by Xana Jordan
I can’t figure her so-called boyfriend out. From what I heard about him last year from Cade and Stacy, he seems to like her and has treated her well. But now, I’m not sure that’s still the case. His visits and calls are becoming irregular and less serious on his part. The few times I’ve actually seen him, he doesn’t interact with her like I think he should. Like I would.
Before I know it, the movie is already halfway over and someone is knocking on the door. Not really watching the movie, I get up and answer the door to find Gavin, one of our baseball teammates, standing there.
“Hey, man. What’s up?” I open the door further to let him inside before walking back to my bed, and Cade turn the movie’s volume down a little.
“Just thought I’d come down and see what was going on. It’s way too loud on my wing for this time of night. Hey, Mallory,” he tells us and pulls out the chair from my desk, leaning back and crossing his stretched out legs at the ankles.
“We’re just watching a movie and hanging out. Well, we have been watching it,” Cade points to Stace, Mal and himself. “Noel’s been zoned out for the last hour,” he teases and throws popcorn at me, which falls short.
Shaking my head, I roll my eyes and continue the conversation. “Whatever. As you can tell it’s not that much quieter down here. Everyone is so wound up over tomorrow’s football game.” We all laugh as someone yells ‘Go Muleriders’ down the music filled hallway.
“Trust me, it’s quieter down here. Even my roommate left the building to get away from it.” Turning to look at Mallory he asks, “Is Keaton ready for his game tomorrow?”
“I’m sure he is. I haven’t talked to him in a few days. They’ve been having extra practices this week because of their rivalry with the other team.” Mallory tries to act as if she isn’t bothered by their absence of communication, but I can see through it. It definitely bothers her, and I can’t say as I blame her. If Xana and I were together, it would bother me, too. Cade and Mallory talk a little more about Keaton, and I notice that Gavin’s eyes never leave Mallory. He doesn’t exactly try to hide it, either. That’s an interesting development.
Curfew rolls around and Gavin volunteers to walk the girls home with Cade. No one seems shocked by his desire to walk them home, and I let him take my place, curious to see if anything comes of Gavin and Mallory in the future. If truth be told, I’m really not up to seeing Xana tonight,Thinking of her talking to Jeff on the phone the way we used to, or him holding her when I can’t, is something I don’t want to deal with.
Ready for bed, I hit the showers and am already in bed when Cade returns to the room. Gathering his things for the shower Cade asks, “Did you see Gavin watching Mallory?”
“Yeah, I did,” I laugh and flip the television to some late night b-rated movie.
“That should be fun to watch.” Cade grins and walks to the door.
“Fun, indeed,” I agree and he leaves for the shower. Tossing the remote over onto his bed, I pull up the covers and go to sleep, thoughts of Xana’s smile on my mind.
Blain has come to visit me a few times since school started. It’s so amazing to see him when he’s here. I’ve missed seeing him almost everyday. He was here just last weekend to watch one of our home games, and it was great. Jeff had to work that weekend so he could take off for Homecoming this weekend. I would have loved for the three of us to hang out together. Hopefully, we will be able to do that sometime soon.
Jeff’s old fraternity is throwing a big party after the game, and we’re going there so he can see a few of his old frat brothers. I don’t care where we go, I’m just excited that he will be here. It’s been almost a month since I’ve seen him, and phone conversations are either really short, or few and far between. It seems like I’m always waiting around for him to call or come visit me. At least I have a lot of studying I can do to pass the time. These accounting classes are really getting to me.
Stacy, Mallory and I spent the morning getting our hair and nails done for tonight. I needed a trim, very badly, and it couldn’t wait any longer. It’s a shame we’ll have to shower after the game tonight. No matter what I do, I am never able to get it as straight as my stylist does. It’s a real pain, but Jeff insists my straight hair makes me look more professional. I suppose he’s right, since he’s taken more business classes than I have.
It’s almost time to leave for the game, and Jeff still hasn’t arrived, yet. He should have been here around one so we could eat lunch together before the game, but I haven’t heard from him at all today, and it’s almost three o’clock. The flag line has to meet at the band hall in forty-five minutes to run through one of our altered routines before we perform it at half-time. I’ve sent him several texts and tried to call him numerous times, but they’ve all been unanswered. Why isn’t he answering? Where is he?
I’m kissing Cade when I hear someone bumping around. What is that noise? Who on Earth is making all of that racket this late at night? Oh bloody coconuts, that has to be Xana, but why is she still up so late? I hear some weird people talking, and suddenly realize I’m in bed in my dorm room. Cade isn’t here, and I’ve actually been asleep. That figures, because it sure was a really good dream.
I reach over and turn on the lamp on my desk to see where the noise is coming from, only to find Xana looking for clothes in her drawer without a light. Glancing at the alarm clock, I see that it’s almost three in the morning.
“Xan, what’s going on? Why are you sneaking around in the dark?” I ask her sleepily.
“Sorry, I was just trying not to wake you up so I didn’t turn my lamp on.” Xana looks anywhere but at me, and takes her things for the shower.
“You know that lamp doesn’t wake me up. What’s wrong?”
“What makes you think something is wrong? I’m just trying to be a good roommate and not wake you up.” Xana puts her shoes and purse in her closet and grabs a towel before walking over to the door.
I can’t let her walk out without answering my questions. “Xana, stop. I know you, remember? I can hear it in your voice, and the fact that you can’t look at me tells me something is wrong. Are you alright? Did something happen with Jeff?” I move out from under the covers and sit on the side of my bed. Xana turns away from the door and looks at me.
“I’ve just had a really bad day, alright? Can we please leave it at that? I’m tired and my stomach hurts and I just want to shower and go to bed. Please, Stace?” She doesn’t think I can see it, but I notice her chin trembling and tears forming in her eyes. Unable to sit any longer and see her like this, I stand and close the distance between us, which doesn’t take much even though my bed is across the room.
I wrap Xan in a hug, and whisper in her ear, “Okay, I’ll let it drop. But you know you can always talk to me and I won’t judge anything, right?” I give her one last squeeze and take a step backward to look her in the eyes.
“I know, Stace. Thanks. Do we have any Sprite and crackers? I’m going to take some ibuprofen when I get out of the shower and don’t need to take them on an empty stomach. Hopefully, they’ll help the pain go away.”
“You’re having those pains again?” Xana nods her head and smiles pathetically at me. “Okay. I’ll get it all out for you and leave it on your desk.”
“Thanks. I love you, Stace.” She looks at me and I can see more than physical pain in her eyes, but I can’t fathom what put it there.
“Of course, you do. I’m fabulous. Now, go take that shower so you can take those pills and sleep it off.” Xana nods and walks out the door to go shower.
What on Earth could have gotten her so upset? I know she’s been having cramp-like pains for the past few weeks, but that can’t be the reason she was almost in tears, could it? I wish she would just tell me what’s going on and not try to hide things from me. She never used to do that.
I crawl back into bed, leaving my lamp on, until Xana returns from the bathroom and goes to bed. Xana is asleep within five minutes and I can’t quite go to sleep just yet,
so I lie in bed and listen to her breathing. She seems to be completely asleep and I soon follow her into dreamland.
Five thirty brings me out of sleep with crying and moaning. I’m a little more coherent than I was when Xana got home earlier, but not by much. She is lying in a fetal position on her bed, the covers all tangled around her feet. I walk over to her bed and try to wake her. It takes a few attempts, but Xan finally wakes up and looks at me.
“Are you alright? You were crying and moaning in your sleep.” Xana brushes the hair off of her face, taking the tears with it.
“Yeah, I was just...having a bad dream. I’m okay. Sorry I woke you up.” She reaches down by her feet and straightens out the cover before pulling them back over her.
“It’s no big deal. I just didn’t know what was wrong. Since you’re alright, I’m going back to bed. A face as pretty as this need it’s beauty sleep,” I tell her to lighten the mood, giving her a quick hug in the process.
Xana manages to laugh at my words, and says, “Yes, it does, Your Highness.” I wink at her over my shoulder and crawl back into bed and fall back to sleep.
Thanksgiving is in a few weeks and classes are starting to get a little easier, but the professors have decided to give us reports and projects due before we have finals in December. Fortunately, for me, the papers aren’t anything major so nothing is going to be very difficult.
I’m sitting in my room at my desk, working on a paper, when Cade walks in. “Hey, man. I thought you and Stace were going to the movies tonight.” I lean back in my chair to get a better look at him. He’s dressed for a date, but why does he look like he’s worried about something?
“I don’t think we’re going anywhere tonight. Xan’s really sick and Stace doesn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone for that long,” Cade tells me as he drops his keys on his desk and plops down on his bed.
“What do you mean Stace doesn’t want to leave her alone? I thought Jeff was coming to see her this weekend. How sick can she be?” I question him. What could make Stacy afraid to leave her alone?
Cade looks down at his phone before answering, “Apparently, she was up and down all night, throwing up. At one point, Stacy found her asleep on the bathroom floor when she went looking for her. She’s been pretty out of it for most of the day, and Stace is afraid something worse will happen if no one is there to watch her.” Cade frowns, and looks at his phone once more. It must be really bad if even Cade is concerned.
“Jeff talked to her last night before she went to bed and told her he wasn’t coming this weekend, after all. Something about work, as usual,” Cade tells me and pauses. “She looked really bad, Noel,” he says, staring straight at me. That shit’s not good.
“Look, you and Stace go ahead and go to the movies. I’ll go over and sit with Xana. I can just as easily work on my paper there, as I can here. If something happens, I can get her what she needs.” I turn to my desk and begin to gather up my books.
“Are you sure about this?” Cade raises his eyebrow at me, his head cocked to the side.
“You’re really asking me that, Cade?” I stop gathering my things and glare at him. Crossing my arms in front of me, I tell him, “You know how I feel about her, and you know she needs me. Don’t fight me on this,” I warn him.
Cade raises his hands in surrender and says, “Alright, alright. I wasn’t going to fight you, but I wanted to make sure you were doing this for the right reasons. She hasn’t exactly been talking to you a lot, you know.” Cade moves to grab his keys from his desk.
“I’ll text Stace to let her know what’s going on.” Cade walks to the door and turns to me before leaving. I answer his next question before he can even ask it.
“I’ll be there in about thirty minutes, once I get things together. Will that give Stacy time to get ready?”
“It should. Text me when you get in the lobby, and she’ll come check you in. Thanks, man.” Cade walks through the door, shutting it behind him.
I exhale and finish getting my things together before heading out of the dorm. I drive over to the small convenience store just off campus and pick up a few supplies for Xana.
Stacy meets me in the lobby, checks me in, and helps me carry one of the shopping bags to their room. “Did you plan on moving in? What is all of this stuff, Noel?” Stacy questions as we walk to her room. I adjust the duffel bag on my shoulder and shake my head, laughing at her.
“No, I just stopped and picked up a few things for Xana in case she needed them. Tylenol, Sprite, crackers. Stuff like that. I wasn’t sure what you had over here.” We reach their room, and Stacy, her hand on the doorknob, looks up at me. Her face softens as a strange expression overtakes her face.
“I know how much you care about her, and even if she doesn’t want to admit it, I know she never stopped caring for you.” Stace grabs my arm and continues speaking, cutting off what I was going to say.
“But go slow, Noel. Something is going on with her, but she’s trying to hide it. Sometimes, I worry about her, but I try not to push her about it. Right now, just be her friend in whatever way she lets you. That’s what she needs.”
“I understand. I need her, and I’ll take any time she’s willing to give me. I am going to prove to her just how much we belong together, and how I’m never going to hurt her like I did before,” I promise her. She looks at me for a moment before nodding her head and opening the door.
Stacy walks over to the other side of her bed, and places the shopping bag on her desk before checking on Xana. I shut the door behind me and place my duffle bag and backpack on Stacy’s bed and sit beside Cade.
“How is she?” I ask Cade, who is watching Stacy check Xana’s forehead across the room.
“She’s been pretty restless since I got here, but at least she’s stayed asleep. You gonna be okay here with her?” Cade glances at me, then turns to watch Stacy walk over to us.
“She doesn’t seem to have a fever, but I haven’t gotten her to eat or drink much of anything all day. Maybe she’s coming out of it.” Stacy looks over her shoulder toward Xana and back at me.
“We’ll be back before curfew to check you out. If you need me, just call, and we’ll come right back.”
“I’ll be fine. Just go and have fun. I’ve got her. Promise.” I nudge Cade with my shoulder and stand to hug Stacy. “We’ll be fine.”
Stacy and Cade leave us and I get settled in. I place the Sprite and juice in Xana’s mini fridge and go ahead and remove the medicines from their boxes. I put the soup and crackers on the top of the microwave so I can go ahead and throw all of the bags and trash away. I feel Xan’s forehead, and make sure she’s tucked in before sitting down at her desk with my books. I can easily keep an eye on her from where I am seated, so I go ahead and start on my paper.
Xana remains quiet and asleep for about thirty minutes before becoming restless again. Putting down my pencil, I walk over to check on her. I sit beside her on the bed, and she starts waking up, just a little. I can’t hear what she’s trying to say, so I lean a little closer to her and brush the hair away from her face. It’s slightly damp and has begun to return to it’s naturally curly state. Why in the world did she start straightening it?
Xana moves her head into my hand as it brushes away her hair. “Mmmm. Stace,” she groans, making my breath hitch. She’s so pale, and looks almost breakable.
“Sssh, Sweetness. Just go to sleep.” I run my fingers across her damp cheek and down her neck. Her eyes never open, but a faint smile washes across her lips.
“Uhmmm,” she softly groans. “Noel?” she asks, still mostly asleep.
“Yeah, Sweetness. I’m here. Ssssh, go back to sleep,” I reassure her as she relaxes into her pillow.
“Stay,” she whispers.
“Always.” I lean forward and kiss her forehead, my lips lingering there. I’ve missed being this close to her.
I sit at her side for a few moments and watch her settle into a calm sleep. I soon hear her phone vibrating on the desk
where she left it. Giving Xana one last glance, I hurry to answer it before the noise wakes her up again. I notice Blain’s name on the display right before I answer the call.
“Hey, Blain,” I greet him quietly.
“Uhm, Noel? Is that you?” he questions, unsure how to respond. “Where is Xana?”
“She’s here in her room. She’s really sick, so I’m sitting with her while Stacy and Cade go out. She’s sleeping right now,” I explain as I sit down at her desk.
“Why do you have to stay with her?”
I continue to keep my eye on her as I explain the situation to Blain. He hadn’t been able to reach her on the phone since Wednesday afternoon and had become worried.
“I’ll ask again. Why you? I know you’ve apologized to me for what happened between us before, but I’m more worried about what your intentions are with Xana,” Blain tells me, rather bluntly.
I am not offended by that question. He’s right. I messed up with Xana before, very badly. I hurt her and broke any trust she had in me. I did things I regret, said things to her that were hurtful, and subconsciously knew weren’t true. I was an ass, and I own it. But being away from her for over a year has given me an entirely new perspective on things.
“I understand, Blain. But I’m not the same person I was before. I’ve never stopped caring about her just because we broke up. My feelings haven’t changed and I am never going to give up on us.” I pause to watch Xana lying in bed, her face beginning to look pained.
“You love her. Don’t you?” Blain asks.
I’m actually quite surprised he’s asked me this question. I’m not sure how to respond at first. Walking over to stand beside her bed, I look at her and think about his question. Moving a stray hair from her cheek, I lean down and press my lips to her forehead and inhale the scent of her shampoo. Coconuts.