“I don’t have a condom in here. Too risky.”
I nodded before reaching for the curtain to step out, frustrated in every sense of the word. He was right, and he was the only one thinking rationally.
“Now wait, I didn’t say I was finished.” He kissed me hard and deep before pulling away with a filthy glint in his eye and dropping to his knees.
I shivered when he hooked my leg over his shoulder and darted his tongue out to lap at my clit. His black hair fell over his eyes, dripping over his brow as he peppered kisses up and down my aching core until it throbbed. Two more licks, and I was about to come all over his tongue.
“Stop teasing, babe.” My nails dug into his shoulders as he continued his torture.
“Tell me to lick you, Patricia. Tell me to make you come in my mouth.”
A guttural moan rocked through my body before I grabbed the back of his head and pushed him into me.
“Make me come, Dylan,” I croaked before he grabbed my hips and buried his head between my thighs, grunting hard as he licked and sucked, granting my wish.
I grasped the towel bar as Dylan stood up, a sleepy and satisfied grin spreading his lips.
“You taste like candy, sweet girl.” He kissed me, pulling on my bottom lip with his teeth as he backed away. “Let’s go to bed.”
Two hours later, we were tangled up in each other on top of my bed—a bed entirely too small for both of us, but I had never been more comfortable or sated.
“Am I a sex fiend?” I crinkled my nose as Dylan’s chest rumbled against my cheek.
“Yes, I think you are.” He laughed and kissed the top of my head. “I love that I made you that way.”
“This is nice.” I yawned into his neck.
“It is,” he agreed and cinched his arms around me. “I wish I could take you somewhere.” His hand sifted through my hair, making my eyelids flutter when his fingers grazed my scalp.
“Where would we go?” I propped my head on my elbow.
“Somewhere with a white sandy beach, a California king bed, and room service.” He peered down at me with a sad smile. “There are so many places I want to take you to, PJ.”
I grinned and plopped back down on his chest. “I’d go anywhere with you.” I let my hand drift back and forth over the smooth skin on his chest, my fingertips tracing the lines on his abs. When we were touching, it was easy to forget all of my troubles.
“I’m nervous about school. What if I get there and find out I suck?” I cringed as the thought registered. Yes, I loved sketching and drawing, and I was good at it, but I’d be in a school where everyone was an expert. It was intimidating as hell.
“No way. You’re going to find out exactly how awesome you are. You’re gorgeous and brilliant, and I’m in total fucking awe of you. I just hope you … keep me along for the ride.”
I pushed off his chest, shaking my head at his absurdity. “There is no ride without you.”
He drew me into his side and I drifted off into the best sleep of my life. I’d make Dylan stay until my parents arrived back home and we’d finally tell them. The life I wanted was finally mine, and it was time everyone knew.
“Wake up, sweet girl.” Dylan bit my neck as I groaned.
“It’s too early.” I yawned and buried my head under my pillow.
“I’m going to make you the best pancakes you’ve ever had.” He smacked my ass through the sheets. “Get up!”
“Best?” I rolled over and glared at him with one eye open. “We’ll see about that. Mine are the best. Ask my brother.”
“Sounds like a challenge.” He tapped his chin. “I’ll win, but you can still try.”
I jumped off the bed and raced into the kitchen with Dylan hot on my heels and fisting the bottom of my nightshirt to yank me back. I pulled away and opened the door—landing right into something in the middle of the hallway.
Or someone.
My lungs stilled as my heart galloped against my ribcage, my panicked brain taking a quick inventory. Dylan shirtless behind me, the absence of pants or shorts on my legs, and my father’s black, cold eyes. His olive skin paled as his jaw ticked.
“Get in the living room,” he said. His voice was low and shaky, and almost indiscernible. Anger radiated off of him in waves. I froze, unable to speak or move when he took half a step closer.
“And get dressed.”
29
Danielle
JACK: Meet me outside.
I stared at my phone, reading the simple sentence a few times. Some patients snuck outside for a cigarette, but it was frowned upon this late. How clandestine was this thing between Jack and me going to get? Texting all night, kisses in a closet, and now sneaking out after hours.
ME: You’re outside?
JACK: I am, why I said to meet me. Nice job connecting the dots. I’m by the bench closest to the parking lot, and I have a surprise.
ME: How did you get outside?
JACK: I walked through an open door. Kind of my therapy goal, right?
ME: You’re exhausting.
JACK: I know, so you may as well come outside now.
I threw my phone across the desk in exasperation, my cheeks hurting from yet another smile I couldn’t get rid of. I hated and loved what he was doing to me.
I loved how he made me feel, how right things felt between us, even though what we were doing was all kinds of wrong.
I hated knowing how fleeting it was, no matter how permanent it may have seemed. Jack would leave, get back to his old life, and find out he didn’t need me anymore. He said he didn’t want us to end, and I believed him, but the notion of him wanting me after he was fully healed wasn’t something I even remotely considered.
Cliff had made me feel so worthless, I could never shake it. It was ingrained in me, like my hair color or my height. It was a part of who I was. The humiliation of our divorce implanted a cruel voice in my head that wouldn’t stop taunting me.
My shoulders shivered from the slight chill in the air. It was one of those late August nights with a hint of a fall bite.
“There she is.” Jack stood from the bench, unzipping his hoodie.
“Cold?” He flashed me a grin before draping it over my shoulders. “Come, sit.”
He reached into a plastic bag and pulled out two cans of seltzer.
“This is my surprise?” I grabbed the can, letting my chin droop a half inch so I could breathe in his scent.
“Pretend it’s champagne, and we’re having a picnic under the stars.” He popped open his can and gripped my waist to pull me back. “It’s funny how only an hour outside of the city the stars are so much brighter. All that smog and city lights in the way. One of the things I remember from scouts.”
“You’ll be back in the smog in no time.” I rested my head on his shoulder and nudged his arm, my heart heavy as I attempted light conversation. My eyes shut, and I imagined a different life. Jack offered me so much, but I had no clue how to accept it. I enjoyed the here and now with him, but couldn’t envision our future.
“Would you judge me if I told you I was a little scared to leave?”
My head popped up. “Scared? Of what? Not getting back into the fire department?”
“Scared of who I am if I don’t. Here, I’m a success if I do all my squats.” A sad laugh flew out of his mouth. “Out there, it’s a little different.”
“You’re a success as a human being, Jack—no matter what job you have. Don’t make that all you wish for.”
He nuzzled my neck and kissed behind my ear, and my body jerked in response. “It’s not all I wish for.”
“Oh yeah?” I said, breathless and almost silent. “What else do you wish for?”
Jack cupped my cheek, turning my face toward his before brushing my lips, lightly at first then gliding his tongue along the seam until they parted. I didn’t even pretend to fight him anymore. I clutched the back of his neck when his tongue slid against mine. Time was running out, and no matter how I gorged on Jack,
I’d never get my fill.
“I love how you taste,” he murmured as his mouth still covered mine. “I’ll never get enough.”
I fell into his kiss again, my hands gliding over his torso, arms, and whatever else they could reach.
I wish for you, too, Jack.
We pulled apart, breathless and flushed, Jack’s smile wide as I fought against a sob. Being with him was so wonderful, why did I have to stop?
“You don’t have to stop,” Jack whispered as his lips found my forehead. I cringed, realizing I said that out loud. The need was so strong, it wouldn’t stay inside.
“I want this, Dani.” Jack framed my face, giving me such a sweet smile, two tears escaped before I could stop them. “Bench picnics, dinners, movies, we could even go hiking again, for old time’s sake.” He swiped the tears with his thumbs and dropped kisses onto the wet trails.
“You really want to go on that stupid trail? I think it’s a golf course now.”
He barked out a laugh and pulled me into his chest. “I don’t care where I am, but I want to be with you. Call me crazy, but I think you want to be with me. Whatever is holding you back, I wish you’d tell me.”
“Jack, I can’t. I want to but—” Tears halted my speech and the only response I could force out was a pathetic hiccup.
“It’s okay.” He pecked my lips. “Don’t worry about that, now. Let’s just look at the stars. I may know some constellations still.”
He winked, and I forced the widest smile I could muster. Jack was the best gift I’d ever received, and it devastated me knowing I’d have to give him back soon.
“Just for tonight, let’s not worry about … after. Be with me, Danielle. Here.” He picked up my hand and laced our fingers together. My head fell back on his chest before I nodded.
I never knew your heart could be full and broken at the same time.
30
PJ
Dylan and I sat across from my parents on the tiny loveseat in the corner of our living room. They glared at us from the couch, my father’s eyes darting between Dylan and me as if he still couldn’t believe what he was seeing. My mother did the same with her lips flattened into a concerned line. We were dressed now, but I still felt as if we were half naked. How long had they been home? What had they heard? Dylan’s car was in his own driveway across the street and wouldn’t have tipped them off right away. They had to have come home while we were asleep. What if they’d come home even earlier and really caught us? I gave thanks for small favors.
But, none of that mattered. Everything had burst out into the open in the worst possible way. No, they hadn’t caught us in the actual act, but they may as well have. There was no use attempting to explain away what they had seen, but now we had to figure out how to explain everything else.
“When?” My father was the first to speak. He spit the question out as if it left a bad taste in his mouth.
“My birthday.” I straightened on the seat and felt for Dylan’s hand on the cushion. His fingers entwined with mine before he squeezed it tight.
“You mean your birthday in June, two months ago? Two months and you never said a word?” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, but his entire body was rigid, and if my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me, almost shaking. He was either trying to process what he’d seen or hold himself back from going ballistic on the both of us. My guess was a little of column A and a little of column B. “You’ve been lying to us all this time? I don’t even know my own daughter anymore.”
I bit the inside of my cheek as my vision clouded with unshed tears, the sting from my father’s words. My worst nightmare was realized, and all I could do was watch it unfold before me.
Dad inhaled a long breath and glanced at the ceiling with his hand clutching the back of his neck. He dropped his gaze and leveled his eyes at me before either of us could respond. “This … this needs to stop.”
My jaw dropped before I popped off the loveseat. I expected his hurt and his anger, but his dismissal infuriated me.
“Stop? What do you mean stop?” I closed the distance between us and stood before him, pissed off Latin glare to pissed off Latin glare. “I’m sorry I had Dylan over when you weren’t home. I know that was wrong. But telling us this needs to stop—”
“He’s a twenty-six-year-old man. Man,” he sneered.
I had no clue how to handle this unreasonable and mean version of my father.
“You’re just starting college and still a kid. I can’t allow this, Patricia Jane.”
I sucked in a breath as my blood boiled in my veins. “Can’t allow this? I’m not a kid, Dad. I’m eighteen years old—an adult.”
“Nick, come on.” Dylan pleaded from behind me. “You know me.”
My father let out a humorless laugh. “No, I most certainly do not know you.” He pushed off the couch and marched up to Dylan. “We all knew she had a crush on you, but taking advantage of it wasn’t something I ever thought you’d do.”
“Take advantage?” I yelled so loud I squeaked. It was humiliating enough to know my crush on Dylan had been such common knowledge, but I hated having it thrown in my face. I had a temper as short as my height, and the devastation over disappointing my father lifted as rage filled me instead. “Dylan didn’t lure me into a van with candy. No one took advantage of anyone. We fell in love.”
Dad put his hand up, shaking his head at me. “You’re too young to know what love is. You’re only a kid, and you’re living in my house so you’ll live by my rules.”
“Stop saying I’m a kid! I’m on a full scholarship and can go out on my own. I don’t need to stay here and pretend I’m five years old for the rest of my fucking life to appease you.”
“PJ, stop it.” My mother reached for me but I yanked my arm away, seething at my father and his ridiculous reaction. Last night, I had been happy, content, and was planning on finally telling them both. But it wouldn’t have mattered if I had told them first. We’d still be having the same exact backward conversation.
“I’ve always treated you like a son.” His voice quivered as he stepped up to Dylan. “She’s almost a decade younger than you, and … this,” he motioned back and forth between us with his finger, “probably started when she was still underage.” Dad’s tone was low and menacing. “Don’t force me to take action on that.”
He had plenty of cop friends in high positions from all his years with the fire department. I hoped this was an idle threat, but if he wanted to make it real, he could in a heartbeat.
“Take action?” My voice screeched so loud even I winced at the shrill sound. “We aren’t lying, and I don’t care if you believe it or not. If you try to get Dylan in trouble you will never. See. Me. Again. Got it, Chief?”
I stormed down the hall, vaguely registering swift footfalls behind me but not turning to find out whose they were.
“I’m leaving!” I yelled, stuffing whatever I could grab into my duffel bag as I met Dylan’s worried eyes. “I’ll stay with you. I’m not staying here and being treated like a child for the rest of my life.”
“PJ, please stop and think about this. Maybe give your dad—and you—a few minutes to calm down.”
“Did you hear him?” a hysterical laugh snuck out through the tears I tried in vain to hold off. “He’s perfectly calm and not listening to a damn thing we say. The only choice is to leave.” I slammed my dresser drawer so hard, the handle came off.
“No, it’s not. I don’t think you really want to leave.”
My head jerked up, the sobs now hitting me hard and setting off a coughing fit. He came closer and rubbed my back until I caught my breath.
“Fine,” I spit out and pushed him away. “I can stay with my cousin Lucy until I find a job, or Ryan at the studio said he was looking for an extra roommate. You remember him, right?” I forced an evil smile. “I’ll move in with him if you don’t want me around—"
“The fucking hell you will!” Dylan bellowed as he grabbed my forearms. “
Stop this, Patricia,” he crooned, feathering his hand down my wet cheek. “You’re upset. This all came out in the worst possible way, but you don’t want to give up your family. Leaving will just make it worse. But if you leave this house, you aren’t moving in with strangers. You’re living with me.”
“Living with you?” Dad roared as he charged into my room and snatched the bag out of my hands. “Have you both lost your goddamn minds?” He threw my bag across the room, spilling everything I had haphazardly shoved inside.
“All right, that’s enough!” Mom stepped in front of me and shoved Dad and Dylan toward the door. “I need to speak to my daughter. Alone. Both of you, get out.”
Both uttered not one peep as they left. My mom was tiny like me, but when she meant business, no one dared argue with her.
Sniffling, I plucked my bag off the floor and gathered all the clothes Dad had spilled out.
“Sit down, baby.” I lifted my head to where she patted the mattress.
I made my way over and sat on the very edge of the bed. Her arms wrapped around me and pulled me back until I collapsed in tears on her shoulder.
“I’ve dreaded this day,” she sighed, rocking me back and forth.
“Do you know,” she began before pulling back and grabbing my tearstained face. Her smile was sad as she held my watery gaze. “Do you know that when you were born, your father told the nurse to take the bassinet out of my hospital room, because why should you be alone in that thing when you didn’t have to be.” She chuckled. “His exact words. You were fed, changed, and returned right back into his arms. I swear, your feet didn’t touch the ground until you were two.”
She laughed and brushed the hair away from my face. “He loves all of us, but you? His baby girl? His sun has risen and set on you for eighteen years, and he put you on the highest pedestal he could. But I always knew.” She cupped my chin. “The day you came down, it would be with a loud crash.”
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