I am Mercy

by Mandi Lynn

  The man steps into the water. Nothing stops him. I stand close by, still stunned by the fact that the man can see Edwin—and only Edwin. The man had seen him, but now Edwin lies in the dirt, offering nothing. Someone Edwin had known as a child is about to lose his human life, give up his soul—Edwin must know this—but he never steps forward.

  “Do something,” I whisper in a harsh voice.

  Edwin responds by shaking his head no. He doesn’t bother to watch as the man wades through the water, looks at the sandy soil beneath his feet, and bends down to retrieve a stone.

  “Don’t do it,” Hadley says. She closes her eyes and doesn’t see how he freezes at the sound of her voice. The moment is only frozen for a short time before he’s trapped again in the trance the lagoon holds over him. Then he looks into the palm of his hand.

  I don’t watch after that. I know what will happen. Even with my eyes pulled away, I know his body falls into the water and makes small waves in the pool. I hear the splash but don’t bother to run to his aid or try to save someone who is beyond my care.

  No one speaks. I can hear Hadley whimper as she stumbles away. She isn’t able to travel far though. The darkness of the coming night closes around us as the sun finally says goodbye for another evening.

  I walk up to Edwin and bend down to look at him. His eyes carry exhaustion where there shouldn’t be any, and fear where I had never seen it before.

  “I don’t know why he could see you or why he can hear Hadley, but you could have saved him,” I say.

  He looks back at me with an open vulnerability I know he will wipe away as soon as this is all over.

  “I was trying to run from him. I didn’t know he could see me,” he says, his voice full of suffering.

  “Next time,” I say, “if another human comes within the confines of this lagoon, you do all in your power to stop him or her. If they can see you, you may be able to touch them and stop them from ending their human life. Their soul is at stake, so do something about it.”

  He doesn’t say anything in return. I rise slowly to a standing posture, waiting for some rebuttal or defense, but it never comes. Maybe he agrees with me. Maybe he will regret allowing this man he had known to take away his life, or maybe he just doesn’t care about my words. Either way I turn my back on him.

  The lagoon traps us here for another night. There is no escape for us within the forest. Our souls are lost, captured within these stones that control our existence. I had once thought there were rules, regulations of being an Essence. No one can hear us, yet Hadley has a voice which humans hear. No one can see us, yet Edwin has an image visible to the living. None of it makes sense. All I know is these people who had once been human are victim to the lagoon. And I will do all I can to save any others from its pull.

  LVI.

  Edwin and Hadley are asleep when the sun comes up the next morning. Like most nights they’ve fallen into their human habits, but I couldn’t. Through the darkness of night I just looked at this man and wondered how it was he became a part of all this.

  It had started with Mystral. She was one person who had a plan, a mission, and that was to have eternal life. She didn’t care what happened to others, so long as she got what she wanted. And here it is, hundreds of years later, and so many human souls taken and traded for this thing we call an Essence.

  Through the night I mourned for the man I didn’t know. Although I was now accompanied by three others, I had never felt so alone. Edwin curled against a rock near the lagoon in his slumber and Hadley didn’t say much all night. She was doing the same thing I was—examining this new person who just became a part of our world for no particular reason.

  When she finally fell asleep I was left to think of Garren. I want him and need him, but he isn’t here. He isn’t anywhere that I know of. I wonder if Garren is in Tiboulain, guarding his own waters, preventing it from taking human lives, if either of us will ever be able to leave to search out the other.

  The next morning comes slowly. It inches its way across the horizon like a tease, never fully allowing me to escape and to push away the thoughts. I love him—I know I love him—and I need him. Not in the way I need support or kindness, but in a way I used to need oxygen to breathe. I keep waiting for him to find me and save me from whatever this nightmare is of waking up every day, never able to stray too far.

  I see Edwin stir in his sleep, propped up against a rock. At his feet is the man he had known when he was human and who now lies sprawled against the stony beach. Edwin had eventually pulled that man from the water, long after he had picked up the stone. I had accused him of refusing to save the man, and in truth, I still believe he could have saved him if he had only wanted to.

  The man spent a long time with his body floating in the water, no one bothering to give him a second look, never mind bringing his human body to peace outside the hold of the lagoon. Eventually Edwin pulled him out. Hadley and I didn’t say anything. We watched him, but he refused to look up after I had spoken to him.

  “What will we do?” Hadley’s voice is hushed beside me.

  When I turn to look at her, I see she has yet to uncurl herself from the tight ball she makes every night. Her gown makes its own form of mattress, providing just as much shelter as a thick blanket would.

  She looks at me when she speaks, but her attention is behind us, where the forest begins.

  “Are the humans just going to keep coming?” she asks.

  It pains me to hear her speak of humans in that way, like she was never one of them herself and can never connect with them again.

  I turn around and see the forest that Hadley sees. It is open and beautiful. Trees scatter the floor to disguise anything that may hide within the forest, but it is also open enough to easily make one’s way through the woods without struggling to find a path. With the sun rising, birds that can’t be seen make their morning calls out in the wild and small animals scour the ground looking for food. It’s a beautiful world, and it’s a world we must say goodbye to.

  “Come,” I say, getting up from the position I had found myself in all night. Hadley gets to her feet, but I can see the questions in her eyes as she watches my every movement for some sign.

  “What are we doing?” She looks to where her father rests on the ground with the other man. Edwin is fast asleep, and the man looks as still and silent as he had all night, while I waited for him to wake into this new life.

  “Preventing others from coming,” I say. I wrap my hand around Hadley’s wrist and pull her away with me.

  She doesn’t protest, but still turns to look back at the lagoon.

  I expect her to be watching her father, but when I follow her gaze, I see she is looking at the man who appears to be nothing more than a lifeless body.

  “You knew him,” I say. I can tell in the way she looks at him that this is a face she’s seen before.

  A small recollection appears in her eyes but also confusion, as she sees the changes the years have brought to someone she had known.

  “That’s Giles. He was younger than me when I was human. My father taught him how to dock the boats.”

  Her mind fades away as her words blend together. I tug her into the forest, but I can tell she is elsewhere as her body pulls to go where Giles is.

  “He looks so different,” she says.

  Hadley walks with me then, finding some satisfaction in recalling his name.

  “Has it really been that many years?”

  I keep my grip on Hadley’s wrist as we walk, sure that if I release her, she will drift away and I’ll lose her. “How old was he when you knew him?”

  “He was thirteen. My father was unkind to him most of the time, but when he taught him the docks, he had nothing but kind intentions.”

  Giles is no longer thirteen years old, that much is obvious. The man back at the lagoon must be near forty years old.

  More time has passed than either of us were aware.

  “What are we doing?” Hadley asks.r />
  We haven’t gotten far. I can still see the lagoon and Edwin, but we are just outside the invisible line created every night that we are not allowed to cross.

  “Hadley, we are protecting others. I can’t let anyone else get trapped in here with us, so I need your help. We will plant trees. They’ll grow around the lagoon, shutting us in. We can still leave during the day, but it will deter any curious eyes. To the humans it will just be a thick settlement of trees. They won’t bother coming closer.”

  “Where will we get the trees?”

  “We’re not,” I say. Her brows furrow together in confusion until I bend down and find an acorn on the ground. “Today we’ll be planting.” I hold out the acorn to her and she takes it, rolling the seed around in her hand.

  “It will be years before it grows into anything that will resemble a tree.”

  “I know. And others will find this lagoon, and they’ll pick up the stone and they’ll become an Essence. But we can do nothing more.”

  I bend down again and kneel on the soil of the forest. Patches of grass are everywhere, along with small rocks and broken branches, but hidden beneath the rubble are acorns. I gather them in my palm and soon Hadley does the same.

  “Where are we planting these?” Hadley asks, standing up.

  I hold onto the acorns that will be trees in the years to follow and come next to Hadley. “You remember the line that is created every night?”

  “Of course.” She takes a deep breath. We had both seen and experienced that line only a handful of hours ago.

  “Dig a hole and place an acorn along the line. Give them about five feet of separation—enough room to grow strong but not so much as to let curious hikers pass.”

  She nods her head, and soon we are both at work creating a border along the lagoon. Working in opposite directions, we move away from each other. It’s simple work—digging a small hole, placing the acorn inside, then covering it again—before moving on to the next spot. We continue this until we’ve covered the entire circumference and meet again. Hadley’s dress is covered in dirt, and for the first time, I realize how ridiculous the both of us must look in such extravagant gowns.

  She turns her head in surprise, realizing we’ve covered the circumference of the area. She laughs a little before standing up.

  “This place is bigger than I thought,” she says, brushing the dirt from her hands.

  “Look at our dresses.” We both look at each other and then at our gowns. I join in Hadley’s laughter as she tries to brush away the dirt to little avail.

  “Well, I think the look is just darling, don’t you, Luna?” She smiles at me. “We must look proper in our gowns for the men in our lives.”

  I feel my face fall. Any laughter that had just been here floats away to a whisper as Hadley comes to terms with what she had said.

  “I’m sorry,” she says. “Sometimes I forget.” She stares at me, and I realize how broken I must look to her. I’m the one who, after all these years, cannot forget or let go of someone I’m not even sure loved me. “You never got to say goodbye?”

  “No,” I say. “I never knew I was leaving.”

  Hadley watches me, so I try to smile. It’s foolish of me to wait for someone I know will never come back, but it doesn’t stop my heart from hoping.

  I wipe the stains of dirt that scatter across the hem of my dress. The gown is no longer beautiful. I imagine Garren coming back and seeing me and being repulsed.

  “I can’t wear this,” I say.

  Hadley catches my hand so I can no longer fidget with the fabric. “I’ll clean it off for you so you can wear it.” She looks at me in a way that says I have no option.

  “He’s not coming back,” I tell her.

  “So what if he never comes back? Luna, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. It means he can’t find you. Wear the dress because it makes you beautiful. It’s not for him anymore. It’s for you.”

  Hadley smiles at me. It’s a wonder how she looks no older than sixteen but has wisdom beyond her years. Part of me reminds myself that she must be nearing fifty or sixty in a human’s time, but then I remember this is the same wisdom I had seen when I first met her.

  “Okay,” I say.

  We both end the subject and make our way back to the lagoon. The sun settles in the middle of the sky; only a few clouds are to be seen. Voices can be heard as we come closer, and I’m able to see Edwin’s back as he sits facing the water. Someone else is beside him.

  “Is that Giles?” I ask Hadley.

  She squints forward. “He woke up already.”

  “Edwin,” I shout. He turns and when he sees us he stands, but doesn’t move any closer.

  “Luna, this is Giles. I knew him when he was just a boy,” Edwin says.

  “So I’ve heard.”

  Giles turns to get up also. When he stands he comes to meet me and offers his hand. He’s handsome—someone all the girls would have noticed in the village—with dark hair at his temples, but his handshake is weak and unsure. He holds himself like a man, but at the slight touch of his palm, I’m able to see just how afraid he is.

  “I’m Luna,” I say in a level tone.

  He notices my eyes and balks for a moment, but accepts me and attempts a smile. “You discovered this place?”

  I look around and see it as he does. The lagoon is the heart of the land, with its bright beautiful waters and the rock wall that cradles it all. But then the stone beach and small outcroppings of greenery and trees appear. It’s a sight to remember—unless trapped here every day.

  “Stumbled upon,” I say.

  He smiles and looks beside me where Hadley stands. A frown is locked on her face for a moment, until recognition takes over. He doesn’t speak to her or offer any sign that he remembers her, except for raising his eyebrows the smallest bit.

  “I suppose we all seem to stumble into things,” he finally says. Giles looks around again, taking in the forest. “What do you call it?”

  I don’t speak at first. I’ve been here longer than I can keep track, but I’ve only ever called it the lagoon. It seems so improper now to not have something more to identify this spot. It’s a place, a location, but it has no name. It’s an illusion of beauty but also a home.

  “Phantom Lagoon,” I say. Hadley turns to look at me, but I don’t look for her approval.

  Edwin stands at his position on the beach, but he crosses his arms over his chest—there’s a pride in his stance.

  “Phantom Lagoon,” Giles says. “Fitting.”

  “What happened?” I ask him, then turn to look at Edwin when I speak.

  Giles joins me and turns to look at him also.

  “I went into town and Giles saw me,” he says, never moving to uncross his arms.

  “You saw him? When you were human?” I ask Giles.

  Giles nods his head slightly but drifts from the subject. “While you were away, Edwin was telling me about this. … We’re an Essence?”

  “Yes. We exist only spiritually,” I tell him.

  Hadley speaks up from behind me. “But we think there might be more than that to it.”

  Giles looks at her now, examining her more than he had before. Hadley shrinks away from his gaze and comes closer to me, blocking his view slightly.

  “Edwin,” I say, “what did you tell Giles?”

  He comes to join the rest of us now, retreating from his lone stance on the beach. As he does, he seems to grow softer, more human than we’ve seen him over the years.

  “We live forever. We can’t be seen, heard, or touched. Every night we must be here in the lagoon or we feel pain—simple as that. I don’t know what happens, but it hurts like hell to be outside the border when the sun is down. We have no sense of touch and our physical bodies are in the cave. And these stones,” he says, pulling out a cord with his ruby stone tied to the end, “are somehow our souls now, and we have to keep them safe.”

  I look at Giles to see if this information has been heard befor
e. He looks down at the stone in his hand that is an earthy brown with a violet hue in the sunlight. He holds it with great care, and the look in his eyes makes the moment so private that I wish to look away.

  “Giles,” I say quietly.

  He looks up at me and covers the stone with his fingers.

  “You saw Edwin while you were human?”

  All eyes are on Giles now. He passes the stone from one hand to the other, turning his gaze over the three sets of eyes that watch him. He looks first to Edwin, flits his gaze to Hadley as she hides herself behind me, until he finally looks at me.

  “He apprenticed me when I was just a boy. When I saw him walk through town, I thought maybe it was just someone who looked like him, but then he looked back at me and smiled. I didn’t understand how it was him, but I just knew. I tried to speak to Edwin, but when I did he ran away. So I followed.”

  We’re all silent for a moment.

  Giles isn’t sure who to look at, shifting his gaze between me and Edwin, but I look at Edwin, waiting for some response.

  “You said humans can’t see us,” is all he has to say.

  “I think we have powers,” Hadley quietly whimpers, so unsure of her words being spoken.

  We all turn to look at Hadley. She seems paralyzed with fear for a moment. No one speaks up to disagree with what she’s said, but she acts as if we’ve shunned her for her ignorance.

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  She seems encouraged by my question and holds herself taller before she speaks.

  “Humans can hear me. Valen heard me, Luna, and I know you said it has to do with emotion, but others have heard me also. I don’t have to try in order for a human to hear me. When I go to town, sometimes I whisper in strangers’ ears just to see if they notice me, and they do.”