A Lady's Past

by A. S. Fenichel

Diana sank on the bed and a long sigh pushed out. “What makes you think their teacher will be any more honest?”

  “If she is not forthright, we can assume they are not to be trusted. Let’s just see, since we have little choice but to remain here.”

  Getting up, Diana pushed down a wave of nausea. “That’s not true, my lady. You could go. You are not required to stay here and would be far safer if you went back to London or to one of your other homes.”

  Honoria took a step back and leveled her eyes on Diana. “I’ll not leave you no matter the danger. Do you think I would abandon you to this pack of men? I could never.”

  “But your safety is more important than whatever might happen to me,” Diana begged.

  “No. You may stop this line of thought, Diana. I will not leave you until I am certain you will be safe and free. Not even the King of England will lay a hand on you while I’m your chaperon.” Like a small lioness, Honoria wouldn’t be swayed.

  Diana pulled her into her arms. “I wish you would go, but thank you for being here. I can think of no one I would rather be in danger with.”

  Bell-like giggles bubbled out of Honoria. “You are a good girl. I think Jacques will make you a fine husband as soon as the two of you realize there is no other possibility.”

  It took Diana a full ten seconds to respond, and all the while Honoria patted her back in a motherly way. “He is smart enough to stay away from a woman who nearly got him killed.”

  Honoria shook her head and pushed out of the embrace. “Nonsense. Men are stupid by nature. If you love him, it is my opinion you let him know sooner rather than later.”

  It was because her feelings for him were so strong that Diana was going to leave him to his own future. No one wanted a woman who put them in harm’s way at every turn. “I’m sure you’re right, my lady.”

  “Of course I am. You should get some rest. It has been a long day.” Honoria sashayed out of the room humming a tune of her own devising.

  Chapter 13

  Jacques was determined to find out what he had done to cause the rift between Diana and him. She’d said she didn’t blame him for her abduction in London, but he couldn’t think what else had gone wrong.

  Back in his room after pudding, he’d waved off a very fine brandy. Clouding his mind would not help. He lay in his bed for hours, staring at the ceiling and listening to each member of the group clomp up the stairs and go to bed. When the clock in the foyer chimed one o’clock, he gave up all pretense of sleep.

  He pulled on his trousers and blouse before creeping down the hall. She might turn him away, and then he would have to return to his sleepless night. He couldn’t remember the last time a woman had made him nervous. Maybe never. Yet standing outside Diana’s door, his stomach was in knots and a bead of sweat dripped from his temple.

  Becoming an idiot hadn’t been in Jacques’s plans. He knocked softly enough so no one in the other rooms would hear. It was possible Diana wouldn’t hear the weak rap, either.

  “Who’s there?” Her raspy, soft voice filtered through the door.

  “Jacques.” It was the only word he could manage before his throat closed.

  The bolt slid, and she opened the door. She was an angel in a voluminous white gown with one thick braid that lay in front of her shoulder. “Is everything okay?”

  Heart beating like a rabbit on the run, Jacques swallowed his longing. “There is no danger, if that is what you mean. May I come in, Diana?”

  Backing in, she fully opened the door. Embers from the dying fire and moonlight reflecting on the snow left enough light to see her standing to the side with wide eyes. She clenched her hands in front of her.

  “I’m sorry to come so late, but I could not sleep.” He added a log to the fire and poked at the embers.

  “Is something troubling you?”

  Placing the poker back in the rack, he took a long breath before turning. “I am troubled by many things these last few months. I had a plan for my life.”

  “I am sorry that meeting me has altered your plan.” She inched along the wall toward the fire while keeping her distance from him.

  He stepped into her path. “I am not sorry.”

  Those large eyes begged for something, but he wasn’t sure what. Nothing about her nightdress was alluring, yet when she crossed her arms over her chest, she was adorable. “How can you not be? I almost caused your death. If they had hit you any harder, you could have been permanently damaged. It’s a miracle no one was killed. And for no good reason.”

  He hated the tears tightening her voice. “You were not to blame, Diana. I should have protected you better, but that fact aside, Victor Caron is to blame, the French government he works for is to blame. None of this is your fault.” He stepped so close she had to look up to keep her gaze on his. “As for the reason, you are more than enough. Do you think Bertram would have stayed home if he had known he would be battered trying to protect you?”

  “I cannot watch anyone else die for me. You should not be here, Jacques. These men work for the government and will use me to get what they want. If you get in the way, you will be hurt. I want you safe.” Her tears flowed freely down flushed cheeks.

  “What good is it to be physically well if my heart is broken?” He ran his thumb along her cheek and wiped her tears away. “I would die for you, Diana. I appreciate your concern, but I will not give you up.”

  She backed up a step, and Jacques was captivated by the bobbing of her throat as she swallowed. When she spoke, her voice was a whisper. “And if I tell you I don’t share your feelings?”

  “If I thought it was true, you would destroy me. However, I do not believe you are devoid of feelings for me. Perhaps it is arrogance, but I think you care for me, if only just a little.” He touched the soft braid at her shoulder, then pulled his hand away and waited.

  “You should go back to London or to your parents’ home.” She clasped her elbows with her hands.

  Jacques pulled her hands away. Kissing one, then the other, he rejoiced in her sigh. “Even if you hated me, I would not leave you when the danger is still very real. I must know you are safe. If, after Caron is caught, you wish to send me away, I will have no choice but to go. But I shall see this through with you. The Horsemen are good men and they will protect you, but they also have an obligation to make sure you are not a danger to England. That duty overshadows anything else they may do. You need more than Lady Chervil on your side. Preston and I are here for you. We will keep you safe not only from Victor, but also from the Horsemen if need be.”

  Since she didn’t pull her hands away, he kept them in his. Touching her gave him purpose and a taste of what his life might be. He refused to believe it wasn’t possible.

  “Jacques, you do too much. You cannot hope to save me from England.” She rested her cheek on his chest.

  Heaven. Wrapping his arms around her, he breathed in the flowery scent of her hair and reveled in the warmth of her skin. “Preston is a duke. He has quite a bit of influence. Michael is also a duke and a hero, and while his loyalties are split, he is well known for always doing the right thing. He will not let anything happen to a good person.”

  “How can you be so sure I am good?” Her body sagged into him.

  Jacques lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bed. Placing her on the sheets, he leaned over and kissed her forehead. “You are good. I have never doubted it, and I shall never doubt you, my sweet goddess.”

  She closed her eyes and sighed. “You have always believed in me.”

  Leaning away, he said, “And I always will.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “Back to my own bed.” He brushed an errant hair from her cheek.

  “Will you not hold me until I sleep? It is only in your arms that I can truly rest.” She curled on her side and wrapped her arm around her pillow.

&nbs
p; Knowing he should leave, and being able to deny her, were two different things. “Only for a short while. I will not give anyone cause to mistrust you. You are a fine lady and should be courted.”

  “I used to be fine. Now I’m soiled. You can do far better.” Sleep further roughened her voice.

  Jacques climbed into the bed behind her and wrapped his arms around her. Just as it had been the first time, it was perfection. So much trust rested with him when she had little reason to trust anyone. It was his undoing. “There is no one better than you, goddess. You are as perfect as the moon herself.”

  Breaths even and deep, she might have been asleep before hearing him. It was of no consequence. He would have time to tell her every day how perfect she was. Somehow this remarkable woman would be his.

  The fire dwindled and popped, waking him just before dawn. Jacques crept from the bed and made sure Diana was properly tucked in before slinking back to his own room and into bed.

  It hadn’t been exactly what he’d wanted, yet it was more than he’d hoped for—to hold her for a few hours and give her some peace. One day he would chase all her demons away.

  * * * *

  The ladies broke their fasts in their rooms, so only men sat at the breakfast table. Jacques’s father had told him that boys who went to the Buckrose School grew into remarkable men. These Horsemen were remarkable, that was true, but he didn’t know if he could trust them to keep Diana safe.

  Preston gave him a look that said he was staring and should stop. Much like the four Horsemen, he and Pres had been friends long enough that they managed much conversation without saying a word.

  Turning his attention to his coddled eggs and sausage, he ate and listened to Oliver and Alex discuss some plan to draw Victor into the open. Neither said how they would accomplish this feat.

  Sebastian said, “Once we have him, you know we will have to turn him over to London. They will want a trial, and either lock him up or hang him publicly.”

  Sitting back in his chair, Alex placed his folded hands on his stomach. “They will get him, but not before we have all the information we need from him. Miss MacLeod’s situation is unfortunate for her, but might prove very helpful to us.”

  Footfalls on the stairs were followed by the butler poking his head in. “Miss MacLeod has come down, sir.”

  Alex stood. “Please ask her to meet me in the study, Bates.”

  It took sheer will to remain in his seat. Jacques watched Alex walk to the door.

  At the threshold, Alex stopped and turned back toward the table. “Mr. Laurent, I assume you would like to be present at this meeting.”

  Jacques shot up from his seat. “Yes.”

  “Very well then.” Alex nodded.

  The study spanned half the depth of the castle. Jacques imagined it had once been a ballroom, but if so, it had been converted to its current life long ago. A spiral staircase filled the center near a long span of windows and led up to a cat walk with cases of books that wrapped the entire room. “I think you have more books than Preston, and that’s quite a feat.”

  “They don’t belong to me. They are part of the school, but this section has been dedicated to the Buckrose Horsemen for almost ten years. Under normal circumstances, students are allowed to come and borrow books. We have suspended those privileges while there is danger, of course.” Alex sat in one of four wingback chairs in the front of the study. The windows there were not as large as the ones under the stairs and they faced the front garden near the drive.

  Diana cleared her throat.

  Alex rose. “Please come in, Miss MacLeod.”

  “I apologize. I overheard your conversation.” She joined them, and when Alex offered her a chair, she sat.

  Waving off the apology, Alex said, “No need. We were discussing the study and the school. None of it is a secret.”

  She watched him, eyes filled with curiosity. His Diana was always seeking knowledge. “Why do the Buckrose Horsemen reside here? If I may say, it seems an odd pairing with a school.”

  “I suppose it is, but Oliver, Nathaniel, Sebastian and I went to school here. We formed the Horsemen at the request of the Prince Regent shortly after we left school, to help with French spies. At almost the same time, the Buckrose School was struggling to stay afloat. It might not be as prestigious as Eton, but it’s a fine school, and there are young people who need a place less regimented and stuffy.”

  Jacques sat. “So you bought the school and saved it, and put the Horsemen’s headquarters here to protect it?”

  With a shrug, Alex smiled. “I like to keep an eye on things here, and it’s out of the way. Most people don’t know of our existence, and that is for the best most of the time.”

  “You are nicer than you let on.” Diana kept her gaze level with Alex’s.

  When Alex laughed, the sound was out of character. “I suppose that’s true. And with that thought still on your mind, I would like to make a proposal.”

  The hair on the back of Jacques’s neck stood up. “I am not going to like this.”

  “No. Probably not,” Alex agreed.

  Diana kept a mild expression plastered on her face. It was how she looked whenever she wanted to keep her emotions in check. “Tell me what you want of me.”

  “We plan to do a thorough search of the area. Mr. Laurent and His Grace are reasonably certain Victor Caron has come in search of you. That means he already knew about us, and it could mean that the French government also knows about us. The Horsemen will keep you safe, but our first priority is to capture Victor and find out exactly what he’s told Napoleon.”

  “What does that have to do with me.”

  Perched on the edge of his seat, Jacques wondered the same thing, but he had a suspicion that it would not be safe.

  “If we cannot find Caron within a reasonable period of time, we will have to draw him out. As you yourself have admitted, he has an unusual obsession with you. It might be the only flaw in his ability to hide.”

  Jacques leaped from his chair. “You cannot mean to use Miss MacLeod as bait!”

  Diana’s voice was soft and shot to his heart. “Jacques, please. Let’s hear Mr. Lynds out. The danger of French spies in England is very real. I can attest to that. If learning the information carried by Victor Caron will save another family from the horror I’ve lived through, I will do what I can.”

  Eyes bright with surprise, Alex leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. “You would be willing to help us?”

  Sitting back, she rolled her eyes. “Mr. Lynds, you forget that I am English. I have always wanted what is best for England. My parents died protecting their country, no matter what you may think.”

  “Diana, you could be killed. It is not acceptable to use you to lure Caron into the open. Victor hates me with a specific passion. I will be adequate bait.”

  She looked into Jacques’s eyes with something warm and full of emotion. He wanted to call it love, but that would have to wait for her to decide. For now, the beauty of that expression could hold him for years.

  “Either one of you might draw the attention of Caron and cause him to make a misstep.” Lynds slapped his knees and stood. “Let us finish our search. We may get lucky and find the blackguard before any danger comes to either of you.”

  Diana rose. “That would be preferable, of course.”

  “You don’t think I can find him?” Alex folded his arms and looked down his crooked nose at her.

  Outside, the gardens were awash with snow. Diana walked to the window and stared out. “Victor Caron was not my first jailer. Pierre Menard captured my family. Victor worked for him, and while he was there when we were taken, it was Menard who imprisoned us. Because he could not get Father to comply, Menard was removed from our dungeon and Victor was promoted. Menard was mean and brutal, but Victor is worse. He takes pleasure from inflicting pain. He is
clever and conniving. I don’t think he will be easy to find.”

  Alex bowed. “We will do our best.”

  “Thank you.” She nodded.

  He walked to the large double doors. “Feel free to borrow any books you like. I know there is not much to do in winter here at Buckrose, but we have quite a few tomes about scientific study that might interest you.”

  Diana strolled to the shelf to the right of the windows below the stairs and ran her hand along the book spines. “He’s a puzzle, isn’t he?”

  Following along like a lost pup, Jacques watched her. “Yes. He keeps his own counsel and does not share much.”

  “Do you think I can trust him?” She continued along the shelves.

  “I believe he is sincere in his statement that he will protect you, but not to the detriment of his main goal.”

  She rounded the stairs from behind and started her ascent. “I meant what I said. I want to do what is best for England. Besides, with Victor near and me being kept here at Buckrose, I have little choice.”

  Jacques followed her to the catwalk. “We are at the mercy of the Horsemen, but I feel certain it will all work out.”

  With a short laugh, she pulled a heavy tome from the shelf. “Are you always so optimistic, Jacques?”

  He drew closer, but she moved away with the book in hand. Stopping to feign interest in a book on geography of the African continent, he kept watch as she leaned against a pillar and opened the book. “Not always, but in this case, I can accept no other outcome.”

  Making another attempt to get close to her, he rounded a small table.

  Diana’s eyes widened and she scampered around the southeast corner of the catwalk. “So you can choose when and if you are accepting of a particular circumstance?”

  He stopped at the corner. “I do not like to leave anything to fate. I rarely gamble, and I only risk what I am willing to lose. Diana, while I’m enjoying this game of cat and mouse, I’m beginning to wonder if you are afraid of me or flirting.”

  She stopped moving and faced him. “I could never fear you. How could you think such a thing after last night?”