by Xana Jordan
“Noel,” I whisper, pausing to look down at our joined hands. “It hurt. It still hurts. I thought I was over it, but…” I look up at him, and see the sorrow we both share over past mistakes. “But I missed you anyway. I really never stopped. And now you’re here.” I give him a shaky smile.
“I’m always going to be here. From now on, I’m always going to be here. I love you, Sweetness. That hasn’t changed.”
“I don’t know what to say, Noel,” I tell him honestly. My emotions are all over the place and I just don’t know how to respond.
“I don’t expect you to say anything. Just let me be here to help you. I know you don’t like other people to make a fuss over things, so let me be the one you talk to. Let me help you when you need it.”
Noel is so sincere in his request, I don’t want push him away. He was there when I found out about the cyst diagnosis. He let me talk it all out, and never once made me feel like I was upset for nothing. He’s been there since, and everything felt better. Even though I might still have a boyfriend. I can’t even think about that right now.
“Okay. I’m glad you’re here. I’m not sure I would have made it here without your help. I don’t remember much of how I got here, but I know that I didn’t really tell you what was wrong. You just came.” Noel smiles at me, and I find myself smiling in return, my tears fading.
“Always, Sweetness. Always.”
Before anything further can be said, there is a soft knock on the door. The door cracks open just slightly and Cade’s head pops inside. “Hey there, lazy. What’s all the dramatics for? You like the expensive rooms, huh?” Cade’s teasing make me giggle, and he walks over to stand by Noel.
“I like to keep you two on your toes,” I laugh in response.
“Yeah, well, next time wait until Stacy is here so she can hover on her own. She’s called me ten times already threatening to drive back up here if I didn’t come see how you were. Not that I wouldn’t on my own, but I didn’t want to get in the way. Here, she told me to bring you this.” Cade hands over a white plastic Wal-Mart bag, and I thank him.
I pull out the contents and giggle when I find a word search book with a musical theme. Stacy knows how I like to do these when I get worried. “Thanks, Cade. Tell her I’ll call her when they let me go home tomorrow.” I set the magazine on the table beside me, and reach for more hot chocolate. Cade shoos my hands away and fixes me another cup. It’s still amazingly warm and chocolatey.
I stayed with Xana for as long as visiting hours would allow me to. Mike returned with Xana’s Kindle and iPod so she would be entertained tonight when everyone went home. None of us really wanted to leave her there all alone, but she insisted, rather forcefully that she would be asleep anyway.
I had forgotten I had her phone with me and gave it to her before I left to go home. It was almost dead, so I gave her the extra charger I keep in my car for emergencies. She was getting tired, so we all left her to get some rest. Her parents would be back in the morning to get her released and talk to the doctors one last time. I was going to meet them at their house to stay with her for the afternoon just in case another cyst ruptured. She should be fine by then, but the doctors wanted her watched just a little longer.
Mom and Grams had warmed up some dinner for me when I called to tell them I was on my way home. I was completely starving by the time I sat down to eat. Even re-warmed, the lasagna tasted as good as it did fresh out of the oven. Mom and Grams and I chatted for a while before I put my dishes away and went upstairs to go to bed.
Taking a shower and changing clothes finally got the hospital smell off of my skin. It also helped me relax a little as well. I didn’t realize how tense I had been all afternoon long being with her. Finally telling her how I felt and how sorry I was about what I did before was a great relief as well as very stressful. Not knowing if she would forgive me and if we could get back to where we were, worries me. I’m sitting on my bed flipping through the channels when my phones rings.
“Hello,” I answer, not looking at the caller ID.
“Hey,” a female voice says softly. Xana.
“Sweetness. How are you?”
“Tired, but feeling better.” Her voice is low and I can’t hear anything in the background.
“That’s good. You need me to talk you to sleep?” She always needed to talk to me when she couldn’t sleep well.
“Yeah,” she replies and it makes me smile.
We talk for a long time about random things. School. Band. Ball. Classes. Christmas. Just like we used to. I could tell she was getting sleepy when her words started to slow down.
“I know you’re sleepy now. I’ll see you tomorrow when you get home. We’ll watch movies and have some fun.”
“I am a little sleepy. Thanks for talking to me,” she says, sighing softly into the receiver.
“Always. Goodnight, Sweetness.”
“Goodnight, Noe.”
Xana was released after lunch and I was waiting for them when they arrived at home. We’d texted a few times this morning and I knew just how excited she was to be free of that place. I was relieved she didn’t have any more problems and seemed to be just fine.
Mr. and Mrs. Bradford were working a little late, even though it was Friday, to catch up on some office things before the holidays. They felt better having someone there in case something happened and she couldn’t handle it alone. It was my pleasure to be the one with her and I would have insisted if they hadn’t asked me on their own. I needed to know she was alright.
Before she leaves, Diane put Xana’s pain pills on the kitchen counter for us. She hates the way they make her feel, but if she needs them, I’ll force feed them to her myself. She’s not going to hurt like that again if there is a way to avoid it.
Xana returns from her room, all showered and clean clothed, when she notices the basket I placed on the coffee table.
“What’s with the basket, Noel?” she questions as she approaches the table.
“Grams,” is all I have to say to put the biggest smile on her face I’ve seen in days.
Xana dives into the basket, pulling the tissue paper out like a crazy person, flinging it all over the coffee table. She lets out a little squeal when she gets to the goodies packed inside: a container of Grams’ special cocoa, in a turquoise and blue thermos bearing her name in a matching, swirly glittered font; various cookies wrapped in blue, turquoise, and silver cellophane tied up with curly ribbon; a purse-sized sketchbook; and coconut scented body lotion and bubble bath.
“Noel, this is too much. She shouldn’t have done all of this,” she tells me, clearly feeling unworthy of receiving so much attention.
“Are you kidding me? She tried to send more, but I had to cut her off. You know how she gets when it comes to you. Don’t worry about anything, baby. She loves doing this.” I laugh when she pokes out her bottom lip, trying to scowl at me. That only makes me laugh more, and her frown falters with a grin trying to sneak through.
“Give it up. You know you love every minute of her spoiling you. Grams has that way with everyone.” Her smile brightens up her entire face and she giggles uncontrollably.
“I know. The look of exasperation on your face when she and your mom look right over you cracks me up.” Xana laughs and wipes tears from her eyes. She really enjoys that far too much.
“You’re so bad, Xana. Here, give me the thermos and I’ll pour us a mug of cocoa and grab some napkins. I know you’re dying to dig into those cookies.” She grins and shoves the container of cocoa into my hands faster than I am prepared for and I almost drop it.
“Don’t you dare drop my present from Grams, Daniels,” Xana yells out as I walk to the kitchen, laughing all of the way.
A few hours later, Xana and I are sitting on the couch watching a movie when Mike comes home from working with their dad. He stops in the living room to check on her before heading upstairs to shower and change. According to Mike, their parents would be home after they ran to the grocery stor
e for a few final things in order to avoid the last minute shopping rush on Christmas Eve.
It’s almost seven o’clock when Xana tells me she is going to take a pain pill before the pain gets too out of control. I’m glad she isn’t trying to pretend like nothing is wrong.
“What exactly did the doctor say? What can you expect?” I hand her a bottle of water from the fridge as she takes a pill from the bottle.
“They did another ultrasound and found more cysts, some larger than others, and said I should expect some pain when they rupture. They also said not to wait too long to take something for it if I need to. They did some blood work to check hormone levels and other things. They want to see me back in a few weeks to take another look and see if there is more damage from the rupturing. That’s all I really know right now,” Xana tells me as she plays with the label on her water bottle.
“What are you feeling about that?” I ask her, standing across the kitchen island from her.
“About the same, I guess. There are a lot of things to wrap my head around and figure out. Mostly, I just try not to think about it most of the time.” She looks up at me and attempts to smile.
“If you need to talk about it, or just need someone to keep your mind off it, you know you have me, right?” She nods and twists the cap back on her bottle.
“Yeah, I know. I will,” she answers and excuses herself to the bathroom. The doorbell rings as I walk back into the living room. Yelling out to Mike and Xana that I’ll see who it is, I make my way to the door and answer it.
The doorbell rings again, just as I reach the door and open it. I’m quite shocked to see Jeff standing there on the front porch, and from the looks of it, he’s just as surprised to see me. Serves him right. What the hell does he think he’s here for?
“Jeff. What can I do for you?” I ask him as I cross my arms and stand in the middle of the doorway, staring him down.
“What are you doing here? Where is Alexandra?” Jeff’s voice gets louder as he speaks, clearly rattled by my presence. Good.
“I thought you were going to leave her alone.” I can’t hide the displeasure in my voice. If it weren’t for us being at Xana’s house, I’d say a lot more than I just did. She doesn’t need this stress right now.
For some reason, this puts a slimy smile on his face that makes me very uneasy. “I have a date with her tonight. I have a reason to be here, not you,” he almost yells at me, quickly getting more agitated. “I really think you need to leave before Alexandra sees you for what you are.” His voice echoes in the entryway, catching Xana’s attention when she walks down the hallway.
“Noel? Who is at the door?” she asks as she enters the room from behind me. I look behind me and take one step to the side so she can see who was making all of the noise.
“Jeff? What are you doing here?” she asks him as she comes to stand by my side. This clearly upsets him and I can see his jaw tighten as he clenches his teeth together. He takes a step toward Xana, closing the gap between them.
“What are you talking about, Alexandra? We have a date tonight, or were you too busy with this jerk to remember your boyfriend,” Jeff snaps at Xana, making me stand up straighter, moving partially in front of her. He is not going to talk to my Sweetness that way.
“I think you need to calm the hell down, man,“ I warn him as Xana tries to move around me to get in between us, but I hold my arm out in front of her to stop her movement.
“Jeff! Can you just calm down for a minute and let me talk?” she yells at him over my outstretched arm. She grabs hold of me in order to keep me from moving toward him any further. Looking over my shoulder at her, I notice she’s holding her abdomen with her free hand. The pain must be getting worse and this asshole isn’t helping her.
“What the hell is he doing here, Alexandra? Why aren’t you ready to go out?” Jeff asks her, clearly becoming more frustrated by the minute.
“Xana, what is all the noise about?” Mike calls out as he gets to the bottom of the stairs, clean from his shower. As he walks closer to where we are standing, he can see Jeff towering over her.
“Hey, man. What’s going on? I didn’t know you were coming by tonight.” Mike steps in front of us to shake Jeff’s hand.
“Alexandra and I have a date tonight, but she’s not ready,” Jeff replies, glaring at me the whole time. I just want to punch him in the face.
“Jeff, I’m so sorry, but with everything that’s happened, I completely forgot.” Xana apologizes and starts to walk toward him when I put my hand to the side once again to stop her.
“What are you talking about?”
“Come inside and I’ll explain,” she says and moves toward the living room. Mike ushers Jeff inside and they follow behind her as I close the door. I take a few extra minutes to close the door so I can collect my thoughts and calm down. I don’t want to hit him in front of everyone, but if he gets one step out of line, I will not think twice about it.
When I enter the living room, Xana is explaining what happened yesterday to Jeff. He appears to be listening to her, but he keeps looking at me. Xana starts yawning, and I know those pain meds are starting to work. I hope Jeff doesn’t try to stay. She needs to sleep.
As Xana and Mike tell Jeff everything that happened, it becomes very clear to me that my involvement in yesterday and today does not sit well with him. What a total jerk. He’s more worried about me than how Xana is feeling.
I’m unable to stand in the doorway any longer and not say anything. Walking over to where Xana is sitting by Mike, I look down at her and quietly say, “You look tired. Maybe you should go lay down before those meds knock you out.” Xana looks up at me and smiles before Jeff speaks.
“She’s just fine, Daniels. Aren’t you, Alexandra?” Jeff looks at her, his face hard and cold.
“No, she’s not. She needs to rest, or have you forgotten about that?” I ask him, daring him to disagree with me.
“Of course I haven’t. I just meant that she looks great.” Jeff tries to talk his way out of the verbal mess he just created, but I don’t buy a word of what he is saying.
“Thanks, but I really am tired,” she says and looks over at Jeff. I can see the guilt cross her face as she apologizes. “I’m sorry.”
Jeff, clearly not happy about being dismissed, stands and pulls her up from the couch. He gives her a hug, all the while glaring at me over her shoulder. He thinks he’s so slick. He’s lucky I haven’t punched him. Yet. How is Mike remaining so quiet?
“I’ll walk you outside,” Xana says as she takes him by the arm then leads him to the door. Once they get outside, I begin to gather up the mess on the coffee table to take it to the kitchen.
“Grams sent this for Xana,” I tell Mike and hand him the sketch book, body lotion, and bubble bath. “Could you put them up for her and I’ll put the rest of this in the kitchen?” He nods in response and we clear everything away.
I came back from the bathroom to find Jeff and Noel having a standoff at my front door. I totally forgot about our supposed date tonight, but with everything that happened after he called yesterday, I think I get a free pass for that. Except, Jeff doesn’t appear to feel the same way. I don’t understand why he is so bothered by Noel being at my house, when he’s been spending time with that succubus bitch, Brittney.
I am more than thankful that Mike was already home so he could reign Jeff in before Noel lost it. I know Noel well enough to know that he was about to put Jeff in his place, regardless that he is technically still my boyfriend. Part of me wishes that he would have hit him, while the other part wishes I’d have already broken up with him. Truth was, I’ve had so much going on with classes and these cyst episodes, that even though I saw him with Brittney, I just forgot about it after a while. Yes, I know that sounds awful, but that’s just how it was for me. That’s why I was totally surprised when he called wanting to go out yesterday. I hadn’t heard from him in weeks.
Now, I’m on the front porch with Jeff, trying to figure out
what to do. He didn’t seem to believe our explanations of what happened yesterday, nor does he seem to care that I feel like shit right about now. I’m tired and still a little sore, and I really don’t want to have the conversation I know is coming. I wish he would just leave. As soon as we are alone, Jeff takes it as a sign to give me the third degree about Noel instead of listening to what I need.
“I’m about to fall asleep. The pain pill I took before you got here is about to knock me out.” I yawn for the tenth time, and move to open the door. Jeff moves toward me and grabs my arm.
“What was Noel really doing here, Alexandra? Why would he be here if you were sick? Explain that.” Jeff’s face is a slight shade of red, and his eyebrows are frowning more than my Papaw’s. Pulling my arm out of his grasp, I start to move toward the door again. My patience is refusing making an appearance.
No longer tired, I turn to him and say, “I’ve already explained what happened, Jeff. Hell, even Mike explained what happened. What’s so complicated that you don’t understand? I was in the hospital! I didn’t need to be left alone in case it happened again. What the hell is your problem?”
Jeff takes a step toward me, and once again, tries to take hold of my arm. “Stop. You’re not answering my questions, Alexandra.”
Resting my free hand on the doorknob, I lay into him. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I shout at him, shoving him in the chest. “How dare you come here and treat me this way! Why are you acting like such an ass?” My head is beginning to pound, and I can feel my heart beating in my chest.
Jeff grabs my biceps in a tight grip and begins to shake them as he yells at me. “He shouldn’t be here. He’s not your boyfriend. I AM! Or have you forgotten that? Is he the reason you’ve stopped fixing your hair or caring about your appearance? Trying to catch his eye, again?” Jeff doesn’t try to quiet his voice and I can see the vein in his neck start to stand out.
“Me? I’ve forgotten I’m in a relationship? I think that’s you you’re thinking of! Care to tell me about your relationship with Brittney? She sure seemed to think she was your girlfriend!” I can’t hide my anger and tears begin to form in my eyes. Somehow I manage to break free from his crushing grip and take a step away from him.