No Game No Life, Vol. 9

by Yuu Kamiya

  Sora looked far, far into the distance, toward his boundless ideals, as he spoke…

  “What overcomes the barriers of race and brings a country together as one? …Love. What is love? Affection, faith—worship. One who is worshipped is called a god. Also known as an icon. Otherwise known as an idol. Which can only mean a cute girl. And therefore, Holou! My logic is bulletproof. If you think you can refute it, just try!”

  “…Well, yes, it is impossible to argue with specious nonsense.”

  The bounds Sora’s syllogism took between each of its seven steps were quite exhilarating. Steph replied with a skeptical squint as Holou continued to sulk.

  “Then instruct me specifically in what ye would define as a ‘perfect idol’! I shall recreate it for you!”

  Sora and Shiro sighed and shook their heads at Holou.

  “Hff… You’re talking to two who have mastered idol-raising games of every stripe.”

  “…Building…the perfect…character…is not, that hard…”

  A sleazy grin spread across Sora’s face as he spoke.

  “Look. You just need the right choreography that’ll look sexy but, y’know, not too sexy! And then you get the costumes, and the songs with phrases like, ‘I love you so much’! And you have her cough up lines here and there like, ‘I love allll my fans! ’ And you give them the hope that they might actually have a chance with you, so you get them to line up for a meet and greet, you close the distance, and bam! There ya go!”

  Besides, just look at Holou’s beauty. An Old Deus shouldn’t have any problem performing perfectly.

  “I’d bet on it. You’re gonna bring us a buttload of fans and a truckload of money.”

  “…Is it just my imagination, Sora, or do you sound bitter?”

  Steph caught the dark trauma behind Sora’s eyes, but he went on.

  “But remember what we said. We’re gonna make you a star.”

  “…Not two-dimensional, not fiction…not even three-dimensional, or plastic…but a perfect idol…”

  Sora and Shiro paced in no particular direction as they defined just what it meant to be a star, a perfect idol!

  “What we seek is the unrealistic spirituality of two-dimensionality, combined with real life and the presence of three-dimensionality, to make something that is neither two-point-five-dimensional nor three-point-five-dimensional, nor four-dimensional, nor… Uh…?”

  Sora’s passionate spiel ground to a halt. He looked to Holou.

  “Holou, you said you’re ‘polygenetic,’ right? Like, how many?”

  “I-it dependeth on the definition… But we might suppose that Holou’s nuclear coordinates lie on 13 + iR variable dimensions—”

  “Exactly! Like, over eleven dimensions! Literally an idol from another dimension!”

  Sora brazenly plowed right through this report, which flew in the face of his old world’s understanding of physics! Then, even more courageously, he bellowed out his lofty ideals!!

  “She is the hope that allows us to live! Even if she should have a boyfriend, get married, grow old!! A blessed being who will sob tears of gratitude! That is our Avalon, the distant ideal which we envision—the perfect idol…”

  Having come to the close of their heated discourse, the young man and his little sister held a brief silence as if to bask in the afterglow.

  “…Do you see?”

  “I do not.”

  “Nor do I.”

  God and human alike rejected the call to their ideals out of hand.

  “Well, it’s all right if you don’t understand! I mean, it’s not like we do, either!”

  “…Nod, nod.”

  They’d said all that only to end with “We dunno, either.” Cynical stares met their enthusiastic nods.

  “Still, I have faith in you, Holou. You’ll be the one.” Sora smiled wistfully. Maybe she’d even transcend his ideal. “I mean, you don’t age, and you don’t even go to the bathroom! How could anyone question whether or not you’re destined to be an idol?”

  His eyes agleam, Sora had made his last, but certainly not least point—

  “…No… I’ve had enough… My stomach is full…”

  —and Steph choked out a nauseous refusal.

  “That’s fine! We’ll resume Holou’s lesson. ‘(Save Me) Godly Summer ,’ from the top!”

  “…You’d better…prove yourself, today…or tomorrow’s gonna be, ugly…Holou.”

  “H-Holou is not finished! She grasped not the meaning of even half of your statements— Oh! Sora! Shiro!”

  Holou protested in vain as Sora and Shiro dragged her off.

  Steph sighed to herself. “We could be attacked at any time…”

  Sora answered anyway. “Hmm? We’re not getting attacked.”

  He jabbered on. “Didn’t I tell you? We closed the castle because there’s nothing to do.” There was no useful move for Elkia to make. Sora rehashed the first reason. “They can’t attack us. No one can do shit about us the way we are now.”

  “……”

  He knew what Steph’s silence meant as she peered at him. The Commonwealth of Elkia had domestic issues from its too-rapid expansion. Yeah, that was a pain. But that could be perfectly well cleaned up by the rest of the currently on-break castle. You know, by Steph.

  What was important was how Sora and Shiro, the monarch of Immanity, were seen from outside. Here, there was a great country that had subdued numerous races, even higher races, and absorbed them into itself to swell with riches. And it wasn’t simply overt games—they’d even beaten Elven Gard, the greatest country in the world, indirectly, without even fighting them! They’d swiped their land and thrown the rest of their nation into internal tumult. Now people might think that their own nations were in the process of getting undermined. Becoming a great country? Multiracial commonwealth? Who cared about all that? Here’s what Elkia really was, as far as anyone was concerned.

  —A conquering empire, ready to take on everything through games.

  And its king and queen were some kind of incomprehensible freaks who kept playing and winning, even against gods. If put in terms of a strategy game, they were winning too much. This is where all the other players would start ganking them from all sides. But Sora smirked. It was futile.

  “Who’s gonna try to play Elkia—I mean, Shiro and me—now?” Sure, they might be owning any and all competition, but that was precisely why no one could challenge them. But, as Sora went on to languidly point out, that was precisely the problem. “Still, it’s true we gotta stay on the ball. Since, you know—they’re gonna have to play someone else.”

  “…Oh! So…they’ll start with the Eastern Union or Oceand?!” How could it be that they could halt the administration of Elkia, now at last the linchpin of a commonwealth, without issue? Steph exclaimed as if now she saw at least one reason.

  Indeed. Ordinary administration must be the least of the worries of the other countries of the Commonwealth. There were surely forces spying, slipping in to undermine.

  “Yeah… But the Eastern Union’s game is still unbeatable… So?”

  It truly is busy work…figuring out how to squeeze their foes for all they’ve got.

  “Even so, it’s not time for us to take the initiative…so there’s no move for us to make. And what do you do then?”

  “…Skip a turn…”

  “……”

  Okay, then. Their trap was ticking along just fine behind the scenes. Their associated states were utilizing it to its fullest, ordinary administration be damned. Even so, it looked as if Steph wasn’t convinced that this was enough of a reason to shut down Elkia’s government.

  “…Shiro and I aren’t even looking for people to trust us.” Sora grinned and thought, That’s not who we are, d00d. Sure, people might call them the monarch or the agent plenipotentiary or whatever, but at the end of the day, they were just gamers. “It’s always best to leave things to the experts. So we leave politics to the politicians.” Likewise, leave gaming to
the gamers. “We stick to what we’re good at. We solve problems the way gamers do.”

  “…Hff… All right.” Steph couldn’t help but chuckle at Sora’s positivity. “So I take it you two have something in mind.” But she still did not seem entirely satisfied.

  Whenever Sora and Shiro did anything, there was always…something behind it. By this point in her acquaintance with them, Steph could figure this out. Still, given that they, as ever, showed no interest in sharing it with her, she had to get in at least one jab:

  “But, Sora, you’ve misread many things lately… Is everything okay?”

  “Misread?! Me?! When, where, and at what hour and minute of what day of this planet’s revolution?!”

  In that game they’d played with Holou the other day—the game against Old Deus—Sora had misread a few things. “ ” had even admitted a defeat. Steph baited him with this effectively.

  “…Brother, you dork… You’re like, a little kid…”

  “An actual little kid is telling me this?! Fine, I misread things! I’ll never do it again, okay?!”

  But he merely shouted back in desperation under Shiro’s icy gaze. Their voices sounded as if they were just joking around, but if you looked into their eyes, you could see the resentment bubbling up from within.

  It seemed Steph could tell it was no joke to them.

  “So! Just how are you planning to exploit me now, to the point of closing the rest of the administration?” That’s why you’ve blockaded the castle, isn’t it? Steph smiled bitterly.

  “Oh, Steph, you’re getting the picture! Here ya go!”

  “…Holou’s…costume…”

  Sora and Shiro shoved a sheaf of papers at Steph and smiled back.

  “By tomorrow, okay? We don’t have anyone else who can do the job. You’ll make it in time, right?!”

  “…Don’t worry, Brother… No…is for liars…”

  These corporate scumbags seemed ripe for a scandal.

  Steph gazed into the distance and mumbled:

  “…Now that I think of it… You never give me a day off…”

  Outside the Elkia Royal Castle, where about a million flags’ worth of foreshadowing was taking place, a group in black was weaving through the din of the merchants on Main Street. Cloaked in robes from head to toe, with hoods pulled low over their eyes, they hid their faces from view. The group silently marched forward in the most inconspicuous way possible.

  Seher report: Old Deus response confirmed. Target coordinates estimated as Elkia Royal Castle.

  Prüfer report: Coordinates identified: Agent plenipotentiary of Immanity. Inferred name: Sora.

  They shared the data from their long-range observation and crowd noise analysis as they walked forward. Forward, ever forward…

  —Acknowledged. All units, prepare to engage target. Start advance calculations.

  In accordance with the destiny of flags to be checked, of foreshadowing to be fulfilled, they marched on, in Sora’s direction: forward…

  CHAPTER 1

  DEFINITE

  It was where Sora and Shiro had given their coronation speech. Now, standing on the balcony of the Elkia Royal Castle overlooking the square, was a lone girl. Her clothes flapping in the wind, her inkpot floating in the air, she closed her eyes—and waited. Then came the signal of which Sora and Shiro had spoken, the sound to herald the epic debut of a new idol. The music exploded at a high volume.

  “H-Holou is Holou! Though she comprehendeth not, she is an idol? …So it seems!!”

  With this cryptic introduction, she began to move her mouth and body. True to her word, it appeared that she had no idea what was going on, but she didn’t let it stop her. She didn’t let the line “Introduction/ad lib” in the script she’d been handed just before break her. This divine young girl, Holou, sang and danced, unaware of the hints of tears forming in her eyes.

  There were four people who were paying especially close attention. One was Jibril, the Flügel girl sneering from the sky. The other three, watching Jibril’s projection of her vision on a magical screen, were Sora and Shiro, pouting on the throne, and Steph, swaying from insomnia beside them.

  This would be a good time to describe the incessant mumblings that had emanated from Steph as she spent the night making Holou’s costume:

  I see. So Sora and Shiro intend to make Holou out to be the villain. But even if she said, “I’m a god. Sora and Shiro owe their success to me. And by the way, I’m an idol.” Just who was going to take those ramblings and say, “Oh, I see!!”? And just what kind of morons go and cheer this on like, “Oooohhh!”?

  That was why Steph had asked Sora and Shiro any number of times what their real purpose was. Now—

  “……This can’t be……”

  —the cheers of “Oooohhh!” echoed from beyond the screen from the thousands who had gathered at the square to see Holou. Thousands might have hardly amounted to a fraction of the population of the Commonwealth, but it had to be said that there the morons were, waving their hands.

  “…Perhaps Immanity is done for…”

  Come to think of it, there had been cheers at the game with the Eastern Union as well, when the Immanity Piece had been at stake. And those cheers had been for the destruction of bras and panties. She should have learned something about the culture of her people then. Perhaps there was no use worrying about the country’s internal affairs.

  Steph’s smile was a hollow one, out of an optimism founded on resignation. Meanwhile, the two malcontents on the throne grumbled with smiles most dangerous:

  “Damn it, this suuucks. Hmph… We won’t forgive this.”

  “…Heh, heh-heh-heh-heh… You’ve got some…nerve…”

  Steph interjected:

  “You mean Holou? It’s a good song, and she’s doing her best given the absurdity you’ve put her through.”

  “Yeah… Of course the song’s good, and Holou’s trying hard. That’s the thing.”

  At first, they had planned to use the hit songs on their phones they’d brought from their old world. Until Shiro whispered…

  “…They’ll come, you know? JASR*C’s gonna get us, even if we’re in another world.”

  So they made their own sound using the deft phrases of Laila and the Sirens, the slick progressions of Fiel and the Elves, and the magic of tablet music software. Of course it was good. Making music is easy even when you’re in another world…with this tablet!

  And no one could deny that Holou was doing her best singing and dancing. Apparently still unable to grasp the concept of expression, her movements were stiff and her voice was devoid of feeling. Yet, even so, the girl who had doubted eternity was trying.

  And that was precisely the thing—!!

  “It’s the stage, the stage! The heck’s with that crappy set?!”

  Sora pointed to Jibril’s projected image of the balcony where Holou stood. It was supposed to be a stage decked in lavish effects made possible by the equipment of the Eastern Union. Instead, it was just a balcony. Thus, Sora howled.

  “They caved to the agency’s pressure and canceled on us at the last minute?! WTF?!”

  Elkia did not have an idol industry. This made for the best possible “blue ocean” market space, a potential for monopolization that Sora and Shiro gloated over. However, the Eastern Union had not only an idol industry, but agencies as well—and they appeared to be fairly antagonistic. So they’d told Sora and Shiro they wouldn’t give them the equipment for this critical debut concert—the day of.

  “Way to pick on the little guy! They’re totally messing with us!!”

  “…What difference does it make? Holou’s what’s most important, isn’t she?” said Steph, completely at sea, in response to Sora’s rage—but all it did was fan the flames.

  “We’ve literally got a goddess here!! Look at this crappy stage! How easy do you think it is to get signed with a big label once you’ve gotten pigeonholed as an underground idol? This is a major strategy issue!!”

&nb
sp; “Your words elude me, Sir! But why didn’t you just ask someone else?!”

  Who else? …Of course. Any one of the other races in the Commonwealth. The Flügel had Jibril, the Old Dei had Holou, the Dhampirs had Plum… These magic-users could be counted on to do more than just special effects. They’d physically change the entire environment. But!

  “That’s what we would have done, if we had time! Which is why I’m so pissed they canceled the day of!!”

  Effects would require some fiddly rite compilation, which was not Jibril’s specialty. It would take her some time.

  Holou would first have to comprehend Sora and Shiro’s will, which would take even more time.

  The Dhampirs’ illusion magic would make it easy…if Plum cooperated. Not happening.

  And so it came to pass that the production consisted of Shiro playing music from her phone and Holou amplifying her own voice. Sora and Shiro both licked their lips and laughed savagely at this epic half-assery.

  “You bastards have got some nerve making an enemy of the state. I like you. I’ll kill you first.”

  “…We’ll show you…what happens…when you, cross…the government…!”

  A major agency, are you? So what? We are Bl4nk Productions, the only agency directly operated by the state! If you think we’re the little guys, you picked the wrong fight!!

  “Could you not abuse your power so openly?! You’re the monarch!!” Steph hollered in a desperate attempt to interrupt their villainous train of thought, but the two didn’t seem to hear her, as they kept on deliberating…

  “Anyway, Sora? Shirooo…? Sigh… Producers?!”

  “…Hmph, what? We’re gonna smash, all the agencies, in the Eastern Union…and steal…their idols.”

  “So we’re thinking about how we’re gonna produce them! Is your business more important than that?!”

  “Any business is more important than that! So!”

  Having slashed straight through Sora and Shiro’s deep devices, Steph kept on hollering.