I took a deep breath.
I closed my eyes.
I jumped.
For a moment, I felt nothing but air. Then the ground, hard and painful, under my curled up body. My eyes were closed and I wasn’t sure how it had happened, but I somehow landed on my wrist, with the delicate bones snapping under my weight (even at ten, I had been a little zaftig). I cried out in pain immediately, but also in relief: I wasn’t on the back of Sunshine anymore, I was safe, I was on the ground.
That night, I got a visit to the ER and four drinks of my choosing from the local gas station: all loaded with sugar, the kind of thing my mother ordinarily never let me have. I had a purple cast on my wrist for six weeks. Everyone at school signed it, I’d never been so popular.
But at the end of the day, what I’d never told anyone, was that I’d regretted it immensely. After all, I had no proof that Sunshine would have slammed my leg into the fence. I had no proof that saying on her would have amounted to something worse than giving up and jumping off.
I’d just had to trust myself, trust that I’d made the right decision to jump off and break my wrist – not to mention, break my love of riding horses long after I was ten years old.
“Sasha,” Andy hissed under his breath. “Come on.”
I blinked and a flush spread across my face – I realized that I’d stopped dead in my tracks, reminiscing about something that had happened over thirteen years ago. I wasn’t a scared little ten year old on a pony gone wild anymore.
I was an adult woman, and it was time for me to show it. Amanda may have been a real bitch, but she was no Sunshine. I wasn’t helpless anymore. My mom and riding instructor weren’t standing there watching, white-faced, as a little girl jumped fearlessly off the back of a galloping pony. I was an adult, and I was with Andy, and the two of us were a lot stronger than I had been at ten years old. I may not have had proof that Sunshine would have hurt me then.
But I sure as shit had proof that Amanda wanted to hurt me now.
The knowledge was terrifying, but it also filled me with a strange kind of strength.
Andy and I made our way across the lobby, towards Amanda. The bitch was standing there glaring at us like we were the worst people in the world, and I knew that everything was about to come to a painful head.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Andy asked angrily. “Did you follow me?”
Amanda was breathing had and her face was red. She looked capable of murder, and I felt a tiny pinch of fear at the back of my neck as she looked from Andy to me and back again.
“Of course I did,” she said arrogantly.
I gasped. I’d known that Amanda had a crush on Andy, but this? Had she been stalking him?
What the hell was going on?
“Why?” Andy asked. He shook his head. “Amanda, why would you do something so, so, so ...” He trailed off, took a deep breath, and clenched his jaw. “So crazy,” he finally finished.
Amanda gave him a strange little smile, as if Andy was a simple soul capable of only understanding one word answers.
“I had a feeling that something was up between the two of you,” she said, almost sweetly. “Zach confirmed my suspicions this morning while the two of us were getting coffee. He’s really a smart guy, Andy. I know the two of you don’t like each other, but think of the work that you could accomplish as a team!”
Andy exhaled sharply. “Look,” he said bluntly. “I know that we’re violating the rules. But to be honest, so are you. This is extreme, Amanda. Following me? Into a movie theater, no less? Attacking us like this?”
Amanda gave him another weird little smile. “Andy, it’s possible that you don’t know me as well as you think you do. I’ll go to any length to keep my company safe from interference.”
Andy and I looked at each other. Her company? Who the fuck was this bitch, and what planet had she come from?
Andy cleared his throat. “Amanda, I’m not sure that I understand.” His voice was calm, but I could tell that he was struggling to keep it that way. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m not stupid, Andy,” Amanda countered. She took a step closer and I watched her nostrils flare. “I know the two of you are sleeping together.” She paused, sighing like a nursery school teacher exasperated with her charges. “And while that’s upsetting enough, that’s not even ... well, how should I say this?” She paused and tapped her chin with a long finger. I felt hatred surge in me like flood water, and suddenly I wanted to wrap my hands around her neck and choke her.
“Don’t play games, Amanda,” Andy said wearily. “Out with it.”
“Well, the fact that the two of you have been carrying on a very unprofessional relationship isn’t even the worst aspect of this,” Amanda continued. “But as I said, that’s not even the most nefarious dimension of all of this. The fact is, there is no relationship. Sasha’s just been using you the whole time.”
My blood froze to ice in my veins and I reached for Andy’s hand and gripped it tightly as if to say, what the fuck is she talking about?! My heart slowed to a dull thud in my chest and I tasted metal in my mouth – for a moment, I thought I was going to be sick all over the lobby of the movie theater.
“What are you talking about?” Andy asked slowly. “Sasha and I ... well, the truth is, we just fell into something. Neither one of us planned it. And we’re adults – we’re obviously both willing to accept the consequences of our actions.”
Amanda shook her head, still wearing that tight little smile that I’d come to hate.
“You don’t understand,” she said. She stepped closer and put both of her hands on Andy’s shoulders before shaking him lightly, a mother scolding her wayward college-aged child. “Sasha doesn’t like you, honey. She’s not into you. She’s pumping you for information about the business.”
“What?” Andy said. He blinked. “The hell, Amanda!”
“You’re being played by a pro,” Amanda said. She sounded almost sympathetic. “Of course, she had to go after the most ... eligible target.”
“That’s not true,” I said hotly. I had been trying to keep my cool the entire time, but this was too much. I could handle almost anything, but an assault on my character that was so blatantly false that it was almost funny?
That was too much.
“You’re mistaken,” I continued. Amanda turned to me, her mouth slack and her jaw hanging open. She quickly recovered and shot me an evil look.
“Shut your mouth,” she hissed. Amanda took her hands from Andy’s shoulders. She was breathing hard and I thought she was in very real danger of exploding. The anger was coming off of her in hot, rolling waves that made me feel even sicker, and I clenched my hands into fists at my sides.
Amanda’s face twisted into a malevolent grin.
“That’s enough,” she said to me. “You’re fired.”
25
Andy – Monday
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was rooted to the spot, listening to Amanda spew hateful, evil, awful lies. It was like I’d fallen asleep and I was in the middle of having a nightmare – you know, the kind that starts off all innocuous and then turns horrible before you even have time to pinch yourself to make sure that you’re sleeping.
Fuck, what a mess.
“What do you think about that, Andy?” Amanda asked. Her eyes were blazing and she was staring me down. If Sasha hadn’t been standing just slightly behind me, I would have immediately taken her in my arms to make sure that she was all right. But staring down Amanda was like staring down a king cobra – there was no way I could break away without worrying about her striking me and injecting me with her wicked venom.
“If Sasha is fired,” I shot back. “You may as well fire me because we’re both guilty of the same crime. And honestly, it looks far, far worse on me than it does on Sasha. I’m her superior – technically, this means I’ve taken advantage of her.”
“That’s not true!” Sasha cried from behind me.
Ama
nda ignored her. Stepping forward, she put her hands to my face and cupped my cheek, as if she was a beloved maternal figure about to show me the light that I’d been missing.
“Andy, Andy,” Amanda said. “You’re misguided. You don’t understand what’s happening right now. Sasha is a corporate spy. She’s using us, pumping us for information.”
I stared at her. Her words couldn’t have made any more sense if she had been speaking Portuguese.
“I’m saving you from heartbreak,” Amanda cooed sweetly. “When Sasha’s lies are eventually exposed. She’ll abandon you, Andy-candy, she’s going to use you up and leave you high and dry.”
“What the fuck!” Sasha said angrily. She stepped forward and caught my gaze with her sapphire-blue eyes. Her color was high and her plump, luscious mouth was twisted into a confused, wounded knot. It was then that I knew that I wasn’t dreaming. This was real, this was happening, and Amanda was actively trying to ruin both of us.
“Don’t worry,” Amanda said. “Sasha’s been fired. Her key card will be revoked – I can call IT and have them do it remotely, so there’s no chance she’ll be able to gain access to the building. I’ll also have them delete all of her log-in information.”
“You ...” I trailed off as my brain spun and twisted, looking for the right words. “You’ve lost your mind,” I said finally. With anyone else, such a statement would have been hyperbole. But with Amanda, it was nothing but the truth.
“You’re deluded,” I continued. “Look – I know you have a thing for me. You’ve made that pretty damned obvious. But I’m sorry. I’m not into you – I only see you as a boss, as a professional. It’s never going to happen for us, and you need to accept that.”
Amanda looked as if I’d slapped her across the face. Her arms dangled limply at her sides and she swallowed hard, clenching her jaw and working her tongue furiously over her teeth.
“You’re being a fool,” she said simply. “If this redheaded slut hadn’t come along, you’d be so much happier.”
That was it – that was the moment when I felt myself lose control. I’d meant to keep calm, to stay cool, but I had finally had enough. It was bad enough that Amanda had to put on a little simpering act like she’d always had my best interests at heart, but listening to her insult Sasha was simply too much to handle.
“You’re the fool,” I yelled back. “You’re paranoid – you’re completely unwilling to believe that I’d want any other woman than you. You need to let it go and walk away with dignity, Amanda.”
Amanda’s face turned deathly pale, then beet red. “You can’t speak to me like that!” She shrieked, banshee-like. “You’ve clearly been compromised by Sasha! Maybe you’re even in cahoots with her,” she added, her words searing with white-hot rage.
I stared at her before slowly shaking my head.
“I can’t believe it’s come to this,” I said in a low voice.
“You know what,” Amanda retorted as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Don’t even bother coming back into the office. You’re fired, too.”
Before I could say anything else, Amanda stalked out of the movie theater. I stood there, with Sasha, feeling a mix of hurt and confusion and sheer bewilderment. While I had known that Amanda had had her eye on me, I’d never have thought that it would come to this.
I put my head in my hands and groaned. Suddenly, I felt like I was over one hundred years old, like I’d withstood the suffering of millions of people. My head was throbbing and my stomach was churning with bitterness and anger.
“Andy?” Sasha asked quietly. She put her hand on my arm and I didn’t have the strength to brush it away.
I took a deep breath, rubbed my eyes vigorously, then looked up and sighed
“I need to go home,” I said. “I have to make a couple of phone calls.”
Sasha frowned. “I’m really sorry this happened, Andy,” she said. “Now you’ve lost your job, too.” Her voice was soft and sweet, but for once it didn’t get through to me.
“I know how much it meant to you,” Sasha continued. The look of guilt in her blue eyes was too much, and I had to look away.
All I could do was nod. My mind was spinning, the gears churning a thousand miles per minute. Although I was physically in the lobby of the movie theater, with Sasha, my brain was far away as I contemplated what I would do now: where would I find another job, and how would I manage to get away from this disastrous mess that I’d created?
Sasha was still talking, and I held up my hand to silence her. I had to be alone, I had to get my thoughts in order, I had to figure out what I was going to do next.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said finally. Sasha stopped talking, but I barely noticed.
Then, leaving her alone in the movie theater, I shoved my hands in my pockets and walked away.
26
Sasha – Tuesday
Rolling over in bed, I sighed and buried my face in the pillow. It smelled like dirty hair and sleep-spit – I knew that I needed to do laundry – but right now, I couldn’t make myself care.
It was hard to care about anything. It was almost noon, and I didn’t have the energy to even get up to pee, much less get up to bleach and wash my sheets. My whole body hurt.
Even my hair hurt. It was like the worst hangover that I’d ever had, except I hadn’t even touched a drop of booze.
How could I?
I was pregnant, after all.
Swallowing hard, I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. How had things gone so bad, so fast? Just after I had told Andy that I was carrying his child, Amanda had appeared like some evil Disney villain and everything had gone to shit.
Andy didn’t even have the chance to react or tell me what he was thinking. Was that the reason why he had been so eager to leave me behind, leave me alone in the theater? And just after being fired, no less.
I had thought that Andy really cared for me, but now I was beginning to doubt everything. What if he wasn’t really in it like I was in it? What if he didn’t want me as a partner for the long-haul? What if I was too silly, too loud, too young for Andy? I knew that we were only three years apart in actual age, but mentally I felt like Andy was far more mature than I was. He was always so serious, so prepared. What if I was nothing more than a diversion for him? A fun diversion, but a diversion all the same. What if now that he had gotten fired, he’d decide that he’d have no time for something like a diversion?
Something like me.
I felt sick to my stomach. Sitting up in bed, I put my face in my hands and took a deep breath. I’d never been this anxious before. I wasn’t a naturally anxious person, and this foreign feeling was perhaps the worst thing that I’d ever experienced. Now, in addition to worrying about being pregnant with my former boss’s baby, I had to find a new job.
How the fuck was I going to do it?
I had to consciously work to unclench my jaw as I reached onto the nightstand for my phone. It was the middle of the day, but I had to talk to Darla. I dialed my best friend and put the phone to my ear. My hope faded with every ring, and then it cut to voicemail.
Tears came to my eyes and I blinked them away. What could I possibly say to her? Oh, hi, I miss you ... by the way, I ruined your cousin’s life and now I’m about to be a single mom in a city where I hardly know anyone?
I hung up without leaving a message. Just as I was setting my phone back down, it buzzed in my hand and my heart leapt, expecting Darla.
It was Billie – a text that read: “CALL ME ASAP!!!!!1”
I swallowed hard, then called her and flopped back down on my bed.
“Oh my god, girl, what the fuck is going on,” Billie practically shrieked into the phone. “What is happening?!”
“I don’t even know where I should start,” I said miserably. “So much has happened that I can’t even believe it’s real life.”
Billie quieted down. “Well, I just left on lunch,” she said. “So, it’s not like I’m exactly short on time. You�
��d better start from the beginning,” she advised in her typical, wise-cracking manner. “Because I’m dying to know the truth.”
I sighed. “Well, Andy and I hooked up again in Vegas,” I told her. “And ... um, well, he didn’t mean to or anything, but he accidentally fell asleep in my room. Zach saw us kissing the next morning.”
“Oh, shit, girl,” Billie exclaimed dramatically. “What the hell!”
“I know, I know,” I said miserably. “But that’s not the worst of it. As soon as we got back ...” I trailed off and blushed hotly. “Well, I’m pregnant,” I added in a no-nonsense voice. “And I told Andy, but we were in this movie theater, and—”
“Wait, why did you tell him at the movies?” Billie interrupted.
I flushed even redder. “He thought it wouldn’t be a good idea for us to be out together in public, so it was his idea. But Amanda must’ve followed him from work, and she confronted us as soon as I told him, and then she fired me, and then she fired him.”
“Were you still in the theater?” Billie pressed.
I groaned. “No,” I told her. “We got into it, this huge fight, in the lobby. It was insane. It was like, the most humiliating experience of my life. She tried telling Andy that I’m a corporate spy, can you believe that?”
“Bitch is crazy,” Billie said. “I mean, I knew that already. But damn, she really took this to a new level.”
“I know,” I agreed.
“I wish I could say that I don’t believe it, but I totally do,” Billie said. “Like, I’ve been worried about that crazy lady for a long time. She works way too hard and she doesn’t get enough sleep. Not to mention that she’s totally obsessed with her job ... and Andy. I heard a lot of rumors about her favoring him, and I didn’t want to gossip, but there you go. It was probably only a matter of time before she totally exploded.”
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