by Kaylee Ryan
“I can imagine this is tough on her.”
“On her, on me, on my daughter. Fuck, I have a daughter.” A daughter who is close to Knox in age and I’ve never met. A daughter who thinks that family other than her is what has kept me away from her all these years. A daughter I’ve never held in my arms or tucked in bed at night.
“You can’t push her, Kent. You know that, right? I know what you’re feeling. I know you. You want her and your kid right now, all the time. I get it. I do. However, you can’t push either of them. If her memory doesn’t come back, she might not ever be yours.”
“They’re mine,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Look, man. I know where you’re coming from. I do. But she doesn’t remember you, Kent. How can you expect her to just pick up where you left off when those memories are yours alone?”
I let his words sink in and he’s right. No matter how much I want to pull her into my arms and never let go, I can’t do that. Glimpses of me in her dreams isn’t enough. What other choice do I have? “I’ll make her remember,” I answer my own question aloud. “I’ll show her what we were together. I’ll make her fall in love with me again.”
“Again?” Ridge questions.
“Again. There is no doubt in my mind that she loved me. I ran from it. Worried about settling down. Fuck me, I was a dick. I should have been there that night. She had something to tell me, and my dumb ass thought she was going to tell me she loved me and that she wanted a commitment. What she didn’t know was that I was already committed to her. I just never told her. There was no one else for me when she went back to school. It was always just her. Just Delaney. Now I’m sure she was also going to tell me about our daughter. Did I tell you her name?” I ask him. “Kendrix.” I don’t give him the chance to reply. “It’s as if subconsciously she was naming our little girl after me. Even though her family tried to tell her I didn’t want her, it was as if her heart knew the truth. That I wanted them both. I want them both.” I’m quick to add.
“We’re here,” Ridge says as he pulls up to the house. I know my best friend and his words have double meaning. Sure, we’re at the jobsite, but he also meant he and the guys are here for me. Hell, so are the wives and the littles. I have a huge support system and I have never been more grateful for them. I want Laney and Kendrix to meet them. I know my family will accept them with open arms and maybe, just maybe, I can convince them to stay. The alternative is me leaving, not something I ever wanted to do, but I’ll do it for them. For my girls, I would do anything.
“I’ll be right there,” I tell Ridge, pulling my phone out of my pocket. I call the lab and schedule someone to be here Friday morning. I have to pay extra for a technician to come out, but I’m fine with that. I don’t want my little girl to have to go to the hospital for this. I’m sure she’s going to be confused and scared as it is. They have assured me, that it’s as simple as swabbing the inside of both our cheeks and that they will run the tests as soon as they can. It could take up to a week for the results, but processing times are usually two to three days in their lab. I chose the right place. The sooner I have it on paper as proof for my girls, the better.
I sit in the truck until I get my email confirmation for Friday’s appointment. As soon as it comes through, I’m out of the truck and stalking toward the front door. When I enter, I see Delaney standing next to the window. “Morning, Laney,” I say softly.
“Hi. I-I wasn’t sure that you were coming in.” Her face blushes a light shade of pink.
“Were you watching for me?” I ask, taking a small step toward her.
She shrugs her reply as her cheeks grow a darker shade of pink. “Last night was a lot to take on.”
I nod. “It was, but you want to know something?” I ask, taking another step and then another. I don’t stop until I’m standing toe-to-toe with her. Her gaze falls to our feet, and that won’t do. Gently, I place my index finger under her chin and lift her eyes to mine. “I still want you. Both of you.”
“Kenton.” She breathes my name, and my heart stammers in my chest. Fuck me, but I’ve missed her.
“I was calling the lab. They’ll be here Friday morning at eight. They’ve assured me it’s nothing more than a swab to her cheek.”
She nods. “I researched it last night. I didn’t want to put her through something that would make her frightened.”
“I told them to ask for me. I’ll explain that she doesn’t know that I’m being tested as well. I don’t want to scare her, but, Laney, I’m her father. It takes up to a week for the results, but we could have them as soon as a few days. When we get them back and you have your concrete proof, I want her to know who I am.”
“I promised you I wouldn’t keep you from her.”
“And what about you?”
“W-What about me?”
“I want you both, Laney. I don’t care what I have to do to make that happen.”
She’s quiet for a few minutes, those big blue eyes of her assessing me. When she finally speaks, her words are like a balm to my soul. “I-I dreamt about you last night. It was a dream I’ve never had before. We were in a meadow, and you were holding your hand out for me. Usually, it’s you, and you’re reaching for me, but I can never tell where we are, and I never reach for you. This time… this time, I placed my hand in yours before I woke up.”
“I can take you there. We spent a lot of time in that little meadow. It was our spot. Your mother didn’t approve of me, so the meadow and my condo were where we spent most of our time together.”
“I hear what you’re saying, and the conviction in your voice tells me it’s your truth.” It’s our truth. “My mind is spinning with all this information. With this version of my life I know nothing about. I don’t know. I don’t know what to believe. I’m so confused about all of this. I-I need to talk to my mother.”
I hate this. I hate this divide. I hate that she doesn’t remember the time we spent together. The feel of my hands as they trace her skin. The feel of my lips as they press against hers. I hate that she doesn’t remember waking up in the bed of my truck, nothing but the blanket wrapped around our naked bodies. There is not a moment, a single second that I spent with her, that is not ingrained in my memory.
“Right. Of course,” I say, dropping my hand from her chin and taking a step back. “She’ll be here Thursday, right? With Kendrix?” Just saying her name has my heart squeezing in my chest.
“Yes. I don’t want to have this conversation with her over the phone. It needs to be in person. That gives me a few days to wrap my head around this. You know that your story, the version you told me, means that my mother lied to me. You know that, right? It means my mother denied my baby girl her father.” Her voice cracks and I want nothing more than to wrap her in my arms and assure her that everything is going to be fine. We’re going to be fine.
“Have dinner with me tonight?”
“I—” She pauses, her blue eyes boring into mine as if trying to decide. She’s wavering. “Okay. I’ll meet you somewhere. What I did last night, it was reckless and unsafe.”
I flinch as if she slapped me across the face. “Unsafe?” The words feel like sandpaper in my mouth. “Did I scare you? God, Delaney, I would never hurt you. Never.”
“No. No, it’s not that. It’s just that I don’t know you.”
“You know me. I’m the man who visits you in your dreams every night. I’m the man who holds you right here.” I place my hand over my heart. “You’re safe with me, but I don’t want to push you. I never want you to feel uncomfortable or unsafe around me.”
“That’s the scary part,” she whispers. “I didn’t feel any of those things. I’ve never felt more… at home than I did sitting at your kitchen table.” Her eyes well with tears, but they never fall. “I want to know you. I want all these memories that you keep telling me about. I-I know this makes me sound crazy, but I feel them. It’s as if I know what you’re telling me is true. My body knows you, but my mind… my mind
only knows you in my dreams. Then there’s my mother and what she’s told me. I can’t mold the two together. If you are Kendrix’s father, you’re not the man my mother warned me about. Was there someone else? Was I sleeping with two men?” She’s getting agitated.
“Hey.” I step close to her and place my hands on her shoulders. “It was just us, baby. I promise you that. That’s not who you were. Deep in my soul, I know that’s not what happened. Tell me what to do, Laney. How can I help you?”
“Give me time? I know that’s a lot to ask, but this is a lot to take in. And—” She stops herself, biting down on her bottom lip.
“And what?”
Blue eyes wet with tears capture me. I couldn’t look away from her if I tried. “I want you to be right. I can’t explain it, but I-I want you to be right.”
Not able to hold back, I pull her into my chest and hold her tight. Burying my face in her hair, I breathe her in and hope like hell her memories come back to her. Then I have to plead for her forgiveness, and well, if that never happens, it’s my bed, and I’ll have to lie in it. And if her memory never comes back, I send up a silent prayer that I can make her fall in love with me all over again.
Both of them.
“I’m right here, Laney. You take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll do anything I can to help you remember.”
She doesn’t say anything, but that’s okay because her body language tells me all I need to know. She relaxes into me, and her arms move around my waist as she returns my hug. She feels it—this connection we share—and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let her forget it. I won’t push her, though. I won’t make demands.
Not yet.
I still have a chance, and I’m not going down without a fight.
Chapter 7
Delaney
I have a crush. Kenton Baldwin is unlike anyone I’ve ever met. And his tattoos… they’re sexy as hell, and I find myself fantasizing about tracing them with my tongue. Beyond his sex appeal, he’s attentive, kind, and he gives off this… protective aura. I barely know him, but I’m confident when I say that I’m safe with him. There is just something about him.
We had dinner last night. He allowed me the freedom of meeting him at the small mom and pop diner, but it’s silly. I know he’s a good man. I can feel it deep in my gut. What’s stopping me is also in my gut, though. The butterflies. There is a colony of damn butterflies living in my belly, and they take flight when he’s near. The sound of his voice, hell, even when I think about him, they flutter around like crazy.
I’ve never felt this kind of connection with anyone, let alone anyone I just met. That makes me believe his story even more. We meant something to each other. My thoughts stray to my mother. I’ve talked to her no less than twice a day since I’ve arrived and haven’t said a word to her about what I’ve discovered. She hasn’t mentioned anything other than her disagreement when I tell her how amazing this house is. I can’t help but wonder if it really is the house and the people in this town or simply one person. Is it Kent? Is that why she’s hell-bent on not living in Jackson? Is that why she tried to keep me from coming here? And she was adamant that Kendrix stayed with her. Claiming it was best to check the house out first. Was she afraid he would see her? Then why is she coming now? She’s whining about coming, but she’s not fighting me on it. I have so many unanswered questions.
“Morning, Delaney.” The guy with the long hair waves as he walks through the door.
“Morning….” I let the greeting hang, realizing I don’t know who is who. Kent has told me all about each of them, but my brain is in information overload.
“Seth.” He grins.
“Morning, Seth.” I nod, giving him a small grateful yet apologetic smile for not knowing him.
“Do I need to tell your wife you’re flirting with my girl?” Kent’s husky voice asks.
I pull my attention from Seth to see Kent standing in the doorway, a huge smile on his face. My palm automatically goes to my cheek and presses against where he kissed me goodbye last night on the sidewalk outside the diner and then again when I got home. The crazy man followed me all the way here and parked behind my rental, walking me to the door and giving me a second goodnight kiss on the same cheek. Who does that? He’s gone out of his way to prove to me he’s a man worthy of my affections. Last night, he apologized yet again for standing me up that night. I don’t remember it, and he could easily have lied and told me all had been good with us, but he’s not. His honesty is refreshing in light of all that I’ve learned on this trip. With each passing hour, I know my mother is lying. It’s a gut feeling.
“Speaking of my wife, we’re having dinner at our place. You’re more than welcome to come.” He points over his shoulder. “Have this one show you the way.” With that, he winks and struts down the hallway.
Kent chuckles. “We’re close, but I’ve told you that. The wives, they take turns having dinner at each other’s houses. It’s loud and chaotic, but I wouldn’t change it for anything.”
“Sounds like a good time.”
“It is. What do you say? Will you come with me?”
“Kent, I don’t know. I still need to talk to my mother, and—” I pause because I really don’t have a good excuse.
“I want you there, Laney. So many times I’ve imagined what it would be like if I hadn’t had my head shoved so far up my ass that night that you were a permanent part of my life. I imagine how life would be if I wouldn’t have fucked up and lost you. Please say you’ll come with me. I want you to meet them. Even more so, I want them to meet you.”
How do I say no to that? Simple, I don’t. Besides, I don’t want to. I want to spend more time with him and meet the friends who he regards as family. “Okay.”
Blinding. The smile he gives me is blinding, so much so, it makes his dark eyes sparkle. “Okay. Great. I’ll um, I’ll text you the address.” He reaches for his phone, but my hand on his arm stops him.
“I’d like to ride with you. If that’s all right?”
Before I know what’s happening, he slides his hand behind my neck and pulls me close, resting his forehead against mine. “Do you know how bad I want to kiss you right now? It’s been too fucking long since my lips have tasted yours.” His words are a whispered yet throaty growl that causes those damn butterflies to take flight.
“Yo, Baldwin, let’s go!” I hear one of the guys yell, followed by laughter. No doubt they’ve caught up, but I can’t pry myself from Kent’s gaze to check. Not that I care. We’re adults and have nothing to hide.
“I need to go.” Pulling back, he places his lips on my forehead. “Six o’clock, Laney. I’ll be here at six o’clock.”
I nod as my voice doesn’t work. Not when the desire that pools between us is threatening to choke me. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt or been a part of in my lifetime. Sure, I can’t remember the majority of my adult life, but this… these moments with him. They’re moments in time that I will always cherish. No matter if my memory comes back or not. No matter if his story matches up or not. I’ll always have these moments, these feelings to look back on.
A few hours later, I’m hanging out in the living room, just hoping to catch a glimpse of Kent. I feel like a damn sixteen-year-old. I’m shameless as I sit with my Kindle reading the same damn page over and over and over again. My eyes dart from my screen to the hallway. I’m ashamed to admit my Kindle has shut itself off a couple of times from my lack of page-turning activity.
My phone rings, and I smile when I see a video call from Mom. “Hello,” I answer, holding the phone up to my face.
“Hi, Momma.” My sweet daughter smiles into the phone. “Gram said we’re going on a plane.”
“That’s right. Mommy is in Tennessee, and you and Gram are going to come and stay with me for a few days.”
“Yay. I missed you so so much.”
“I miss you too, baby.” I’m smiling at her, watching her face light up with happiness. That’s the only
reason I missed him. It’s not until his shadow stands over me that I look up to find Kent watching me.
His hands are fisted at his sides, and his jaw is clenched. He looks angry, and for the first time through all of this, I put myself in his shoes. If what he says is right, and he’s her father. He’s missed this. He’s missed her smiles and her phone calls. The love yous and the I miss yous. He’s never been witness to a nighttime hug from Kendrix, and let me tell you, her hugs are the best. I don’t blame him for being angry. In fact, I think he’s handled this so much better than I could have imagined.
“What’s that noise?” Kendrix scrunches up her little nose, and I can’t help it, I laugh at her cuteness.
“That’s the construction crew. They’re working on remodeling Great Gram and Gramps’s house.” I’m always honest with her and speak to her as if she’s a little adult. I think it’s because, as an adult, I often feel like a child. With missing parts of my life hanging in the balance, I feel lonely most days and out of control. Kendrix, she’s been my saving grace through all of this, and I never want her to feel less than the incredible woman she can become.
“Oh, can I see?” she asks.
I glance up at Kent and he’s still staring, but he’s not staring at me. He’s staring at the back of my phone. His eyes are transfixed from the sound of what could be his daughter’s voice. I’ve only known him a few days, from my current memories, and I want her to be his. I’m not sure what that says about me.
“Sure, sweetie.” Without warning, I turn the phone so she can see the living room and part of the kitchen that’s been demolished. I don’t stop, letting the phone pass over Kent.
“Hi,” Kendrix says in her chipper voice. “I’m Kendrix, I’m four. What’s your name?” she asks.