Story of the Century

by Tom Norton

  “That’s impossible.”

  John replied, “If it’s impossible, we also have a gold disk right over there that is impossible, but it’s over there, drill, screw marks and all.”

  Hendrick said to Rick, “Where are the screws, they sure as hell weren’t wood?”

  “There weren’t any screws at the site. My guess is that they had been removed at some point from the disk.”

  “You mean someone operated on him twice?”

  “The second time would have just been four small incisions.”

  John said, “Why would they remove the screws?”

  Rick replied, “They weren’t countersunk, the screw heads would be painful if you laid on them or hit your head.”

  “That makes sense, so someone that lived at the cave must have done the operations six months or so apart.”

  “Looks like it.”

  “It just keeps getting better doesn’t it? Throw out the hoax thing altogether.”

  For one hour Rick went through the entire excavation of the Neanderthal and the gold disk.

  John said, “I believe you and if this is a hoax, it must have been planned anywhere from two hundred to two thousand years ago and I’m not buying that.”

  Hendrick said, “Well there has to be a solution to this?”

  John replied, “Oh there is, we just need to find it. While we have a cup of coffee, the three of us will list every conceivable way we could have a Neanderthal that had brain surgery, no matter how ridiculous it is. Leaving off that God did it.”

  John poured coffee and the three got to work on their lists. After the better part of an hour, John said, “Ok Rick, you start with yours first. If we have it on our list we will mark it off.”

  Rick said, “The aliens did it,” and John and Hendrick made a mark on their lists. “That is the obvious conclusion, but I’m giving it a one in a hundred thousand chance.”

  Hendrick said, “But not impossible.”

  John said, “Go ahead Hendrick, your turn.”

  “I’m sorry fellows, but I think this surgery was done twenty-five thousand years ago. Our Neanderthal advanced into the future to have the operation or someone from the future went back twenty-five thousand years to perform it. I won’t even guess as to the odds of that, but it is not impossible.”

  John replied, “Well that was interesting,” as he marked that off his list also. “Ok, here’s mine. There was a genius Neanderthal back twenty-five thousand years that performed the operation. We have our geniuses today. An afterthought, how did a genius make a drill bit? Forget this one. You’re up again Rick.”

  “A genius Homo Sapien performed the operation.”

  “That’s it?”

  Rick replied, “Well it’s better than a genius Neanderthal.”

  “Marginally yes. Homo Sapiens were around, but not a great deal smarter than the Neanderthals and had the same resources.”

  “That’s all I have on my list.”

  Hendrick said, “Me too. But I did write, you can’t perform brain surgery in a cave twenty-five thousand years ago, I don’t care who you are.”

  John said, “Well so much for the lists; we may have that Neanderthal for fifty years. Well we’re at our normal place up against a wall. Let’s all just think on it and if someone comes up with something, we’ll meet again.”

  About two weeks later John called Rick and asked, “What’s the elevation of the cave?”

  Rick replied, “About a hundred meters.”

  “And that’s river or lake deposit sandstone?”

  “Yes, why?”

  “Do you still have the core drills of the cave floor?”

  “They’re in Hendrick’s lab.”

  John replied, “I’ll meet you there in fifteen minutes.”

  “Ok, I’m picking something up to eat on the way, do you want something.”

  “Yeah, get us some of that good sausage at Emile’s and some bread.”

  “Ok, see you in fifteen.”

  “And some beer.”

  Again Rick visited the lab to find the Professors waiting for beer.

  John said to Rick, “After we eat we have an errand for you?”

  “And what’s that?”

  “Run your core sample over to the geology department; Randolph Peers will be waiting for it.”

  “What’s that all about?”

  “The sandstone. We want to know if it’s from a river flood or a lake.”

  Rick said, “What difference does that make?”

  Hendrick replied, “If it’s from a river, our Neanderthal that we will now call Sam for security reasons, may have floated down the river from somewhere else and ended up in the cave.”

  “Well who buried him then?”

  “Hell, I don’t know, do you have something better to do for that 4.5 grade we are giving you?”

  Rick replied, “Well, dancing with the stars is on; just kidding. If it’s a lake, he could have come from anywhere.”

  John said, “We don’t know. Why would he be coming to a dirty cave to have brain surgery and I doubt if there were any cleaner caves to have it in.”

  “Shall I go on home after I drop it off?”

  “Please do, you just make things worse.”

  Rick said, “His name was Sam, huh?”

  “Sounded like a typical Neanderthal name to us.”

  The next day, Randolph Peers the geologist, called the lab and Hendrick being alone answered the call.

  “I have your results.”

  “River or lake, I have a ten mark bet with John?”

  “It’s a push, you both lose.”

  “It’s not a water deposit?”

  Randolph replied, “Oh yeah it’s a water deposit alright, a sea water deposit.”

  “Sea water? We took this core drill over a hundred miles from the sea.”

  “Well the sea wasn’t always where it is now. Where is the specimen from?”

  Hendrick replied, somewhere in Poland.”

  “Oh, right next door, huh? Yeah, if it was more than fifteen thousand years ago it would be ocean sediment.”

  “There was an ocean there?”

  “Well I wouldn’t call it an ocean, just a shallow area connected to the ocean. During the last ice age there was an uplift in that area of over two hundred meters, which is no big deal. Weight of the ice pushed it up.”

  “Well I owe you one Randolph.”

  “I hope we are talking beer?”

  “We are.”

  Hendrick immediately got on the telephone to John.

  “Sea water?”

  “That’s what he said. Shallow sea attached to the ocean. What’s that do for us?”

  “Oh, just one more piece to the puzzle. If our guy came to the cave from somewhere, now it could be anywhere in the world, but I’m not quite sure what kind of cruise ships the Neanderthals had.”

  Hendrick replied, “I don’t think he came from anywhere, that was his home.”

  “If there are other graves there I’ll agree with you. If not, Sam and his bunch were just passing through and Sam bit the dust right there.”

  “How about by boat?”

  “Well that would be the first I have heard about Neanderthals and boats.”

  Hendrick replied, “The Australian aborigines had boats twenty-five thousand years ago and obviously traveled on the ocean.”

  John replied, “That they did. Something to think about. Well I’ve thought about it. No way in hell Neanderthals could build boats or for that matter paddle them. A raft maybe, but you don’t go where you want to on a raft.”

  Hendrick replied, “Ok, let’s just digest this new information, at least we are not sitting dead still on this thing.”

  “No, we’re losing ground. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  The next day Rick called John and said, “Pizza and beer at the lab tonight.”

  John replied, “What’s the occasion?”

  “The secret wife is out of town so it’s kind of l
ike a bachelor’s party.”

  “What time?”

  “Seven.”

  “I’ll be there.”

  At seven, John showed up and could smell the pizza being kept warm in a soil drying oven.

  They sat and ate pizza and drank beer and finally Rick said, “I’ve been thinking about this sea water thing and I have a conspiracy theory of a sort.”

  John replied, “It’s not going to be the aliens again is it?”

  “No, but damned close.”

  “Well spit it out.”

  “Well here goes. A bunch of very intelligent people, not Neanderthals, sailed into the shallow sea, caught themselves a Neanderthal, took him back home and experimented on him.”

  John and Hendrick looked at each other and with the help of the consumed beer started laughing. Rick joined in and all three laughed.

  Rick said, “I know it sounds funny.”

  John replied, “I’m not laughing because it’s funny, I’m laughing because it makes perfect sense.”

  Hendrick replied, “I’m laughing because it’s funny.”

  In seconds the mood in the room changed and Rick said, “You think that’s possible?”

  John replied, “It’s the first thing we have come up with that wasn’t impossible. Hendrick, we were talking about the aborigines.”

  “Yes?”

  “They were capable of doing what we thought was impossible. They could have performed brain surgery. The patient would probably die, but they were capable of it.”

  Hendrick said, “What about the drill and the screws?”

  John said, “Aw, shit.”

  It was quiet for some time and John said, “Well that’s as close as we’ve been. Let’s not give up on it.”

  Rick said, “It couldn’t have been Australian aborigines anyway.”

  John replied, “I know it.”

  “But it could have been someone smarter than the aborigines and not halfway around the world.”

  Hendrick said, “And who would that be, that wasn’t from outer space?”

  “I don’t know; somebody.”

  “Somebody who? There weren’t any of those somebodies in the northern hemisphere.”

  John said, “Oh, I see where this is headed, Atlantis. I get nauseas every time I hear that name.”

  Rick said, “Who else could it be?”

  “It couldn’t be anyone else, there was no one else.”

  Hendrick said sarcastically, “It seems pretty simple to me, all we have to do is find Atlantis and our troubles are over. After all, no one has ever looked for it before.”

  John said, “That’s all we need. The newspaper reads, Group that hoaxed the Neanderthal surgery are now looking for Atlantis. That should give all of our careers a real boost. We don’t even want to go down that road.”

  Rick said, “Are we dead in the water still?”

  “Oh, hell no. Now all three of us will be lying in bed all night thinking about Atlantis.”

  John wasn’t wrong as the three tried their best to come up with a better theory. Of course they couldn’t because everything else seemed to be impossible. At least this was a one in a million shot. One in a million they were right and one in a hundred million they could find Atlantis. That was how many people had looked for it before.

  The phone rang at John’s house at three in the morning and John sleepily said, “What?”

  Rick said, “The gold disk came from Atlantis.”

  John’s eyes opened wide and he said, “It did?”

  “That’s amazing isn’t it? We have the only thing ever found from Atlantis.”

  With a smile on his face, John said, “Well let’s not go crazy on this Atlantis thing. There may have never been an Atlantis.”

  “Maybe the disk can tell us something.”

  “Well this night is shot to shit; I’ll be at the lab in half an hour.”

  At the lab, Rick said, “Shall we call Hendrick?”

  “What for? The only reason we are here is because we can’t sleep. Why torture him? I’ll get the disk.”

  With the disk now on the examination table, John said, “Let’s go over this thing with a fine toothed comb.”

  Alternately examining the disk under the large magnifying lens, the two told each other what they saw, which in both cases was a polished gold disk with four small holes that had faint scratches in the holes.

  John said, “Well that is as far as we can go, I wonder about an electron microscope?”

  Rick replied, “I read that old time gold miners could tell where gold was from just by looking at it.”

  “How’s that?”

  “By the color I think.”

  John said, “Could be; how many old time gold miners do we know?”

  “Well someone should know.”

  “Yeah, Randolph over at the Geology Department. He has access to an electron Microscope too. They use a lot of gold in that process, he might know something.”

  Rick replied, “Worth a try. The good news is that he should be showing up pretty quick, it’s almost eight thirty.”

  After a quick breakfast at the University’s cafeteria, the two walked to Randolph’s office at the Geology Department and entered.

  Randolph said, “Well look what the cats drug in. You two look like you have been on an all-night drunk.”

  John replied, “The next best thing.”

  “What’s up?”

  “I have a piece of gold jewelry, could be Roman, Claudius era. We need your expertise to see if you can date it and tell us where the original gold for the jewelry came from?”

  Randolph replied, “That should be easy enough, I have a Quiji Board in my desk.”

  “That bad?”

  “Just kidding. I might be able to help you some, we’ll see. Where is it?”

  With a small geologist’s magnifying glass, Randolph examined the disk and said, “Well if you bought it for early Roman you might have taken a beating.”

  John replied, “Why’s that?”

  “Holes were drilled and screws used, but don’t hold me to that because the holes could have been drilled with a diamond.”

  “A diamond?”

  “Yep, something damned hard.”

  “How about a piece of iron?”

  Randolph replied, “The hole would have been sloppy. At any rate it was drilled with a high speed drill of some kind; these holes are perfect. The Romans could have possibly done it with a belt driven drill with the piece in a vise, but I doubt it; they weren’t that picky”

  John said, “Ok, somewhere between Wal-Mart and the early Romans then. Where did the gold come from?”

  “Well, first off, it was refined gold and not pounded or forged and it was poured into a mold. Let’s walk next door and fire up the electron microscope.”

  While setting up the electron microscope, Rick asked, “How could the old timers tell where gold came from?”

  Randolph replied, “The color and the luster. That’s all determined by what it’s alloyed with and the impurities in raw gold. Refined gold is something else though.”

  “Is this refined gold?”

  “To some degree, but I don’t think to the quality of today’s jewelry, so it could be from Wal-Mart.”

  Rick said, “Hey, I’m wearing a Wal-Mart gold ring.”

  “Yeah, that’s the first thing I noticed when you showed up. You two want to guess about this gold?”

  John replied, “No, we’re all guessed out.”

  After a somewhat lengthy process, there was an image on a large monitor and Randolph explained what could be seen on the image. “It is refined gold. At the lower magnification you can see the crystalline structure and at higher you can see that it is not homogenous.”

  John replied, “It has impurities?”

  “Yes. The only way we can get a hint as to its origin is the impurities.”

  “Can you tell what they are?”

  “No, not without a spectrophotometry analysis. That will
require destroying a small amount of the specimen.”

  “How small?”

  “Size of a BB.”

  John replied, “We’ll have to think on that.”

  Randolph said, “You already know this isn’t jewelry?”

  “How would we know that?”

  Randolph asked, “Someone screwed it onto their arm?”

  John paused and said, “How about a nameplate screwed on a Roman coffin?”

  “Could be, but I’d guess Egyptian.”

  “Why is that?”

  Randolph replied, “Just a guess.”

  “Well your guess is as good as anyone else’s. We don’t own this, so we will check with the owner about the spectrophotometry thing.”

  “Fair enough. Now let’s talk about your bill.”

  “Same as always?”

  “Yep.”

  Hendrick said, “I don’t have a problem with it. He can take some off the skull side so it won’t be seen if someone puts the skull back together.”

  John replied, “That will be the Poles if we can dig our way out of this mess and not end up in the National Inquirer.”

  “Well let’s get it over there and he can take the sample, we don’t want to contaminate it. I’m sure he has a way to take a sterile sample.”

  John said, “Well here you go Randy. See if you can keep from destroying it.”

  “Hey, you’re my best customer; I’m not going to start buying my own beer.”

  “This is off the record isn’t it? I don’t want to get a bill for a million dollars from the University.”

  “Off the record,” replied Randolph.

  John and Hendrick watched as Randolph took the small sample and went through a multistage cleaning process. He mounted it in the spectrophotometer and said, “You can watch it burn if you want to through those view ports”

  Hendrick replied, “Why not.”

  Randolph activated the equipment and the sample burned and gave off light that couldn’t be watched and then the procedure was complete.

  Randolph said, “This will take a minute, let’s go have some coffee.”

  Randolph said, “Well, let’s go see what we’ve got.”