Crimson Magic Clan, Let’s & Go!!

by Natsume Akatsuki

  …What?

  Did this mean Megumin wasn’t as upset as she let on…?

  I knew it! It’s finally my moment to be popular with the—!

  And just as I was starting to get excited, my thin hopes were firmly shattered.

  “The Demon King’s forces are attacking! The Demon King’s forces are attacking!! Elements of his army may have already infiltrated the village!”

  …Ain’t that just my luck.

  7

  The commotion, sadly, caused Megumin’s mother to unlock the door to our room.

  I left Megumin’s house with only my sword at my hip—but when I left, who should I find but a badly injured Sylvia.

  “Pant… Pant… Just a little— A little farther…! …My, fancy meeting you here! Now I am impressed. I sent my minions everywhere, but you figured out where I was headed and came to stop me. Didn’t you, Mitsu?”

  “Cram it, lady.” I edged toward Sylvia, holding my sword low, in nothing but my pajamas and my bare feet.

  “‘Cram it’? Magic sword or no, do you, a mere human, think to speak to me like—?”

  “Damn right I do! Now pipe down, or I’m gonna beat you six ways from Sunday! I was having a moment, and you ruined it! Do you even know what time it is?! What the hell is wrong with you, bothering people at this hour?!” I cut her off and shouted at her as though I’d never been so angry with anyone in all my life.

  “Oh! I-I’m sorry—!” For just a second, Sylvia looked genuinely abashed, but she quickly collected herself. “Wait a minute! That’s some gall you have, scolding me. I’ll teach you a lesson—you and your little friend there!”

  At that, I looked behind me. At some point, Megumin had arrived, holding her staff. Sylvia’s animal-like yellow eyes shone. At first glance, she just seemed like an attractive human woman, but I realized now that I wasn’t sure what she was. I had seen her out and about during the day, so she probably wasn’t a vampire. The tips of her ears were kind of pointy. Maybe she was a demon or something.

  She didn’t have any obvious weapons, but there was some kind of ropelike thing at her hip. I wondered what she used it for. Channeling my anger at having been interrupted in the bedroom, I stood in front of Megumin to protect her. Sylvia gave a little click of her tongue, a bewitching smile on her face.

  “Oh my, could this be what I interrupted? I truly did wrong you.” Even as she taunted us, Sylvia didn’t take her eyes off Megumin and me. She kept glancing at my sword—she was probably still mistaken about who I was.

  “Hey! What’s all the racket? I’m trying to sleep. Did Megumin sleep-Explosion something?”

  Aqua, apparently roused by the noise, abruptly appeared in the doorway.

  “Aqua! The Demon King’s general is attacking! Go get Hyoizaburou or Yuiyui!” That sent her scrambling back into the house.

  I had my sword. I wanted a chance to get at least one good swipe in at Sylvia for ruining my moment.

  “Don’t think I’ll go easy on you just because you’re pretty! I’m all about gender equality—I’m not afraid to drop-kick a woman in a fight!”

  “Aww, not going to hold back for little old me? I appreciate the compliment, though. I might just end up flirting with you instead of fighting!”

  I wanted to use my trusty dirt-and-wind combo, but I had exhausted most of my MP on that boneheaded stunt earlier and wasn’t in a position to do much spell-casting. I took the backpack I had grabbed when I came rushing out of my room and threw it to Sylvia as if passing a ball. She didn’t try to dodge and caught it easily in one hand.

  “Oh? What’s this? A present for me?”

  I followed up the pass by charging in with my sword, but despite virtually having one arm tied behind her, Sylvia managed to catch my sword with her free hand.

  I know she’s one of the Demon King’s generals, but geez!

  Now that she had my sword, she wasn’t letting go. But a strange look came over her face.

  “…This is your magic sword? And that technique—pathetic.” She looked at me. “Are you really the Mitsurugi? Is this actually the enchanted blade Gram?”

  Crap! My sword and my swordsmanship are gonna give me away… No, wait. Maybe I can keep bluffing…!

  “That is Chunchunmaru.”

  “…Guh?”

  Before I could say anything, the very bestower of the name broke in. “That sword is called Chunchunmaru. It is a storied and legendary blade. Please do not pretend it is anything like Gram, the allegedly magical sword whose real origin nobody knows.”

  “…Heh-heh. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You aren’t Mitsurugi at all, are you? Why don’t you tell me your real name—and why you thought to hide it from me.” Sylvia was laughing, but I didn’t see what was funny.

  “…My name’s Kazuma Satou. I gave you a fake name because I figured if I told you the truth, you’d put out wanted posters for me or something.”

  “Ah-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Aren’t you a sharp one! I think I like you.”

  She nearly bent double laughing. Something about my answer must have really tickled her.

  That was when the door flew open again, and Aqua looked out.

  “Hey,” she called, “Megumin’s mom was trying to wake up Darkness. I told her to come right away!”

  Before I could answer, Sylvia tugged on my sword, which she was still holding. It was too sudden for me to let go; I stumbled forward, straight toward her. I hurriedly tried to drop my weapon, but it was too late. I went flying face-first into Sylvia’s chest. She tossed the sword away and pulled me tighter into her bosom.

  Thaaaank y—

  Wait! This was no time for gratitude. This was a trap!

  Even if I did have my face buried in a beautiful woman’s giant, almost bare, generous yet somehow balanced bosom, that didn’t mean— Yes, thank you.

  I made some half-hearted attempts to resist, but—

  “Just stay still! Bind!”

  I was pretty sure I had seen that skill once before—hadn’t a Thief adventurer used it? Could Sylvia be a Thief general of the Demon King?!

  So it was that I found myself bound to Sylvia by the rope she had had at her waist, my head nearly submerged in her cleavage. It occurred to me that I would be perfectly happy to spend the rest of my life this way.

  “I’ll be keeping this boy as a hostage. I don’t know why you didn’t use your spells on me, little Crimson Magic girl, but if you try anything now, you’ll take him with me!”

  “Wha…?! K-Kazuma! Don’t worry; you’ll be— Ah, yes, you are indeed just fine. In fact, you look strangely happy.” There was a cold gleam in her eyes. This was 100 percent not my fault, however, and I hoped she would help me. She could take her time, though.

  “What’s this?!” Aqua exclaimed. “You seem like some kind of demon! And I don’t stand by and let demons take my— My— Hey, Kazuma, what are we to each other? I’m not sure what cliché to use in this situation! Anyway, I won’t let you have him, even if he does look pretty pleased there!”

  She fired some kind of magic in an attempt to stop Sylvia. I guess she wanted a catchphrase to say or something? This village must be really getting to her. I wanted to tell her to call me her irreplaceable friend or party member or whatever she wanted and just stop Sylvia—but with my face still in the valley between her breasts, it was hard to talk.

  …On that subject, what had been going on with me recently? I mean, from the moment Yunyun had said she wanted my baby—first her, then the orcs, then Megumin and Sylvia. Granted, the orcs were kind of a negative, but there were definitely more pros than cons on this list. I guess it really was my moment to get popular. Or maybe my one redeeming feature, my good luck, had decided this was its time to shine.

  In any event, I was stuck there between Sylvia’s boobs when she said, “Your breath is getting awfully hot there, young man. You wouldn’t want to overheat, would you? If you behave yourself, I’ll give you a reward later.”

  Yep. Definitely my moment.

  “A
-actually, it’s a little hard to b-breathe…!”

  I was happy, there was no doubt, but I was also starting to suffocate. I was fumbling around, trying to find a good way to get some air, when…

  “Sacred Exorcism!”

  There was an explosion of magic from Aqua, who was trying to take advantage of Sylvia’s momentary lapse in concentration. A huge, glowing pillar appeared around Sylvia and me and stretched toward the sky. Of course, it enveloped me along with her…!

  “?! Aaaaaahhh!”

  Sylvia made a startled sound and began screaming. But even though the demon-cleansing light had caught me up, too, I didn’t feel a thing. Nothing happened to me—but in sharp contrast, Sylvia’s dress was in tatters.

  “Oh, now you’ve done it…! I had that dress specially made from the skins of lesser demons, and you ruined it…! Too bad for you I’m not some simple devil. That wasn’t pleasant, but it was nowhere near fatal. A word of advice, though. The next time you attack me, this boy’s life is forfeit!”

  Pretty much half-naked now, Sylvia quickly broke my bonds, spun me around, and pulled my head back into her chest. Maybe she was responding to my protests that I couldn’t breathe. How nice of her.

  “My name is Sylvia! Chief of the Monster Strengthening and Development Bureau and one who has augmented and changed my own body! Yes—I am the Growth Chimera, Sylvia! And I’m taking this boy with me! Now, sweetheart, how about you and I become one again? Bind!”

  …Now she’s going ‘My name is Sylvia!’ too? I think she’s been battling these people too long.

  At her shout, the rope wrapped us up again. Frankly, with no weapon and my enemy directly behind me, there wasn’t much I could do. So without any serious show of resistance, I put my hands up like I was giving a cheer and let the rope do its work.

  “K-Kazuma! Give him back, you—! …Hey, Kazuma, you’re not deliberately letting her tie you up, are you?”

  “No,” I said flatly, the back of my head pressed once more against Sylvia’s chest. She was tall enough that even with my head at her chest level, my feet couldn’t reach the ground. I just dangled there.

  What was this sudden satisfaction and comfort I felt? It was like I had finally found the peace and stability I had been missing.

  Megumin was just shooting me an ice-cold glare when I heard a familiar voice.

  “Hrk…! How could I be caught so unprepared at a moment like this…!”

  I looked toward the speaker. There was Darkness, appearing a bit Spartan without her armor, breathing hard. She wore only a thin black shirt and tight skirt and had her great sword in her hand. Yuiyui must have woken her up before she came running.

  Darkness, the sleep still in her eyes, moved forward to cover Aqua and fixed Sylvia with a stare.

  “Know this, general of the Demon King! The people of this house have already gone to call other members of the Crimson Magic Clan. It’s only a matter of time before reinforcements arrive. So let go of that worthless young man you have pressed to your chest, closing his eyes in bliss, and be gone! And if you must take a hostage…please…take me! Take me instead of him! Please let me be your hostage instead of Kazuma!”

  Sylvia gave an amused smirk at Darkness’s outburst. “Goodness, what a nasty little boy. To have two such close friends! But, no deal. I’ve grown rather fond of him. Now, you—Kazuma, is that it? Have you ever considered throwing in your lot with the Demon King’s army? I think you and I could get along very well.” As she spoke, she gave me a friendly pat on the head.

  “…Hey, what’s going on here? When did Kazuma get so buddy-buddy with our archenemy? Look, she’s patting his head and everything,” Aqua said with an annoyed sigh.

  “…Kazuma,” Darkness said, “what are you doing there, anyway? …Don’t tell me you let her surprise you. I get it—her chest distracted you, didn’t it? Sheesh, you’re so predictable. Oh well, hang on, I’ll be right there and rescue—”

  “Ah, don’t bother.”

  …………

  ““““Huh?””””

  All four of them seemed taken aback by my rapid-fire reply to Darkness. Leaning my head into the luxurious sofa that was Sylvia’s ample bosom, I said, “That’s right. I said don’t bother. Listen, all of you. Especially Darkness. You haven’t exactly been very nice to me lately. But Sylvia here says she’s fond of me! You know, it’s been so bad lately that I was already wondering if it was about time for me to defect to the Demon King. How about you apologize? I work my butt off for this party—so apologize right now. Megumin already told me earlier how grateful she is for everything I do all the time. Come on, I haven’t got all night!”

  I was trying to channel Aqua when she wanted something. Darkness seemed flabbergasted. “L-look, Kazuma,” she said. “That’s not funny. A-and, well…maybe I have been a little rough on you lately. And maybe I should’ve been a little more generous with what I said about you to Megumin’s family. I’m sorry. Oh yeah. You said a while ago that you wanted an award? Well, you really have done some good things. All right, when we get back to town, I’ll—”

  “Show me you mean it! You think you can win me over with some shiny trinket at this late hour? Take a look around. Miss Sylvia here is tempting me into the Demon King’s army with a very generous offer, if you know what I mean. And what do you have going for you? Come on, tell me!”

  Darkness, looking a bit shaken after I interrupted her, said timidly, “My… My defense?”

  “Wrong! What you’ve got going for you is a seductive body that won’t quit! Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about!”

  “Hey, this guy is a lost cause. He’s sounding really weird. I think we should just let the Demon King have him.”

  “I—I don’t think we can. Whatever we may think of him, he does have a way of coming through when it counts.”

  Aqua and Megumin were holding a whispered conference. No doubt they were plotting a way to rescue me. Darkness looked embarrassed; she seemed to be trying to cover herself with her hands.

  “I—I don’t…! I’m not trying to…seduce…!” She looked on the verge of tears.

  “You damn well are!” I shouted. “Man, that body is wasted on you! Listen! Tonight, my Luck is as good as it’s ever been! This may be the most popular I’ll ever be with the ladies! So apologize! Apologize so that I don’t just let my newfound esteem from the fairer sex lead me away with Sylvia! For example, you could… Yeah…!”

  Sylvia, somewhat nonplussed by the stuff coming out of my mouth, put her hand on my head again.

  “Very good… I can see you’re as good a man as I took you for! Ooh, I really do want to take you back to the Demon King’s army! But don’t bully your little Crusader friend too much, okay? You should be a little more sensitive to a lady’s feelings.”

  “For a demonic creature, you seem to know an awful lot about the heart of a human woman,” Darkness said, glaring at Sylvia. “I can’t begin to guess at a demon’s age, but do you have a lot of experience as a woman?” Her sword was at the ready as she tried to draw Sylvia into battle.

  “Goodness, but of course. I understand both sexes.”

  Ahhh, the wily ways of a beautiful demoness. Of course she would know it all…

  Sylvia gave me another pat on the head.

  “After all, I’m half man myself.”

  She said it as though it was no big deal.

  “…Say what?” I asked uncomprehendingly, turning toward Sylvia.

  Maybe something somewhere in the village was burning, because a faint light had come into the sky. It was just enough for me to notice something I hadn’t before. On Sylvia’s chin, and especially around her cheeks, there was just the slightest facial hair.

  “Oh, didn’t you hear me?” she said. In her pointy right ear, a blue earring sparkled… “I’m a chimera. This bust you seem so enamored of is something I whipped up for myself.”

  Again, as though it was no big deal. I struggled to pretend I hadn’t heard her.
I tried to keep myself from processing the words.

  I mean… Didn’t this mean…this was a man’s chest I was so excited about…?

  Huh… But…?

  “…K-Kazuma?” Megumin asked uncertainly. “S-stay with us, all right? All right? Just hang in there. You’re fine, just…stay calm…”

  I thought back to something I had heard somewhere, long ago—of a man with a piercing in his right ear.

  “You really are quite the man, though…,” she said. “Why, just stroking your head like this, I can feel the excitement in my chest and my…”

  The difference in our heights meant my butt was just even with Sylvia’s nether regions. And…

  “Miss, uh, Miss Sylvia… Maybe it’s just my imagination, but it’s almost like I can feel something…pressing against my butt…”

  And with a certain embarrassment, Sylvia responded with the words made famous by so many manga and anime in Japan…

  “Yes, something is.”

  My heart just about stopped.

  Chapter 5

  May There Be an Explosion for This Hateful Relic!

  1

  “Wake up. Hey, wake up!”

  Someone was shaking me as I came to. I guess I had just been having a nightmare. A nightmare where an androgynous demon with a sick sense of humor had…

  “…Eeeeeyaaaagh! Stop, Sylvia! Stay away from me! I’ll kill you! Don’t think I won’t!!”

  “C-calm down, already! Don’t get your panties in a bunch. I’m not going to do anything to you. I’ve already given those Crimson cretins the slip, so I’ll set you free soon. You did let me go yesterday, yourself.”

  That eased my anxiety somewhat, though I still didn’t let down my guard. It was then that I realized there was no one else around. The place we were in looked sort of familiar…

  “This is the entrance to the storage bunker underneath Crimson Magic Village,” Sylvia said. “The one they say has a weapon that might very well destroy the world.” As she spoke, she took out some kind of magic item.