Without Forever: Babylon MC Book 5

by James, Victoria L.

  We had so much to look forward to.

  So much.

  My daydreams were cut short when an orange Ford Gran Torino with a black stripe down the hood came crawling in front of the gates. It was a thing of beauty, and I pushed myself up in my seat, watching as it came to a stop outside our yard.

  The motor enthusiast in me wanted to go to it, take a closer look and appreciate the mechanics of it all, but the sunlight was shining against the windows, and I couldn’t see who was driving. Another tourist appreciating the fact they were stumbling upon a motorcycle club like we were the damn Sons of Anarchy? Another local out making sure we were behaving, keeping ourselves in line?

  The window rolled down slowly, an arm and elbow appearing to rest on the ledge before I saw the familiar face staring back at me.

  Winnie.

  My stomach rolled with nausea, but I found myself moving anyway, making my way across the yard at a leisurely pace before I stood behind the gate and peered at her through the metal bars.

  She looked different now. The hard edge to her features had gone, as had her bright red lipstick, replaced instead with a fresh-faced look that made her seem… human. Her eyes trailed up and down my body before landing back on my face, the bruises she’d last seen now gone, and only a few extra scars on my skin left as signs of the fights I’d been in my whole life.

  “Nice car,” I said, nodding toward the hood of it as I folded my arms over my chest somewhat defensively. “I didn’t have you down as a Torino kinda woman.”

  “What did you have me down as?”

  “Something more… beige.”

  “I see someone has healed just fine.” She raised a brow in return, her lips twitching.

  “Getting there.”

  “Was that a limp I saw when you walked over?”

  I cleared my throat, hating the slow nature of my healing. “Nothing more than rusty morning joints still waking up.”

  “Ah.” She nodded, not buying it. “The formidable Drew Tucker. He’s still as strong as ever.”

  “Stronger.”

  “That’s the message you’re wanting to put out there, right?”

  I shook my head. “No, I’m quite happy to live under the radar from now on.”

  “I bet.” She smirked, her eyebrows bouncing before she looked past me and to The Hut.

  “Care to tell me what you’re doing here at this time of day?” I asked her, bringing her attention back to me. “I sure as shit hope it isn’t to stir up more trouble.”

  “Trouble? The Hounds of Babylon? Never,” she mocked, her laughter somewhat light and carefree. “Don’t worry, Mr. Tucker—”

  “Uch,” I groaned, cutting her off.

  “Sorry. Don’t worry, Drew. You’re safe.”

  “Yeah? For how long?”

  Winnie smiled, her eyes narrowing as though she was contemplating her answer. “For as long as you behave.”

  “Behaving ain’t exactly our style.”

  “Not your old style. Something tells me that it will be from now on. You’re not a bad club, Drew. You’re a good club who always managed to find a way into bad situations. That’s a skill—one you might want to get rid of, but a skill none the less.”

  “Gee, thanks, Miss Winnie.”

  She chuckled again, her eyes drifting behind me. For a moment, I thought someone else may have been there, but when I glanced over my shoulder, the yard remained quiet and empty, the others in bed, unprepared to start their day so soon. When I turned back to Winnie, she was staring up at me as though I was a friend. It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention, and my gut tingle with anticipation. With people like her, you never knew what was coming next, and I’d grown tired of surprises.

  “I’m actually here to ask a favor,” she admitted quietly.

  “What kind of favor?”

  “I’m heading to Washington today.”

  “D.C? Fancy. The Walsh takedown really did help with the promotion, I see.”

  “And I couldn’t have got him without Jedd.”

  Jedd. So, this was about my brother, and the look in her eyes suddenly made sense.

  “No. You couldn’t. But we couldn’t have gotten out of that warehouse without you, so the gratitude needs to work both ways, even if you were late to the party.”

  “Right.” She swallowed lightly and glanced down at her arm resting on the window ledge before looking back up at me. “But I don’t think Jedd sees it that way.”

  “What do you care how he sees it? You got what you wanted in the end, didn’t you?”

  Her eyes narrowed again, the words she wanted to say seeming to get stuck on the tip of her tongue.

  “Mostly,” she eventually whispered. “I don’t make a habit of visiting those I’ve had under investigation before, Drew.”

  “We’re flattered.”

  “You should be. He should be. Just…” Winnie sucked in a breath, releasing it like it hurt to do so. “Tell him I’m sorry, okay? Tell him thank you, and I’m sorry.”

  I stared at her for far too long, the memories of the awkwardness between Ayda and me at the beginning of our relationship coming back to the forefront of my mind. I couldn’t be a hundred percent certain of what I was seeing, but if it was what I thought it was, I felt sorry for the poor woman. There wasn’t a chance in hell of Jedd ever returning any kind of admiration or mutual feelings for Winnie. If anyone so much as whispered her name in The Hut, he would growl and storm off, unable to listen to the six letters that made up her moniker.

  “Sure. I’ll tell him.”

  “Thank you.”

  Winnie turned to stare out of the front windshield, looking at the road ahead of her with apprehension.

  “It’s a long way to D.C,” I said quietly.

  “There’s a whole world waiting for us outside of Babylon, Drew,” she said, turning back to me and dropping her arm from the ledge to hold onto the wheel with both hands. “Maybe you should think about exploring it one day.”

  “I’ve got my whole world inside these gates. No need to go searching for things I’ve already found.”

  “Congrats on the baby,” she offered with a soft smile.

  “Congrats on the new life.”

  “Congrats on getting away with murder over and over again.”

  “Congrats on reminding me why I really don’t like you.” I huffed out a laugh, and Winnie nodded once in acknowledgment before she started up the engine of the Torino, offered me one last glance, and drove down a road that would lead her out of Babylon.

  When I turned back to look over the yard, I saw Jedd walking out onto the porch like a lump of dark hair and tattooed muscle. His arms were stretched up to the sky, his body reaching up before he dropped a hand to his eye and rubbed at it wildly.

  I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him.

  My brother. My VP. The man who saved the club in ways I’d never have considered doing.

  Walking over to him, I laughed to myself when he shook his head and pretended to check an imaginary watch on his wrist.

  “Don’t you ever fucking sleep anymore?” he asked roughly, his voice still not awake yet.

  “Nah. It’s a waste of life,” I said, hitting the bottom step of The Hut and coming to a stop.

  “Who was that?” he asked, nodding to where Winnie had disappeared.

  “The Torino?”

  “Yeah.”

  I shrugged, tucking my hands into the pockets of my gray sweats. “Nobody important.” I sighed.

  Jedd blew out all the air in his chest and looked out over the yard. “Another day closer.”

  “Sure is.”

  “You ready for it?” he asked, turning back to me.

  “I think I’ve been ready for this my whole life, I just didn’t know it for a very long time.”

  Jedd’s grin grew slowly. “What was life like before she came into this family? I can’t remember.”

  “Who knows? All I remember is being angry with everyone
all the time. Thinking hurting others would take away the pain in my own chest. Life was foggy before Ayda came along. Now it’s…”

  “Filled with sunshine.” He smirked.

  “Soft bastard.” I joked, and Jedd’s rough laughter joined mine, filling my life with more love and appreciation than I could ever have imagined existed.

  “You guys are gonna have a good life, brother,” he told me. “And that starts tomorrow.”

  “It’s going to be the best fucking day of my life.”

  “Until your kid is born.”

  “Fuck,” I pushed out through a heavy breath. “A husband and a father in the same year. Who the fuck am I?”

  “There’s not a man on this earth who deserves it more.” Jedd made his way down to the same step I was on, his hand landing on my shoulder as he looked beyond me to the rest of the yard around us. His fingers pressed into my skin, the emotion I saw in his eyes making my smile fade, and my chest swell with pride. “Sometimes, the best lives start in the murkiest of waters. Yours hasn’t always been easy, but the good times are waiting. Enjoy every second of them… be selfish, no matter what that means for the rest of the club. It’s about Ayda and the baby now. You, Ayda, and the baby. It’s what Pete and Harry would want. The club has to come second after tomorrow, Drew, and you have to be okay with living this new life.”

  “This feels like some kind of goodbye, brother.”

  “You wish.” He laughed, walking away and leaving me standing there, staring at the door to my home—to our Hut.

  “No more goodbyes,” I whispered to myself. “Only good mornings.”

  Chapter Forty-Six

  AYDA

  I hoped I would never get used to the feeling of waking up to Drew Tucker. Every morning felt like the best kind of gift, the more relaxed version of the man I loved had made me fall deeper and deeper in love with him.

  And it always started with this moment—the one where I opened my eyes and saw him sliding a mug of coffee on to the nightstand, those fully reformed muscles rippling under his inked skin before he unleashed that stare of his on me.

  I knew how lucky we were. We had one another, we had the club, and we’d come out of the other side of it all with a few scars, but we were still alive. We’d settled into a nice kind of calm that felt natural—months with no drama—outside of the teenagers that still insisted on acting like toddlers occasionally, anyway.

  As Drew sat on the edge of the bed, the sun shone over the scar just under his ribs and, like I did most mornings, I ran my fingers over it, flashing him a smile when his eyes lit up.

  “Morning.”

  “Morning,” he whispered adoringly.

  “How long have you been up?” I asked, stretching out like a cat and rubbing my hand over the small rise of my belly where our baby was growing.

  “A couple of hours. Not too long this morning.” His gaze drifted down to my stomach where he placed his hand over mine. “Everything okay with my two favorite people this morning?” he asked, leaning down and brushing his lips against mine.

  “All the better now you’re here. We’ve decided that it’s gonna suck not waking up next to you tomorrow, but the tradeoff is totally worth it.” I twisted my hand under his and linked our fingers together. “You nervous yet? Cold feet?”

  “Nope and nope. Calm and toasty. You?”

  “Never been warmer,” I admitted, shifting onto my side so I could see his face better. He looked happy, or at least happier. It had been a long process over the last couple of months, but this look of contentment was my new favorite on him. “You wanna come and give charm and charisma some love before you become a married man?”

  “You wanna stop asking your future husband stupid questions and shift over already so I can grope my future wife?” He smirked.

  Shuffling back in the bed, I flung the comforter back from my body with a quiet flourish. “Since when have you needed an invitation?”

  “I don’t.” Drew moved around carefully, kicking off his sneakers and propping himself up on a pillow, opening his arm for me to lay on his chest.

  He’d been outside. I could smell it on him when I buried my face into his chest. I had been checking the weather almost obsessively over the past few weeks, and I knew it was going to be sunny, hot and dry, just like every other day.

  Sinking into him, I let my eyes slide closed and took in the moment. I liked to memorize the little things that I loved. These were the things I wanted to tell our kid about when they asked how I fell in love with their dad, or what I loved about him most. I couldn’t tell them about his strength and bravery, or how I adored that crazy martyr side of him that had taken on the world with his two bare hands to protect the ones he loved.

  I also wanted to selfishly bask in the moments where it was just he and I. The two of us alone.

  In another month, we were going to be able to find out if this bun in my oven was a girl or a boy, and I had a feeling that the whole world was going to change then. The baby still felt like a dream, but that would make it real.

  “Before the madness of tomorrow starts, and I break down and allow my hormones to take over, I want to say thank you.” I lifted my head and twisted to find his eyes.

  “Thank you?”

  I smiled up at him. “Yeah, thank you. Thank you for reminding me what it feels like to be happy. For pulling me out of my own personal Hell and loving me even when I was a pain in the ass.”

  Drew’s jaw ticked as his eyes searched mine. “I loved you because you were a pain in the ass, Ayda. I love you now because you refuse to make things easy for me. If you’d have been softer, weaker even, I wouldn’t know how lucky I am to have you. I wouldn’t appreciate everything you brought to the table for me, too. So I guess the gratitude works both ways, right?”

  I felt that familiar love rise inside of me with every word he said. I hoped my smile told him everything I was feeling because those damn hormones also made me a crazy emotional at times. I was dangerously close to being a blubbering fool again.

  “I guess what I’m saying is I love you, and you’ve made me happier than I thought I could ever be. I didn’t think about getting married or having kids much after Mom and Dad died. I didn’t see much of a future at all. I wasn’t living. Then along you came, and I’ve never felt so alive in my life. I don’t think I could have given you up, even if you’d tried to make me.”

  He reached up with his free hand, brushing a thumb across the apple of my cheek. “I remember trying to make you give up this life a few times. Thank God you were born stubborn. But I could argue this with you all day, telling you I feel like I’m the one who should be thanking you while you tell me you’re the one who should be thanking me. So, let’s agree to disagree on who deserves who more. Let’s be thankful we’re here, doing this, waiting for tomorrow, and let me tell you that you’re welcome, Ayda Hanagan. If I had to walk into a diner again and pick out any waitress in any part of the world, I’d walk right back into Rusty’s and pick you all over again.”

  “Remind me to thank Tate one day, when he’s not a hormonal jackass with an attitude.” I sniffed trying to hide those emotions I’d tried so hard to suppress.

  “Ayda?”

  “Hmm?”

  “You’re trying not to cry right now, ain’tcha?”

  Slapping his chest, I dropped my head and buried my face in his shoulder before the first tear fell, a muffled, “asshole,” falling from my lips.

  I couldn’t imagine my life without Drew Tucker in it, and tomorrow I would be marrying him. Who knew that the man who’d stumbled onto my driveway, making threats and demands, would turn out to be my forever?

  “Drew?”

  “Yeah, darlin’.”

  “Can you do that thing you do to stop me from getting emotional?”

  “I’m really not in the mood for doing puzzles right now, Ayda.”

  “So you’re asking me to be clearer?” I asked his chest sweetly. My eyes on the hound inked into his skin.
>
  “You’re about to become a Tucker. Blunt and to the point is all we know. Consider this part of your training.”

  I raised my eyes to meet his as my hand skimmed his abs and worked under the waistband of his gray sweats to wrap my hand around his erection. “Fuck me. Please.”

  His eyes darkened, the intensity of them penetrating mine. I’d said everything I needed to say. “Yes, Ma’am,” he whispered, moving quickly to pull me closer to him so he could press his lips against mine, a whisper of a groan echoing in his throat from the feel of my palm around his dick.

  I sank into the kiss; heat flooding my body and riding my veins. These were the moments when he belonged to me, when I had all of him to myself, and truth be told, I enjoyed being greedy. Tomorrow we were to be married, and I planned on making the most of today.

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  DREW

  I kissed her goodbye somewhere around 5:00 p.m. that afternoon, with Autumn ushering her away from me, peeling us apart with threats of superstitions and a lifetime of bad luck if Ayda didn’t get out of there quickly. Somewhere along the way, with the help of Sloane, Libby, and a few of the other women in The Hut, a bridal party had been formed to help things run smoothly.

  All day, Ayda and I had seen our brothers walking around carrying logs, boxes of candles, flowers, before looking at me with a roll of their eyes to let me know they weren’t all too happy with being ordered around by a bunch of testy women.

  Once Autumn had done all she needed to do around the yard and The Hut, she’d packed Ayda into a car and driven her away from the night. I stood there on the porch, my hands tucked in my pockets, and I watched her disappear down the road.

  That was the last time I’d ever spend quality time with Ayda Hanagan.

  Tomorrow, she’d become Ayda Tucker, and the thought made me silently giddy.

  I’d been staring at the road she’d disappeared down when Jedd, Slater, Kenny, and Deeks came charging out from The Hut, their arms flying around my neck, hands roughing up my hair, and the cries of The Hounds of Babylon filling the air. I was fought, tackled, mocked, and teased until they managed to drag me back inside with a promise of whiskey all night long—enough that would make sure I slept the night away without waking up, pining for my woman.