Without Forever: Babylon MC Book 5

by James, Victoria L.

  It was time to see if Drew and I were going to be parents.

  “I don’t think I can look. I want this too badly.”

  Drew swallowed hard. “Then let me do it.”

  I pressed the test into his hand as I stumbled away. I didn’t go far, just turned and dropped my ass to sit on the edge of the bed as I tried to find the air in the room.

  Drew gripped it with a white-knuckle force, holding it down by his thigh, never taking his eyes from me the whole time. He dropped to his knees in front of me and positioned himself carefully between my parted legs, resting his free hand on my thigh.

  “Ready?” he whispered.

  All I was capable of doing is nodding. I just needed to know.

  A whispered, “Jesus,” fell from his lips before he looked down at the stick, holding it in both of his hands slightly trembling hands. I’d never seen him tremble that way.

  “Tell me what I’m meant to be seeing.” A small scowl creased his brows.

  “Two lines means positive. One is… negative.”

  He swallowed again, his frown deepening as he nodded in gentle understanding.

  I was so focused on the movement on his eyes, I forgot to breathe.

  Drew looked up, his face creased, and his eyes glistening with unshed emotion, and my heart dropped into the pit of my stomach.

  Biting down on his bottom lip, Drew carefully placed he test to the floor beside him, and he closed the distance between us, dropping his head to my stomach and burying himself there, a quiet sob I’d never heard him make before pouring free. The rush of his hot breath against my skin made the hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention.

  He wrapped his arms around me, claiming me, his fingers curling into my back like he wanted to climb inside me.

  “It’s positive,” he choked.

  “What?” I whispered.

  “You’re pregnant, Ayda.’”

  My hands fell to his hair, burying themselves in the strands as I wrapped my body around his head as best I could. Overcome with emotion, I started to cry. The images of the future I wanted and had so desperately denied myself suddenly formed with perfect clarity. Those rocking chairs Drew had talked about, the children, even a puppy all formed in my head and stretched out like a red carpet.

  We were going to have a baby. There was a child inside me growing.

  Our baby.

  “Drew.” His name came as a choking sound as I slowly uncurled myself from him and ran my fingers through his hair. He was still clinging to me, his head in my lap, but I needed to see his eyes. I needed to be able to see if this was truly what he wanted. That brief second of recognition had been followed with an emotion I’d never seen on his features before.

  When he lifted his head and his red-rimmed eyes locked on mine, he didn’t look like my Drew. This man looked lost in his own head, unsure of what to say or do. An unsure Drew wasn’t one I knew well. I reached out, cupped his cheek with my hand and watched as his eyes closed and he pressed against my palm.

  I took a breath, my mouth opening and closing, trying to form words to say, when the muscles in Drew’s cheeks twitched mere seconds before his face broke out into a grin that made him look so young and free, it took my breath away.

  All the stress and worry he wore daily was put aside, and all that remained was Drew.

  My Drew.

  Tears fell freely as I watched him. No words were necessary. All he had to do was open his eyes to see my smile matching his. To see the happiness that I felt all around me. But he didn’t open his eyes. He stayed in the moment, so I took advantage and leaned in, pressing my lips over his so he would feel my aching happiness radiating from me. My lips were against his when I finally whispered, “Me, too.”

  Chapter Seven

  DREW

  She was going to be a mother. I’d finally given her something good and pure. Something untainted by my world that could be raised in any world she deemed fit.

  Ayda was going to be a mother.

  I was going to be a dad.

  The minute her words fell against my lips, I reached up and gripped her hair tightly, holding her mouth to mine and sealing our moment with a kiss so true and heartfelt, it made my skin prickle. Her tears were against my cheeks, and I released her slowly, pulling back to take a look at her beautiful face.

  A tear I could no longer hold back fell and rolled over my rough cheek while I stared into her pretty blue eyes.

  “We’re having a baby,” I croaked.

  “We’re going to be parents.” She sounded stunned. Her hands landed on my shoulders, and a radiant smile blossomed over her face. “We made a life.”

  “I’m ready,” I said, without any hesitation or reservations. I was ready. I was ready to have something I could call my own, something I could nurture and protect in a way that didn’t require me going to war. Now I would have something that would ground me and remind me that life deserved more than fighting. It deserved peace, and it deserved respect. “I’m ready to do this with you.”

  “I can’t imagine ever doing this with anyone else. I didn’t know I wanted this but now...” She gave me another broad grin. “I can’t imagine not wanting it.”

  I released a small huff of laughter and shifted, pushing up until I was standing over her and brushing her hair away from her face. Even beat up and bruised, she was perfect to me, but the wounds of that battle would be the last she’d ever have on her skin.

  On my life, they would be the last.

  Pulling her to stand with me, I wrapped my arms around her and rested my chin on her shoulder, just needing to hold her tight. She felt tiny in my arms, but the responsibility I felt holding her, and now my child, made my heart want to break free from its chest and shout to the world how fucking happy it was.

  I’d never felt anything like this before.

  Not with this much power.

  “Just promise me one thing,” I breathed over her shoulder, emotion closing my throat up tightly.

  “Anything,” she whispered.

  “Promise me this is my baby and not Harry’s. I know how close you two were.”

  Ayda’s laugh came as a sputter before her forehead landed on my shoulder, and she unraveled. Her laughter had her shaking in my arms, and took a while to die down, her words coming as a guffaw. “I promise.”

  I laughed, too, because I had no fucking idea what else to do. The tension was cut right on time, stopping me from choking on my own heart and falling to the floor. I’d never felt such a twisted combination of weak and empowered all at once.

  Without another thought, I picked her up, wrapping my arms around her and spinning her around in a circle as carefully as I could. My head fell back, and I looked up at the ceiling, my happiness pouring out of me before I pressed a hard kiss to her head.

  “Thank you,” I told her sincerely. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

  “You’re half responsible for this. I should be the one thanking you.”

  Planting her back on her feet, I held her and looked down into my favorite blue eyes. “You’re welcome. Now tell me that you’re okay. Tell me what we do next.” I inhaled slowly. “Tell me where we go from here because I don’t have a clue, Ayda.”

  “I’m perfect.” Her voice was wistful but honest. She meant it. “As for the rest, I’m as clueless as you are. What I do know is that I need to see a doctor at some point. We probably need to talk about how we deal with this when it comes to our current situation, but aside from that, I was hoping you had all the answers. You normally do.” She winked playfully.

  I brought my hands around to her flat stomach, resting the heels of my palms together and creating a cradle for my child growing in there. The thought and idea of it was unimaginable. A miracle brought to the hands of a man who had done so much harm and brought so much pain to the world.

  Maybe second chances were real after all.

  “First thing I’m going to do is get you a doctor,” I told her. “Doc can be here in
no time, and we’ll get you checked over. I need to know everything’s okay right now. Once I know you’re good, I’m going to figure out a way to get shit out there sorted, get the men out of this mess we’re in again, and make sure the life we’re bringing this child into is one we’re proud to call our own. And then do you know what I’m going to do, Ayda?”

  “I have no earthly idea.”

  “I’m going to marry your ass.”

  “About damn time.”

  * * *

  By the time the afternoon rolled around, Doc had been over to The Hut without raising any suspicion among the guys. Ayda had been hurt by Owen Sinclair, and as far as my men knew, I was simply being my usual, overprotective self.

  Doc told Ayda he wanted to return during the week, and there was talk of blood tests, scans, appointments she’d have to make, and so much more I didn’t understand. All I could do was sit in the corner with my hands clasped together as I leaned forward and watched every move he made on my girl.

  She kept asking him over and over if the baby was okay, or was she in danger of losing him or her due to her injuries, but Doc didn’t have any clear answers. She was too early into her pregnancy for him to have any, so, for now, it was a waiting game with no assurances to keep our minds from tripping up over all the things that could go wrong.

  Once Doc left, I drew Ayda a bath and watched as she sank into the bubbles and tipped her head back against the tub. With a kiss to her temple, I told her I’d give her some time and be back soon.

  While the two of us were lost in the clouds of what our future could now hold, my men were out there wondering where the hell I was, and why I wasn’t storming down to the station to rescue Jedd.

  “Any news?” I asked Kenny as I walked over to the bar.

  He was sitting on a stool while Deeks stood behind the bar, leaning against the wall with his head down and his hands sunk into his pockets.

  “Nothing.” Kenny shook his head.

  I dropped my ass onto the stool next to Kenny and leaned against the counter. “Sutton hasn’t called?”

  “Not since earlier.”

  “No Eric?”

  “No.”

  “Rubin?”

  Kenny sighed, taking a moment’s pause. “No.”

  “Great,” I sighed. When I glanced up at Deeks, I saw defeat and concern marring all his features. “You doing okay, brother?”

  Deeks looked at me with a small shrug of his shoulders. “How we going to get out of this, Drew? I can’t see no way. I can’t see the plan no matter where my mind goes.”

  “We’ll find a way, Deeks. We always do,” I assured him.

  “Not without one of The Hounds taking the fall for it, we don’t. You, Pete, Harry, now—” Kenny reminded me, but I cut him off quick.

  “No more sacrifices. I promise.”

  “How can you promise that?”

  Staring into Kenny’s eyes, I began to see for the very first time how young and vulnerable he could look at times. Sure, he was one of my most trusted men, despite our differences in the past. If there were a fight, Kenny would be standing beside me with his fists tight and his gun ready. He’d die for me—for any of us, and that meant something. It meant everything. But, fuck, he was young and so was I, and was this the life men like us should really be fucking living? Dodging bullets, flexing biceps, growling loud, howling at the moon, too scared to talk about repercussions and sacrifices in case it was our hearts that stopped beating next.

  He was looking at me to be the president of the club. I needed to be that now while I was still capable because once that baby of ours came along, shit was going to change.

  It had to.

  Pressing a hand on Kenny’s shoulder, I leaned forward and squeezed him hard. “Because I have a feeling it’s our time now, brother. The gods haven’t always played in our favor, and we’ve handled that. Maybe it’s time for us to have a little faith. A little hope.”

  Kenny’s forced scowl didn’t match the sparkle in his eyes. He wanted to believe in the words I’d spoken, but the bruises of his memory hurt to touch when he thought back over the last few months and years of our lives. It was easier for us to be skeptical than to accept that good shit could happen to us as much as anyone else.

  I’m going to be a father, I wanted to tell him… but I didn’t because now wasn’t the time to share that news. For now, it would stay between Ayda and me. A secret only we knew. A truth in our world we could treasure just a little longer.

  “Trust me, Kenny. It’s our time.”

  Chapter Eight

  AYDA

  The bath Drew had run for me did me a world of good. The hot water eased the muscles in my body, and the calming scents of the bubbles made me feel more feminine. The room was filled with steam and vanilla, relaxing me.

  Even standing in front of the mirror, completely naked, I felt nothing but a strange and out of place, contented happiness.

  My body didn’t reflect my pregnancy. Not in any noticeable way, anyway. The bruises that were slowly blooming into deeper shades over my skin were a distraction I didn’t want, but I tried to look beyond them, unsuccessfully. Frustrated with myself and the barrage of memories, I pulled on a robe to hide the evidence of my confrontation with Owen.

  Not that I could hide my face.

  I was in the middle of prodding a wicked bruise on my cheekbone when my phone started ringing on the counter. I didn’t recognize the number at first glance, so I swiped it from the counter, and answered the call with a cautious, “Hello?”

  “Ayda,” the voice greeted me in a whisper. There was no mistaking who it belonged to. The little bubble I’d locked myself into popped with a loud burst, and the anxious reality of our situation rose again, growing another head and several sharp teeth.

  “Rubin! Where the hell are you?”

  “Can’t talk,” he whispered quickly, his words coming fast as something rustled on his end of the line. He paused, as though waiting, so I held my breath, concern rising with every second. Taking a deep breath, he continued in the same hushed and rushed tone. “I just needed you to know that I’m okay, and to tell you to keep your heads down. I’ll call again when I can. Please don’t call this number. They don’t know I have this phone.”

  “Are you in trouble? Who are they? Where are you?” I asked in the same quiet tone as I started toward the door to shout for Drew. Unfortunately for all of us, the call had ended before I made it out of the room. “Shit.”

  I looked at my phone in my hand again and did the only thing I could without raising too much of a ruckus. I sent a quick text asking for Drew to come to our room before I disappeared into our sanctuary to pull on some clothes and finally start the hellish day.

  I was fully dressed and pulling on some socks when Drew came into our room, his eyes filled with concern, scanning me for injury or destruction of any kind.

  “Rubin called me on a burner,” I muttered with little finesse.

  “What? Where is he?”

  “No idea.” I shrugged and repeated everything Rubin had said, word for word. “What do you think it means?”

  Drew’s eyes had zoned out the way they did whenever he was trying to fit the pieces of a puzzle together. He was glancing up at the ceiling—jaw ticking as his thoughts got carried away with him.

  “The kid’s in too deep,” he finally whispered.

  I’d known Rubin most of his life. He was Tate’s best friend. Rubin was headstrong, funny, loyal, and bold. I knew everything about the kid, including the fact that he was smart enough to say no when he wasn’t willing to take a risk.

  “Rubin doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to do, Drew. Whatever he’s into, he made the decision to do it. He’s smart, though, so we need to trust that he has a plan. He’ll call us if he needs us.” I had to believe that. I did believe that.

  “Him being smart isn’t my worry. I’ve seen what he can handle. What he’s been asked to do is my main concern.” Drew ran his hands over the back o
f his head roughly, making the longer lengths of his hair stand on end. He began to pace back and forth, his movements controlled as he studied the floor like it held all the answers he was searching for. “Eric walks over to Jedd and Rubin before he leaves the yard,” he muttered to himself. “Jedd rushes inside. That’s what Moose said.” Drew bobbed his head from side to side like his thoughts were making the motion for him. “Slater was asked to torch the training room by Eric. What was Jedd rushing back inside for? Why did Rubin rush out of the yard on his pushbike when he could have asked any of us to get him where he needed to go a hell of a lot faster than his legs could carry him?”

  He ran his teeth over his bottom lip, chewing on the inside of his mouth once he released it. Then at once, he stopped, dropped his hands from his head, and looked up at me.

  “Eric,” he whispered, his face stunned. “Misdirection. The tree. The fucking warehouse.” His eyes grew wider as random words fell from his lips. “Do you know something my father always told me as a boy, Ayda?”

  I stared at him for a moment. “No.”

  “If you can’t silence a problem, set fire to it, and then bathe in its ashes.” His eyes roamed over my body, landing on my stomach for only a second before he let them trail back up to my face. “Metaphorical bullshit back then, but he said those words all the time. If you can’t silence a problem, set fire to it then bathe in its ashes.” Drew took a step closer to me. “He set fire to the training room. He set fire to Pete’s tree. He set fire to the remnants of the warehouse. All places The Hounds of Babylon would never burn to the ground, no matter the circumstances because history and honor come before anything else to us. We’d never torch our own Holy Grails. We’d never burn down our own training room. But do you know who would do those things…?”

  “Walsh,” I muttered. “Eric created a diversion and misdirection with the fires, making it look like we were the targets while sending a message to Walsh and whoever else he’s involved with.”