by AJ Alexander
With Livie playing in the bubble-filled water, I send a quick message to my boss, letting her know that I will be in to help cover some hours tonight and that we will be back on schedule in the morning.
After letting her play for a little while, I make sure she washes up properly. We then pull the plug and get all of her toys in the net; she stands and waits for me to rinse her off before stepping out. This routine has been the same since she was first able to stand. I love that she knows what to expect, and I don’t have to tell her every little thing, she gets a sense of independence from it too.
Helping her step out and wrapping a big towel around her, I dry her off and tickle her a little too. “Okay, go get dressed. Momma has to go to work for a little while, but you get to go play with Auntie Emma.”
“OTAY!” Her shout piercing my ears as it bounces off the tile as she takes off down the hall toward her room. I guess she may have missed playing with her aunt. I can’t lie and say I haven’t missed her playing with her aunt either.
I pull up to Emma’s place with a very excited Olivia. I don’t care what she says, tomorrow she is going to day care. If she has this much energy, there is no way she doesn’t feel well enough to play with her friends.
I unbuckle her from her seat, and we both head up the flight of stairs, knocking on the door at the top. I’ve never been to Emma’s place. One night I came to pick her up for girls’ night at Katie’s, but that’s it. I’m not going to lie, I’m kind of hoping the infamous Jimmy is here, so I can finally see what all the fuss is about.
My dirty thoughts are interrupted when the door swings open, and who I can only guess is Jimmy opens the door. Wow, Emma was not kidding. This man is sex on legs, even if he does look grumpy as hell.
“Can I help you?” his deep raspy voice goes right to my lady bits. I will NOT lust after my friend’s man. Alright, maybe I will, but I’ll try not to.
“I’m here to see Emma. She said she would watch Olivia for me,” I say, trying to peak around his huge form.
“Lit Bit! You know someone named Olivia?” he grumbles before stepping back into the house. I take that as my cue to enter, gripping Livie’s hand in mine and following him inside.
“Quit your yelling, Old Man!” Avery pipes up from the couch, as she rubs her belly.
“TeTe Avwey!” Livie lets go of my hand and runs over toward her, stopping short to place a kiss on her belly, “Hello, baby Avewy,” she whispers.
“Isn’t that the sweetest thing in the world!” Amber says from the hallway, with Emma flanking her.
“Ugh, I’m going back down to the bar. Too much estrogen.” Jimmy gives me a salute before disappearing out the front door.
“Ignore him. I told you he can’t take all of this,” Emma says with a smile as she reaches down and picks Livie up. “Robin! I’ve missed you! You are going to stay here with us while your momma goes to work and guess what? We are going to have a sleepover!”
Livie whips around and stares at me with wide eyes. I can’t control the laughter that comes bubbling out of my throat. “Yes, sweetheart. You are going to have a sleepover with Emma.”
“YEA!” she shouts, throwing her little arms over her head.
“Okay, Momma needs to head into work. Come and give me a kiss.” Just as I am about to bend down and give her a kiss, my phone chimes, signaling a new email coming in. The only person who emails me is Justin. Unable to wait, I kiss Livie quickly and pull my phone out of my purse. I notice an attachment but ignore it and quickly open the email.
Tears begin to collect in my eyes, I know what he can’t say. He’s going on some kind of mission, it’ll be dangerous. He’ll write to me when he gets back to let me know that he’s still alive, if he makes it back. My heart breaks as fear takes hold of me, I don’t know if I can get attached to a military man again. I don’t know that I can survive the anxiety I’m feeling over the possibility of his death every time he leaves, especially if Livie gets attached too. It will break me.
“Momma?” Livie places her hand on my cheek, wiping away the tears I didn’t know I had let escape.
“Yes, baby?”
“You otay?”
My breathing hitches, I don’t know what to tell her. Am I okay? Physically, yes, but emotionally I am a wreck. I don’t want to get attached, but it’s too late. I need to know if he is safe. If he is going to come home in one piece.
“Do you remember the soldier I write to?” Livie shakes her head. “He is going to do something dangerous, and I’m worried about him.”
“Wait, what is this about a soldier?” Avery chimes in from her place on the couch. Amber has finally taken a seat next to her and swung her legs onto her lap.
“I signed up for a pen pal program for single soldiers. I’ve been writing with one through email and letters for the past few months. He just sent me an email telling me he was going on a mission, and I wouldn’t hear from him for a couple of days.” I take a deep breath before I continue. “He is a Navy SEAL, I can tell that I am starting to have feelings for him. What happens when something happens? I can’t go through something like that again.” I’ve told all of them about Trent and what happened. I’m sure they all understand what I am feeling right now, especially with their men being SEALs as well.
“What do you mean ‘when,’ don’t you mean ‘if’? That pessimistic attitude has no place here. Take it from someone who’s world has been shot before,” Amber says as a tear trickles down her cheek.
“We had no idea if he was going to die or not. We just got on a plane and went. That’s what you do. Shit, Danny was in a motorcycle accident and in a coma, had nothing to do with being a SEAL. We never know how we are going to go, so why stop living because we are scared?” Avery says.
“I was kidnapped and almost killed, but Jimmy and the team rescued me. I can’t even imagine how they all felt while they were searching for me, my brother included. I will never stop living life to the fullest because one asshole tried to end my life,” Emma says with conviction.
I stand to my full height, and Olivia wraps her arms around my leg, “Ba’man protects him, Momma. No worry.” I reach down and run my finger through her blonde hair.
“That’s right. If he’s a SEAL, he is over there with my brother’s team. Justin will make sure he comes home in one piece, I’m sure of it.”
“Wait, your brother’s name is Justin?” I ask as my heart begins to pound in my chest. This cannot be possible. Just too much of a coincidence, or maybe something else has been at work.
“Yea, Lieutenant Justin McMillion. Why?”
“Holy Fucking Shit!” I shout as I pull my phone out and dial the hospital. “Sorry Cynthia, Olivia just got sick again. I can’t bring her to the sitter’s house while she is throwing up. If I can keep her fever down and she doesn’t throw up again, I promise I will be in first thing in the morning, bright and early. I can work a double and stay all day. Would that help?” I hold my breath, waiting to see if I just lost my job.
“Sure thing, Becca. I knew calling you when your little girl was sick would be a long shot. Just text or call in the morning and let me know how things work out. I hope she feels better soon.”
“Thanks again, Cynthia,” I say before hanging up.
All three ladies are looking at me like I have three heads. I can’t believe that I never noticed any of this before. For being the mother of a toddler and a nurse, I’m not very aware of my surroundings when it comes to myself.
I go back to my email and open the attachment. Just as I suspected, a picture of the entire team is attached. Flipping my phone around for everyone to see, Avery is the first to notice. “Emma, why the hell does Becca have a picture of our men on her phone?”
“How the hell should I know? Do you care to share with the class?” Emma turns to me with hands on her hips.
I bring the phone down to Livie’s level and ask, “Baby, do you see anyone you know in this picture?”
She takes the phone in her little ha
nds, examining every person in the photo very carefully. Pointing to the tall man in the center, with jet black hair. “Right there, Momma! That Ba’man!”
“You see, ladies, the man I have been writing to is Lieutenant Justin McMillion.”
“Well I’ll be damned, things just got very interesting. Pull up a chair girlfriend, we have much to discuss,” Emma says as she flops down on the floor in front of the twins, pulling Olivia into her lap.
Although this is not what I planned on doing tonight, I couldn’t imagine a better place to be. I wanted to know more about Justin and what made him tick, who better to tell me than his baby sister and his best friend’s ladies.
12
JUSTIN
Spending seven days in the desert sun, with this bunch of lunatics, eating nothing but protein bars and MRE’s, is not my idea of fun. The nights are ridiculously cold, and the days are so hot it feels like your insides are being boiled. Even with tarps set up and using rock formations for cover, it’s exceedingly difficult to get comfortable.
When the helo finally comes to pick us up, we’re all dead tired, stink of old sweat and unwashed nut sacs, and can’t wait for whatever is being served at the chow tent. Our mission was a success, we were able to capture audio recordings and pictures of the men we believe to be in charge and put together a schedule of deliveries and shift changes. The CO will be incredibly happy with the information we have.
While the adrenalin rush of the last week comes down, most of the men crash hard. It takes a lot out of you to be on guard constantly for days on end. One man always on lookout duty, twenty-four hours a day; ready for a firefight with no warning. I can never get my mind to quiet down enough to sleep, I want to know if there’s an email from Becca waiting for me. I’ve thought about nothing but her and Olivia this entire week.
It doesn’t take long for the helo to land back at base, waking the boys up is like trying to wake kids up for the first day of school. The motor shuts off, the blades slow, and it’s immediately quieter. The crew goes about their post-flight checks while I shake these guys awake. “Come on guys, Cowboy, Hard-On, Brass, Newb. It’s time to get your asses up. Grab your shit, we’re back at camp.” No one moves. I tried to be nice about it, but now they asked for it. Grabbing my last canteen, I unscrew the cap and pour it on them.
“What the fuck, LT?” Hard-On yells, covering his face.
“We’re back at base, get your shit.” The boys start mumbling and cursing my name under their breath, but they’re moving. Right now, that’s all I care about.
Dropping my pack on my rack, I grab my shower kit, strip off my disgusting clothes, wrap a towel around my waist, and head to take a quick shower. Who am I kidding, showers are always quick around here. When you share the water with three other dudes with only half walls separating us, no one sticks around long.
Even with no water heater, the water isn’t cold, the desert heat takes care of that for us. The clean water washing a weeks’ worth of sweat, grime, and sand off my skin is invigorating. For a few minutes, I can close my eyes and pretend that I am somewhere else that doesn’t involve IEDs, missions, and smelling my buddies’ nuts.
Once I’m scrubbed clean, I head back to my tent to get dressed and check my email. I know she’s read my email by now, but I can’t help but worry about her response. I hope she didn’t worry too much about me being out on a mission. While the possibility of us getting into dangerous shit is high, we’re well trained to de-escalate situations and get everyone out alive.
As I head back toward the bunkhouse, my mind begins to wander. I want to know more about these two ladies that have suddenly taken over all my thoughts. I want to know what Becca looks like in a bikini, sunning herself on a towel at the beach. I want to play with Olivia in the waves while Becca gets a chance to relax. I want to teach Olivia how to throw a football, color pictures with her, read her bedtime stories. I want Becca to see me and feel the weight of the world lift from her shoulders because she knows I’ve got her.
I shouldn’t be thinking this way about her, she just wants a friend. Someone to listen to her and understand how she is feeling. When I enter the tent, the boys are all passed out, haphazardly on their racks. Most didn’t even take off their boots first. Shaking my head, I put on a T-shirt and boxers. I honestly should get some sleep, but before I can lay down, I notice a huge package sitting on my bed. I know exactly where that came from, Becca and Olivia always know how to make my day a little brighter. Even though neither of them knows it yet, they have come to mean so much to me.
Gently pulling the box open, I reach in and begin pulling out a large stack of pictures. Olivia fulfilled her promise of coloring me some more pictures, but she also threw some pictures in for the rest of the team as well. She didn’t want them to feel left out for not getting pictures, the size of that little girl’s heart is amazing.
Placing those to the side, I find what I have been waiting for — a picture of my girls. I take a moment and stare at the picture in my hand, I feel as if I know them. Olivia with a princess crown in her soft blonde curls and big blue eyes that she must have gotten from her father. Becca with her dazzling smile, black hair, and happiness in her bright green eyes. My heart beats faster as I take in the beauty of the picture. I can picture myself with them, wrapping them both in my arms, kissing Olivia’s hair, kissing Becca’s lips.
I can’t help but wonder what her lips and skin taste like. What’s her favorite scent to wear? Will she whimper if I kiss that magic spot behind her ear? Will she moan and gasp in my ear when I’m inside of her or will she scream out her pleasure? A shiver runs through me just imagining her beneath me, and I shake my head to get rid of the image.
I continue to dig through the box to pull out an amazing sketch of the team. Becca, my beautiful girl, her talent is beyond comprehension. When the guys wake up, I will have to show them the sketch. I'll make sure that it hangs proudly in the bunkhouse, something for us all to cherish forever. I grab all of the artwork and head over to my bunk, I need to find someplace to hang these, I did promise Olivia after all.
My search is interrupted by some mumbling from behind me, I turn around to find Brass and Hard-On drooling like a pack of wolves trying to get into my container of sweets. They missed out last time because I ate all the snickerdoodles before they even knew I had them. My girl is a damn good baker.
Brass tries to whisper, “If there are cookies or something good in there, I better get some in payment for waking you up.”
“Every man for himself,” Hard-on mumbles
“I don’t know what you fuckers think you are doing but get off my shit!” I below, waking up the whole team. Hard-On and Brass drop the box.
“Come on! There is more than enough in there to share. Just one! I’m sure if you asked your girl, she would tell you to share as well,” Hard-on whines like a two-year-old.
I stopped trying to convince the guys there was nothing going on between Becca and I. I won’t go as far to say we are together, but she does mean something to me. “Fuck you, ass! Let me at least finish going through the stuff I got and see what else is in here. If there are more snickerdoodles in there, you aren’t getting anything,” I grumble as I head back over to my desk, grab my package from them, and take a seat.
I reach back into the box, and I find even more photographs. This time, it seems they are of Olivia’s room. Princess pillows and Batman blankets on her bed covered by unicorn and superhero stuffies. The next picture is nothing but Disney Princesses, Barbies, and Batman action figures. I’m pretty sure there are no less than fifty of them littering the floor and shelves; someone didn’t clean their room before taking pictures. I’m sure Becca was not happy about that fact, but I’m just happy they both want to share their lives with me. Even if it’s only through photos.
The next photo looks like a reading nook, with shelves covered in books, coloring books, and pictures on her wall. Becca has done an awesome job. All the decorating is just like I imagined Oli
via to be like. An eclectic mix of pink, glitter, and unicorns with some superheroes and comic books thrown in for good measure.
“Are you just going to make goo-goo eyes at the photos all day or are you going to get down to the good stuff?” Hard-On says over my shoulder, causing me to jump slightly in my seat.
“Chill, man,” I grumble as I pull out a tub of brownies. Cracking the lid open, the bunk room fills with the aroma of chocolate.
“I smell chocolate! That means no snickerdoodles, give me some man!” Brass dives for the container. I pull it out of his reach, grabbing a brownie out and shoving it into my mouth.
“God damn, these are good. If you are going to act like an ass, I’m not giving you shit,” I grumble with my mouth full.
“Who is acting like an ass this time?” Cowboy says as he snatches the container from my arms, grabbing a few for himself before handing it to Hard-on as well.
“Who the fuck said you can have any?” I ask before opening the container for Brass to grab a few. Cowboy has a shit-eating grin on his face. Sometimes I hate that they are all so close to me; I hate sharing Becca’s brownies, damn I hate sharing period. The other girls need to send something other than pictures of their kids and tits to their men, I’m over sharing.
“Well, that’s all you get. These are getting locked in my footlocker.” I bend over, unlock it, and place the container inside while pulling out my laptop. I usually leave the key hanging in the lock, but I don’t trust any of these fuckers not to steal the rest of them, so I tuck the key in my pocket for safe keeping.
Heading back over to my desk, I notice there is a letter in the bottom. I quickly grab the unopened envelope and toss the box to the floor. Carefully peeling it open, I slip it out and see Becca’s handwriting across the page.