The Arrangement (A Real Man, 23)

by Jenika Snow

  “Do you know what I mean when I say I love you, Lenora?” I asked softly and tore my gaze from her mouth to look into her eyes. I saw her pupils dilate, heard her breathing increase. Was it arousal? Was it shock? Either way, she didn’t push me away. She let me hold her, touch her. “Do you really know what I mean when I say I love you?” She shook her head slowly, although I could see the lie in her expression. She knew. “It’s not the way I should love you, probably. But I can’t stop myself.”

  She took in a stuttering breath. “Beckham?” Her voice was so soft I almost didn’t hear her say my name.

  “And I know you’re probably wondering how I could say those awful things to you when I’m madly in love with you. How could I have hurt you the way I did, when you’re the only woman I want?” I swallowed the thick lump in my throat. She didn’t say anything, but her expression spoke loudly. What I said penetrated her deeply. I ran a hand over my jaw, feeling a day’s worth of stubble covering it. “And I don’t have an answer to that. All I can say is it was in the heat of the moment, my father’s pain consuming me. I lashed out at the wrong person. God, Lenora. I am so fucking sorry. That day will be the biggest fucking mistake of my life. My one regret.” I looked into her eyes, pleading without saying anything in that moment. “And I don’t need you to love me back. I just need you to be in my life. I’ll take whatever I can get.” I was desperate for her friendship, for her in my life.

  I just hoped it wasn’t too late.

  Chapter Eight

  Lenora

  I wanted to kiss him so badly.

  I wanted him to kiss me more than anything in the world in that moment.

  But I was confused—the situation, the emotions I felt, so profound I couldn’t breathe. I felt dizzy, scared.

  I was excited and aroused.

  I found myself breaking away from him and standing, unable to form words, unable to say anything in that moment.

  I couldn’t even breathe.

  “Beckham—I....” I didn’t even know what to say. The revelation, truth he’d just given me, rocked my world.

  So instead of saying something wrong, awkward, or putting my foot in my mouth, I walked away from him. I made my way into the kitchen, finally able to suck in a breath, to try to gather my thoughts.

  He loves me.

  Beckham’s in love with me.

  I braced my hands on the counter, curling my fingers around the granite, the stone cold, hard... sturdy and keeping me upright in that moment.

  I closed my eyes and breathed out. I didn’t know how long I stood there; it could’ve been hours for all I knew but in reality was probably just mere seconds. I heard Beckham come into the kitchen, could feel the heaviness come from him in what he wanted to say. But he stayed silent until I turned around and faced him.

  The way he looked at me was like a broken man, so much pain and anguish coming from him that all I wanted to do was go up to Beckham and embrace him. But right now, I shouldn’t worry about the past. I shouldn’t worry about anything but what he said to me, what he confided in me.

  He was in love with me.

  I could’ve prolonged this, questioned how he could have said those hurtful things to me if he’d been in love with me. Maybe it didn’t make any sense; maybe I shouldn’t believe a word he said. But I did. I looked into his face, stared into his eyes, and I knew the truth.

  He was truly sorry.

  He truly regretted what he said and what happened.

  He didn’t mean any of it.

  And he was in love with me.

  I played that last bit over and over in my mind, grasping for it like it wasn’t my reality.

  “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I shouldn’t have brought any of this up,” he said and exhaled, looking down at his feet as if he regretted the situation.

  But I didn’t want him to. I was letting it slowly sink in. I was coming to terms with the reality of how my life was forever changing. And that’s why I’d walked away. That’s why I left Beckham sitting in the living room by himself.

  Because I had to process this.

  But my reality wasn’t for the worse this time. It was absolutely for the better.

  “Beckham,” I finally said, and he looked up at me instantly. “I’m in love with you too,” I admitted for the first time in my life, actually saying those words out loud. I’d felt them, thought them for so long that they’d been a part of me, buried so deep it was almost as if I had drowned in them.

  And they were out in the open now, hanging between us.

  I heard him suck in a breath, his expression telling me he was shocked to hear me say I was in love with him too.

  “I’m just so confused,” I whispered the truth. My truth. Before I knew what was happening, he was in front of me, his hands on either side of my face, his big palms engulfing my cheeks.

  He tipped my head back so I could look at him, but he said nothing. Neither did I. This moment was very profound, very healing.

  I felt it down to my bones.

  It was like that wound I had for so long was finally closing, was finally getting better. And so I did something I never thought I’d ever do in my life.

  I did something that took a lot of courage.

  I did something I was proud of myself for.

  I rose up on my toes and kissed him.

  Chapter Nine

  Lenora

  The kissed started off slow, tentative, but as the seconds moved by, I felt something in Beckham shift, snap.

  He was the one kissing me now.

  His motions were feverish, like an animal had been unleashed inside him. I felt my arousal grow, my excitement climb. I couldn’t breathe, could only feel him.

  “I’m sorry,” he murmured but still kissed me. “I should go slow,” he whispered against my mouth, but I pressed my body harder against his.

  I’d never done anything like this with a man, nothing remotely sexual. I focused on school, work. I focused on making sure I could have a good life. Boys hadn’t been in that equation at a young age.

  But when I felt desire and arousal, the only person who had ever come into my thoughts was the man currently kissing me.

  “Don’t stop,” I whispered back.

  “Never.” He groaned out that lone word.

  I felt how hard he was as he moved closer, his erection digging against my belly. I might be a virgin, but I wasn’t a prude. I knew what happened during sex, on how these things progressed. I went to a public school, heard the way guys spoke about it, saw movies. But I was still so nervous.

  I felt him grind himself against my stomach over and over again, and I found myself moaning into his mouth. He swallowed the sound greedily.

  “I’ve wanted this for so long,” he said in a breathless tone. “So long.”

  And as I stared into his face, this little part of me cried out with joy.

  “I love you, Beckham.”

  He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on mine. For long seconds, neither of us said anything. Then he pulled me close and just held me.

  “You have no idea what it does to me to know you love me too, that you don’t hate me. That you can forgive me.”

  I closed my eyes and just breathed in and out. “I do forgive you.” And I did. This intense heat filled me. I grew wet between my legs, my entire body lighting up for Beckham. He ran a hand over my back, up and down, slow and easy. But that gentle touch did something wicked to me, had me wanting things I’d only ever dreamed of before, not with anyone but Beckham.

  I knew where this was headed, and I wasn’t going to try to rationalize that this might ruin what we were trying to build and accomplish with moving past the… well, the past. I wouldn’t allow myself to be afraid of the “what ifs” anymore.

  This felt right, so I was going to jump in head first and see if I landed whole on the other side.

  “I love you, Beckham,” I said again and heard him groan.

  “Lenora. God. I feel like I’ve hit the ja
ckpot, not just with your forgiveness, but because of everything else. The way you look at me… your love.”

  I pulled back and looked into his face. I saw the way he looked at my mouth, could feel his need for me. It was as potent as mine for him.

  “It’s always been you for me, Lenora, even if I never said it, even if you never knew.”

  My breath caught at his words.

  “There was never a moment where my love for you was questioned. Not even when I was a total jackass and said those fucking awful things. Never, baby. Never.” He stroked my cheek with his thumb. “You’re the only one I love, the only one I’ll ever love.” When he lifted his gaze to my eyes, my heart jumped into my throat. “Hell, Lenora, I’ve never even been with a woman, because I only wanted you.”

  I didn’t know what to say in that moment, didn’t know how to react.

  Beckham was a virgin? Like me? How was that even possible? How could a man so attractive, so sexually potent, be innocent like I was? God, it didn’t seem real, because his reasoning for never having sex was because of… me?

  “W-what?” I stuttered that one word out.

  In my head, I screamed out for him to kiss me, to hold me, to tell me he loved me over and over again. But I couldn’t find the words.

  Beckham moved his thumb along my skin in slow, gentle sweeps. “I’m a virgin, Lenora. No other woman ever interested me. No other woman has ever been able to hold a candle to you.”

  “To know you’re mine, that you want me too….” His big body shuddered.

  Is this really happening?

  My heart was in my throat, and I found myself lifting my arms and curling my hands around his biceps. His flesh was warm, smooth, and I curled my fingers gently into his skin even more. The sleeves of his white T-shirt rose up, and I realized it was because I was slowly inching my hands up.

  “I know what I feel for you, what we have had throughout the years, is the realest thing I’ve ever experience, Lenora.” His expression was so intense in that moment. “You’re the realist thing in my life, and I won’t let you go.”

  “Be with me, Beckham,” I whispered, those words spilling from me before I could stop them. I felt him playing with the hair by my ear, and chills raced up my spine. I’d thought about this moment plenty of times, fantasized that this would be my reality. I never thought it would ever happen though.

  He looked at my mouth again, and I felt the tips of his fingers brush along the side of my neck. Every part of me was on fire. I parted my mouth and sucked in a breath, the act involuntary, unavoidable.

  He moved impossibly closer, but I wanted him pressed right up against me, wanted there to be no denying we were here and about to do this.

  “Be with you, Lenora?” He swallowed, and I heard how rough it sounded, like he was nervous.

  I nodded.

  “Are you sure about that, baby?” His voice was whisper-soft.

  I looked right into his eyes. “I’ve never been surer of anything in my life, Beckham. Take me to your room.”

  Chapter Ten

  Beckham

  God, I’d never felt such intense emotions as I did right now. It wasn’t even about sex or arousal, or any of those physical sensations racing through my body. It was the fact that this girl, this woman, loved me the same way I loved her. I’d fantasized about this moment plenty of times, but never in my life did I think it could be my reality.

  We were in my room now. After she told me those words, I all but lifted her off the ground and carried her here. No, with the door shut and the woman I loved right in front of me, I knew I was never going to let her go.

  Not only did Lenora love me the way I loved her, but I could feel what was about to happen. I could sense her arousal for me, her need for me. It matched my own, and mine was pretty fucking intense.

  “Lenora,” I groaned. “Baby, I want to kiss you so damn badly.” I hadn’t meant to just blurt that out.

  She licked her lips and I held in my groan. “If you don’t, I will.”

  My heart hiccuped at her words.

  I looked at her pink, full lips and wanted to get lost in the sensation of our mouths pressed together, of my body against hers, of everything I’d ever dreamed about with Lenora coming full circle. I wanted to kiss her until neither one of us could breathe, until we were gasping for air… until she was clutching at me for more.

  Something in me broke as I slammed my mouth down on hers, this wild beast inside of me coming free, tearing at the surface.

  She gasped against my mouth and held onto me as I fucked her with my tongue and lips, as I devoured her, took her taste into my body. My dick was stiff, hard like steel. I ached for her, to see how tight and wet she was, to feel how hot she was.

  She wound her arms around my neck and rose on her toes so she was totally flush with me. My cock jerked behind my jeans, but I wanted more. So much more. Lenora dug her nails into my nape, and I hissed out in pleasure and pain. I wanted more of that.

  “I need you so fucking badly,” I said. I walked her backward until the bed stopped our movements. I tangled my hands around her hair, tugging at the strands, tilting her head back slightly. And as I kissed her over and over again, I felt high, drunk… dazed.

  “Don’t stop,” Lenora gasped against my mouth.

  “Never,” I promised. I thrust my tongue into her mouth, this guttural sound leaving me. I used my other hand to span her lower back, pulling her even closer so she could see how hard she made me.

  I stroked my tongue along hers and then pulled hers deeper into my mouth. I found myself pressing my dick against her belly, humping her, thrusting my aching cock back and forth to relieve some of the pressure. I pulled back only long enough to groan, “No other guy will touch you, Lenora.” I stared into her eyes until she nodded, agreeing with me. “There’s no way I could stand any other asshole even looking at you with desire.”

  “Good,” she whispered, her lips red and glossy from my kiss. “Because I’ve never wanted anyone but you.”

  I crushed her to me again, speared both my hands into her hair, and kissed her until we were both gasping for air, until the wet, sloppy, and sexual sounds of us making out surrounded us.

  I mouth fucked her.

  She arched into me, her breasts pressing into my chest, letting me feel how hard her nipples were. Damn, I wanted her naked, wanted her bare chest right up against mine. My cock jerked again like a motherfucker at that thought.

  If I didn’t get some control, this would be over before it even started, and no way in hell would I be one of those guys who shot his load before things really got started. But having Lenora here made it almost impossible to rein in that control.

  Almost.

  Burying my face in her neck, I inhaled deeply, getting intoxicated from the way she smelled. God. So good.

  “Take me, Beckham. Take me now,” she whispered.

  And then we were on the bed, Lenora’s back to the mattress, my body covering hers. It felt right, perfect. Before I could comprehend what she was doing, Lenora had her top lifted and pulled over her head. And then I was staring at her breasts. The fact that she was braless had my entire body tightening. My dick jerked fiercely, and I felt my balls draw up tight. I could have come from the sight of her.

  “Christ, baby.” I found myself lowering my head and resting it on her chest, feeling how warm she was, smelling the clean sweat that started to cover her skin, because she was getting so worked up for me.

  She smelled good, clean like lemons and soap, crisp like the fucking winter air when the wind picked up. It turned me on even more, pre-cum lining the tip of my cock. God, I was going to fill her up so much my seed would slip out of her. I’d rub it into her skin, marking her, making her smell like me.

  I wanted to be so deep inside Lenora there was no doubt in her mind that she was mine.

  “Beckham,” she groaned as if she were in desperate need of only what I could give her. I immediately started undoing the button of my jeans
then pulled the zipper down. I forced myself to stop as I looked at her. “You’re sure about this, baby?”

  She nodded right away, and I bit my tongue to hold off the sound of need that would have come from me.

  “Yes,” she moaned. “I’ve always wanted this.” She worked off her bottoms and panties, and I shifted on the bed to finish getting undressed. Then we were both naked, my gaze roaming over her perfect body. She was thick and curvy in all the right places. I was frozen in place as I stared at the creamy, perfect flesh that covered her from head to toe, as I memorized every part of her. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined she’d be so fucking incredible.

  “Spread your legs, baby,” I said in the must guttural voice I ever heard come from me. And when she did what I wanted, I felt my mouth water. She was so pink, so wet. The thatch of hair that covered the top of her pretty pussy was trimmed, a deep shade blonde. God… her fucking clit was slightly engorged, ready for me to suck on.

  She was like that because of me. All because of me.

  I lifted my gaze over her slightly rounded belly, along the indentation of her navel, and stopped when I got to her big, handful-sized breasts. Her nipples were a deep pink, hard, my mouth watering even more for a taste of her.

  “I need you,” she whispered.

  My body burned alive at hearing her say that.

  Christ.

  “I’ll never get enough of you,” I said truthfully.

  “I need you now,” she repeated with more desperation in her tone.

  My throat tightened, my desire ready to burn me alive. I groaned. “I should go slow. We should take our time.”

  She shook her head. “We’ve done enough of that to last a lifetime.”

  This woman was my everything, and hearing her say that had this primal need filling me. I wanted this moment to be special for her. But as I stared at her face, I knew that because we were together, it was already so fucking special. I could have easily lost control the moment I kissed her, but I was reining it in. I was trying to go slow for her.