by Xana Jordan
“Thanks, man, for bringing her here. I know you got her here as fast as you could. She’s stubborn enough on her own without having anything actually wrong with her. She’s always so independent and doesn’t like any attention drawn to her. How did you know what was going on with her?” Mike asks as he looks down the hall to see where his parents went.
“She admitted to having pains yesterday on our way home. She promised me she’d get it checked out if it didn’t go away. When she called me earlier she didn’t need to say what was wrong. I could hear it in her voice, so I just got to her as soon as I could.”
Mike stares at me for a few moments that seemed more like weeks, trying to figure me out, I suppose. I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall and waited for him to speak first. I wasn’t about to get into a fight with him, because I only wanted to get to Xana. I needed to see for myself that she was going to be alright.
“Thanks. But remember what I said yesterday. I’m still watching you,” he warns as he lightly punches me on the shoulder.
“I get it, but I’m not the one you have to watch out for.” I look at him one last time, and walk down the hall to Xana’s room.
“You’ve said that before. What are you talking about? Who do I need to keep an eye on?” Mike moves closer to me, his voice lowered.
I shrug my shoulders and look him in the eye. “Just what I said. I’m not the one who will hurt her, nor am I the one you need to worry about.” Giving him no other chances to question me, I continue down the hall to her room.
As Mike and I arrive to see Xana, the orderlies have already gotten her situated in her room, and her mom and dad are sitting beside her. She’s talking to them, albeit a little slowly, and her color looks much better. She notices us as we walk in and she smiles at us. Mike walks over to her first and gives her an abbreviated hug so as not to hurt her.
“Hey, lazy bum. You gonna sleep all of break, or what,” Mike teases her and releases her from the hug. She smiles up at him and tries to laugh, but her reflexes are getting slower. I think those pain meds they gave her are working pretty well right about now. I’m relieved, because I don’t think I could see her in anymore pain.
“Shut up, fish breath. Don’t you ever brush those teeth of yours, or do you enjoy turning off the girls with your foul smelling mouth?” Xana covers her nose and mouth, pretending to keep from barfing, and Mike mocks being offended at her insult. I’m glad to see she’s joking around. She was far from that over an hour ago.
“Noel?” She calls out softly, looking around Mike to find me. He takes a step further down the bed so she can see me standing by the door.
“I’m here. How are you feeling now?” I ask, walking toward her bedside.
“Better,” she replies as the doctor enters the room to talk to her and her parents.
I make to leave the room, when she clings onto my hand, her eyes starting to tear up.
“Please don’t leave, Noel. Stay?” She holds my hand tighter, and it takes everything in me not to crawl up into that bed and hold her like I want.
“Xan, the doctor wants to talk to you about your tests and stuff. I’ll just be right outside, okay? Promise.”
“No, don’t go,” she pleads weakly, then looks to her parents standing at the foot of her bed. “I don’t want to talk about it right now. Please?” She gives them the saddest face I’ve ever seen, and I know her dad will give her what she wants. I couldn’t tell her no right now if I had to.
Mr. Bradford looks at his wife, then turns to the doctor. “We can take this outside, right?” he asks as he and Diane walk over to the door where he is standing. The doctor agrees, and they all walk out into the hallway. Mike walks to the other side of her bed, and sits in the chair his mother vacated.
“You okay, Xan? You really scared Dad. I’ve never seen him pack up his gear and leave an installation so fast.” He smiles as he chuckles, making her smile in return. She yawns, and burrows into her covers just a little bit more.
“I’m sorry to scare everyone. It just got bad so fast,” she tells him and yawns again. “I called Noel, and he just...came.” Xana looks over at me and smiles, tears beginning to form in her tired eyes.
“Yeah, he did.” Mike looks over in my direction and gives me a chin nod, his eyes telling me how grateful he is that I got to her in time.
“Do you need anything, Xana? They said they were keeping you until tomorrow for observation.” Mike offers to go home and bring her Kindle and iPod to her, so she isn’t bored. Xana takes him up on his offer, and Mike gives her a hug and kiss before leaving.
Once we are alone, Xana’s strong facade falls, and tears begin to fall down her face. I brush the tears away from her face and try to quiet her cries. “Ssssh. It’s going to be alright, Sweetness. Just go to sleep and you’ll feel better when you wake up.”
“I’m so scared, Noe. I think it’s worse than last time,” she whispers as she looks into my eyes. I can see just how scared she is. I remember when she told me about her PCOS the first time. She cried for a long while, before she was able to pull it together. I can only imagine how she feels right now.
“Don’t worry about it right now. You’re tired and a little drugged up. Just let yourself go to sleep and, when you wake up things will feel and look clearer, okay?” I brush the hair out of her face and run my fingers down her tear stained cheek.
“Hold me, please?” She grabs the hand running down her face and holds it to her cheek.
“I’m not exactly sure that’s a good idea. Your parents probably wouldn’t approve of me in bed with you, even if I’m not under the covers,” I joke, trying to get her to smile.
“I don’t care,” I pause as her lip begins to tremble. How on Earth can I tell her no?
“Okay. Can you scoot over, or do you need help?” Xana moves over enough for me to lie on the bed beside her, and she raises her head up enough for my arm to fit under it. She lays her face against my chest and places her hand on my abdomen.
Using my free hand, I move away the hair that is stuck to her forehead from sweat. “Is that better, Sweetness?”
“Mmm hmm,” she mutters before I feel her body begin to relax.
Before I can ask her anything else, she’s already asleep in my arms. Closing my eyes, I am finally able to take a breath and relax with her. I’m unsure how long we had been lying like that when her parents follow a nurse back into the room. Mrs. Bradford sees us together and she wraps one arm around her waist and the other flies to cover her mouth. Mr. Bradford’s arm wraps around her shoulders and he pulls her to his side, both of them staring at us.
“I’m sorry, but she insisted I get up here with her. She was scared,” I whisper to keep from waking Xana up. I try to remove myself from under her, when her hand takes hold of my shirt. I look over at her parents and her mom moves over to help me get out of her grasp.
After I am untangled from Xana, the nurse checks her vitals, and I walk over to the corner with her parents. “Is she going to be alright?” I ask, then look over my shoulder to her sleeping form in the bed.
Diane wraps me up in a hug, and her dad pats me on the back. “We’re so thankful you got to her as fast as you did, Noel. We can’t ever thank you enough for taking care of her,” her mother tells me as she wipes a tear from the corner of her eye.
“I’ll always take care of her,” I reply. “I know we had some problems in the past that, if I could change them, I would. But I can’t, and all I can do from here on is make sure they never happen again.” I look over at Xana once again, and sigh. “I love her. I just want you to know that. You may not believe me, and that’s fine. But, I do. I’ll always be here to take care of her. I promise you that, even if she doesn’t want me to be.”
Her parents stand there in silence for far longer than I like. My hands in my pockets, I look back at them with nothing but love for their daughter on my mind. The nurse, finished with her examination, exits the room, leaving us alone with Xana. After what seems like ho
urs, her father finally breaks the silence.
“Somehow I believe you, boy. I’m not saying everything is forgotten, just yet. You hurt her, badly, and I will not have her hurt like that again. Right now, she wants you here, but if that changes, I’ll make sure you leave.” He stares at me, nothing but seriousness on his face, and I know he is telling the truth. He will make me leave, but he can’t keep me away from her forever.
I nod in acknowledgement, and he nods in return, both of us clear on what the other feels. Diane wraps her arms around her husband’s waist and motions for all of us to sit at the tiny round table in the corner. After we are all seated at the table, the Bradfords begin to explain what the doctor told them.
Xana had another large cyst rupture, and several more smaller ones along with it. They are unsure of what damage it will cause, if any, and will know more later in the evening, or tomorrow morning. She should be able to go home after lunch tomorrow unless there are any complications before then. She should be back to normal within a few days.
“I’ll stay with her tomorrow afternoon. I know you both have to work, and I’ll be glad to be with her until you get home. I know how she hates being coddled and fussed over,” I smile, remembering how mad she got at me when I took care of her last time this happened. This makes her parents smile.
“Yeah, she is stubborn that way,” her dad, John, laughs.
“Wonder where she gets that from,” Diane remarks looking to him. “Thank you Noel. I’m sure you must have other things to do, though. I‘d hate to keep you from your family time,” she says softly, and lays her hand upon mine.
I can see Xana sleeping soundly from where I am sitting, and smile at her mother. “I’d rather be nowhere else. Besides, my grandparents are already here, and will be here for a while, so I’m not missing anything. I’m not leaving her if I can help it,” I tell them honestly. My phone beeps as her parents agree with my taking care of her tomorrow, so I step out into the hall to answer the call.
“Hey, Mom.” I take a few more steps away from her door, and stand at the window at the end of the hall.
“Noel, how is she?” Mom skips over the greeting and gets straight to business. She’s always had a soft spot for Xana, and when I flew out of the house in such a rush, she could barely keep herself from following me.
“She’s fine, now, Mom. She’s had some pain meds and is asleep right now. She should be able to come home tomorrow if nothing else happens.”
Mom is relieved to hear the good news, and I fill her in on what her parents have told me so far about her condition. I can hear her repeating everything back to Grams and I laugh to myself. She could have just put me on speaker so they both could hear.
After Mom and Grams have their questions answered, they tell me to hug Xana for them, and end our call. Taking a deep breath, I lean my head against the window, and look out at the parking lot for a few minutes before returning to her room.
I can hear people talking softly in the background before I even open my eyes. My whole body feels heavy and sore. I’m not ready to open my eyes and let them know I am awake just yet. Taking inventory of my bodily aches and pains, I find that the medications they gave me have really helped, and I’m feeling a little more human than I did when I got here. The only problem I can find is that even though I can smell his cologne on my sheets, Noel is no longer lying beside me.
Unable to stay still any longer, I begin to stretch and open my eyes. The lights are dimmed so they don’t burn my eyes when I open them. Mom sees me moving, and comes to my side to check on me. Dad follows and stands at the foot of the bed, while Noel is nowhere in sight.
“Hey,” I tell my parents, my voice kind of scratchy. “How long was I asleep?”
“A couple of hours, pumpkin,” my dad tells me. He moves to help me sit a little straighter up against my pillows and kisses me on top of my head. “There ya go. Better?”
“Thanks, Dad,” I say and look around the room one more time for Noel. I can’t see him anywhere. I feel a little sad that he’s already gone. I had hoped he’d keep his promise and not leave me.
“He stepped out to go get his mother and grandmother.” Mom smiles and pats my leg. “I know that’s who you are looking for.” She smiles at me, and Dad shakes his head in agreement.
“That boy wasn’t leaving until you woke up, no matter what time it was,” Dad sighs and places his hands in his pockets. I can’t help but smile at him in return. He stayed.
Mom is getting me a drink of water when there is a slight knock on the door. The door opens just a crack, and Noel peeks his head inside. “Can we come in,” he asks and opens the door enough to let me see his mother, Melissa, and grandmother, Helen, standing behind him.
I smile widely at him, and shake my head enthusiastically. “Yes!” Mom and Dad move to the far side of my bed so Noel and his family can walk over to see me.
“Hey there, Sweetie. How are you feeling?” Melissa asks as she and Helen sit in the chairs beside the bed. “I brought you a surprise.” She digs into her purse and pulls out a little blue bag and hands it to me.
“You didn’t have to bring me anything,” I tell her as I open the little gift. Brownies. Triple chocolate caramel brownies. I look up at her and I feel tears trying to form in my eyes. His grandmother smiles at me and leans over to hand me a very familiar thermos. She winks at me and simply smiles.
“We knew the food around here wasn’t that great, so we wanted to bring you something to cheer you up,” she tells me, and my eyes start to blur with unshed tears. I look over their heads to Noel, standing behind them. He winks at me and gives me that smile that makes me melt.
“Don’t look at me, I tried to get them to wait until tomorrow. You know how they can get,” he laughs and they simply smile in agreement. I can’t help myself and laugh with him.
“Thank you for the treats. They’re my favorite,” I tell them, overwhelmed by their kindness.
“No need to thank us, Sweetie. We’re just glad you’re alright, and we’ll be going so you can rest some more. We just wanted to see you for ourselves.” Mrs. Daniels leans over and gives me a hug, then moves over to let Grandma Helen do the same.
“You stay strong, and don’t let this get you down. You’re a fighter, my dear,” she whispers as she hugs me. She squeezes my shoulders as she moves away and walks with Melissa to the door and they leave. Mom and Dad excuse themselves as well, heading home for a bit to check on things they left unfinished.
Noel looks at me as he sits in one of the chairs they vacated. “You’ve always had them wrapped around your little finger,” he laughs and leans over with his elbows on his knees. His laugh makes me smile, and I wipe away the stray tear that escaped my eyes.
“You’re just jealous they like me better than you,” I tease him and take a bite of a brownie. They are absolutely amazing. I haven’t had one of these in forever.
Noel reaches over and takes the thermos from me, pours me a cup, and hands it to me. The cocoa is still steaming and I close my eyes as I inhale its delicious aroma. “I swear your grandmother makes the best hot chocolate in the world. I may have to move to Colorado so I can have it all the time.” I take a sip and another bite of brownie. The delicious mix of the two makes my stomach rumble and my mouth water for more.
“I’ll have to tell her to expect a new roommate,” Noel tells me and places the thermos on the tray beside my bed. The nurse pops her head inside the room and asks if I feel up to eating. I give her what I’d like for dinner and she leaves the room.
The two of us sit in silence as I finish the cup of cocoa. I hand the empty cup and bag of brownies to Noel so he can place them on the tray table beside him. “Sorry about my family. I told them you were fine, but they insisted on seeing you.”
“It’s fine, Noe. It was good seeing them again. Besides, how could I turn them away when they came bearing some of my favorite gifts,” I tell him and he smiles wider back at me when I use the nickname only I have ever called him.<
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“Now that everyone is gone, and it’s just me, tell me how you really feel. I know you’re pretending you’re fine so they won’t worry about you,” he tells me, holding nothing back. I had forgotten just how well he can read me.
“Scared. Tired. Sore. Afraid. Sorry you had to rescue me again. You shouldn’t have to do that for me,” I tell him honestly. We’ve only recently gotten back to being friends, and I’m not sure our relationship can handle anything more than that.
“I’m not rescuing you because I have to, I’m taking care of you because I want to. I know you’re scared about what the doctors may tell you tomorrow, but I’ll be here with you if you need me. You can tell me what you’re afraid of, and I’ll help you through it. You have to know this by now.” Noel takes my hands in his and sits on the bed beside me.
“Noel, I don’t think this is...” he cuts me off before I can finish.
“Don’t say anything. Let me talk, okay?” he asks and I nod in agreement.
“I know I messed up before and let people’s manipulations and lies cloud my judgement and I reacted very badly. I will never forgive myself for how terribly I hurt you. I knew none of it was true, that you would never cheat on me, but I let my jealousy and insecurities get the best of me. For that, I know that telling you I am sorry will never be enough, but I am sorry. So very sorry.” Noel looks at me, his eyes pleading for me to understand, to forgive, and I am so overwhelmed I don’t know how to respond.
Tears. More tears form in my eyes, just when I thought they had dried up. Everything we said to each other when we broke up, the rumors of him cheating, the broken trust, Lay Me Lexus and her boyfriend clinging troll ways. All of it came rushing back to me like it had just happened yesterday.
“I know this is all a lot to think about right now, but I had to tell you. I couldn’t keep this inside anymore. I just wanted you to know, Sweetness.” Noel brushes away the tears that have escaped my eyes.