by BA Tortuga
Chapter Twenty-Six
BRANT WASN’T sure how to celebrate Matty’s birthday. Travis was on his cruise, and there wasn’t a cemetery to visit. Lex was at work. It felt weird to ask the people at work, and….
So he went to Rudy’s off Carlisle, grabbed brisket and sausage and some of those good potatoes. Then he took it home and sat out in the backyard and made himself a sandwich with the white bread and pickles and onions they put in the sack.
“You remember how we’d buy these potatoes—three quarts of them between us—and we’d eat on them for a couple days. You hated the coleslaw, but the banana pudding? Damn.”
No one answered but Mouse, who made a plaintive noise. He did love brisket.
“I know, I know.” He fed Mouse a bite. “You’d tell me it wasn’t as good as your momma’s, and I would tell you it was as close as we could get here.”
The girls jumped up on the bench, one on either side of him. They loved their little leashes, especially when they could access his food.
Mouse, on the other hand, knew he was being contained and hated it.
God, Matty thought there was precious little funnier than a big tall Texan taking his cats out to the backyard on leashes. Brant had a fine sense for the absurd too. He agreed.
“Christ, y’all. I’m sitting out in the backyard, feeding my leashed cats and talking to my dead best friend here. I’m losing my mind.”
“I hope not.”
Brant jumped about a mile, sure for a moment Matty had started talking back to him.
He spun around, his heart slamming against his rib cage. “Oh fuck. Lex. Damn, you startled the hell out of me.”
“You left the door unlocked.”
“Did I? My hands were full. You’re home early.” He didn’t need to be started with.
“Interview ended early. Suspect started crying and confessing after ten minutes.” Lex’s grin was… cautious.
“Stud. There’s enough for you. Have a seat.” He could celebrate Matty with Lex, no problem.
“Thanks, baby. Mmm. Brisket.” Lex plopped down, reaching out for Mouse, who went right to him, grumping away. “Why were you talking to Matt?”
“It’s his birthday.”
“Oh, right. You said it was coming up.” Lex made a sympathy face. “I’m sorry, Brant.”
What was he supposed to say? No big deal? It’s okay? It wasn’t okay. It was a big deal. He missed Matt. “Thank you.”
“What can I do?” Lex grabbed a piece of bread and loaded it with brisket.
“It’s good to see you.” And in the daylight, no less. He was loving these longer days of summer.
“Yeah?” Lex beamed, shoulders relaxing as if he’d been unsure of his welcome. “I hear you. I feel so out of touch.”
“You’ve been busy, huh? Working.” Staying in danger.
“I’ve been pushing, yeah.” Lex shrugged, then munched his sandwich. “I really want to take that test, and there are two openings coming up in the next month.”
“I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.” It would be easier than worrying about Lex getting shot every day, right? Detectives did a lot after the fact of the crime. Not as much danger. He’d been reading on the internet.
“Cool. Are we okay, baby?”
“Huh?” He caught himself picking at his sandwich, trapped in his own thoughts.
“You’re super… formal.” Lex was watching him. Like a cop.
“I’m just thinking. No big deal.” He sighed, trying to find a smile. “Seriously.”
“About Matt?” Lex sopped up some of the sauce on Brant’s plate, an intimate action so at odds with the conversation that he wanted to laugh.
“About Matty. About you.” He didn’t know how to do this, and he didn’t know who to ask. He hadn’t been given a “how to be a gay cop’s live-in” manual.
“Are you—I’m not getting kicked out, am I?” Lex was starting to look panicky, and Mouse jumped down from his lap.
“What? What are you talking about?”
“I just know I’ve been a disappointing lover lately. You look so serious.” Lex hunched his shoulders some.
“Look so… I’m celebrating my dead best friend’s birthday. Serious is the tone for that sort of thing.”
“Oh. Right.” Lex started to grin, then sobered. “Sorry. Sorry, I wasn’t trying to make it about me. I just worry.”
“Me too. All the damn time.” It was becoming a hobby.
“About me?” Now Lex was leaning on the table, chin on his hands.
“Well, sure. Cops get shot here.” And there wasn’t anything he could do about it.
“They do. Nurses are more than fifty percent as likely to get assaulted on the job than other workers.”
“I get bit a lot.” He felt a little bit numb, like he didn’t know what he was supposed to do next.
“Ow.” Lex reached out for him. “I wish I knew what to say.”
“I do too.” He took Lex’s hand for a second, squeezing, and then he let go. “You want some potatoes?”
“I think I need a plate. Be right back.” Lex stood up, and his phone rang.
Christ, he hated that thing.
Matty, how am I going to do this?
Lex pulled out the phone. “Hello? Hey, man. No. Not tonight. Yeah, I get it, but I’m burned as hell. Oh, good. Thanks. Yeah.” Lex hung up, then smiled. “Be right back.”
“’Kay.” Brant closed his eyes, trying desperately to figure out what the hell to do. Who was that on the phone?
Lex was back in a heartbeat, plate in hand. “You okay, baby? That was Leo at work. Wanted to know if I wanted to go on an arrest of another suspect from the confession today, but I told him I was beat.”
“Well, you can eat and then rest? I know you’ve been working your ass off.” And he was just working. Maybe he was boring. God, he needed to find something to do.
“That sounds like the best thing ever, baby. It really does.” Lex loaded up that plate.
“Good deal.” Maybe he’d go out after Lex went to sleep. Go to a bar or a movie.
“You’re thinking hard. I’m not really that tired, huh? I just didn’t want to go back in tonight.” Lex made another sandwich.
He leaned over, kissed Lex on the cheek. “Maybe we can watch an episode of something we’re saving on the DVR, then.”
What he needed to do was quit talking to Matty all the time and occupy himself. He knew how to do that. He was good friends with the people at the Denny’s, for late-night coffee and eggs. He liked movies. He liked bookstores.
God knew he’d spent six nights a week on his own before, right? He just had to stop expecting Lex to occupy him. Lex had his job.
Brant would go back to living his own life.
“Sure.” The way Lex beamed made him feel a little guilty. He wasn’t sure why.
He fed Mouse another bite of brisket. “Good deal, honey. Sounds like a plan.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
LEX WHISTLED the last mile back to the house. He was feeling pretty good. A bag of Jack in the Box sat in the passenger seat, and his detective exam was scheduled for two weeks’ time.
He couldn’t wait to tell Brant.
He’d been really worried about his lover, but over the last few weeks, something in Brant seemed to ease. They didn’t see each other much, but the lunchtime phone calls were cheerier and the antianxiety meds seemed to be at the same level.
One day they might actually be able to grill out or something. Maybe go to Abiquiú and swim.
Oh, that would be cool. Go to the lake…. Brant had said something a few weeks ago about how now it was hot he wished they could go tubing like in Texas….
Lex frowned. Brant’s SUV wasn’t in the driveway.
Weird. Brant hadn’t said shit about being late.
He grabbed the bag of food, heading for the front door while he pulled out his phone with the other hand. He called Brant, hoping everything was okay.
The phone went to
voicemail, so he went inside, turning on lights and checking on the cats.
They all came running, tails up, meowing for all they were worth.
“Hey, guys. Where’s your dad?” He stroked backs for a moment, keeping an eye on the Jack in the Box, because Mouse was magical.
Mouse yowled and stretched, huge claws appearing and disappearing.
“I know. I didn’t hide him.” He tried calling Brant again, worried now.
It was well after dark, and Brant had to be at work Friday. Why wasn’t he home?
The phone rang three times before Brant picked up. “Hey, honey.”
“Hey. You okay?” Brant sounded fine, which was… good. Right?
“Yeah. I went to the movies. How’s your night going?”
“Uh. Good? I’m feeding the cats right now.” What did he say to that? Brant had every right to go to the movies, so why did it make him feel weird? “Did you go with Travis?”
“No. I saw the preview for this a couple of days ago and thought it looked fun.”
“Cool. Well, I’m off for the night if you’re heading home.” He felt… really odd.
“Yeah? I’ll be home in a few, then.”
He heard someone say, “You coming with us tomorrow for the special showing of Creepshow, B.?”
“We’ll see. Probably. See y’all.”
How often was Brant going to the movies? Why didn’t he know about it? Lex pondered that. “Cool. I got Jack in the Box. I’ll put it in the mic.”
“Good deal. See you soon, honey.”
“Cool.” He hung up, then immediately called Travis.
“What’s wrong?” This was not the response he was used to getting.
“What? Nothing, hon. I mean, nothing dangerous or bad.” He wasn’t one hundred percent sure nothing was wrong.
“Oh. Oh, good. I’m just not used to you calling after nine. What’s up? Are you ready to take your exam? I totally want to have you both over for supper to celebrate when you pass.”
“Is it after nine?” He’d thought it was like eight forty-five. “I am. Two weeks.”
“Just barely. You nervous?”
“Well, I wasn’t…. Trav, I came home and Brant is at the movies. Is that… is that normal? I mean, for couples?”
“Did he know you were coming home?”
“No. No, I got off a little early because I pulled too much OT last week.”
“Well, then… I mean, he’s not supposed to just sit at home for his whole life, right? He used to go do something with Matt once a week, and he spent a lot of time at Denny’s or the movies or the bookstore. If you two were supposed to have dinner together and he blew you off? Then that’s weird and a little mean.”
“No, I mean, I just didn’t expect it since he has to work tomorrow.” Now he felt totally unreasonable.
“Yeah, it’s weird to come home alone, huh?”
“It is. I’ve never done this before.” Everyone had always teased him about being a player, but he really had never been half of a full-time couple. He had no idea what to do.
“Neither has Brantley. I know he’s missing Matt. He’s not a guy with a ton of friends. He tends to make one at a time.”
“Oh.” Right. How many times had he caught Brant talking to Matt? “What do I do?”
“Honey, he’s going to have to get used to being with a police officer. You’re always on call; you’re always busy. If spending his evenings and weekends at the movies is how he copes…. It’s better than picking fights, I guess?”
“Of course.” He just didn’t want Brant to get so bored that he left. Well, asked Lex to leave.
“I’m proud of him, you know?”
“You are?” He felt like a fish out of water, gasping and flopping around.
“Sure. His best friend was shot and killed, and he turned around and hooked up with a police officer in Albuquerque just weeks later. He’s running on faith, huh?” He could hear Travis’s smile.
“He is.” That kinda brought an answering smile to his lips. “I guess he’s probably just as freaked as me.”
“I think he’s lonely, Lex. When you get time, love on him.”
“I will. I swear.” He would start tonight.
“Feel better?”
He opened his mouth to answer, but then Brant beeped in. “I have to go, man. Brant’s calling.” He hit the button without waiting for Trav to respond. “Hey, baby. What’s up?”
“I ran out of gas.”
“You what?” Lex didn’t even know where Brant was.
“I don’t like to stop at night. I was going in the morning.”
“Shit, baby. Where are you? Stay with the car, and I’ll come get you and get some gas.” How could Brant run out of gas?
“I’m at the Smith’s on Fourth. I got this. I can see the gas pumps. I just didn’t want you to worry.”
“Wait, you’re walking?” Lex grabbed his keys and headed out, making sure no kitties tried to slip out. “Baby, you need to stay in the damn car.”
He didn’t want Brant out there, an Anglo with a limp carrying a gas can? Jesus, that was a mug-me-now scenario.
And someone was happy to shoot guys at the pump at fucking Smith’s too.
God damn it.
He hopped in his truck, wishing he had a cruiser. Sirens would be nice right now. “Keep talking to me, Brant.”
“I’m fine. I’m going to run into the Smith’s and buy a gas can.” Brant sighed. “I can’t fucking believe this.”
The Smith’s store and the gas pumps were separate on Fourth, so that meant more walking. “I have one in my truck. Just stay in the store, okay?”
Please, just do what I’m asking.
“You don’t have to come out. You just got home. Just a sec.” Brant’s voice went a little fuzzy. “Gas cans? Thanks, man.”
Stubborn butthead. “I’m in the truck, baby. I’ll be there in, like, ten.” He was hanging on by a thread and not yelling.
“Love you.”
Well, thank God for that. “I love you too, Brant. Just hang on and I’ll be right there.”
He hung up and gunned it toward Fourth Street. They were going to have a come-to-Jesus meeting about taking care of things, most specifically taking care of Brant.
BRANT HEADED for the gas pumps, cussing himself like the idiot he was. He knew better than to run the car low, but he was so close to the house, and he had a gas can in the garage with five gallons in it.
The street wasn’t deserted, but it was damn dark, and he knew he made a vision with his new spare gas can from the Smith’s. Probably an attractive one, as far as the more criminal element went. To people’s credit, at least two people had rolled down their windows and asked if he needed help. There just wasn’t a lot of traffic this time of night, though, and Lex was on his way.
He made it to the lights around the pumps, and he had to stop, because for a second, he couldn’t breathe.
Fuck.
Fuck.
This wasn’t the station where the shooting had happened, but they all looked the same, didn’t they? They all had the little center place where you could buy cigarettes during regular business hours and the trash cans with their little indentations for the squeegee deals.
There’d been brains on the hose. Matt’s brains scattered like little meat nuggets. The ravens would eat them, if they hadn’t all gone to Santa Fe for the summer.
Brant gagged, the smell of gas and copper blood so strong he swayed, closing his eyes for a moment.
A hand landed on his arm, and he jerked away, ready to beat the ever-loving fuck out of someone. “Back off!”
“Hey! Hey, it’s just me.” Lex stood less than a foot away. Jesus, what if he’d been someone else?
“Sorry. Sorry, I was—” What? Losing his fucking mind? Because that was sure what it felt like. “I got a gas can.”
“I see that.” Lex looked grim. “You should have just stayed at the store, baby. It’s not safe out here.”
“I’m a
grown-up. I got this.” Except he really hadn’t. He couldn’t stop looking around, eyes searching for a dark shadow, the muzzle of a gun, the flash when the trigger was pulled. God. God, he wanted to go home.
“Even grown-ups need help,” Lex snapped. “Give me the gas can. I’ll fill it and mine so you can wait to get a full tank until tomorrow.”
“Look, I’m sorry, man. I thought the car would make it.” He didn’t need to be snapped at.
“I know.” Lex took a deep breath. “I was worried. I went to the Smith’s and you were gone.”
I’m surprised you even noticed. The thought was ugly and mean and beneath him, so he didn’t let it out, although the frustration and anger that drove it didn’t leave. “I was trying to save us time.”
“Well, you scared the shit out of me.” Lex turned to the pump. “I mean, I’m a cop. I can think of a thousand ways this could go wrong.” The set of those wide shoulders was super stiff.
“No shit.” Brant didn’t think he’d ever get gas again without his heart racing.
“What?” Lex glared at him over one shoulder. “Then why didn’t you stay with the car? Mierda.”
“Because I’m a grown fucking man. Because I can’t live my entire life hiding in the house with my cats!” And God knew it was a temptation.
“I never said you should! But this is what couples do, damn it! They depend on each other.”
Good thing it was late and no one was around. They’d be drawing stares, as his momma would say.
“I—” How was he supposed to? How the hell was he supposed to depend on this? “I didn’t even know you were going to be home.”
“No, I get that.” Lex cut the air with his free hand. “I just mean—after we talked. It wouldn’t have taken any longer for me to find you than not to at the store.”
The temptation to just scream was vast. “Fine.”
Jesus, he just wanted to go home and go to bed.
“I’m going to get you Triple A, for fuck’s sake. You need to take care of yourself.”
“Oh, fuck off. I do just fine. I managed just fine for a long time, man.”