by Kaylee Ryan
She’s crying so hard that she hands me the letter. “Please, keep reading.”
“Are you sure? Maybe we should take a break?”
“No, please, Kent. I need to hear it, but I can’t see the pages.” Her face is drenched with tears, and her eyes rimmed red and swollen.
I hate seeing her like this, but I’d do anything for her. Standing, I move from the edge of the bed, to fully sit next to her and pull her into my arms as I continue to read.
The love of my life was gone, and I was left with a piece of her, but I was lost. So damn lost. Tillie, she was there for me. She told me how sorry she was. She was sincere, and when I brought you home to the house that I shared with her, she helped me. She taught me to change a diaper and how to burp you. She went from ready to end her life to living. Living for you. You were a constant reminder that I stepped out on our marriage, yet she never held that against you. Not back then. She fell in love with you and presented me with a proposition. She raises you as her own. She cried for hours, telling me how sorry she was. How she always wanted to be a mother. I didn’t forgive her, I couldn’t, but if she hadn’t done what she did, I never would have met your mother, and in turn, never would have had you. I know it sounds twisted but, in a way, she gave me you.
I didn’t forgive her, but in time, I learned to live with the choices we had made. Neither of us was without our mistakes. I cheated on her. Regardless of what she did to me, that wasn’t okay. We agreed to our new situation and lived our lives as best as we could.
I had a piece of your mother in you, and that was the greatest gift of all. You look so much like her, and as you got older, that resemblance increased. Life was good, we were happy, all of us, until my parents passed, and we moved to Jackson. Tillie had a hard time living in the house where I met your mother. She hated the town, hell, the entire state just for the simple fact it’s where I was unfaithful.
As if the above story isn’t bad enough, I still have more to say. Before I go any further, I want to tell you how sorry I am for keeping all of this from you. It was wrong, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness. My only hope is that you find happiness and peace, and that your heart finds its love. When you find it, Delaney, when you find him, hold on tight and never let go.
I stop reading and place a kiss on her temple. “How you doing?”
“I can’t believe this, Kent. All these years.” Her voice cracks.
“You want me to stop? Maybe you’ve heard enough for today?”
“No. Keep going. I need to hear it. All of it.”
“You sure?”
“Yes. Please.” She peers up at me under long lashes that are wet from her tears. Her blue eyes are pleading and filled with the hurt that her father’s words are causing her.
“I’m right here, baby. No matter what else we happen to uncover, I’m right here. It’s you and me, you got that? You’re not running away from me. I just got you back.”
“I’m not going to run. I just… need to hear what else he’s been hiding. I want it all out there so I can deal with it and move on.”
“I love you.” I kiss her temple one more time, before wrapping my arm a little tighter around her as I continue to read on.
The day of your accident, it all came rushing back to me. The day I lost your mother, the day you were born. I was in a dark place. I felt guilty because I had just talked to you, and you were upset. There was this guy, Kenton. You were in love with him, but he stood you up. I knew you were upset. I should have made you pull over until you were calmed down. I should have told you to stay put and that I would come and get you, but I did neither. Instead, I was talking to you. Listening to you talk about how great this guy was, and how you were sure he was on the same page, until he never showed up. Apparently, you saw his truck at the local bar in town, and you were frantic. You had to get back to school. You weren’t willing to wait, so you left that night. You came home and packed your things and there was no stopping you. Tillie and I were at a fundraiser a few towns over. I should have left. I should have come to you, but I stayed and while I was talking to you, trying to calm you down, you were hit.
I’ll spare you the details of what I heard, but it hit me deep in my soul. I was going to lose you just like I lost her, and I couldn’t deal. Tillie took over. She got us to the hospital; she handled it all. I was checked out… lost inside myself, inside my pain. By the time I knew what was happening, she had concocted this lie about how he didn’t want you or your baby. We fought about it, but she swore she wasn’t losing someone else she loved to that town or the trash in it. I didn’t have any fight left in me, so I let her do what she wanted. I’d made so many mistakes in my life. I questioned everything, even my ability to protect you. Tillie convinced me this was the best way. That we would move to California to be closer to you, and we would help you raise your baby. She had no idea if or even when you would get your memories back and she said she would deal with it when it happened. I let her, and for that, I am deeply sorry.
I know that I kept you from your love, and my granddaughter from her father. I can’t tell you what kind of man he is, because I never met him. I never gave him the chance to do the right thing. My hope is that you’ve found your way back to him and that the two of you are able to be together. That together, you can raise your daughter. Please tell him I’m sorry. I’m just at as much fault as Tillie, and keeping the truth from you is my greatest regret in life. I’m a coward, Delaney. I couldn’t face you. I hope that the truth sets your heart free.
Please kiss my granddaughter for me. And if I may have one more request? Follow your heart, Delaney. Don’t let my bad decisions affect your future. Live your life. Love like it’s your last day, and live with no regrets. Trust me on this one, they haunt you.
I’ll forever be watching over you, my darling daughter.
Love,
Dad
Dropping the letter to the bed, I wrap both arms around her as she sobs. I hold her until the tears have gone dry, and she’s cried herself to sleep. Carefully sliding out of bed, I turn off the light, and then climb back in beside her, pulling her into my embrace. I can’t imagine what she’s feeling right now. I’m mad as hell for what they’ve done to us, but more so to her. She’s lived her entire life thinking Tillie was her mother.
It takes me hours to fall asleep, too concerned she’s going to wake up and need me, and I won’t know. I don’t know how to help her through this, but I can guarantee I will love her through it. We will rally around her and give her any and all support that she needs. I make a mental note to call in the troops as I finally drift off to sleep.
Chapter 21
Delaney
I’ve spent the last week going through the motions. I’ve read my father’s letter at least a hundred times. Hell, by this point, I have it memorized. When I woke up from my accident and couldn’t remember anything or anyone, it was scary. As the memories came back, that fear started to fade. This, however, knowing my entire life has been a lie? I hate that it was those years I don’t remember. Why is my brain blocking the only real thing I’ve ever had? Why am I blocking Kent?
I’ve been having more and more flashbacks—or what I assume are memories of our time together. I’m grateful for a glimpse, but I want them all. He’s my anchor in all of this, and when he looks at me, I can see the love in his eyes. When he tells me he loves me, I feel it deep in my soul. I want to say it back. I know it’s been a very short time, but like Dad said in his letter, there is no real limit on when or how you fall in love. He fell in love with my mother, my real mother, Amber, in just two weeks.
Kent’s friends and family have been incredible. I get calls daily asking for Kendrix to come over for playdates. Both Kendall and Mara have invited her over. Reagan stopped by with the boys, and the kids played while she listened to me yammer on about my life. Poor pitiful me. She assured me it was fine. Yesterday, Dawn showed up with Daisy and we went to lunch. They’ve rallied around me.
Today is Fr
iday, and Kent’s mom just called asking Kendrix and me to come over for lunch. I don’t know if she is the Georgia in my father’s letter, but I’m bringing it with me. I plan to ask her and see what she knows. What she can tell me. Maybe she can help fill in the gaps. Kent and I talked about it, and he wanted to call her that next day, but I wasn’t ready. I needed some time to just process all the new information. I’m about five minutes from their place when my phone rings.
“That’s your phone, Momma,” Kendrix tells me from the back seat.
“I know, sweetie. We’re almost to Mamaw and Papaw’s, so I’m going to let it go to voice mail and call them back.” What I don’t tell her is that it’s Tillie. The woman she believes to be my mother, her grandmother. I guess she still is. She’s my stepmother, and I care for her, Kendrix loves her, but I’m angry and confused and I just can’t deal with her right now.
Pulling into Georgia and Gordon’s driveway, I grab my purse and Kendrix’s backpack and help her out of her seat. Hand in hand, we walk to the front door and it opens before we can knock. Georgia is standing there with tears in her eyes. Her arms engulf me in a hug while I hear Gordon ask Kendrix if she wants to see something special. I feel his hand on my shoulder, and the weight of Kendrix’s bag disappears, and then so do they.
“Come in.” Georgia keeps her arm around me and guides me into the house. Kicking off my shoes and hanging up my coat, I follow her into the living room. “Kent called me last night. He said that you’ve been having a tough week. I badgered him until he told me.” She smiles kindly, and it warms my heart. Georgia Baldwin is one of the most genuine people you will ever meet.
“You look just like her, like Amber. I saw her in you the first day Kent brought you home. I wanted to tell you, to drag out my pictures and tell you stories about her, but it wasn’t my place. I wasn’t sure if you knew, and I didn’t want to open that can of worms and upset your life. I’m sorry. I feel as though maybe I made the wrong choice.”
“No. You did the right thing. I needed to hear it from him. From my dad. There has been so much of my life that’s been filled in by others, and even though this is his retelling, it’s his truth. I needed that.”
“She loved you, Delaney. Your mother, she loved you so much. I’d never seen her more excited for anything than becoming a mother. She was good to do it on her own too. She loved your father, but she had made peace with the fact that he was married. It wasn’t something that they planned; it just happened. He told her he was separated and getting a divorce. In his heart, I know that’s what he wanted.”
I swallow hard. “You mentioned pictures. Do you still have them?”
She reaches over and grabs an old photo album from the coffee table. “She was my best friend. We did everything together. She was in my wedding.” She hands me the album and scoots closer to me, where we’re sitting on the couch. She begins to point out my mother and explain what was going on in each picture.
Tears slide down my cheeks and I quickly swipe them away. “I can’t let her see me like this.”
“Oh, don’t you worry about that. Gordon and I set up her bedroom here, so he’s going to have her occupied in there for a while.”
“You set up a bedroom for her?”
“Of course we did. She’s our granddaughter.”
The way she says it. It’s so simple to her, and I’ve never been more grateful to have people like her, like Gordon, and like Kenton in my life.
“You know we always said our kids could get married, and then we would have to be in each other’s lives forever.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. We had it all planned out.” She laughs.
I don’t know how long we sit here, looking through that album. Georgia tells me story after story about my birth mother, the times that they had. Gordon and Kendrix leave to go see Kent at work, and Georgia and I, we talk. All afternoon we talk and laugh. Not just about my mother, but about Kent when he was young. About motherhood, and just life.
Somewhere along the way, I realize I can’t let myself dwell on the past. Sure, the details of my father’s letter were unexpected, but the odds of me getting direct answers beyond that is slim to none. I need to leave the past where it is—the past. I need to look toward the future with Kenton and our daughter. With all these amazing people who have come into my life and have shown me what it’s like to have a true support system, not one of manipulation. I’m tired of living in the unknown, the “let’s wait and see.” I want to live for me. Memories or not.
“I love him.” I say the words out loud for the first time.
“I know you do.”
“What?”
Georgia smiles. “Anyone can see it. You might not have your memories of your time with my son, but your heart, it remembers. I see it when you look at him.” She places her hand on my arm and gives it a gentle squeeze. “Follow your heart, Delaney. Let it guide you. The best things in life are uncertain. They’re scary, and it’s a risk, but the rewards, they’re worth it.”
“Thank you for this.” I hold up the now-closed photo album. “Thank you for today and talking to me about her, and just… listening. I needed this.”
“You know where to find me if you need me. Besides, you’re family now.”
“You want to go over to the house? Meet up with Kendrix and Gordon?”
“Yes! It’s been ages since I’ve seen the work the boys do.”
I laugh. “Boys?”
“They will always be five years old in my eyes. Every single one of them. Come on, let’s grab our coats.”
“Wow,” I say, walking into the kitchen. I haven’t been here all week, too wrapped up in my own grief, if that’s what you want to call it. It’s amazing what five days can do for a demolished kitchen.
“Momma!” Kendrix calls out for me. She wiggles out of Kent’s arms and comes rushing toward me. She crashes into my legs, hugging them tightly. “It’s so pwetty.”
Smoothing her hair back from her eyes, I agree with her. “It is.”
“Laney.” Kent’s deep voice greets me. I look up, and he’s before me, pressing his lips to mine.
“This is so much better than I imagined it.”
“Thanks.” Seth smirks.
“Hey, now.” Mark laughs. “You’re not exactly a one-man show.”
“You can’t help but follow in the footsteps of my awesome.”
“Someone better call his wife,” I tease. “Looks like she’s going to need help getting his inflated ego through the door.”
“Laney, you wound me.” He places his hand over his heart as if his chest is hurting.
“I was actually getting ready to call you,” Ridge says. “We’re done here. We have to clean up, but the final step is flooring. We’re starting on that Monday. We should be out of your hair next week.”
“I can’t believe it’s done.”
“You decide what you’re going to do with it yet?” Tyler asks.
I look up at Kent, who is standing next to me with his arm around my shoulders. “Are we living here or somewhere else?” The words seem to shock him, and in a way, they do me as well. I guess my talk with Georgia did more than I thought. I want to be with him. I don’t need an explanation or an excuse.
He recovers from my question and bends to press his lips to mine. “I’m wherever you and Kendrix are.”
“Can you see yourself living here?”
“Yes,” Ridge, Tyler, Mark, and Seth answer for him.
“Hell yes,” Gordon adds.
“Papaw!” Kendrix scolds him.
“Sorry, princess. Papaw was just excited.”
“Bad wowds.”
“I know. I’ll do better.” He kneels down and opens his arms, and she doesn’t hesitate to go to him.
“Out of all the men in this room, you were the last one I thought I had to worry about washing your mouth out with soap,” Georgia teases.
“Ew.” Kendrix scrunches up her nose, making us all laugh.
�
��Well, it looks like we’re moving in,” I say with excitement that I don’t bother to hide.
“Excuse us,” Kent says, then lifts me into his arms and carries me down the hall to the bedroom. Laughter follows us down the hall. When we’re in the bedroom, he sets me on my feet. All the furniture in the room is pushed to the middle, which allowed them to add a fresh coat of paint. “What was that?”
“What?” I’m being coy and we both know it.
“That.” He points toward the kitchen. “Us, moving in here. Tell me what that means, Laney.”
“Well, usually when a man and a woman love each other, they do this kind of thing.” I don’t realize what I’ve said until the words leave my mouth. Not that I regret them. I just didn’t expect to tell him like this.
“What did you just say?”
“That couples do this type of thing all the time.”
“Laney.” His voice is playful yet warning at the same time.
“Oh, you mean the when a man and a woman love each other? That part?”
“That’s the one. I need you to tell me straight up.”
“I love you, Kenton Baldwin. I might not have our memories, but my heart does.” I repeat his mother’s words from earlier. She said it beautifully.
“Take off your jeans,” he says, walking backward toward the door. When he reaches it, he flicks the lock.
“What? We can’t do that… here. Our daughter and your parents, and your friends are just down the hall.”
“Our daughter will be kept occupied by your future in-laws and our friends. And you, my love, will just have to be quiet. Strip.”
“So I tell you I love you, and you think you can boss me around?” There is no heat in my words.
“I think that you’re my future wife and that I need to be inside you. Right. Now.”
“So we skipped girlfriend. Because from what you’ve told me, we never had that title.”