No Game No Life, Vol. 9

by Yuu Kamiya

  “Oh, fear not, Spieler. I have no hole. I—”

  “Arghhh, shut up!! I didn’t ask, and I don’t wanna know. Why don’t you just go home?!”

  So now the situation was as follows: Ex Machina had a hardware lock limiting reproduction to someone called the Spieler. In other words, they’d only accept Sora. And the method was, uh…you-know-what. But there was still another question: why—

  “Wait—let me say something!” Steph, who to this point had kept silent, now intervened. “So you’re saying you’ll reproduce by, uh…s-sexual intercourse…right?! Why with Sora?!”

  “Yeah, Steph! That’s it!! That’s the line I was waiting for!!”

  Yes, the unresolved question. Why now? Why Sora? Couldn’t they find anyone else “compatible” in the course of six thousand years as they teetered on the brink of extinction? Meeting eyes with Sora as he thought this, Steph nodded deeply—and howled!!

  “Take my word. This man is the worst!! Who in their right mind would want to reproduce with him?!”

  “That is not the line I was waiting for!!”

  “Oh, Dora. To slight my master before me… It seems you are eagerly looking forward to what follows death, aren’t you? ”

  “…Then…maybe you…should stop…grinning, like an idiot…every time, you see him?”

  “Wh-whaaaat? Wait, no, I didn’t— Hey, when did I grin?!”

  If you wanted to know what infighting looked like, this commotion was it, but—

  “Reiteration: Said errors placed hardware lock.”

  “Those errors…are called—our ‘heart’…”

  Emir-Eins and Einzig spoke softly—

  “…Your…‘heart’?”

  —and the other eleven Ex Machinas—the machines with hearts, as they said—were tranquil. Yet, Sora murmured at those words that called back to the beginning, and all listened.

  “We originated as machines… We had no ‘hearts.’”

  “Denial: Strictly not even machines.”

  “True.” Einzig chuckled at Emir-Eins’s correction. It was such a human gesture one almost forgot he was a machine. “Machines are tools. Tools are made for a purpose… But we were not.”

  “Acknowledgment: We adapted to damage. To all threats material and immaterial. Passively. Reactively. Just existing. Nothing more. Like plants. Meaningless. Purposeless. Null…”

  ……

  “Near the end of the War—a unit we call the Preier acquired the ‘heart’ and shared it with us.”

  All the other Ex Machinas nodded to confirm Einzig’s statement. One couldn’t know just what travails had led to this, but—

  “—Now, the Preier was head over heels in love with one man.”

  Once more, the Ex Machinas nodded, Mm-hmm… And…uh…

  …Wait, what?

  Einzig proceeded to destroy all the tension left in the scene as he picked up steam.

  “And such was the ‘heart’ she shared with us! In which case, it is self-evident how we should thenceforth behave!”

  “…Uh…like, all head over heels in love with the guy?”

  Twice more, the Ex Machinas nodded, Mm-hmm, a bulwark facing Sora. The tension was gone.

  “And so we were locked so as to never accept reproduction with one other than our true love!!”

  “Avowal: This unit refuses to make babies except with Master. Cannot conceive. Apologies.”

  The Ex Machinas nodded Mm-hmm a third time. It had already become a farce. So, in other words— Steph spoke up for everyone.

  “Ex Machina does not wish to reproduce with anyone else. And that is why you have not reproduced—am I understanding correctly?”

  “And that’s why you’re on the brink of extinction? That’s just stupid!!”

  Einzig brought his face uncomfortably close to Sora’s. “It is no matter. For, after six thousand years, here we are together once again…O Spieler.”

  “D00d, I’m not your guy! I wasn’t even born then; shit, civilization barely was!” Sora shook off Einzig’s hand from his chin and whispers of love from his ears and howled on. “Jibril! Is this how Ex Machina are?! Are they blind?!”

  “I understood them to be a formidable race that excelled in observation and analysis—that might even pose a match for me individually in combat…” Surprisingly, Jibril seemed to be the most confused of them all. “…Is this the price of deicide…? I would hate to think that this is what I struggled with…” Her vacant whisper receded beyond Sora’s and Shiro’s perception.

  “You needn’t be bashful. You are the Spieler. Our analysis is infallible.”

  “Your analysis has already failed at the point of you saying I’m bashful! How do you get that?!”

  This android was able to contradict himself in one line. This piece of junk was incredible, in a bad way. “Hmm,” he mumbled at Sora’s question.

  “The evidence is wide-ranging. First, your appearance— Hmm. Unfortunately, it resembles his little. The Spieler was a more comely individual… But the ravages of time cannot touch this unshakable love!”

  —Is this bastard looking for a fight? Just ask for one. Sora heaved, but now Emir-Eins— No, likely the entirety of Ex Machina analyzed the input in parallel to produce this report.

  “Report: Match between individual ‘Sora’ and sample data ‘Spieler’ estimated ninety-six point two three percent.”

  Sora couldn’t help but laugh at their “conclusion.” He didn’t know what kind of transcendental mathematics they’d used to come up with that result, but probability was just empty theory. When you were just going off existing data, however you crunched the numbers, all you could say was “likely.” Sora meant to laugh it off with one word, “ludicrous”—

  “However, logic only serves as reference data. It amounts to little more than a ludicrous puzzle game.”

  Wha…what…?

  Sora couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. A machine—a computer—took these words out of his mouth? And this computer, which had denied logic and mathematics, went on heatedly, illogically:

  “Neither zero nor one hundred exists in probability. Though one might operate on the data to infinity, one can only add more nines to ninety-nine point nine nine nine percent! And all this can be overturned by one unknown datum! Therefore, we believe logic to be a hopelessly incomplete tool.”

  “…Uh, yeah… I—I agree. I’m glad we’re—”

  Shiro was atop Sora’s lap looking like she was about to pass out, flapping her lips uselessly as if gasping for air. At least Sora had been able to say something, but—

  “In that case, in the end, what can you believe in, Spieler?” His voice clear and impassioned, Einzig showed his unnatural sparkly teeth and put his hand on his chest. “It is my ‘heart’ that tells me thus: You are the one we have waited for!!”

  Sora swallowed.

  …Yeah. That’s right.

  In a world where nothing was certain, there was just one thing you could still believe in:

  What you wanted to believe.

  Call it faith, or idealism, or sentiment, or will. That’s right—all you had to do was follow your heart. Some answers could only be found purely by believing that your decision would be right. That a race of machines, an embodiment of logic, could come to such conclusions defied comprehension. Ex Machina truly knew no bounds. Such adaptation and learning ability, enough to inspire awe and fear…

  But seriously, they’ve got the wrong guy.

  That was all well and good, but be that as it may, the cold, hard truth was this was all one big mistake. How sad it is that the answers our hearts show us, quite often, are wrong. As Sora gazed into the distance, reflecting on the harshness of reality—

  “Query: Master does not currently wish to make babies with this unit? Mind-boggling self-control. Incredible.”

  —the maid robots gathered behind Emir-Eins.

  “No, I’d seriously love to; I mean, I am a guy, and lemme tell you, sexy androids are totally— Urgh—”


  “…Denied, rejected… Not selected, refused… R-18…!”

  Shiro flatly rejected Sora’s true feelings with a jab of her elbow. Still, they couldn’t just keep up the rejections, or else Ex Machina would perish. And it was hard to say no to the perfect stage equipment for Holou. Sora and Shiro receded into rumination over this problem before them.

  “Hmm… You cannot escape your bashfulness, can you, Spieler?”

  “Look, you’re out of the question! I said go home!!” Sora cried.

  “Well, then—” Einzig went on:

  “We collectively request a game of you.”

  —A game.

  The words made Sora’s and Shiro’s eyes narrow to a blade’s width.

  “If we win, you will be compelled to select one unit with whom to reproduce.”

  “…And otherwise?”

  “Yes! Then you will be allowed to select one unit whom to reproduce!”

  “What’s the difference?!” Sora yelled.

  However, as he exchanged glances with Shiro, he was boldly chuckling to himself.

  “Hey, S-Sora! They are attacking us, aren’t they?!”

  “I must say, though by no means do I expect my masters to lose, Ex Machina—”

  Steph and Jibril were both asking in their own ways, Can you win? But Sora just smiled.

  “Sure, why not… But it’s gonna be me and Shiro playing you together. We’ve got something to say about the wagers, too…”

  Huh… When you looked at it, it was simple and convenient. All they had to do was make them pledge to unlock their reproduction lock. If it was a lock that came from the “heart,” the binding force of the Covenants could undo it, thus preventing their race’s extinction. Then, if they also made them pledge to help with Holou’s concert production, everything would be settled.

  The worst-case scenario was already out of the way.

  They didn’t know who Sora and Shiro were, let alone the extent of their abilities. Hell, they even got Sora confused for someone else. In that case, however powerful Ex Machina might be, “ ” just might be able to beat them. But it wouldn’t be easy. Sora began thinking carefully about what kind of game to play—

  “With my apologies, Spieler—we reject this.”

  —only to be cut short by Einzig.

  “You will play the game individually. Our cluster will play our side in parallel.”

  ……What?

  “Additionally, Ex Machina will determine the game.”

  Following up on Einzig’s words, Emir-Eins gestured forth with her hand and announced the name of the game. It appeared before them as polygons suspended in the air:

  “Lösen—Game 001: Chess—”

  ……Dude.

  Sora forced a smile through his headache and checked with the two Ex Machinas.

  “Hey… Let me get this straight. I’m the party being challenged here, right?”

  “Indeed. Your assertion is most sound.”

  “And you guys are close to extinction and in need of my help?”

  “Acknowledgment: Problem?”

  The Fifth of the Ten Covenants: The party challenged shall have the right to determine the game.

  “D00ds, I have the right to determine the game!! Plus! Even if we’re playing a game to make babies, you’re the ones begging me to do it with you! What’s with the haughty attitude?!”

  Sora tore at his hair, only to be told:

  “Query: Extinction of Ex Machina inconveniences Master. Ex Machina has leverage. Strange?”

  Emir-Eins looked at Sora blankly.

  “Soraaa? You definitely misread this, didn’t you? —In fact, aren’t you trapped?!”

  Steph’s falsetto didn’t make Sora feel like opening his mouth.

  These guys would be a good match even for “ ”. A transcendent computer cluster, capable even of illogical operations, that would laugh at oracle machines and hypercomputers. And they wanted to take Sora on alone? At chess? Their intentions were crystal clear:

  Accept defeat, or we’ll go extinct.

  That’s right—it was a threat. They were making themselves hostages in order to force him to lose. He never saw this coming, except when he did: Coincidentally, Miss Cowering-in-the-Corner Jibril had just pulled this trick a few days ago. But now, to threaten the extinction of their entire race? Even if you saw it coming, there was nothing you could do about it. It was perfect. They’d got him good. So… C’mon—!!

  “You pull such a filthy trick and that’s your demand?!”

  If you’re gonna make a person take on someone out of their league, under conditions with no advantage for them, then you could demand whatever! You could make them bet the Immanity Piece, for example! So why would you use that just for this asinine demand that didn’t even specify a date or time?!

  “Oh, Spieler, I’ll not ask your forgiveness… I foresaw that you would be too bashful to accept our entreaties!” The dumbass android was crying manly tears, his fist trembling. “But this is necessary in order for you to face your feelings! For the sake of love, we must be firm!!”

  Pissed, Sora tutted to himself. Whatever.

  “Jibril. Get us a table and chairs. This game—is going down.”

  She didn’t even ask if it was all right. She just drooped her head, vanished, and came back with the furniture, on which Sora proceeded to sit as he continued speaking.

  “But I get the first move. And I’m changing my demand for if I win.”

  It wasn’t as if they had any plans for him to win. So:

  “If I win, you unlock your ‘production mechanisms’ immediately. Ditch all that pretentious shit about not making babies with anyone except one specific person and get it on. Plus, you let us use you as concert equipment—cool?”

  As if to acknowledge Sora’s inference that they’d take whatever, Einzig followed his lead and sat at the table, smiling gently.

  “Very well. But then let us add a few demands, if you don’t mind.”

  After Einzig listed them all, he and all the Ex Machinas raised their hands.

  “…Brother…?”

  Shiro looked up at Sora uneasily, but he grinned savagely and raised his own hand.

  “Who do you think I am? …You’d better not think this is gonna be easy for you, you pile of shit.”

  And thus the thirteen Ex Machinas and one Immanity spoke:

  —Aschente…

  Meanwhile, far to the west of Elkia, on the continent of Valar, in what until a few days ago was called the state of Tírnóg in the country of Elven Gard, was an unclaimed territory now rid of its Elven inhabitants due to Sora and Shiro’s machinations. Above this empty area, just waiting for a fleet of Elkian pioneers to arrive, floated an enormous landmass—a city in the sky. It was the capital of the Flügel, built on the back of the Phantasma Avant Heim. Somewhere on that pile of countless cubes, which suggested skyscrapers snaking about each other…

  “…Av’n’… Will you listen to my recent worries?”

  …was a girl with two different-colored eyes and a horn protruding from her jade hair. A broken halo crowned her head. The first Flügel, Azril, was talking to the Phantasma within her.

  She was the agent plenipotentiary of the Avant Heim government, the Council of Eighteen Wings. She also held a Phantasma within her and amounted to the representative of that race as well. Deep down in the darkness, where the cubes were piled high, excluding every ray of sunlight—

  “I…think everyone hates me. Is it just my imagination?”

  —Azril was hiding in the darkness between cubes, crying to herself.

  Physical laws such as those of gravity and space meant nothing to the Flügel, and as such, they had no concept of infrastructure. They saw no reason to build roads or stairways in their city. But now, Azril, who had been compelled to “play life with restrictions” that reduced her to the level of an Immanity as a result of her game with Sora and Shiro… Azril, who had been merrily walking along with a large pile of books…


  …had just learned the natural corollary of her unique state that, if she took one wrong step, she would fall to the bottom.

  While she was at it, she also learned that it is agonizingly painful to fall from such a high place, as well as that when you fall down a crack it is impossible to get out. Azril’s tears at this day of discovery were met by Av’n’—Avant Heim—whose voice boomed back at her from within.

  «I can scarce know the feelings of love and hate.»

  As a Phantasma, he hardly had a sense of self—But, he continued—

  «I surmise that, if thou dost so doubt, it is most likely so.»

  ……Yeah.

  “…Yeah, I knew it… Everyone hates me. Still—”

  For a moment, she gave a little smile, accepting everything.

  “Why won’t anyone come and help meeeeeeeeeeee?!”

  Then her cry burst with tears from the dark crack.

  “I know they hear me! There were even kids who saw me fall! I heard them going ‘lol’ at me! I’m their big sister; I’m the leader of the Flügel! Someone should help meee!!”

  As only silence and the oppression of the walls answered her, suddenly, Azril smiled and thought. Oh—she knew. The Flügel were all busy right now.

  —A city once ruled by Elves, which was now the territory of Elkia. More accurately, according to the wording of the covenant that had been exchanged, it was the property of Sora and Shiro. Flügel would drool to see the mountains of books left behind by its displaced Elven inhabitants, but they couldn’t plunder them out. Sora and Shiro made use of this principle to offer Flügel this proposal:

  “For every book, you have to give us a copy and a handbook on Elven urban facilities. First come, first served! Privatize ’em for the win!”

  They also set a time limit—until the fleet of Immanity and Werebeast pioneers arrived. Thus, the Flügel were in a mad race back and forth over the land. Flügel would get a massive number of books, Sora and Shiro would get just as many books, and Immanity would get explanations of how to use the Elven facilities they couldn’t understand.