Without Forever: Babylon MC Book 5

by James, Victoria L.

  “We good?”

  “You know it.”

  I nodded once and turned to look at Winnie whose brows were creased, and her eyes narrowed on me like I’d somehow just slipped my brother a fucking chisel to scratch his way out of his cell.

  “Thanks for letting me see him. I think I’m done here.”

  She glanced wildly between the both of us, her chest rising and falling faster and her mind clearly working at a thousand miles an hour as she tried to understand what the fuck had just passed between the two of us. She’d never figure it out. No one beyond the gates of our yard ever could.

  This was loyalty.

  Blood.

  Brotherhood.

  Family.

  I stood, pushing my chair back and noting the way Winnie flinched as the legs scraped loudly against the flooring. With a single rap of my knuckles on the table, I made my way to the door without looking back at either of them.

  “Don’t hang around here too long, brother. I think the agent in this room has a thing for you.”

  Her gasp was loud enough for me to hear. “Wait a minute, I—”

  “See you on the other side, VP,” I said calmly, and then I walked out of the room, leaving Jedd with my faith, and Winnie with her questions.

  Whatever Jedd was doing, he had it under control.

  It was time for me to do what I had to do, and hope that we were all going to come back together as a full pack.

  * * *

  “Where are you?” I asked Ayda, my cell pressed to my ear as I pushed my sunglasses into place and stared up at the dying ball of sunlight outside the station.

  “Rusty’s. Sutton’s about to leave and Deeks is about to take his place. Where are you?”

  I spun around to look at the building I’d just left. “Visiting family. Making sure we don’t have any more men going rogue on us. Trying to find a way to figure all this shit out without anyone getting hurt. I think that about covers it.”

  “Is there anything I can do?”

  “I just like to hear your voice.”

  Ayda made a small humming sound that expressed her pleasure. “I’m glad to hear it, but at the risk of ruining the moment, we bumped into an old friend in the diner.”

  “And by the tone of your voice, I’m assuming by friend, you mean enemy, asshole, or both.”

  “Rosie Sullivan.”

  I frowned. “Who?”

  “Maisey’s best friend. One of the women from The Hut who walked away just after I started warming your bed.”

  Admittedly, I wasn’t good with names, and if someone didn’t leave an impression, they were a ghost to me, but the mention of that bitch Maisey—may she rest in Hell—had my brain scrambling like crazy through a sea of female faces. Faces that held no warmth to me, only instant gratification and even that wasn’t always instant. Sometimes the effort outweighed the reward.

  Rosie…

  Rosie…

  Rosie…

  Then it hit me. The memory of her and Maisey talking to each other on the street corner in Babylon before all hell broke loose in our world. After that, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen her.

  “Fuck,” I groaned. “She’s back.”

  “Seems like it. She was meeting with Libby. I didn’t hear much of the conversation, and I’m not sure if Rosie saw Howard and me come in, but she was laying it on pretty thick. Libby didn’t seem convinced, and Rosie sounded like she was trying to get a toe back in the door. She mentioned the fires.”

  I closed my eyes and threw my head back. “Please tell me this little bitch isn’t involved in all this, or so help me, God…”

  “I don’t think so. It sounded like she was using it as a topic of conversation—an excuse to call Libby in the first place.”

  “Has Libby always been close with Rosie?” My head rolled down, and I scuffed my boot across the ground. “Because if she is, and if there’s any chance that Tate’s lady is playing both sides the way Sinclair was, I’ve got to be honest with you, Ayda, I will have to fucking end her. Tate’s girlfriend or not.”

  “If that were the case, you know I would back you up all the way. The thing is, it sounded more like Rosie was scraping the bottom of the barrel, grasping at straws and seeing if she could pull the short one. Libby didn’t seem to buy it, but it may be worth keeping an eye on her. Just to be sure.”

  “What’s your gut telling you? Can we trust her?”

  “I feel like we can. Libby’s happy where she is right now, but I can’t say for certain what her relationship with Rosie was before you and I got together. But to be sure, it may be worth having Slater ask the HW called Gemma? There was mention of her not taking Rosie’s call for getting Gemma kicked out of Slater’s bed or something.”

  I ran my hand down my face in complete and utter exasperation. “Is this what being a father is going to feel like? Constantly dealing with the kids’ bullshit?”

  Ayda’s quiet laugh was full of warmth. “Maybe, just with less life or death shit attached to it… I hope. Hang on, Drew.” There was a slap at the other end of the line. “We need to start feeding the guys more.”

  “Huh?”

  “Sorry, Deeks is trying to steal my lunch.” She paused, releasing another breath. “Do you want me to follow up with Libby?”

  “No, I want you to put Deeks on the phone.”

  “Okay, but you should know we came to a peaceful resolution about the food.”

  “Woman, I know you and your peaceful resolutions. Whatever it was, it’ll still mean my baby having less bacon or eggs.” I meant it playfully, but my voice betrayed me with a hint of seriousness I wasn’t expecting. I’d never cared what Ayda did with her body before, what food she put into it or how she chose to look after herself, but suddenly she wasn’t just Ayda anymore. She wasn’t just one love of my life. She was two, and the weight of that may as well have been an arrow to the chest that struck me hard, forcing me to step back and rest a hand on the seat of my bike.

  I was so fucking screwed already.

  “The fact that you know I have both bacon and eggs on my plate is scary. Sounds like I need to change some things up and keep my man on his toes.”

  “Darlin’, I’ll spend my entire life on tiptoes if that’s what makes you happy.”

  “You realize I’m sitting here with a goofy ass smile on my face right now, don’t you?”

  “Make sure it stays there. I want to see that when I get home later.”

  “It will be there all day, but how much later are you thinking?”

  Blowing out a breath, I gazed up at the sun again, appreciating its warmth and remembering the cold, lonely days of my prison cell. The sun… I’d never get tired of it.

  Maybe that’s why I was so determined to marry someone who reminded me of it.

  “As soon as I can, darlin’. As soon as I’ve figured out where the fuck Eric is.”

  Chapter Twelve

  AYDA

  Riding back to The Hut on the back of Deeks’ bike was just what I’d needed to clear my head. The only thing that could have made it better was Drew being in front of me instead of Deeks. Thankfully, I did love the big teddy bear of a man who navigated us easily into the yard and delivered me safely to the rest of the guys, before taking off to find his ladylove.

  I felt a little lost in the middle of the day with nothing to do but wait. I looked around for something to do or someone to bother, but everyone was doing something, and I tried my best to avoid the black hole that showed in everyone’s eyes as they worked.

  Eventually giving up, I headed to the small mechanic bay where the guys kept tools to work on the repossessed cars and their bikes, knowing Tate would be around that area.

  He spent most of his free time in there when he wasn’t with Libby.

  Wearing a pair of grease-stained coveralls that were tied at the waist, he was sitting on a mechanics stool tinkering with the V-twin engine of his Harley. There was a greasy rag draped over his knee, and a book open at h
is feet.

  “You know what you’re doing?” I asked, noting the slight jerk of his shoulders where I’d surprised him.

  “No. I figured I’d fuck it all up and hope for the best,” he grunted, the sarcasm in his tone unmistakable.

  I stepped around to the other side of the bike from where he was working and bent at the waist, resting my forearms on the seat so I was eye level with my kid brother, Waiting patiently, I held my silence until he finally glanced up at me reluctantly.

  “Sorry,” he offered.

  I waved him off and looked down at the parts he’d spread out in front of him. We’d bought him a brand new bike, but Tate had been purchasing upgrade kits for it at the rest of the club’s behest. Everyone had a suggestion on how to personalize it, and the bike was beginning to look better with every alteration. This process of disassembling and reassembling was teaching Tate how to do his own maintenance, which most of the guys had said was priceless.

  “So, what are you doing on the bike today?”

  “Just taking shit apart and putting it back together again. Eric said this was the best way to learn how the bike and parts should look. You know, before something goes wrong.” Glancing up at me, he offered a small smile. “Eric likes to help out Rubin and me when there’s nothing much going on. That one over there is what Rubin works on.”

  I glanced over to where he’d nodded his head and saw a frankenbike that was almost stripped down to the frame in the corner, looking all depressed and naked.

  “That’s nice of Eric to do.”

  “He’s not a bad guy,” Tate said, glancing up when he realized I’d said nothing in response. “And it kinda meant that I got my bike back, so...”

  “I got you.” I nodded and shuffled on my elbows. “Still no Rubin?”

  “Nope. He hasn’t called or been to the extra practices coach set up for the team.” Tate picked up the rag and wiped off his hands before picking up something shiny and studying it. His eyes flicked between the part and the book several times before he began reattaching the piece to the bike and picking up a wrench to secure it. I was fascinated, watching him work. “I called his house from school, but his dad picked up, so I hung up. I know Eric sent him off to do something for a reason.”

  I realized too late that Tate was feeling a little jealous and left out of everything. The Hounds of Babylon had come to mean the world to my kid brother since we’d become part of it all, and just like Rubin, he would have done anything asked of him by any of the men around here. Tate worshipped every one of them in his own surly way. I hated that he felt this way, and I wanted to reassure him that he was just as useful as everyone else, but I couldn't say anything of the sort to him without getting my head chewed off.

  “Don’t look at me like that, A.” Tate worked the wrench competently and picked up another piece without looking up at me. “I’m not mad, confused, or jealous. I’m just keeping busy and staying out of the way until I can help.”

  “You do help.”

  That got me a head-on glance, but it lasted only a second before he went back to work, attaching the part and sifting through the rest of the pieces with a methodical eye. He really did look like he knew what he was doing, and he was calmer than I’d seen in a while. Something I was happy to see after the craziness of the past couple of weeks.

  “Are things finally settling down with you and Libby?”

  “We’re fine. Everything that happened was just a misunderstanding. Libby got jealous, she’s apologized, as you well know, and we’ve moved on.”

  “The shower was the apology?”

  Tate snorted.

  “Do you know any of Libby’s friends? Ones outside of The Hut?” I’d said it casually, conversationally, but I’d been thinking about her meeting with Rosie. Had she told Tate about it?

  Blowing on a part, Tate looked up at me and shrugged again. “Wasn’t aware she had any. Libby spends all her free time here with us. When she’s not here, she’s visiting her grams in a nursing home down in Corsicana. She doesn’t go often, though. Why?”

  “Just curious.”

  Tate rifled through more of his parts and started rebuilding what he’d taken apart. He was quiet while he worked, making sure everything was tightened down before he dropped the ratchet he’d been using and picked up the rag, wiping his hands again. This time he looked up and studied my face a moment before he smiled at me.

  “You can ask her.”

  “What?”

  “Libby. Whatever question you have brewing around in that head of yours, whatever you saw, just ask her. It’ll bother you until you get an answer.”

  “I’m not sure if it’s that big of a deal.”

  “Liar.” He chuckled when I bared my teeth at him. “How long have you been bossing me around?”

  “Since birth.”

  “Exactly. I know something’s on your mind and it’s going to nag away at you until you have answers. I can’t give you those. I ain’t tied to Lib’s side all day, so you’re going to have to ask her directly yourself.”

  I slapped the saddle of the bike and rose to my full height. It was pointless trying to get anything more from him now that he’d called me out. He was also right; I needed to ask Libby if I was suspicious, but I wasn’t sure that was something Drew would want me to do. For now, I’d hold off.

  “Don’t forget to eat, jackass.”

  I ruffled his hair as I passed, and he barely dodged me, he was so invested in what he was doing.

  “Yes, Mom.”

  I left the bay, laughing, my hands in my pockets and face to the sun. I needed to find something to occupy my time or I was going to stare at the clock and count the hours until Drew got home. If he was looking for Eric, there was no telling how long that would take. Eric knew this town well, even if he hadn’t been here for a while. If that man didn’t want to be found, he wouldn’t be found.

  * * *

  Tate stayed in the bay working while I wandered aimlessly, looking for something to occupy my time. The air still had the smell of overheated metal on the breeze, as well as mutilated plastic. It wasn’t something that would just go away, even when the rest of the guys seemed to refuse to so much as acknowledge it. Part of me wanted to gather some of the guys together and start gutting the place just to rid us of the constant reminder.

  When inspiration for a distraction finally hit, I locked myself away in Drew’s office, sat at his laptop, and started researching. There were some terms I remembered from the paperwork I’d found in Harry’s room, as well as Owen’s home. Going incognito, I typed in some of the terms and read through the findings. There wasn’t much to glean without specifics, so I moved my search to the land and the sale. There were no public records on file for the land, and in order to get a more detailed report, I wasn’t willing to give them my credit card or payment information. Not without discussing it with Drew first, anyway. Having my name on that paperwork wouldn’t be a good thing.

  When I finally threw myself back in the desk chair, almost two hours had passed, and I still wasn’t any more informed than I had been when I’d begun. I sighed and started searching pregnancy and babies instead, quickly losing myself down a rabbit hole of self-diagnosis, which was a horrible idea. Having everything that could go wrong plastered over a screen was doing nothing to stop my concerns, and not having a clue how far along I was in the pregnancy only fed into a whole set of other fears I wasn’t prepared to face alone.

  An hour later, and I was a mess.

  “Ayda?”

  Glancing up, I found Autumn standing in the door, her beautiful face clouded in angry shadows as she caught the bruises that I continued to forget about. Her frown didn’t last long, though. Her gaze had already drifted to the screen sitting open on the desk. In a blink, she was beaming at me.

  “You can’t say anything, yet.” My words were fast and jumbled as I rushed to shut the pages I’d been working on. “Don’t freak out. Please.”

  I held my hands up, a half smil
e on my lips, my fingers trembling. I hadn’t intended anyone to find out by accident. Even though Autumn and Janette were probably the first two people I would choose to tell after direct family, anyway.

  “You’re…”

  I nodded.

  “How long?”

  “No idea.”

  “Have you seen a doctor?”

  “I saw the doctor, but not a specialist. Is there a specialist?” I asked, covering my face with my hands, the words falling from me so quickly they began blending together. “I’m so underprepared for this. I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. All I can see is a tiny baby with Drew’s sparkling eyes, and I melt. Everything practical goes out of the window. Then I get this image of Drew with a tiny baby in his arms and it’s like an orgasm that smashes me off my feet. After that, the questions and concerns just flutter away. No one knows yet, either. Just Drew and me. Well, and now you, and we don’t want—”

  “Jesus, Ayda, breathe,” Autumn sang, throwing her hands up in the air as she stepped closer. “This ain’t gonna happen tomorrow, sugar. I know you feel blindsided, but you’ve got months and months to get ready for this.”

  “Months,” I agreed. My cheeks flamed as I looked at her again and grinned. “I’m sorry, I started searching online and freaked myself out all over again. And that stuff I said about Drew—”

  “Daddy Drew does it for you. No shame in that.” Autumn wrapped her arms around me, and I rested my head on her shoulder as I attempted to find my breath again. “How did he take the news?”

  “Surprisingly well. I think we’re both scared. With things as they are right now, it’s hard to think too far into the future, but… Autumn, he’s going to be amazing.” I glanced up at her and smiled tearfully. “It’s the only thing in all of this that doesn’t terrify me.”

  “A baby,” she said quietly, squeezing me tightly.

  “It doesn’t feel real. I was on that porch, a gun to my head, figuring I was going to be saying goodbye to Drew, trying to make my peace with leaving Tate and y’all. Suddenly, the baby was just a thought in my head, like, oh, I guess that could turn out badly. I need to rethink this. I just… I knew, Autumn.”