Faking it with #41

by Piper Rayne

  I turn, and god, he’s so beautiful. Even now, when he looks pissed off, I want to run to him and wrap my arms around him. “I told you about my dad, right?”

  He nods.

  I go over to the bed and blow out a long breath before I plop myself down on the edge. “He’d always clean up his act for a while after something major happened, like he got picked up by the police for sleeping on the street, or the shelter caught him with alcohol. Or if I got on him about needing money and he needed to sober up and show up for work. For a few short months, he’d try. I have no idea if he was just hiding it or actually stopped drinking, but he’d secure a job and I’d think, This is it. We’re going to be okay. Then I’d come home to whatever dump we were living in and he’d be passed out. It was a cruel cycle of hope and disappointment. He always promised he’d change, but it never lasted.”

  He sits down next to me. “So you think that’s me?”

  I bite my lip and look at him. “I think you had a daughter and it changed you. I think you want the new you to be you, but I don’t know if it actually is you now. It’s all happened so fast. I fear that one day it’s all going to be too much. Becoming a parent when you weren’t planning to is enough on its own, but add on the fact that now you’re a single parent, and then think about if you added on your first ever real girlfriend… don’t you worry that’s a lot of change all at once to deal with?”

  He seems to think for a moment. “I’ve been going through the motions. I’m not really thinking about all of it being new. All I know is I’m enjoying it.” He bends forward, leaning his forearms on his thighs. “But I see your point.”

  As stupid as it is, since I raised the point, the fact that he understands crushes me. But I’d rather be crushed now than six months from now. “You do?”

  He nods. “There’s been a lot of change in my life.”

  I can’t be upset that he’s agreeing with me. I can’t, but I am. “I know.”

  He turns his head in my direction. “How would we even manage this then? I mean, I really like you.”

  I smile. “I really like you too, but… ugh! Why do I have to be so sensible?”

  “Yes, please tell me why. We could be fucking on this bed again right now.” He stands, and the fact he’s putting on his boxer briefs makes my breath falter.

  “So you agree? We shouldn’t pursue anything?” I ask.

  He runs his hand through his hair. “I don’t agree, but I understand. If it were up to me, I’d be fucking you five times a day every day, but I get your hesitation. I understand your worry. I know what kind of guy I am.”

  Since he’s only thinking about fucking me, I’d say we’re probably making the right decision. He’s not saying he wants to get to know me better and spend more time with me. Wake up to me every day and fall asleep next to me every night. A relationship can’t survive on lust alone.

  “So where do we go from here?” I ask.

  He moves to the couch area of the suite. “I’m going to get dressed and go back to my parents’ penthouse. You’re going to stay here and enjoy the suite. I’ll swing by with Annabelle on the way to the airport to pick you up. We’ll go to Florida, where we’ll coexist until the arrangement is over.”

  In just this short time, he has it all figured out. “Can we coexist?”

  He shrugs on his tuxedo slacks and buttons them. I commit every moment of him dressing to memory because he’s rocking the just fucked half-dressed look and I won’t be seeing it again.

  “We can try. Who knows? Maybe you’ll be the first girl I become friends with after I fucked her.” He glances at me, and there’s no heartbreak in his eyes. Maybe he truly is okay with this, whereas my heart is cracking.

  “Friends would be nice.”

  “Sure.” He pulls on his shirt and buttons it.

  My body begs my brain to run to him and stop him from leaving. To take him to bed with me, forget all my doubts. For him to convince me he’s different and has changed and there’ll be no going back to the womanizing Ford who couldn’t ever stay grounded.

  He walks back to me and puts his finger on my chin, urging me to look at him. “One more.”

  He places his lips on mine softly. No tongue, just a press of his mouth to mine. Drawing back, he winks, turns around, swipes my thong off the floor, and shoves it in his pocket before walking out the door.

  After it shuts, I sink to the floor and allow myself to cry for what I almost had but lost.

  The next morning, a bellhop brings me my suitcase from the Jacobs’ penthouse, allowing me to get dressed.

  Ford texts me when he arrives and I tell him I’ll meet him downstairs so he doesn’t have to haul Annabelle out of the vehicle. I have no idea what his family must think. Us staying at a hotel was probably a sign that things were progressing with us. With him showing up in the middle of the night, it’s clear we’re back to the land of pretend.

  I take the elevator down to the first floor, and the bellhop places my bag in the SUV Ford ordered to take us to the airport. Annabelle is in her carrier, smiling at me.

  I tickle her belly and her smile only grows. “Good morning, sweet Annabelle.”

  “I think Morgan spiked her bottle. She’s been this happy all morning.” Ford glances up from his phone. He has dark bags under his eyes and doesn’t look like he slept the entire night.

  “If Annabelle’s happy, everyone’s happy,” I say.

  He chuckles lightly before burying his head in his phone again.

  We ride to the airport in uncomfortable silence as I try to interact with Annabelle, but a five-and-a-half-month-old can only do so much to break the ice.

  Ford is the perfect gentleman, as he always is with me. Opening doors and directing me through the people until we’re boarding the Jacobs’ private jet.

  The plane ride is more silence, him busy on his phone except for a brief twenty minutes when he fell asleep. I’m embarrassed to admit I watched him the entire time he slept. The way his mouth slowly parted, and his chest expanded when he inhaled. I memorized his chiseled jaw and sharp nose. The way his hair is always perfectly tousled. His broad shoulders straining his T-shirt and strong thighs are prominently on display through his worn jeans.

  I can’t believe I told him no. I should’ve lived it up for the moment and when he changed his mind, just moved on. But no, stupid me has to think years down the line. Sometimes I hate my fear of history repeating itself.

  At least the sun is out when we land, and it brightens up the dark cloud over us.

  We drive to Ford’s house, and since Annabelle slept on the plane, she’s awake.

  “I can take care of her. You look like you need to sleep,” I tell Ford, knowing he has a game tomorrow night.

  “I’m good. You go.” He nods upstairs, so I take my suitcase to my room and shut the door.

  Collapsing on the bed, I stare at the ceiling and wonder if I’m one of those people who can’t be happy. I had a great guy who did everything perfectly, and I ruined it because I’m afraid. Then again, he agreed with me, so he must not have been certain about his feelings for me.

  After an hour of lying there doing nothing, I can’t stand staying in this room any longer. Besides, I figure if we keep the friendliness going, we’ll make it to the finish line a lot happier. So I head downstairs and find Annabelle asleep in Ford’s arms. He’s out cold.

  I tiptoe over and pick up Annabelle. She transports well, so I take her upstairs to her crib and place her in it, then turn on the monitor. I go downstairs as quietly as I can and take the monitor with me to the beach.

  Five minutes later, a deep voice announces his presence behind me. “Soaking up the rays?”

  I glance up from the lawn chair I’m in. “The sunshine makes the day feel a little brighter.”

  “Glad it does for one of us.” He picks up the monitor and heads back to the patio door. “Thanks for putting her down.”

  He’s cordial, polite but cold. Clearly doesn’t want me around his daug
hter anymore.

  I sit out here for another hour because it’s a lot warmer outside now than it is inside. Maybe that friendship thing is off the table.

  It’s the last game before our short Christmas break.

  “Congratulations,” Tweetie says and puts his hand on my shoulder. “You fucking did it.”

  “Did what?” I ask, looking up from lacing my skates.

  “You went two months without getting laid. I’m proud of you.”

  How did I forget that ridiculous bet? “Nah, I lost.”

  All movement in the locker room stops and everyone’s eyes are on me.

  “What?” Tweetie’s mouth is hanging open.

  “Yeah, couldn’t do it.” I did the math on the way home from New York after Lena. I knew I was shy of the deal, but I didn’t care. I wanted her too badly, and if that meant I lost bragging rights, I didn’t give a shit. Knowing what I know now, I should’ve kept my cock inside my pants. Now I just know what I’m missing and can’t have again.

  Tweetie laughs while Aiden and Maksim stare at me, questions on both of their faces.

  “Damn, I wish I would have bet you, like, your fucking Bronco or house or some shit.” Tweetie goes back to his locker and puts on his pads.

  “Lena?” Aiden asks quietly.

  Lucky for me, the locker room fills with music and voices again. I nod.

  “And?”

  “And she told me afterward that it was a mistake.”

  He slides over on the bench closer to me. “Mistake?”

  “She worries a leopard doesn’t change his spots. That in the long run, I’ll find an excuse to leave her high and dry after she’s got feelings for me. Pretty much thinks I’m in a funk in my life but one day that prick she used to hate will show back up and want to fuck other women.” I hate the bitterness in my tone, but as the days go on, the more pissed I become with her assessment of me.

  “And what did you say?”

  “I told her she was right, and maybe we could be friends.” At the time I meant it, since we have to be together for this pretend marriage thing, but I’m finding it really hard to be around her now.

  “Why?” Maksim asks. “Why would you agree with her?”

  I shrug. “You can’t change someone’s opinion once they’ve made up their mind about you. She thinks I’m a douche and nothing in the last two months has changed that, so nothing ever will.”

  “Are you going to marry her?” Aiden asks, looking at Maksim as if he can answer the question.

  “I have to. But then we’ll get divorced. It’s fine.” I stand. “It would never work out anyway.” I head out to the hallway to wait for game time.

  “Why would it not work out?” Aiden’s right behind me.

  No doubt Maksim went to take his superstition piss after he’s geared up.

  “Because she’s right. I’m Ford Jacobs. I mean, come on. She’s supposed to trust me after only two months? She’s got a point, and I care about her too much to hurt her.”

  He stands next to me. “So basically you agreed with her and now you two are living together and pretending you haven’t had sex?”

  I nod.

  “Was the sex bad?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “The best I’ve ever had.”

  I’m not going to go into detail with Aiden, but fuck, Lena gave me her body as though she trusted me with it. And I loved that she likes to joke when we’re messing around. The best part was how insatiable she is. Damn, I’m going to miss all of that. One night wasn’t nearly enough.

  He puts his hand on my forehead. “Are you feeling okay?”

  I pull away. “I’m fine.”

  “You gave up?” Maksim asks when he joins us.

  “I didn’t give up. She made her case and I can’t argue it. I mean, I was a douche who couldn’t commit to any woman before Annabelle was born. Lena has a right to question my intentions.”

  Aiden puts his finger on the bridge of his nose. “What the hell happened to the Ford Jacobs I know?”

  “What does that mean?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at him.

  “You just laid down like roadkill. Fight, motherfucker. If you like her and you think she’s wrong, fight.”

  I put my hand on Aiden’s shoulder. “That’s the thing, I don’t think she’s wrong.”

  He and Maksim stare at one another as the rest of the team gets hyped to go out on the ice.

  “I can’t believe you’re gonna give up,” Maksim says.

  “Give up what?” I shrug. “We never even were.”

  Both of them glance at one another, sharing a look of confusion.

  “You’re fucking with us, right?” Aiden asks.

  The rest of the team heads to the ice, the three of us bringing up the rear.

  I’m surprised when I spot Lena in the stands—without Annabelle this time. She doesn’t meet my gaze, although from the way she’s purposely dodging it, I’d say she feels my eyes on her. A boulder sinks deep into the pit of my stomach. I remember she was smiling and waving at me the last time she was here.

  Aiden skates up to the line, ready to take some warm-up shots. “Ford, you can’t just let it go. You’ve talked us off a lot of ledges, but you can’t roll over and pretend it didn’t happen.”

  “Nothing is gonna change. Sometimes a man just is who he is and can’t change no matter how hard he tries.”

  We run our warm-up drills, leaving the conversation there. What do they want me to say? That I felt something different for Lena? So what if I did? It doesn’t mean anything other than maybe I’m human. But eventually I probably would’ve gotten bored with her, so she’s smart to have pointed it out.

  After the game, I come out of the shower, looking at the fresh bruise on my arm. “Fuck, Maksim,” I say, because it was his doing.

  “I had hopes that it would knock some sense into you.”

  “I’m your teammate. Did you go color blind?” I strip off my towel and shove on a pair of boxer briefs.

  “FYI, the ladies are going to your house to relieve the babysitter and you’re coming out with us.” Aiden holds up his phone.

  “I’m going home,” I say, continuing to put on my suit.

  “The deal’s done, man. Consider this your sentence.” Tweetie comes over, trying to put me in a headlock.

  I maneuver out of it. “Why? You all have women to go home to.”

  “And you do too,” Tweetie says.

  “It’s all a sham. For my dad,” I confess and Tweetie stops drying himself off.

  “No?” He looks at Aiden and Maksim.

  They both nod.

  “But we’re pretty sure Richie Rich here found his heart.” Aiden pats me where my heart would be and goes to his own locker to get dressed.

  “Fuck off,” I shout after him.

  “I can’t believe you fuckers left me out of the gossip. There can be four musketeers, you know that, right? We can be original like that.”

  I laugh at Tweetie’s attempt to get in our circle. And he is in our circle, but he travels during the off-season when we’re all hanging around here. He’s my roommate on the road, so I consider him a great friend. We just haven’t hung out as much as we used to since he’s been in a relationship.

  Tweetie pulls out his phone,—texting Tedi, no doubt. A minute later his phone dings and he looks upset and confused. “She already knew the plan. Said to make sure I have enough dollar bills?”

  Aiden and Maksim laugh. “There’s only one way for you to find out what you’re made of.”

  Ugh. I know exactly what they’re thinking. “I’m not going.”

  “You sure as shit are, so put on your makeup, sweetheart, you’re getting a lap dance.”

  Thirty minutes later, we’re filing out of Aiden’s SUV into one of Florida’s well-known higher-end strip clubs. I used to frequent this place when I was much younger. A lot of the guys still head here sometimes.

  After we enter, I find out there’s a reserved table right by the stage for us.
Maksim shoves me in the chair on the outside and they all fill in around the table. He raises his hand and a pretty redhead comes over, asking if we want any drinks. Her tits are barely held up by a skimpy bra and her skirt is so short I’d see her ass if she wasn’t wearing panties.

  I order a whiskey, Maksim a vodka, and beers for both Aiden and Tweetie.

  Aiden holds up a bill. I can’t see how much, but he waves it and two girls come over, rubbing themselves on him.

  “Oh no, that’s our bachelor.” He points the bill to me. “Give him everything you got.”

  I’m not gonna lie, there were days that I fucking loved strip places. And sure, I’ve taken a few women home from them. But right now, in the mood I’m in, I don’t want anything to do with a lap dance.

  Still, the music is going and she’s grinding her hips in front of me.

  “Are you hard yet?” Maksim asks.

  I glare at him. “No, asshole.”

  “Because you’re thinking of Lena,” he says.

  I don’t respond.

  “You’re being a wimp,” Aiden says.

  “Nice word choice,” I sneer as the two blondes kiss in front of me.

  “Are you imagining one of them being Lena?” Maksim asks.

  “Can we please stop talking about Lena?” I yell over the music.

  One girl swings her leg over me, pushing her tits right in front of my face.

  “No, because you need to believe you’ve changed before you try to convince her of it. We could sit you down, but you need to be shown with action, not words. Like a child.” Maksim continues to insult me.

  “No one needs to convince me of anything.” I raise my hand, inches away from grabbing what’s in front of me just to prove him wrong.

  “Stop it, Ford, you’re gonna throw away everything in your life,” Aiden says.

  “What?” My gaze moves to him and he legit looks pissed off.

  “You know you like her. I saw the way you looked at her. The way you respected her. The way she won you over. And now she’s scared, which”—he holds up his hand—“I would be too. Let me ask you a question, when she voiced her concerns, what was your first reaction?”