been thinking? I should’ve never come on this stupid trip.

  Frustrated and alone, I made my way to the bar, needing somewhere to blow off steam. I wished she would’ve just pushed me away, slapped me, and told me we were only going to be friends. Rather than her choosing him after I made her come so hard her thighs trembled around my face.

  But now that I’d had a taste of what it would be like to be with her, and I wasn’t sure I could just go back to being friends. Especially not if it meant watching her sail off into the sunset with that twat-weasel.

  I’d grabbed my camera bag and computer on my way out the door, not wanting to just sit and stew while I downed a bottle of whiskey. I pulled out my laptop and my camera, thinking that maybe the mindless task of sorting through photos would help my brain to stop running a mile a minute. If I could just relax, maybe I could think of a solution, something to change the way she had looked at me.

  The photos didn’t help at all as I started to upload them from my camera onto the computer.

  The first one to pull up was a candid I took of Cora at the airport in Omaha, her luggage in one hand, ticket in the other, staring up at the board of departures. She was always so careful when we traveled, constantly checking the board, the time, her bags, to make sure there was no way we could miss a flight. But in this picture, you could see the serenity the task brought her. She wasn’t anxious as she read through the departures list; it was a calming activity.

  Shortly after that photo came a picture of her outside the front doors of the hotel, posed ridiculously like she couldn’t figure out the push vs. pull door. Her facial expression showed her sense of humor, the lightheartedness I’d chased away because I couldn’t keep my lips to myself or my cock under control.

  Then, the shopping pictures loaded. She looked so proud of the ridiculous bikini-clad cartoon silhouette, the shirt that would’ve swallowed her frame whole and hidden every inch of her pale skin from my view. She had been having such a good time on this trip. She was so full of life.

  And she was in our room talking to him, getting back together with him.

  Frustrated, I closed the laptop and tucked my computer away in its bag, tempted to throw the whole thing across the room.

  If it weren’t my livelihood, I might have.

  I didn’t want to go back. I could see about getting another room or another hotel or just a flight home. I told her all the time not to settle for something she didn’t deserve, and it was time I took my own fucking advice.

  If Cora wanted Nick, then I would gracefully bow out and head back to Milan. And then I would drown my sorrows and figure out a way to move on. I was done with this shit.

  I opened the hotel room, not knowing what to expect. I tried to be quiet, just in case she was sleeping. It would be easier if she was sleeping. I could sneak in, get my stuff, and send her a text. I wasn’t in the mood for a confrontation.

  Unfortunately, no such luck.

  Cora’s voice filtered in from the balcony. “Nick, if we’re going to make this work, things have to be different.”

  I stood in the room, frozen, unable to do anything but eavesdrop.

  “I didn’t deserve to be treated like that, like I was intruding in your life. You invited me in, and then slammed the door shut on my face. I don’t know why you’ve been unrelenting in tracking me down after you treated me like that.”

  Nick’s voice came through, scratchy on the other side, on speaker phone. “I’m an asshole and I should’
ve never treated you like that. The only way I can truly show you I’m sorry is by you giving me another chance. I’ve changed. I’m not going to be a dick anymore. There are things about me I haven’t shared with you, and I want to.”

  “Why now?”

  “Because I realized what I lost. Is it too late? Have I lost you forever?”

  “Nick, I’m not sure. You were awful. The way you treated me. And not just when I was at your house. You’ve been cold and distant for weeks. And the way you treated me and my friend, Gerard was inexcusable.”

  “I was jealous. You brought this guy who is successful and knows you better than me. And he obviously has a thing for you. And now you’re in Mexico with him. Are you guys together now?”

  There was a long pause. “What do you mean it’s obvious he has a thing for me?”

  “You don’t see it? The way he looks at you. He dotes on you too. And I’m supposed to be okay with you hanging out with a guy who is in love with you?”

  “We’re not together. I’m not sure what we are. I’m not going to lie and say that nothing happened, but he hasn’t said anything to me about being in love with me.”

  “I’ll tell you I love you. I do love you. I’ll shout it from the rooftops. Cora, you’re it for me. You’re the one I can see in my future.”

  “You’re doing a fine job in groveling, Nick. But I need time. I don’t know if I want to date anyone right now. Maybe I should be single for a while and figure out my life. The one thing I do know is I want to see more of the world, and I don’t want to waste my time feeling not good enough.”

  God, I was going to be sick. She was really considering going back with him? The fuckface who crushed her just because she wanted to cook him dinner?

  I closed my eyes, trying to will myself to say something. Rip the phone out of her hands and hang up on the fucker and throw her over my shoulder and show her what she was really missing.

  Instead, I witnessed the end of our friendship.

  16

  Cora

  I didn’t know what hurt worse: my headache, or my heart. After Gerard disappeared and showed no signs of returning, I cried myself to sleep. I didn’t know how things changed so quickly.

  Nick’s phone call reminded me of all the reasons Gerard and I were a bad idea, and I panicked. Being with Gerard felt amazing, but it was all too much. Our friendship meant the world to me. How could I play so fast and loose with it? How could I risk it all, on one reckless night? Even though Colton’s words echoed in my ears, I couldn’t shake the feeling that crossing that line might’ve ruined what we had forever.

  I hadn’t expected Nick to call again this morning and even more, I was surprised I answered it. When I got out of bed, all I wanted to do was look at flights, to see if there was any way I could make my mostly maxed out credit cards stretch just a little further, so that I could get home, get away from the hell that Cancun turned out to be a little faster.

  But almost as quickly as I had the internet browser open, it rang.

  “Hello?”

  “Cora? Is that really you?”

  “Who else would it be, Nick?”

  “You haven’t returned any of my messages,” he said.

  “Nick, you broke up with me. I don’t owe you anything.”

  There was a pause.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  I headed out onto the balcony and turned on the speaker phone as I gazed over the beach and ocean. “I don’t want an apology. What do you want?”

  “I want you back.”

  I laughed. I couldn’t help myself. Was he kidding?

  “That’s funny to you?”

  “Right now, everything is funny to me, Nick.”

  Was this my life? I screwed up things with the one guy that has been there for me since we became friends. I knew I’d pushed the issue with us being more than friends. I still wasn’t sure it was a mistake, but Gerard was gone. I honestly didn’t know if he was coming back.

  “I messed up. I can list off the excuses, but it doesn’t matter. I should never have let you leave that night. I miss you.”

  “What do you miss about me, Nick?”

  Another pause.

  “You’re everything I want in a woman. You’re a hard worker, smart as hell, you get my sense of humor, you are a great caregiver, I know if we had children, you would be a wonderful mother. You’re beautiful.”

  “What about my extra weight? What about my dead-end job?”

  “You’re perfect the way you are.”

  Anger surged through me. “I didn’t deserve to be treated like that, like I was intruding in your life. You invited me in, and then slammed the door shut on my face. I don’t know why you’ve been unrelenting in tracking me down after you treated me like that.”

  Nick’s voice turned a little husky, like he was being emotional. “I’m an asshole and I should’ve never treated you like that. The only way I can truly show you I’m sorry is by you giving me another chance. I’ve changed. I’m not going to be a dick anymore. There are things about me I haven’t shared with you, and I want to.”

  “Why now?”

  “Because I realized what I lost. Is it too late? Have I lost you forever?”

  “Nick, I’m not sure. You were awful. The way you treated me. And not just when I was at your house. You’ve been cold and distant for weeks. And the way you treated me and my friend, Gerard was inexcusable.”

  “I was jealous. You brought this guy who is successful and knows you better than me. And he obviously has a thing for you. And now you’re in Mexico with him. Are you guys together now?”

  He thought Gerard had a thing for me? Was this development not new? I was so confused. “What do you mean it’s obvious he has a thing for me?”

  “You don’t see it? The way he looks at you. He dotes on you too. And I’m supposed to be okay with you hanging out with a guy who is in love with you?”

  “We’re not together.” That left a gaping hole in my chest, just saying it out loud. My feelings for Gerard were a jumbled mess right now, and this call wasn’t helping. “I’m not sure what we are. I’m not going to lie and say that nothing happened, but he hasn’t said anything to me about being in love with me.” I didn’t know what Gerard’s feelings were. I was angry he left last night. I knew I didn’t react right, but I wished he would’ve stayed and fought with me, fought for me. It was all so much. Panic set in.

  “I’ll tell you I love you. I do love you. I’ll shout it from the rooftops. Cora, you’re it for me. You’re the one I can see in my future.”

  “You’re doing a fine job in groveling, Nick. But I need time. I don’t know if I want to date anyone right now. Maybe I should be single for a while and figure out my life. The one thing I do know, is I want to see more of the world, and I don’t want to waste my time feeling not good enough.”

  I spent a chunk of time since Nick broke up with me, wanting him back, not understanding why I wasn’t good enough for him. Now I knew that I was good enough. I didn’t deserve how Nick treated me. That was thanks to Gerard. He made me realize I had a lot to offer.

  “Give me a second chance, Cora. Please.”

  “I need to take some time. I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk.”

  “Okay. I can respect that.”

  After I hung up with Nick, I went back into the room.

  Two weeks ago, the proposition would’ve been tempting. I would’ve probably picked out a matching bra and panties set and rushed over.

  Could I be happy with Nick? I didn’t know. But at least Nick never made me feel like someone chopped up my heart and fried it up on a hibachi grill.

  I grabbed my shoes and left the room, hoping to get some breakfast and coffee in before I had to face Gerard. Maybe the caffeine would somehow hide the fact that I barely slept, that I had dark circles under my eyes so deep I’d probably have to check them at the ticket counter when we got to the airport. Maybe the coffee gods would somehow defeat the fear, the
bad decisions, and the guilt, so that I could be a person again.

  God, how was I going to face him? I didn’t even know if we could be friends anymore. I potentially let a twelve-year relationship wash away with the tide, and for what? A couple of toe-curling, panty-soaking kisses? A world-rocking orgasm?

  I was a world-class idiot.

  Gerard didn’t come down for breakfast.

  When I got back to the room, his bag was packed, except for a pair of jeans sitting on top of the suitcase. But he was nowhere to be found.

  I sat on the foot of the bed, my face in my hands as I embraced the throbbing in my head. I deserved this. I deserved my headache, and I deserved the pain in my chest.

  Gerard was gone. I pushed him away. I pushed him out of my life. And when we got off the plane in Omaha, I wasn’t sure I’d ever see him again.

  “Hey, Cora.” He walked in with a cup of coffee and a stoic scowl on his face. “You about ready to go?”

  I shrugged. “I haven’t packed.”

  He shook his head. “I’ll be in the lobby. Half an hour enough time?” He wouldn’t even look at me.

  I watched him walk away from me, and the moment the door shut behind him, I ran to the bathroom and threw up.

  Twenty minutes of laying on the cool tile floor later, I got up and threw all my stuff into my suitcase. I almost didn’t care if I left something in Cancun. Packing didn’t matter. I just wanted to leave. I needed to get home.

  I dragged my suitcase to the lobby, ready to fight.

  But Gerard still didn’t look at me. He didn’t try to take my bag or help load it into the car. He just got into the driver’s seat and headed to the airport.

  The radio was still off from our drive the night before, and neither of us turned it on. I deserved the silence, the tension. I broke our friendship. I ruined everything, just because I stupidly thought that maybe, just maybe, he could’ve looked at me as more than just a friend.