Think Twice

by Stephanie Rose

  “Probably not. I have a load of paperwork. And you’re right. The more packed it gets, the longer the days seem.” I was only halfway through the charts for today, but I was afraid if I stopped, I’d take a nosedive into my keyboard and sleep until morning.

  “Come on, you need a drink. We all do. I hate it when a celebrity comes here. Somehow, a friend always finds out when a famous athlete is here for therapy, and they beg for his autograph.” She rolled her eyes as her head fell back. “I have to explain it’s unethical, blah blah. God help me, but working with Jake Kinney makes me want to drink five rounds.”

  “He just wants back onto the field. And prestigious orthopedic surgeon who performed his surgery sent him to this place with the promise we’d get him there. He’s got high expectations of us—and himself.” I shrugged as I closed another chart.

  Complaining never helped, but I agreed with Leanne. Football quarterbacks, professional hockey players, anyone whose injury might cost them their livelihood—it didn’t matter; they were all the same. If we couldn’t get them back to where they were, they had a hell of a time acclimating to the idea of a new life. My heart broke for them, but my job wasn’t to give out pity and make things even harder. I was here to give them the strength and tools to move on, wherever “on” turned out to be. I’d studied under a tough, no-nonsense professor in college, and her attitude and work ethic had stuck with me. Were there nights I went home feeling like shit because I couldn’t do more to help my patients? Of course. But I managed to hold in the tears until I stepped into my apartment.

  “If I finish, I’ll join you,” I lied as I opened the next chart.

  “Right,” Leanne scoffed as she rose from the chair. “Lord help you if one patient note is missed or not flushed out. I admire your dedication, but you need to relax, Danielle. One night, I’m dragging you out against your will. See you in the a.m.”

  I laughed as I reviewed the notes for my next case. Jack Taylor, New York City firefighter, injured on a call when the floor gave out from under him. Broken tibia; dislocated knee; muscle lacerations. Arrived at therapy after recovery from surgery.

  I was at it for over an hour before my cell phone buzzed across my desk. I peered at my brother’s face on the screen and braced myself.

  “Hi, Kyle,” I sang into the receiver.

  “Please tell me you aren’t at work,” he sighed in my ear.

  “Busy days cause a lot of paperwork. I’ll go home when I’m done.” I was exhausted and in no mood for our usual argument. My brother had always been protective, but after my divorce, he’d become relentless. What was worse? The humiliating ending of my marriage or the way my family babied me afterward? It was a true footrace.

  “I actually call at night in the hopes you’re at a bar somewhere. Or a club. Hell, I’d even take a movie theater. I worry about you, Dani. Forcing yourself to work all this overtime and avoid any kind of socialization isn’t healthy. At all.”

  “I’m busy during the day, and I update my notes at night. You know this, big brother. Stop making it into a big deal.”

  “It’s a big deal because that’s all you do. You won’t even meet up with friends after work. I hate that he’s fucking up your head, even now.” I held in a laugh at my brother’s frustrated sigh.

  “Please don’t worry about me. I’m okay, really. I was promoted, so I’m getting the more difficult cases now. It’s a lot to keep up with, but I’m happy—really,” I lied, not wanting to have the same conversation for the third time this week. Happiness wasn’t an immediate goal of mine. I’d decided to start slow and aim for not being miserable.

  “They gave you Jake Kinney?” The worry in Kyle’s tone dissipated into awe.

  “Ugh,” I groaned. “How did you find out about that? Anyway, no. Sorry to disappoint. But they did give me someone else you may be interested in. Remember Jack Taylor?”

  “Jack Taylor?” My brother scoffed. “You’re kidding me, right?”

  “No. I thought you and Jack were good friends.” I didn’t get the sarcasm at the mention of Jack.

  “We were. I think you missed him when we moved a lot more than me, though.”

  “Please,” I huffed. “It was a long time ago.”

  “Tell him I said hi, and if he’s single, go for it.”

  I dropped the papers onto my desk and leaned back in my chair in shock. “Go for it? Is that what you just told me?”

  “Jack was always a decent guy. Maybe back then I wouldn’t have been too happy about it, but you need to move on, little sister. The longer you don’t, the more I fight the urge to knock your ex-husband’s teeth down his throat.”

  “He’s my patient. That’s all kinds of unethical, and I’m not supposed to talk about my patients, anyway. I shouldn’t have told you about Jack to begin with. Let me finish up, so I can go home.”

  “All right,” he relented. “I love you. You know that, right?”

  “Yes, and I love you, too. Now, if you’re done annoying me for the evening, I have work to do.” I smiled as I ended the call.

  I guessed my secret crush as a kid wasn’t so secret. I’d always scrambled for excuses to be around when Jack came over with their other friend, Dylan. I was only two years younger than they were, but in those days, it had seemed like a lifetime between us. Jack had been tall and gorgeous and always so damn nice. His grip had tightened on my heart with every smile he’d given me. I’d even counted them. Yes, I counted them. The first time he’d called me “Dani,” my heart leaped into my throat. The notion of being close enough to Jack for him to call me by a nickname was almost too much for my lovesick self to take.

  We moved from the Bronx to Harrison, outside the city, right before my junior year of high school. Kyle moved on to make other friends and had lost touch with Jack, and neither of us saw him again. I grew up, got married and divorced, but when I received my patient roster a couple of weeks ago, I was catapulted back in time. Jack deserved the best of me—without distraction—so I shelved my childhood feelings as far away as I could. He was the old object of my affection, but my current patient. Reality over fantasy.

  The last time I’d let fantasy take over, it hadn’t gone so well. I’d spent most of life in the background, even after I’d gotten rid of the thick glasses and severe braids. One day, a gorgeous older man noticed me, or made me believe that he did. I allowed myself to be swept off my feet and be fooled into thinking I was loved, not being duped. Every sweet word and touch had been a complete, humiliating lie.

  The wounds of that betrayal had never scabbed over; the only thing that soothed me since then was isolation. Running into my old crush, the boy I’d compared every male I’d encountered to until I was in college, rattled me more than I could hide. Kyle wasn’t wrong, I needed to move on. I just didn’t know how.

  It was nine o’clock by the time I wrote up my last batch of notes. I could have met Leanne at the bar, but socialization didn’t entice me tonight—or any night. My brother wasn’t wrong; I needed to get out there, but I didn’t have the desire or the energy. I ambled down the hallway to the cafeteria. It was closed, but the vending machines were still on. I’d get a diet orange soda and some chocolate then head home.

  The empty slot for Peanut Butter M&Ms taunted me through the glass as I dug around my bottomless purse for exact change. I’d have to settle for something else, but I couldn’t find anything smaller than a twenty-dollar bill.

  “Need some change?”

  I let out a scream at the unexpected deep voice behind me. When I whirled around, I found Jack sitting at one of the tables, his crutches propped against it. He smiled when his eyes met mine.

  “How did you get in here?”

  He let out a long sigh and leaned his elbows against the table. When his leg exercises were done today, I let him hang out in the gym for light, upper body weight training. I did my best to ignore the ripple of muscle in his already cut arms as they flexed. I blinked and dropped my gaze to the floor. I worked with good-l
ooking men all the time and was never star-struck or intimidated. The history, or lack thereof, I had with Jack messed with my head at times. I fought it by being extra snippy and tough, but my insides still melted into gooey mush when I peered into his baby blues.

  “I whittled a gun out of my bar of soap and overpowered the guards.” He pulled out the chair next to him. “My room is only three doors down. I have a better handle on the crutches, so I thought I’d venture out for a change of scenery.” He motioned to the vacant seat. “I don’t have any extra change on me, but I can share what I have. Why don’t you join me?”

  “Thanks for the offer, Jack. But I …” I trailed off. But what? I can’t socialize with patients? I can’t stay late or without the control I have during our sessions? I’m jumpy as fuck and don’t know where to put my hands? I feared my little girl adoration was morphing into adult-sized infatuation. The chair next to him might as well have been a flashing danger sign. When it came to men, I was all thumbs. That was something I’d never outgrown, and the past year since the divorce only made it that much worse.

  He laughed and shook his head. “Just sit, Dani.” Dani. Holy shit. Whenever he called me that, it still unnerved me in the best way. Pathetic. Some things never change.

  I slid into the seat, willing away the heat in my cheeks before Jack noticed and surveyed the variety of candy on the table. “Still hooked on Reese’s Pieces?” I asked as I reached into the bag and grabbed a handful. “Didn’t Kyle used to call you E.T.?”

  “Yes, ball breaker that he was. Meanwhile, he ate the whole bag.” Jack handed me a bottle of water. “How is he?”

  “Good.” I nodded. “I actually just spoke to him. Do you still see Dylan?” I stole another piece as I studied Jack’s face. The dirty blond bristles surrounding his lush mouth and shadowing his cheeks drove me to distraction. Time had been extremely good to Jack. The man was even more beautiful than the boy had been, and fighting to ignore that on a daily basis exhausted me.

  “Yeah. I think he’s coming up here with my sister at some point this week. I actually miss that little pain in the ass.”

  I laughed. “I guess all brothers think their little sisters are a pain in the ass, right? I know Kyle did.”

  Jack waved me off. “You weren’t, trust me. Dylan and I never minded having you around. PJ is like those little Chihuahuas that yap all the time.” His smile faded before he brought his eyes back to mine. “But I love her and have been a shitty big brother lately. Another late night?”

  I shrugged. “Paperwork. A lot of patients; a lot of notes.”

  “You’ve said. Your boyfriend must get pissed.” Jack raised an eyebrow as he took a swig of water.

  A sad laugh fell from my lips. “No, my husband doesn’t care anymore. Our divorce helped with that.”

  He cringed and drew back in the chair. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “It’s fine.” I dropped my gaze to the table. The last thing I wanted was to discuss Cliff with Jack. I didn’t want to discuss Cliff with anyone. There was no way I could spin that story to make me look like anything but a gigantic and gullible jerk. There wasn’t only another woman, but another whole family.

  “You’re doing pretty awesome with the crutches now.” I shook off the burn of humiliation that always heated my cheeks whenever I remembered the phone call that upended my life. For the moment, I welcomed Jack’s distraction. “Makes my job easier when the patient works hard and is agreeable—most of the time, anyway.” I gave Jack a half smile.

  Jack gaped at me. “That is the first compliment you’ve ever given me.”

  “It is not. If I fill your head with praise, you’ll get soft. Doesn’t mean I’m not impressed.” I held in a laugh as Jack’s eyes grew wide.

  “I’m bringing candy tomorrow morning for our morning session. Sugar seems to make you more amiable.” He smiled, and I resented the rogue butterfly that took off in my stomach. I took that as my cue to get out of there.

  “I’ll try for the Peanut Butter M&Ms tomorrow. Goodnight, Jack.” Our eyes locked, and a tiny jolt ran through me. I was overtired and lonely and needed to step away from blurring professional boundaries. “I plan on tiring you out in the morning. I’d get back into your room and get some rest.”

  “When don’t you tire me out?” He lifted a brow. “Get home safe, Dani.” The honeyed baritone of his voice and his softened expression speared me in place. It took a second for my legs to remember how to work and get one in front of the other.

  I smiled and left the cafeteria. Kyle was insane. I couldn’t go for it with Jack or anyone else. If sharing a bag of candy with a man left me this flustered, I couldn’t imagine having the ability to do anything else.

  10

  PJ

  DYLAN: I have a feast planned for us tonight.

  PJ: A feast? You ordered large fries this time?

  DYLAN: Nope. Dug out the Crock-pot mom bought me and cooking you dinner, sweet girl.

  PJ: The Crock-pot she bought you two years ago and you never used?

  DYLAN: How did you know that?

  PJ: We were with her when she bought it.

  DYLAN: Of course, you were. I have a recipe for ropo vieja. Be here at 7.

  PJ: Seriously? That’s the first meal you want to make?

  DYLAN: Well, it won’t be as good as your dad’s, but how bad could meat and peppers be?

  I cringed. Very bad, but I adored the effort he was putting in for me. I’d force down a plate if I had to.

  PJ: I’m sure it’s awesome. Thank you for going to so much trouble.

  DYLAN: Actually wasn’t that hard, unless I did something wrong. And I’d do anything for you.

  Life was sweet. Dylan and I had been together for two weeks. We had the friendship back that I’d missed so badly, and I could kiss him whenever I wanted to, which was all the time.

  The only one who knew about us was Riley—as I’d had to tell her I was with Dylan the night of my birthday to stop her from blowing up my phone. When I called her back after our amazing post-birthday lunch, she’d told me she was happy for me but hoped I knew what I was getting into. I’d assured her I did, even though I worried about the disastrous what ifs. Things were too good. We were too good. I couldn’t help but entertain fears of what could go wrong.

  Having dinner with him at his house was a simple thing, but I couldn’t wait. Eating and spending the night cuddling with him on the couch, before and after some of our clothes came off, was my idea of pure heaven.

  PJ: See you at 7 xoxo

  “What’s the big smile for?” Dad’s booming voice behind me almost made me hiccup. I pressed my thumb so hard on the exit button on my phone I cracked my knuckle.

  “Oh, Riley is just being dumb.” I shoved my phone in my jeans pocket. “I thought you had an extra shift again tonight.” I smiled extra wide as to not seem suspicious, but Dad’s leery gaze confirmed I was doing a shit job.

  “I do, but I came home in between for a break. I haven’t seen my girls in a long time.” He roped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side. My father was over six feet, and Mom and I barely cleared his chest. “Talk to me; what’s going on? Did you send the school forms in?”

  “Nothing. And yes.” My abrupt reply made Dad’s head jerk back. “You and Mom don’t have to drop a small fortune to ship new bedding across the country. I’m sure you guys are happy.”

  He sighed with a slow, skeptical nod. “We are. But we don’t understand why.”

  I raised my shoulders in a nervous shrug. “I changed my mind. I still have a full scholarship and can stay home with my family and friends. It was the decision you pushed me toward for months.”

  “Yes, it was, Peanut.” He leaned against the sink and folded his arms. “And you fought me every time. I don’t get the sudden shift …”

  I glanced behind him at the kitchen wall clock. Six forty-five. How was I going to sneak across the street with Dad still home? Explaining why I was he
ading to Dylan’s house would take a lot longer than fifteen minutes. As my father droned on, I tried to piece together an alternate route in my head.

  “Is that my husband and my daughter?” My mom rushed into the kitchen, and I held in a groan. Now I had to escape both of them. I folded my hands under my arms to hide the nervous shaking.

  “Don’t be dramatic, Mom. You see me every day.”

  “For a few minutes only. I’m teaching, you’re teaching, and then you disappear after dismissal.” Her eyes darted between Dad and me. She quirked a brow before turning toward Dad with a big smile. “Want to grab a cup of coffee before your next shift, Chief?”

  A warm smile lifted his cheeks before he walked over to peck her lips. “I’d love to, sweetheart.”

  I held in a relieved sigh as Mom took his hand and led him out of the kitchen. They had a sickening, cute as hell marriage, and watching them in this mushy state usually gave me a wave of nausea. This time, I thanked God their need for quality time with each other trumped their quest for answers from me and my oddball behavior. They both gave me a quick kiss goodbye on the cheek, my father mouthing we’ll talk later to me, before they left.

  I scurried to the bay window in front of the house to make sure they drove away. It was already seven-twenty when I power walked across the street. Running would call attention to myself, and the way both my parents attempted to grill me, I was doing an awesome job of that already.

  “I thought you were standing me up.” Dylan pulled me inside and kissed me. Each kiss was passionate and urgent, the sneaking around igniting the passion even more. As annoying as it all was, when I was in his arms and feeling his lips on mine, it all seemed worth it.

  For now.

  I should’ve been able to visit my boyfriend’s house for dinner without feeling like I was on a secret mission. Even though I was eighteen, the lies and the covering of the lies made me feel like a rebellious child. We couldn’t keep up with this forever. I ached to tell my parents the truth, but fear of the aftermath stopped me each and every time.