by BA Tortuga
“Obviously not. Look what happened to Matt.”
Brant stared at Lex, a jolt of pure pain slamming through him. They hadn’t been reckless. They hadn’t been stupid. They had stopped at a well-lit station for gas after a movie. “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.”
He took the full gas can and headed back to his car, leaving Lex to deal with the other can and paying. He was a cop; he could handle it.
“Brant!” He heard Lex cussing up a storm. “Will you wait?”
“No, motherfucker, I don’t think I can,” he muttered. Then out loud he yelled, “I’m sorry I caused you trouble, Officer. I didn’t mean to be there during a shooting!”
“Oh, Jesus Christ! I’m sorry. That was a stupid thing to say!” Lex was slamming the nozzle back into the pump.
“It was.” He just went to the car and popped the door to the gas cap. He was burning, he was so mad. Burning.
Lex caught up with him a few minutes later, handing over the other gas can without a word.
He took it, emptied it, and handed it back. Then he stowed the new can and got in the car.
Please start. Please start.
She turned over like a dream, gas gauge showing almost half a tank. Okay. Okay. Right. He rolled down the window. “I’ll meet you at home.”
Lex stared at him for a moment, then nodded. “Okay.”
He took a deep breath before meeting Lex’s eyes. “I love you.”
Just in case. If something happened on the way home, he wanted Lex to know.
“Love you too.” Lex nodded again before heading to his truck.
God, his head was the size of a friggin’ watermelon.
Home. Shower. Bed.
LEX GOT home first. Okay, so maybe he floored it, singing very loud to Evanescence. He let himself in, pushing Mouse out of the way with his foot.
“He’ll be right here. Stop being a butthead.”
He saw the lights from Brant’s car in the front room windows seconds later, so he turned right back around, going to meet Brant at the door. “Hey, baby.”
“Hey, you.” Brant tried to smile for him, then gave up. “I didn’t expect to see you tonight.”
“I know. I pulled too much OT last week, so they sent me home. Half shift tomorrow too.” He grabbed Brant and hugged him tight, the worry lingering more than the snarl.
“Yeah? You won’t know what to do with yourself.”
“I know!” Lex took a kiss, pleased as fuck when Brant didn’t pull away. “So, what did you see?”
“Huh?”
“At the movies.”
Brant shrugged both shoulders. “One of those found-footage horror movies. It was marginal, but I had a few laughs.”
“Cool. Look, I didn’t mean….”
“I don’t want to talk about it, man.” Brant turned away and shook his head.
“We’ll have to talk about it at some point.” Lex rolled his shoulders. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that about Matt.”
“You should be. We weren’t doing anything stupid. We weren’t doing anything wrong. We were getting gas. Some asshole with a gun and an itchy trigger finger is the one that was in the wrong.” Brant glared at him, those blue eyes furious. “Don’t you dare blame me for this, for being ‘unsafe.’ It wasn’t my fault.”
“I know it wasn’t.” He spread his hands. “It scared me. I just—I know you’re not made of glass, but I want you to be safe.” He wasn’t sure how else to put it.
“I’m fucking trying to not be scared!” Brant stared at him, pinning him to the wall. “I’m trying not to panic every time you don’t fucking come home. I’m trying not to be scared to go outside at night. I’m trying not to have a panic attack when I get gas or when I hear a car backfire or when something random happens that I shouldn’t even be worried about.”
Lex’s heart squeezed in his chest. God, he got that. He so got it. How did he get Brant to understand that? “I—I worry every time you go to work, because nurse. I mean, I don’t think someone will bomb you, but who the fuck knows?”
“Nobody.”
And that was it, wasn’t it? No one could have expected Matt to die that night. No one could have known the bomber was going to hit the hospital. No one had any control over what other people did, only their own actions. “Right. So can we try not to be scared together a little more?”
Brant blinked at him, a soft chuckle escaping. “I—yeah. Yeah, I think we could try that.”
“Good. Okay. You mind if I eat? I got you a sourdough thingy and fries too. I didn’t know that you would be—” No. He wasn’t going to rag Brant about not being home. Brant had a right to go to the damn movies. They just needed to talk more. Be not scared together.
Brant ignored the last part of his sentence. “Oh yeah? You know I love those. Thank you.”
Boom. “You’re welcome. Go sit and I’ll be there in a few. What do you want to drink?” The cats were losing it, so Brant needed to go make nice with them before they destroyed the sofa.
“Just a Coke, thanks.” Brant started talking to the cats, and they all started talking back like they understood.
He chuckled, heating up food, pouring the drinks while the microwave ran. Lex was super glad Brant seemed pleased with the food. Hell, maybe it was because he’d remembered. Who knew?
“Did you have a good day? I mean, before me,” Brant called from the sofa.
“Stop it. It was good. I got my test scheduled.” He held his breath. Would Brant be tickled?
“Yeah? Congratulations! Are you excited?”
“I am.” His palms got sweaty when he thought about it. Still, it was time. While he knew the hours would still be full of suck, Albuquerque was actually a fairly large force. They had a rotation that was far better than Las Cruces’s.
“Good deal, honey. We should put it on the calendar.”
There was a calendar? “We have a calendar?” He tried for light, because this was gold. This was what he needed to know and do.
“Well, I have a calendar, so now, I guess you do too. I tried to keep track of your schedule, but damn.”
“I know.” He shook his head, setting food and drink down in front of Brant. “You show me what I need to do, though, and I’ll try to keep it on the rails.”
“Thank you.” Brant smiled for him, then tucked in, letting Mouse steal a fry.
Lex fed one to each of the girls too, and they seemed ready to forgive him for hiding their dad.
Brant was quiet, and Lex found that he missed the way they had chatted about silly things. They hadn’t been together that long that they didn’t have anything more to say than “how was your day,” right? He wanted to say something weird and shocking, just to break whatever awkward spell the relationship fairy had put on them.
“You okay?” Brant asked. “I mean, I know you’re stressing your test, and I didn’t help.”
“I am. I mean, I know what I need to know, but it’s pressure.” He propped his head on his hand. “I’m a little lost here, though. I feel like, I dunno, I had no idea you were at the movies or what you had for lunch.” That came out all wrong, and Lex shook his head. “No. That sounds like you did something wrong. I mean, I miss talking to you.”
“Yeah. I hear you.” Brant sighed softly. “You have a good family with the force, and a good partner.”
“I do. I also have a lover.” He reached out to touch Brant’s hand. “Travis said you’re missing Matt so much. I didn’t realize, baby. I mean, I knew, but I forget your people aren’t here.”
“Yeah. I probably would have just stayed in Texas, but Land of Entrapment.” Brant leaned back into the couch cushions. “Matty was a good guy.”
“Tell me more about him?” Maybe Brant would talk to him about Matt instead of talking to Matt. Besides, he wanted to know what kind of man was Brant’s best friend and Trav’s husband.
“What?”
“Matt, baby. I never got to really know him. Tell me about him.”
“Oh, man. I’ve known him since we were in kindergarten. I have a thousand stories.”
“Then tell me your favorite.” He would love that. And maybe he would tell Brant one about Franny, who he missed so bad and who still hadn’t sent more than a text from Chicago….
“When I was in the hospital in Germany, he flew out with Bridey. He showed up wearing a gorilla suit. An honest-to-God gorilla suit. Nobody’s really sure why. Nobody knows where he got the costume, but he sure made me laugh when nothing else could.”
“That’s awesome.” It was too. And he sat there for an hour listening to Brant talk about Matt, which meant Lex couldn’t stop smiling.
Brant leaned into him, resting hard. “I wish you could have known him better. He would have loved hearing all your stories.”
“I would have liked him a lot, I can tell.” God, Brant had a lifetime of stuff to talk about. He couldn’t imagine losing a friend like that.
“Yeah. Yeah, I think so.” Brant inhaled, then let it all out. “I bet you’re tired, huh?”
“I’m okay, but you have to get up.” He stood to take the trash to the lidded can, then came back to hold out a hand to Brant. “Want to take a shower with me before we head to bed?” He wanted to touch. Just gentle and sweet, nothing super sexy times.
“I do.” Brant took his hand, twining their fingers together.
“Bueno.” He squeezed, drawing Brant back to the master. He could do this. He could remember to take the time to talk.
“I miss you.” The words were soft, and it would be easy to ignore them, miss them in the rush of the bathroom door opening.
No way, though. No way was he going to just let it go ever again. “I hear you, baby. I promise to listen, because I miss you too.”
“I’m trying to get it. I’ll figure this out, I swear.”
He got the water going, watching Brant when he stripped down, those scars reminding him of all Brant had been through. “I believe you, Brant. I understand.”
Lex got that they’d hooked up in a time of stress, that they both had shit to deal with, that his job was never—never—going to be easy.
He got that.
He always got that, even as hurt and mad as Brant had been, Brant’s last words before he rolled the window up were “I love you.”
That was the most important part. They would learn this other stuff one loving, one meal, one fight at a time.
“Come on, Officer. The cats are watching.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“MAN, WHAT a feast!” Brant stared at the array of Chinese takeout boxes lined up on Travis’s fancy granite countertop. “Did you invite a lot of people?”
“No. Just us. I didn’t know what you two wanted.” Travis chewed his lower lip, looking nervy. “Matt always ordered.”
“It looks amazing.” Lex grabbed a plate and a fork and started dishing up. “I’m starving.”
“He’s been stress jogging,” Brant explained, barely holding back his grin.
“Yeah, yeah. I can think of better stress-relieving exercises.” Travis rolled his eyes and grabbed an egg roll. “Seriously, you two. You’re supposed to be tearing each other up for at least another year.”
“We’ve been doing that too.” Lex gave them both an arch look. “I passed, didn’t I?”
“You did. And you have two whole days off.” Brant resisted the urge to go over and beg a kiss. “Mouse will be so pleased.”
Oh, now. He got this sloe-eyed, heated glance from Lex. “Only Mouse?”
“Ew!” Travis waved his egg roll in the air. “No prenookie lookie in my kitchen.”
“Does that mean no kissing too?”
“God yes!” Travis gagged dramatically.
Lex was going to hurt something laughing, and when Brant added, “What if we take it easy on the tongue?” it was all over for all of them.
Travis just howled, slapping his leg with his empty hand. “Oh, I can’t breathe.”
“No CPR. That could be misconstrued as tongue action.” Brant was going to die a la the bad guys in the Roger Rabbit movie.
Lex hooted like a giant owl. “But I just got recertified!” He made kissy faces at Travis.
“Don’t you even bring that nasty mouth over here.” Travis grabbed a spoon and wielded it like a sword. “Eat your kung pao and leave me be.”
“Well, better mouth-to-mouth before rather than after.” Lex beamed at them both. “Thanks, guys. I needed to celebrate.”
“You’re welcome, Detective.” Travis grinned back.
Brant clinked their beer bottles together. “You did it, honey.”
“I had incentive.” Lex winked, and Brant had to admit that Lex was working hard to be home more, to be there for him.
“So, Detective Espana, tell me, are you going to have to start driving a black Ford POS now?”
Brant ignored Travis’s teasing and grabbed himself a plate. Mmm… moo goo gai pan. His favorite.
“Ha-ha. But yeah.” Lex’s expression was actually a little chagrined. “No sleek SUV for me since I’m the new guy.” Lex put some fried rice on Brant’s plate too.
“Thanks. It’ll happen, honey.”
“It will.” Lex was happy. Like for real.
“You two are just silly with it.” Travis grinned at them, the look bittersweet. “Matt would have loved this.”
“I’m sure he knows.” Brant reached over to pat Travis’s hand.
“Yeah. Yeah, I hope so.”
Brant didn’t worry about that part. Even if he didn’t have to talk to Matty as much as before, he knew his buddy was listening.
He had faith.
“Mmm.” Lex licked his fork. “That sesame stuff is good.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “You just can’t make it taste like that at home.”
“I don’t try.” Travis laughed when they both stared. “Guys. I don’t cook. You know that.”
“That’s why you’re so skinny, right?”
“Nah, that’s the speed.” Travis said it with a completely straight face, then wailed with laughter when Lex gave him an outraged glare. “Oh God, your face. Does that mean Brant has to give up his marijuana card?”
“No. He has a card. He just can’t blow the smoke in my face. Besides, he’s into the edibles.” Lex rolled his eyes. “You’re a butthead, Trav.” Lex reached out, warm hand on Brant’s hip.
“Yeah, but I’m your butthead, so….”
“I suppose we’ll keep you.”
Brant chuckled, stuffing food in his mouth to keep from teasing. Travis needed someplace to belong right now too.
Just because he had his with Lex didn’t mean he got to be an ass. In fact, he just said a little silent prayer of thanks for today.
Lex had made detective, he had good friends, good food, and he and Lex both had the weekend off.
Life was pretty damn fine.
“…you listening, baby?”
Brant blinked over. “Nope. What’s up?”
“I was asking if I made you cookies this weekend, would you make me enchiladas? I’m craving.”
“I do have the skill. I can be persuaded.” He leaned over for a kiss, managing to bring their mouths together for a second before Travis hit him with the spoon.
More from BA Tortuga
A Border Crossing Novel
ER doctor Dusty Lowry grew up in a conservative rural Texas family that has never quite forgiven him for staying in New Mexico after his stint in the Army. Paramedic Nate Miller, Dusty’s best friend since their early Army days, has a hippie momma, a tiny apartment, and is in lust with his buddy. When their other Army friend, Kyle, gets married, they start thinking about settling down. In fact, they both know what they want: each other. Too bad they’ve never shared that goofy little fact.
A trip to visit Dusty’s family in Texas changes everything, and Dusty and Nate aren’t sure where to go from there. Good thing they’re smart guys, and between a series of bombings that target first responders, their friend Kyle’s wife
getting pregnant, and more than one bowl of guacamole, they begin to figure out how to have a relationship.
But as the bombings get closer to home, Nate and Dusty must navigate love and commitment before they lose their chance.
Colby McBride is a blue-collar cowboy trying to make ends meet laying tile in Colorado. A loner by choice, Colby works hard with his hands and finds his peace camping in the mountains outside Boulder. Gordon James is a white-collar restaurateur who owns not one, but two successful establishments in downtown Boulder. He’s a sophisticated urbanite who is devoted to his work and is accustomed to getting what he wants.
The men are friends, but sparks fly when Colby falls in love and decides to show Gordon how much fun a good old boy can be. They’re just beginning to explore their relationship when Gordon’s sister’s suicide leaves him with custody of his five-year-old niece.
Colby comes from a huge family and is eager to help with the girl and to prove his worth to Gordon. But neither of them is ready for the tremendous changes to their already busy lives, or for how this new relationship with Olivia challenges them, complicating the way they interact with each other.
They say opposites attract, but can these two very different men work together to join their disparate lives and form a strong, if highly unlikely, family?
Stetson Major and Curtis Traynor are about as opposite as two cowboys can get. Stetson is a rancher, tied to the land he loves in Taos, New Mexico, while Curtis is a rodeo cowboy whose wanderlust never could be tamed.
But now Stetson’s momma is dying of Alzheimer’s, and she can’t remember that Curtis hasn’t been Stetson’s boyfriend for a long time. Curtis’s absence makes her cry, so Stetson swallows his pride and calls his ex-lover.
To Curtis, Stetson is the one who got away, the love of his life. And Momma is his friend, so he’s happy to help out. Yet returning to the ranch stirs up all sorts of feelings that, while buried, never really went away. Still, the rodeo nationals are coming up, and Curtis can’t stay… even if he’s starting to want to, especially to support Stetson when he needs it most.