Stumble Forward

by Alex Jane

  Ethan raised a hand in silent greeting to one of the men huddled around chatting by the building’s entrance and Alec similarly smiled and nodded an acknowledgment. Ethan pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, and shook one out saying, “I know it makes sense—but I’d miss you, man.”

  Alec smirked. “It’s Austin, not Seattle. It’s only five hours away. I’d be back from time to time.”

  Ethan flipped open his Zippo, lit the cigarette, and blew out a long pall of smoke before nodding. “And what does Alicia say about it?”

  Alec kicked at nothing on the sidewalk and pursed his lips. “I’m going to talk to her about it tonight.”

  Ethan shook his head and took another drag, his words coming out smoky and amused, “Sure you are. Well, you’d better. September’s going to come around quicker than you think, my friend.”

  Alec threw him a stare that said, I know you’re right, Please stop talking and You sound like my mother all rolled into one. From behind them, someone threw open the door to the building with a bang, and propped it wide.

  Ethan laughed at the look on Alec’s face, threw the half-smoked cigarette under his sole and crushed it, then clapped his hand on Alec’s shoulder to shove him through the gate. He kept it there until they reached the door of the building, merging with the small crowd of people as they made their way inside.

  Chapter Four

  The night was turning out to be pretty good.

  Alec had made a half-hearted attempt to persuade Alicia into accepting his offer of a lift to the gig—mostly as it amused him to see which excuse she would come up with—but she’d still said no. So, instead they had arranged the when and where to meet, and Alec tried not to let the tiny doubt inside him weigh too much on him. It wasn’t like he didn’t have secrets of his own.

  After fighting for a place to park, Alec arrived where they had agreed to meet fifteen minutes late. Time keeping had never been his strong suit but Alicia didn’t seem to mind. She even made a joke about seeing a pattern emerging.

  Alec had laughed and managed to push away the thought that the usual ‘pattern’ was his tardiness starting out as no-big-deal, but rapidly developing into a source of constant irritation, marked by an increase in snarky remarks and passive aggressive comments from his companion. His promises to try harder didn’t change anything, and would ultimately become the catalyst for the mother of all arguments, contributing to the eventual death of the relationship. But they weren’t there yet, so he wasn’t going to think about it.

  When Alec had arrived and seen Alicia waiting on the sidewalk wearing her dark red coat and clutching her bag in both hands in front of her, the strap pulled tight on her shoulder, it struck him that she was beautiful. With her long dark hair falling around her face and deep brown eyes smiling at him as he approached, it seemed so easy to gather her to him and feel the warm glow when she tilted her head forward for a chaste kiss. It already felt comfortable and right between them, even if they were only friends for now.

  Maybe that was why it was working.

  But there was also the sudden swirling ball of tension Alec felt rise up to his throat. Tonight was the night he would have to tell her about his potential job offer and move to Austin. It’ll be awesome! Four months and I’ll be gone! But it’s only a 700 mile round trip. That’s not a problem is it? He pushed the feeling deep down in his belly and hoped that it would at least stay there until he grew the balls to say the words out loud.

  The venue wasn’t much more than the glorified back room of a bar but it was always popular and managed to attract not only local bands but some of the better out of town ones too. The walls and floor were painted black and the raised stage area a deep dirty red. And there was a bench seat running around all the walls except for the one with the discreet bar. It only stocked a couple of the most popular varieties of beer and water, but it was convenient for the people who couldn’t be bothered to take the short walk out into the main establishment. By the time Alec and Alicia made it in, the seats were all taken so they claimed a piece of floor space to loiter in and settled in to enjoy the show.

  The opening act had been more than passable for a change and it seemed for a moment like most of the people were there to see them, judging by the line for the coat check on the way out, but one glance at the main bar negated that. It was packed. Alec managing to get there before the rush wasn’t so much luck, more that he’d been there often enough to know when to keep ahead of the crowd. Leaving thirty seconds before the end of the final song always did the trick.

  Elbowing his way out through a sea of bodies five deep at the most crowded point at the bar, all of them sweaty and impatient, triumphantly holding a bottle of coke and a vodka and tonic above their heads, Alec was feeling pretty good, and it seemed for once that he was looking forward to a whole evening of pretty good laid out in front of him.

  Except he couldn’t see Alicia anywhere. He was confused at first, as it was pretty hard to lose her in a crowd, not that he’d ever say that to her face. She didn’t seem to be self-conscious about her height but after the glare he’d received on their first date when he called her ‘an Amazon’ on realizing that she was almost his own height, he wasn’t going to bring it up again.

  She wasn’t near the designated rendezvous point near the pillar. She wasn’t anywhere near the place where they’d been standing. Nor was she in the line for the bathroom. In a last ditch attempt to not look like some loser whose date had ditched him, wandering aimlessly around holding a plastic glass of melting ice, he popped his head out the main door to the street, just in time to see her hang up her phone. She glared at it, her shoulders dropping, before turning back to the door.

  Alec walked out into the fresh night air to meet her, offering out her drink. “Everything okay?”

  She took the plastic cup. The way her whole body slumped was all the reply he needed, although she confirmed it with a sad, “I have to go.”

  “The band wasn’t that bad, was it?” He tried a smile and immediately regretted it. He knew the anger on her face wasn’t aimed at him but it still stung to see her so upset.

  She downed the drink and handed him back the empty cup before rooting around in her bag. “I’m so sorry, Alec. It’s just—family. God. I think I can get a cab down on the corner—”

  “Cab? No way. I’ll drive you.”

  Alec thought it was the obvious thing to do but Alicia looked at him like he’d offered to gut her, and blurted out, “No! I mean—no, it’s fine. It’s too out of your way. I’ll be fine.”

  “Allie. Seriously. Let me drive you.”

  “No really, I’m fine.”

  Alec was sure he’d had more awkward car journeys before, but for the life of him he couldn’t name one right at that moment.

  Outside of putting her in a headlock, it had taken everything he had to persuade Alicia that he could and should drive her wherever she wanted to go. She had bluffed and blustered and been straight out rude but he could see she was upset about more than his offer of help and kept going until she relented. Finally, he’d taken her by the arm and pretty much frog-marched her down the street, to where he had parked his car.

  In the course of the journey, Alec had ascertained that the family member in question was not a secret husband or lover, but little else. He didn’t even have a clue where they were going. Alicia insisted on sitting in silence and only giving information as vague gestures as she said, “Next left” or “Two blocks and then right”, interspersed with her ongoing protests, “You don’t have to do this” and “I would have been fine, y’know.”

  Otherwise, she just looked at her hands as she twisted the strap of her bag in her lap, and seemed to be building herself up for something.

  Alec wanted to ask, to comfort her, to know what the hell was going on at least. But he knew it wouldn’t help, wouldn’t sooth her in any way to be grilled about something she obviously didn’t want to talk about. The not-knowing was killing him though.

&
nbsp; The journey wasn’t that long and Alec felt clueless, mindlessly driving, turning the wheel on command. Until, with a sinking feeling, he realized that the route was looking horribly familiar. He tried to shake it off and figured as long as they didn’t take the next right it would be fine. Just his imagination.

  “Turn right here,” Alicia said, wafting her hand toward the window. Alec sighed and flipped on the indicator.

  She gestured at a bus stop a little further down the street as they rounded the corner. “You can drop me there.”

  But Alec kept going. Alicia kept her eyes on the bus shelter as they flew past, one hand on the seatbelt release, the other clutching the belt at her chest. She turned open mouthed to stare at him as they flew past the stop. Alec took a deep breath and forced a smile. Only half of it made it all the way to his lips and he kept his eyes on the road ahead. “Might as well take you to the door. Save you the walk.”

  They pulled into the deserted parking lot across the road from her destination and Alec switched off the engine. The silence was sudden and excruciating. They sat motionless, watching the lights in the building opposite, until Alicia murmured, “How—how did you know?”

  Alec fiddled with the keys in his hand. He thought for a moment and then huffed out a small laugh and shook his head, saying equally as soft, “Well, let’s just say that you’re not the only one with an embarrassing family member.”

  It wasn’t a lie. Not really. But he figured she had enough to deal with right now, whatever it was.

  He unbuckled his seatbelt and looked straight at her for the first time since they had got in the car. “Do you need bail money?”

  Alicia could do nothing but stare at him, her face pallid, accentuating the dark circles around her eyes; she looked tired. Pursing her lips together, she shook her head.

  “Good,” said Alec. “We’d better get in there then.” The other half of the smile flitted over his lips, and before she could ask him not to, he opened his door and jumped out.

  Alec held the heavy glass door of the precinct open for her as she went in and had half a mind to close it behind her—to turn around and run back to the car—but he followed along instead.

  Watching the boys and girls in blue, bustling around, shuffling paperwork and making phone calls, talking and laughing, made the room look like a regular office. A quiet, all-night, heavily armed office, where everyone wore a uniform and had cuffs hanging from their belts. He knew the real work was going on in the back. All the puking and crying, threats and handcuffs, blood and guilt, kept safely out of sight. The reception area was thankfully empty, so at least they didn’t have to get up close and personal with anything more unsavory than the stink of the freshly polished floor.

  As they walked in, Alicia didn’t even have to approach the desk. She got halfway there when the cop behind the desk spotted her and raised one hand in greeting while the other reached for the phone. She smiled in response, saying nothing, just turned and led Alec to the line of plastic chairs in the corner.

  “He’s not embarrassing.”

  Alec shifted around in his seat to look at her, thinking that he must have missed something she was saying. She turned to look at him, seeming so much stronger than when they had pulled up across the street, “He’s not embarrassing, he’s—he needs—something. We just haven’t figured out what yet.”

  Alec opened his mouth to apologize but movement caught her attention and she was looking away over his shoulder. An older cop was approaching, prematurely grey and cruelly balding, hands resting on his hips like he missed the weight of his utility belt around his stout gut, his gruff face breaking out into a sad smile as Alicia went over to him. He put his arm around her waist and squeezed her tight, as she murmured, “I’m so sorry Jim. Thank you for calling and for—well, y’know.”

  He hiked up the waistband of his pants, and pressed a soft kiss to her temple, the gesture familiar and fatherly. “I’m just glad he was comatose when they found him. Dorian on the other hand—”

  Alicia rolled her eyes, and spat out, “I should’ve fucking known! Fucking Dorian! —”

  Jim continued, pretending not to hear her, “Yes, well, Mr. Murdoch was caught red-handed this time so we get to keep him around for a little while. Well, until his father gets here to post bail, of course. Though he didn’t sound like he was in any kind of a hurry to come get the brat this time.”

  Alicia continued to curse under her breath, as the cop turned his attention to Alec. “And you are?”

  Alec knew that Jim was being perfectly nice, perfectly friendly, but he couldn’t help feeling like the guy had just drawn his gun on him. Taking a breath and held out a hand. “Alec, sir, a friend of Allie’s.”

  He almost expected Jim to start in beating him with a phone book then and there from the way he was being scrutinized. Instead, Jim took his hand and shook it with a firm grip. “Well, it’s good you’re here, son. Allie can use all the help she can get. Little brothers can be something but this one’s a handful. Good kid, but a handful.”

  As if on cue, the doors behind the desk clanged open and they all looked over. And there he was, a huge crumpled mess, swaying gently, reliant on the cop leading him by the arm for direction and stability, dark sweaty hair falling in his face. Not just big, the guy was huge. Ginormous. He was—

  “Gigantor,” Alec muttered it under his breath but it was loud enough for Alicia to throw him a glance. Alec couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows and quietly say, “So, you work with your brother, huh?”

  She flushed red and let her cop friend lead her over to the desk. Paperwork, Alec guessed. Whatever the informal arrangement she and the cops had going on, there would always be paperwork.

  He turned and slumped back down in the chair, still feeling pissed off that Alicia had lied to him but also unable to take his eyes off the huge guy standing across the room.

  A handful, Jim had said. He was hoping he didn’t mean in the combative sense, as Alec wasn’t sure that he was up to wrestling Alicia’s not-so-little brother into the car. But he seemed placid enough, still swaying, saying what looked like I’m sorry over and over. Alicia brushed his hand off her shoulder every time he tried to reach out to touch her, which made Alec feel even more pissed off with her. The look on the guy’s face was heartbreaking.

  When they were done, Alec headed straight to the door and held it open as Alicia guided her enormous, staggering, mountain of a brother towards it. She managed to get him out onto the sidewalk, but he couldn’t seem to comprehend anything that wasn’t directly ahead of him, so when she tried to turn him towards the parking lot across the street, he started to topple.

  Alec wanted to yell, ‘Timber!’ just to see what would happen, but thought better of it and ran forward, taking hold of his other arm. Alec slid his hand under the lurching man’s armpit and took a firm grasp of his forearm. Gigantor looked wildly around and then down, perplexed by Alec’s presence.

  “Hey! Who’re you?” It was all whiskey and tequila breath in Alec’s face.

  He could feel his eyes start to water from the fumes but just replied, “I’m Alec. I’m a friend of your sister.”

  The Big Friendly Giant smiled, leaned into him, almost pressing his face against Alec’s. “Well, hello, Alec friendofmysister— I’m Jonathon but my friends call me Jack. It’s very nice to meet you. Yes, very nice. You can definitely call me Jack.”

  Jack tried to straighten himself, but couldn’t quite pull it off. He ended up putting most of his weight on Alec, making Alec very aware of the feeling of his fingers wrapped around Jack’s bicep and the warm sensation of Jack’s body moving against his as they shuffled their way across the parking lot.

  It was pretty easy getting Jack into the back seat, although he insisted on going in horizontally. He was virtually snoring as Alec lifted his last foot in and slammed the door shut before it could spring out again. Just like an overstuffed suitcase. He leaned back against the car and turned to Alicia, both of them panting, f
lushed and drained. He rubbed the back of his fingers hard against his jaw. “I think we need to talk.”

  She had the decency to look a little embarrassed. “I think you’re right.”

  Chapter Five

  It turned out that getting Jack out of the car was a lot harder than getting him in.

  He had snored quietly on the back seat, as Alec drove them home, arms folded across his chest, legs awkwardly pulled in, sneakers squeaking against the interior of the back door as the movement of the car had jiggled him. Alec kept glancing at him in the rearview mirror, noticing how his greasy hair stuck to his damp forehead, how his mouth was soft and relaxed, lips moving every now and again as if he were speaking. Alec couldn’t help wondering exactly how much alcohol someone that size had to drink to get in such a state. He had a pretty good idea from his own experience, and prayed that none of it was going to exit the guy from any orifice; at least not while he was still in the back of Alec’s car.

  When they finally pulled up to Alicia’s place, Alec was a little surprised that it wasn’t too far from his mom’s house. It was a small two-story, with a compact front yard of dried out lawn that showed signs of perfunctory care and some rambling heavy-looking bushes. He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting but it honestly wasn’t that.

  At first, Alicia had tried to rouse Jack but he wasn’t having any of it. He moaned and pushed her away, bearing down into the upholstery. Then she tried dragging him out but he had started to kick with his feet like a three year old, which was pretty frightening given the length of his legs, so they abandoned that idea. In the end they decided Alicia should push from the less hazardous position behind Jack’s head, while Alec manned the kicking end, and pulled.

  Initially, Jack was dead weight. Alicia tried to push him upright while Alec tugged on his sleeves but Jack wasn’t budging. Alec knew if they could just get him to sit up it would be much easier, so he somehow scrambled onto the backseat, straddled Jack and leaned in right over him. It wasn’t easy, but he managed to get one foot in the foot well and then crammed the other knee between Jack’s thigh and the back of the seat. He could feel his skin flush pink and told himself that it was the exertion and nothing more. Alec cupped a hand around Jack’s neck, sliding his fingers into the short hairs at his nape, bunched the other in the shoulder of his hoodie, and pulled gently.